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Topic: Stories about Getting him to Propose Marriage
| Author | Message |
| luscher | Posted – 6/21/2007 2:03:32 AM | show profile I am writing a book on the phase in relationships after love and commitment (but before engagement.) It is being published by St. Martin's Press and will be coming to bookstores near you in Fall '08. But I need some help. I still need to find some people to interview for the book and I would love to talk with the following people: 1) Women who wanted to get engaged months to years before their boyfriend did (and who eventually got married, engaged, or broke up over the issue) 2) Men who have felt pressure to propse to by their current wife/fiancée or ex-girlfriend. Interview Details: 10 minutes long, totally anonymous (will change all names), prizes for participation!) What is in it for the People I Interview- The book is being published. So, if I use your story in the book you are potentially helping thousands of women who can learn from you story, AND you will receive a gift certificate to Amazon.com. You will also get the satisfaction of knowing that your story is recorded and you can check it out in Barnes and Noble next time you are getting a cappuccino. No one who reads the book will know who you are, but they will benefit from your experience. Please contact me at luscher@jhsph.edu if you would like to participate |
| JCB | Posted – 6/22/2007 1:45:54 AM | show profile I'm sorry, but I just have to deposit my 2 cents here and say I find it offensive to be writing, in 2007, about "getting him to propose." I mean, have women made so few strides that this is even an issue anymore? It's a hop skip and a jump from "trapping" a man into marriage. Give me a break. Are we following The Rules while we're at it? How is this any different from the olden days when women would "accidentally" drop a handkerchief to get a man's attention? The whole idea of trying to "rope a man into marriage" seems retrograde and demeaning. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 6/24/2007 12:34:58 AM | show profile JCB, agreed, it's not exactly rocket science or world peace. It's precisely the sort of thing that has many writers holding their nose about contributing to some magazines, because there are loads of magazines that pay -- some of them well -- for this kind of drivel. By the same token, if it pays well, I don't judge some writer who has managed to pitch and sell the idea. And yes, there are women who do this -- and talk about it. Not the majority, in these days and times, but I imagine that more will read about it than would do it, if only from a rubber-necking standpoint. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 6/24/2007 12:46:44 AM | show profile On second thought, this probably isn't just drivel. The other thing about this is the truth that relationships very often come to crises points because one party is ready for more advanced commitment before the other. There are obviously long lists of reasons why this is the case -- each person brings their history to the table; the unwilling partner may have been burned, seen their parents' or friends' disastrous marriages; not think they or their partner is mature enough; may want to shop around; etc. I can see women who are frustrated with their boyfriends putting the brakes on wanting to read a book about it. |
| ManhattanMatt | Posted – 6/24/2007 2:38:02 AM | show profile Yeah. Pressure or manipulate him into it. Guys LOVE that. |
| seeattleme | Posted – 6/24/2007 3:02:23 AM | show profile I followed the rules for awhile, but they didn't work. he just kept plopping on my couch every night and inviting his buddies over to watch the game. I dropped hints. I had my gay neighbor drop by and send me flowers once a week. I invented this totally hot Harvard MBA new guy at work. Talked about him constantly. Sent steamy emails to myself about how I would commit forever to my man but felt like he was stringing me along--no, no, I couldn't have a fling with him! no! -- made up another AOL account and left printouts lying around. He threw them all out. So I finally got pregnant. And fortunately that worked. Now I have a nice 2 bedroom on the Upper West Side, a baby on the way, a nursery that looks like a page out of Pottery Barn, a loving husband who's job got us into the very exclusive Mmm and Me group wait list. I also got a big wedding with a flouncy dress that cost 3 grand and a wedding announcement in the Times that will be sooo cool even if we do get divorced. All this anda great story to tell my daughter -- Julia Amber Ashley Avril-- someday about how mommy and daddy decided to marry. And they say women can't have it all. |
| seeattleme | Posted – 6/24/2007 3:04:02 AM | show profile Print this: If someone--guy or gal--is reluctant to marry you, find someone who isn't. Have a nice day. |
| seeattleme | Posted – 6/24/2007 3:05:51 AM | show profile Oh , and Manhattan Matt, from what I can tell, guys actually DO love that. Seriously. |
| cornfrost | Posted – 6/24/2007 4:56:42 AM | show profile | email poster Not that I believe forcing someone to marry you is a productive course of action, but it truly astonishes me that some people judge others negatively for wanting an enduring and committed love relationship. In my own case, I turned down two serious proposals. In one instance, my boyfriend was "ready," but I didn't think he was smort or interesting enough for me over the long haul. In the other, my boyfriend was a great guy but I just didn't feel that zing. In both cases, the proposal was the begining of the end. I was glad to remain in a holding pattern until something better came along, but the proposals forced the issue. |
