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Topic: using maiden name professionally
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| harlemwriter | Posted – 7/19/2007 9:45:06 PM | show profile I've been freelancing for 4 years (doing editorial work, some writing for hire, etc, while writing my novel) after leaving fulltime work in book publishing. I'm at a point now where I sort of need to get a full time job again, and I have what may be a silly question but is on my mind. I got married 5 years ago, when I was still working full time. I didn't change my name at all when I married, then about 2 years later I suddenly had the urge to become Mrs "Smith." Just liked the idea of sharing a name with my husband. But of course I was still attached to being Ms. "Jones", and all my clients knew me as such. I also use my maiden name in my fiction writing & plan to publish my novel under that name. So I changed my name legally but have kept using both names--Jones for work stuff and Smith for personal, and have caused some minor confusion with my clients by asking for my checks to be made out to Smith. When getting a new job, however, I'm not quite sure what to do. Part of me wants to stay with being "Susie Jones" professionally--but is it weird to use that name on my resume, application, etc, only to get there & tell them that legally I am actually Susie Smith? Do I just apply as Susie Jones Smith & forget about the whole thing of using my maiden name for work since they never knew me that way anyway? I know this is really a matter of personal preference, but I'm curious to know what others' experiences are. The whole 2 names thing seemed easy at the time, but over time it has grown more complicated. My husband keeps saying it doesn't sound that complicated to him--I guess it's a matter of me being comfortable with my decision & sticking with whatever I want despite any confusion it may cause. Part of me wishes I had stuck to my original conviction to keep my name entirely--but I'm certainly not going to change it back now! |
| seeattleme | Posted – 7/19/2007 9:59:56 PM | show profile I don't consider it a matter of personal preference. I'm actually offended by the notion of a woman changing her last name /taking her husband's upon marriage. The reason it was done in the past is because the woman became the husband's property. I find this offensive. But it is also a practical matter. There's a reason men don't and have never done this: It's impractical. If you are a professional woman, you should keep your last name. People will always assume you are Mrs. whatever" and you will get correspondence, invitations, salutations, etc. based on this. I don't get bent out of shape when it happens. But in this business, you are your byline. You are your name. And if you go about changing it every decade or so you'll eventually regret it. Your byline needs to remain consistent. I have no problem giving my kid their father's last name (although my job provided the insurance and so in the hospital they automatically were given my last name), I came up with the first and the second names, pretty much (with his agreement, of course). And everyone said it would be "so confusing" for the kids. There's been nothing confusing about it. You gotta admire Maria Shriver for keeping her name. ON a talk show a few years back, her mother criticized her daughter for not taking her husband's last name, because she said "A woman should show support for her husband by taking his name". Shriver fired back that Eunice continued to use and insists on others using her maiden name as well as her married name. Eunice Kennedy Shriver. And that shut Mom up. |
| HisGirlFriday | Posted – 7/19/2007 11:14:04 PM | show profile I don't really care who gives me shit for this but I took my husband's name and I was excited and proud to do it. (Yes, I am a tool of the patriarchy. Whatever. Go worry about something important, like genital mutilation if you're really a feminist.) Honestly, I don't think you're asking for a debate on this tired old subject, you're looking for some practical information. (Ok, just a little background: Like you, I liked the idea of sharing a name with my husband and was not too attached to my own - there is a long Ellis-Island style story about it - but suffice to say it's not really a family name anyway.) Ok; here goes: It did make things easier in some ways to change over all the way, but at the same time, I think you certainly could use your maiden name as a writer and share his name personally. I can tell you that I use the first letter of my maiden name as my middle initial in all my stories and every time I see my byline I love seeing that distinctive initial and my married name together. It works for me. |
| cali1296 | Posted – 7/20/2007 1:37:37 AM | show profile Since you legally changed your name, that's your "official" name now for use in legal documents and such. But there's no reason why you can't still use your birth name professionally. When you get a new job and have to sign 401k paperwork and whatnot, you can explain the situation if you want but nobody will bat an eye. Changing your byline name is probably a bad idea since it's kind of like starting over. I never changed my name to my husband's because I didn't want to have a work name and an after work name. It's something I struggled with at first but in the end decided it was an unnecessary complication. But many female reporters/writers use different names for different purposes. It's really common, so don't sweat it. |
