Michael Bolton also told me to tell you that, hey, you’re not the only one enraptured with the pop crooner due to his handsome face and sweet, sultry voice. Michael Bolton’s not going to just drop everything and dedicate his entire day to a phone conversation with you. Why would he? He’s rich, single, and famous. Michael Bolton has more important things to do than talk to one of his many fans about their boring lives. Just, don’t call him, okay? Seriously, back off. Consider this a fair warning.

From Mother NY comes a new campaign for Optimum, the phone, Internet and cable provider that changed their logo last year but reminded you that they weren’t in the logo business because they think you’re stupid. This time around, they’re asking you to call them. Not Michael Bolton. Get it? Because dialing the phone is hard. They think you’ve gotten stupider since your last encounter.

Another new spot from Optimum (above) reminds you that for an optimal TV viewing experience, you should move on your chair or other reclining device in front of the TV. Oh, and I would recommend calling Michael Bolton’s number even though Optimum told you not to. There’s a surprise on the other line. Credits for both spots after the jump.

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Ah, a Super Bowl breather and the Foot Locker/NBA-focused funny continues in this new spot from BBDO New York, which focuses on mohawk/fierce beard-sporting James Harden, the ex-Oklahoma City Thunder sixth-man-turned-Houston Rockets starter. See kids, this is what happens when you don’t have the flow to flaunt fresh kicks on a consistent basis: You hang out with Kim Kardashian’s ex. Ugh, we can smell the Drakkar Noir from here. Credits after the jump.

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New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

It’s been a while since we’ve seen a great ESPN spot from W+K, hasn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, I got a few good chuckles in while watching last year’s “Jumbotron Marriage Proposal.” But, I still yearn for the days when I would hear things like “Yeah, the game was boring, but did you see that new ESPN/SportsCenter spot they aired during the commercial break? It almost made watching that travesty worthwhile.”

“Shake On It” marks a subtle new take on W+K NY’s long-running “It’s Not Crazy, It’s Sports” campaign. In the past, we’ve seen spots showcasing fanatics doing outrageously flamboyant things in the name of sports because they want to. In the above spot, we see these people doing similar stupid feats because they have to. After all, it’s written in the Man Handbook that “If you make a bet and lose, you have to accept the consequences.” If you bet that you’d dance around in a dangerous part of town while wearing a diaper and bonnet if you favorite team lost, then you have to do it. That’s what being a grownup is all about.

And, before you say that these kinds of extreme bets rarely happen, I give you this poor bastard’s thigh tattoo of centaur Tim Tebow as evidence otherwise. Credits after the jump.

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You know, these ads just aren’t the same without Isaiah Mustafa, but then again, maybe it was time for W+K Portland to make a fresh start with its valuable client, Old Spice. But we don’t know if this spot, which may have been copywriter/art director Eric Kallman‘s last writing effort for the brand (didn’t he jump to BFG9000 already?), is it. Here, a sea captain with the worst fake facial hair since Theo and Cockroach on The Cosby Show charms a lass while punching an octopus. The swagger and nod to Mustafa is still in effect, but our swooning has long since ceased. TV credits and a print element after the jump.

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These days, appearing in a “This is SportsCenter” spot is an essential part of a bona fide U.S. sports star’s budding career. At only 25 years old, Moscow-born Washington Capitals winger Alex Ovechkin already has two league MVP titles as well as five NHL All-Star Team appearances in five years with the league. To say that Alex Ovechkin is the single biggest player in professional hockey is an understatement, and though he may not yet have a Stanley Cup title to add to his career statistics, he can bet that this spot will be broadcast during nearly every commercial break whenever the NHL is so much as mentioned in passing on ESPN.

This spot is also ESPN’s way of saying, “Though it seems that we know nothing outside of the realm of sports, we do actually pay attention to the news and know something about sexy Russian spies being a ‘thing’ this past year. This is our tribute to current events.” Add to that a suited SC anchor, and you have the formula for every “This is SportsCenter” spot that W+K has been producing for years. We’ll ask them to stop making these once they stop being funny, but it hasn’t happened yet.

Credits after the jump.

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New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.