| keltoi2 | Posted – 6/24/2007 10:28:45 PM | show profile Doglady, I trust you're kidding in your first post. Cornfrost, seriously dating guys until "someone better comes along" doesn't say too much for you, especially since they were both taking it far more seriously. If all cards were on the table and they knew it was just for kicks, that's one thing. But if you strung them along while looking over their shoulder for "something better", that's pretty cold. To the question at hand, I had a friend whose boyfriend didn't pop the Q for 19 years, and then months after he finally did, was caught cheating on her with a co-worker. She dumped him (finally), met a great guy, and married great guy soon after. And I have another friend who dated his girlfriend for 23 years and finally married her. That said, advice to women in a serious relationship who want to get married and whose bf knows it: if you are over 25, don't wait more than 3 years of serious relationship for him to pop the question. If he doesn't ask by then, odds are he never will. |
| seeattleme | Posted – 6/25/2007 1:18:09 AM | show profile I was being 100 per cent serious! So you can imagine my shock and surprise when my loved one came home the other night and told me out of the blue he wasn't happy!!! That he'd been having an online affair for three months now! And that his e-girlfriend isn't pregnant!!!!!!! Shocking!!! How could he not be happy??? He has everything I ever wanted!!!!! |
| candylilacs | Posted – 6/25/2007 11:12:16 AM | show profile The funny part is that most of my friends did the "Oops! I'm pregnant!" thing to get whomever to marry them. I don't know. My boyfriend and I discussed marriage after three months of dating and got engaged six months and married within a year. No pregnancy required. I mentioned this and everyone was all over how desperate I was to get married "in a hurry" .... and I was like, "I'm desperate? You lived with the guy for 10 years and then suddenly get pregnant? How is that not desperate?" Regardless, we women are still pretty hard on each other. ------ http://www.mswritesguide.blogspot.com |
| writesonwater | Posted – 6/25/2007 2:55:53 PM | show profile | email poster While pregnancy can be a catalyst for marriage, it doesn't always work out that way. I find it hard to believe that women would get pregnant ON PURPOSE AS A WAY TO GET A RING. Pregnancy does happen in relationships, as contraceptives fail, period. No pun intended. Just because a woman gets pregnant doesn't mean she was plotting for it to happen. Can it be subconscious -- I suppose, but if it is, then the guy's subconsciously engaging in that same risky behavior too. Dog Lady, sorry to hear about your domestic dilemma. I've found "sour grapes" thinking helped -- i.e., if he's that much of a jerk, I don't want to be with him. That said, a friend of mine's husband gave her the same out-of-the-blue news -- he'd met a woman on line, he loved her as he'd never loved his wife, she understood him, blablabla. They patched it up and have a better relationship now. She recently had a baby -- and I think they've pulled the plug on the computer ... |
| seeattleme | Posted – 6/25/2007 3:02:34 PM | show profile Writesonwater, I wasn't being seri...oh, never mind. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 6/25/2007 7:49:02 PM | show profile Pardon me, Dog Lady, I misread your post -- I thought you said 100 percent serious. My mistake! |
| seeattleme | Posted – 6/25/2007 8:09:08 PM | show profile I was being facetious. |
| candylilacs | Posted – 6/25/2007 8:17:55 PM | show profile WOW, I'm serious. They got to a point in their relationships (dating for two years, living together for 8, another on-and-off for 11 years, and another needing a green card) where they wanted security and the ring. So they accidentally got pregnant. I'm not saying they're conniving vixens because if we were as militant about men using a condom every time they have sex it wouldn't happen. And they're my friends, but they did go in knowing they were probably going to get pregnant. It's what happens when neither of you are using birth control. They definitely played the hand they were dealt because they were hitting their 30s and I guess it seemed like a good idea for them. It also seemed like a good idea for me to be married, too (not pregnant, though.) In one couple's case, though, he did show me the engagement ring he bought her before he found out she was pregnant. ------ http://www.mswritesguide.blogspot.com |
| writesonwater | Posted – 6/25/2007 10:47:38 PM | show profile Good gracious, Lilacs ... I feel rather conventional by comparison! I'm so boring .... |
| seeattleme | Posted – 6/25/2007 11:39:14 PM | show profile parenthood is a big deal. You don't get pregnant in an effort to get someone to marry you. If you do, you could wind up like that poor girl in Ohio--in a shallow leafy grave. Find someone who wants to marry you if you want to get married. And make it someone you want to marry, of course. If you and your sig other are not on the same page about marriage to begin with, that'll just be the first of many many things you'll be butting heads over. Including kids. It's not fair to any kid who's brought into the world as part of one parent's quarter or mid life crisis. These people should get a fish or a dog instead. It may have "turned out fine" so far, but people get divorced over waaaay more trivial shit ("I'm just not in love with her anymore") than "she manipulated me into marriage." I'm old enough to know. I see it happening every day. |