| seeattleme | Posted – 7/20/2007 1:47:54 AM | show profile Yeah, I care about genital mutilation too. Equal pay for equal work, Title IX, more females on the supreme court--all that shit. Women getting stoned to death for leaving abusive husbands ...I'm an equal opportunity feminist issues protester. No issue is too insignificant for me to rail on about. And arguing about a name is just as significant as arguing about why women shouldn't take their husband's name, or any of the other feminist issues out there. It's the principle thing. And the principle is the same. It's ALWAYS the same. And of course as someone pointed out, practically, it's inadvisable. Your byline needs to remain consistent to be marketable. Unless you fuck something up. Jayson Blair should probably consider a name change. |
| candylilacs | Posted – 7/20/2007 3:06:41 AM | show profile Whatever name's on the bank account That's what name I'd choose. My bank may or may not cash my checks with different names on them, but probably would with my legal name. Personally, I never changed my name. Not so much to fight the patriarchy but it's my name. I never understood why women were so crazy to run down to the DMV and get their ID changed or immediately change their byline once they were married. It just seemed so 1950s Bride's Magazine to me. (And those women were always the ones who thought you were after their man. Ugh, I shudder to think of them.) I guess it's the same mentality of people who asked me, "Well, what about your [fiance/husband]?" as if I'm hurting him. (Nor would any man I would marry care about something so insignificant.) I guess I also like having my individual identity rather than that of a couple. ------ http://www.mswritesguide.blogspot.com |
| ejlyman | Posted – 7/20/2007 6:31:53 AM | show profile | email poster billing I'll bite my tongue to refrain from commenting on the absurd notion that a woman should not take her husband's name if that's what she wants to do, and will stick to the original topic. Fisrt, in regards to by-lines, I think the main thing should be to be consistent. Whether it's as Jones or Smith, you're a brand and so it seems wise not to dilute it by switching between names. The billing issue is tricky, but what if you set up an account for your "business" and had companies pay you there? It could be "Writing Services of DeMoines" or whatever, which would mean that only your banker needs to know your legal last name. I'm an American working in the EU and so I'm actually required to do something similar for EU-based clients. But I end up using it for U.S. clients as well, since having one account name seems easier. I don't have the issue you have regarding my family name, but it seems the move could solve that as well. Good luck. ------ Italy-based freelancer www.ericjlyman.com |
| aj | Posted – 7/20/2007 7:01:02 AM | show profile Do whatever you want. Lots of people go by different names...pen names, nicknames, whatever you want to call it. If you're comfortable answering to something (or more than one thing), professionally or personally, it's fine. People will get used to it. And if you change your mind down the road, they'll get used to it again. |
| Brena | Posted – 7/20/2007 8:03:32 AM | show profile I changed my last name to my husband's years ago. I liked the idea of sharing his name and reinventing myself. My husband has a buddy who changed his last name to his wife's maiden name. I guess it can work both ways. |
| harlemwriter | Posted – 7/20/2007 8:28:36 AM | show profile Thanks to those of you who offered practical advice. I'm not going to enter the debate on the morals of name-changing, as that was not the intent of my original post--but I know it's what I get for posting such questions in an online forum. Just to clarify, I am not thinking of changing my writing name--that's been the same always & I never thought of changing it. It was more of a question about getting a fulltime job & whether it would be confusing to have a different name on my paycheck. |
| harlemwriter | Posted – 7/20/2007 8:33:43 AM | show profile ...a full-time job other than writing, I should clarify further. So I had somewhat debated just using my maiden name on my writing and my married name everywhere else, including work. But I've built up a resume around my maiden name so I think that's what I should stick with. See, I had thought it wouldn't be much of an issue since i thought I'd be freelancing forever & never thought much about getting back into the workplace. But the stupidity of that notion is a debate for another time! |
| newsgal | Posted – 7/20/2007 9:45:16 AM | show profile Just explain It depends on the industry. I used to work in television news on-air and was known by my maiden name before I got married, and so I continued with it professionally. However, billing did know my married (and legal) name, and so that's who paychecks were made out to. However, when I got out of news, folks in "other worlds" weren't used to such things - and so I used to get mail twice (in each name), forms twice, etc (shame I didn't get two paychecks). You might want to consider using your maiden name as your middle name - and then having both names on your paychecks - that way the bank will still recognize if by chance someone sends you something with just your maiden name - that worked for me with no problem. |
