In October, Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade shocked the world (aka people who care about NBA apparel endorsements) by leaving Jordan Brand and joining forces with Li-Ning, one of China’s most-prominent sports brands (that’s been slowly making inroads here in the States over the years).

The move was shocking for a couple of reasons. First, it put Dwyane Wade in Michael Jordan‘s crosshairs which, if you’ve read Wright Thompson‘s incredible piece on Jordan for ESPN, you know it’s a terrible idea because MJ is totally fucking crazy. Second, it revealed that China’s plan for worldwide dominance begins with taking our beloved professional athletes away from us. Third, it revealed Wade to be Chinese  and most likely communist sympathizer—someone who would turn his back on his home country for the wealth and oppression that China’s booming (though unstable) economy offers to those willing to denounce the USA (Ed: As far as we know, Dwyane Wade is not actually a ‘communist sympathizer’ nor is he the catalyst for China’s global takeover. We hope you’re no longer in the fetal position at this moment).

Li-Ning apparently offered Wade his own brand within theirs, including a lot of creative control over his projects. Jordan brand, being run by a psychotic control-freak, obviously would never let this happen. So, we have the above spot from agency Zambezi depicting Dwyane Wade running the show like a badass. Smile now, D-Wade, but is your pile of Yuan keeping you warm tonight? Actually, yeah, it probably is. Credits after the jump.

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And now, a riddle: What do each of the men in the above dating video have in common? Stumped? Well, you’ll never believe this, but they’re all actually Two and a Half Men star and former Mr. Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher! Oh, the headline of the article and the title of the video gave it away? Well, the press release we were sent along with this video said, “Viewers won’t believe it’s Ashton until they see his cameo!” We deeply apologize for ruining the surprise.

From L.A.-based agency Zambezi comes a series on online video spots advertising fake dating site WorldWideLovers.com. Interested viewers who follow the URL will actually find themselves at Popchips’ Facebook page, where a custom web app allows users to send personalized messages to their Facebook friends from each of Kutcher’s exaggerated stereotypes alter-egos. You can send a greeting from Raj, a 39-year-old Bollywood director, Nigel, a 24-year-old hippie stoner, Daryl, a German fashionista of unknown age, and Swordfish, a 29-year-old biker dude with a beard.

The “Play Matchmaker” campaign from Popchips follows last year’s popular and similarly vexing effort “Who Wants to be Ashton Kutcher’s VP?” where fans applied for a one-year gig and $50K salary to join Kutcher’s entourage. Watch each of the character’s personalized digital shorts on Popchips’ YouTube page. Credits after the jump.

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For NBA players not pursuing a secondary career in furniture store stockroom management, an extension to the lockout means even more opportunity to star in commercials for various products. Take, for example, New York Knicks small forward Carmelo Anthony, who we just saw get schooled in a Jewish Under 30 League match in Air Jordan’s latest “Love the Game” spot. Now, we’re seeing Melo get schooled in a different way. Really, is there a better teaching method for raising standardized scores nationwide than with the magic of hip-hop history lessons?

From Venice Beach-based agency Zambezi comes the above “viral” spot for Phiten, purveyor of propane and propane accessories titanium-fused accessories. Joining “Melo” are NBA players Chris Bosh, Eric Gordon and Derrick Williams, and So Cal hip-hop trio Pac Div star as the formal educators/wordsmiths. Using the power of clever rhymes, scantily-clad females and money falling from the sky, Pac Div arouses the interests of the bored, Letterman jacket-wearing ballers, educating them on the history of shiny accessories from the days of Ancient Egypt to 80s hip-hop.

The jam ends with the Phiten duo titanium bracelet showcased as the next evolution of bling, leaving the viewer to ask him or herself why Phiten decided it needed four NBA players and a rap trio t0 showcase its new bracelet. But, with players out of their million dollar-plus salaries and critically acclaimed young hip-hop groups looking to break into the mainstream, why wouldn’t Phiten use the star talent at its disposal? Credits after the jump.

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Li-Ning, the Chinese-based equivalent of Nike that in fact also has U.S. headquarters in the Portland area, had some trouble getting its new waterproof F2 kicks through U.S. Customs and Border Patrol recently, delaying the line’s release in America for weeks. No one really knows for sure why they were stopped but there are many rumors circulating. WMD’s? C’mon now. Nothing wrong with tight security, though. We don’t need anymore surprise packages.

Well, the sneaker brand took it like champs and this week, released the funny digital film above. Created by L.A.-based Zambezi. the clip entitled Strange Customs” stars Gerry Bednob and Donnell Rawlings (whom you may recognize from The 40 Year Old Virgin and as Ashy Larry on Chappelle’s Show, respectively), who put a Li-Ning rep through some outlandish customs check.

Zambezi co-founder/CD Brian Ford says in a statement, “Everyone loves a good interrogation scene. This film isn’t of the Jack Bauer torture variety, but there is plenty of verbal abuse. And considering how tight airport security is these days, it’s a ripe topic to satirize.”

View credits after the jump. Read more