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Topic: Job closure

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lekhaisabc Posted – 7/13/2007 10:38:51 AM | show profile

There?s always that clichéd saying that goes ?never burn any bridges? but what if you can, since it will make you feel better and, of course, what if there were no consequences (for example, not needing a reference and not working in that field any longer)?

My former boss was a nightmare! She would play favorites and give her non-favorites more work. And she was able to take a month off and go on vacation to New Zealand while I couldn?t take any vacation from September through May-no vacation for 9 months- while advising me to take sick days instead. She also would assign me her work while she took two hour lunches and talked on the phone all day.

Yes, this was over two years ago that I left that position while she was still there. And recently, I heard that she quit her job to be a full-time stay at home mom at age 40; her kid is probably over a year old now.

But I still can?t get over the fact that I allowed someone to treat me so poorly while I did and said nothing. Should I confront her? Or is it not worth it?

And what about those backstabbing and jealous co-workers who I thought were my friends but ended up betraying me?
reporterwriter Posted – 7/13/2007 10:41:35 AM | show profile
I hope this is a joke. A classy person goes out in a classy way, no matter what. Take the high road. Paths cross when you least expect. And all that.
mailbag Posted – 7/13/2007 11:01:50 AM | show profile | email poster
I would bet... if you confronted her she'd wonder if you have screws loose. She probably has no clue to how you felt or feel today. Look - fell bad for the kid certainly that kid will have miserable life with someone like this as his mother. Move on.
caitlinkelly Posted – 7/13/2007 12:53:10 PM | show profile
We've all, likely, had equally egregious bosses (or been one). Let it go. Focus on finding someone, somewhere you are happy to work hard for. This industry is full of abusive bosses and there are some good ones out there; if you keep looking backward at the one(s) who done you wrong, where does it leave you? Bitter and frustrated two years after she's not even your boss anymore. Then who wins?
someone Posted – 7/13/2007 3:30:53 PM | show profile
the universe
When people treat people badly, it always comes back to bite them in the ass. You can find peace in knowing that the universe will take care of her.
seeattleme Posted – 7/13/2007 3:46:43 PM | show profile
Someone:Unfortunately that's a cliche that's just not true.
I think if you confront her, it would be a waste of your time. She would think that she matters to you. And the ultimate blow off is having someone's abusive behavior just roll off your back.
I worked in a place where one of the girls started a rumur about me that i slept with the guy she was dating. I didn't--although he propositioned me, twice, and pursued me after I left that job and went to another. I met him for drinks once, left and went home.
But she told every editor she came in contact with that I slept with her boyfriend and then lied about it, that I stole things from the fashion department (if you saw me, you'd laugh at that notion; my idea of dressing up is one coat of mascara and shoes NOT made by Nike). I called the old office once beacsue an editor was looking for a file and she, in front of everyone, called me a word I can't repeat. (This was at a reputed "feminist magazine", by the way.)
I could have confronted her, but I felt sorry for her. She obviously was threatened by me and was acting out. In the end, my work speaks for itself and people know the kind of person I am. I run into her occassioally now and I'm always very nice. I don't care what she thinks or says about me. Screw her. And when you rail on someone like that--you know what? It reflects ore on YOU than it does the other person, i the long run.
So I'd just blow it off. Not for professional reasons or anything superficial and brown-nosey like that (who wants a nose that permanently smells like shit???) But for your own benefit, just blow it off.
As for your friends, you could have confronted them right away, but two years later? It's kind of pointless. I think a proper confrontation DOES make people feel smaller about their behaviors--I am not a big proponent of "letting things go" with people you truly think are your friends. People, when confronted --calmly and cooly--WILL, it is MY experience, second-think their behaviors and feel ashamed of them. So long as you say in your confrontation, "I understand, you needed to keep your job and all, but I just felt in order for our friendship to remain in tact that I must tell you you really hurt my feelings." Then if they apologize, you accpet it and LET IT GO.
But let this be a lesson to you: people at work are RARELY your friends. Take my advice and make friends completely outside of your line of work. You can have some friends from work, but you REALLY need friends who are completely divorced from what you do professionally. It's easier that way, and you'll be better off. Especially in THIS industry. Trust me.
WordyBird Posted – 7/13/2007 8:43:22 PM | show profile
Let karma handle it.

Here, allow me to illustrate.

One time I left a stable, if boring, job for what seemed to be a great opportunity with a different company. This was an association management company, and it turned out they had absolutely no business in handling publications.

The owner and his secretary had to be the most awful people I'd ever met in my life. Three weeks later, it was a case of "you can't fire me because I quit!" Put it to you this way: In a company with 9 employees, they blew through something like 13 in less than a year. (One of the survivors, who was planning on quitting at the time, called me at home the night I left and told me their history.)

When I left, I told the secretary that she was one of the most shrewish women I had ever met, and that she'll probably still be there when I've gone onto far greater things.

Then, while waiting for the elevator, the company weasel approached me. He had had something to do with the falling out, in that he told them I didn't know what I was doing in wanting them to move from Ventura Publisher to at the very least PageMaker, if not Quark. (This was when Quark was new.) I thanked him for his help in instigating the situation, and he gave me some smartass remark. I said, "I'm sure I'll see you around."

As for the owner, I didn't say anything to him.

Well, the secretary is still there.

Two years later, my boss at my next job gave me a stack of resumes to go through for an editorial position at a government agency. Lo and behold, there was Weasel's resume. I put a Post-It note on it and wrote in big red letters, "DOES NOT PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS." When I told my boss the story, she let me write his rejection note and sign it with my own signature.

As for the owner...

Nine years later and freshly unmarried, I joined match.com.

Guess who was on there, didn't recognize me, and sent me a message?
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