| jcpatterson | Posted – 7/20/2007 9:55:49 AM | show profile I use both maiden and married names professionally. A couple of practical tips: * Put "make checks payable to" at the bottom of your invoice, and specify what name the bank wants to see -- married, maiden, or company. Most people are very good about following this instruction. * Follow up on legal documents that may be created on assumptions about your legal name. My professional name appears at the bottom of my email, so our realtor drew up some documents using that name. When he double checked, I needed to confirm that my legal name is actually first-middle-married, not first-maiden-married. Ditto for some employment applications, etc. |
| nycwriter1 | Posted – 7/20/2007 10:40:31 AM | show profile | email poster I do, it's fine I legally changed my name after i get married. But I use my maiden name professionally. I always have, it's sort of my professional identity. It's only ever an issue with HR/Payroll/Initial email setup at a company. After the paperwork is all straight, it's really no big deal. People do it all the time. If you want to use your maiden name professionally, you wil be one of many, many, many women I know who do! Best of luck finding a full time gig! |
| nycwriter1 | Posted – 7/20/2007 10:42:33 AM | show profile | email poster ......oops ...I meant after I "got" married... |
| WordyBird | Posted – 7/20/2007 10:50:40 AM | show profile When I married, I took my husband's last name for both practical and deeply personal reasons that go beyond "I'll love you forever, baby," reasons that are no one's business and no one has the right to judge. But guess what? I got divorced. When I went back to my maiden name, I gave it time. I rerouted my old e-mail to my new one for a year. And two years later, people are still pitching to the old name--and congratulating me on my "marriage" when I tell them of my new name (which is my maiden name). OTOH, I worked with someone who took her husband's name socially and legally, but kept her maiden name for professional reasons. Oh, the hassles with payroll! Oh, the hassles with IT about her e-mail! Hassle, hassle, hassle, right down to how she was going to be listed in the company directory. There are good reasons for sticking with your maiden name professionally, especially if you are published. That's how the public knows you. But be prepared for a hassle if you share your husband's last name legally. Oh, and BTW, for GraniteGirl: changing your name is a personal preference, and you may take all the offense you want, but as far as I'm concerned, it's *extremely* rude of you to rag on people for it. That's like being introduced to someone's child and saying to the parents, "You named your kid Paul? Don't you know what a misogynist Paul was? How could you do that?" Get off your high horse already. If you want to discuss feminist history and feminist theory, go to a board set up for it, or go to the OT section. |
| WordyBird | Posted – 7/20/2007 10:55:35 AM | show profile When I married, I took my husband's last name for both practical and deeply personal reasons that go beyond "I'll love you forever, baby," reasons that are no one's business and no one has the right to judge. But guess what? I got divorced. When I went back to my maiden name, I gave it time. I rerouted my old e-mail to my new one for a year. And two years later, people are still pitching to the old name--and congratulating me on my "marriage" when I tell them of my new name (which is my maiden name). OTOH, I worked with someone who took her husband's name socially and legally, but kept her maiden name for professional reasons. Oh, the hassles with payroll! Oh, the hassles with IT about her e-mail! Hassle, hassle, hassle, right down to how she was going to be listed in the company directory. There are good reasons for sticking with your maiden name professionally, especially if you are published. That's how the public knows you. But be prepared for a hassle if you share your husband's last name legally. Oh, and BTW, for GraniteGirl: I guess you're going to walk around offended for a very long time if you're so willing to go around castigating people for something as deeply personal as a decision to change their names. Too bad whether you're offended doesn't matter to anyone making the decision. |
| Mag Girl | Posted – 7/20/2007 11:22:20 AM | show profile granitegirl, I agree that it's a personal preference and no one should feel like less of a woman for certain choices. Wasn't the aim of feminism to allow women a *choice* in their lives? If women WANT to change their names, there is nothing inherently wrong with it. There's more than one way to live as a woman. |
| harlemwriter | Posted – 7/20/2007 11:57:37 AM | show profile Newsgal: You haven't had a problem getting checks to your maiden name even though it is now your middle name? just curious becuase I did the same thing & my bank said that only if I hyphenated could I cash checks in either name. However, a couple of people have written me checks in my maiden name since I changed, and usually what I have done is to sign it over on the back to my married name (as if I were endorsing the check over to someone else), then endorse with my married name. But I wonder if they even care. To those who have mentioned hassles with payroll, that is what I worry about starting at a new company. But I guess I should get the job first & then worry about it! I may be able to snag a job with one of my clients, and they already know me. I don't know why I suddenly freaked about this, but I am definitely freaking. Part of me wishes I hadn't done the legal change & just told people they could call me Mrs Smith if they wanted to. But what's done is done. I wonder how hard it would be to get 2 last names on my bank account/SS card? (no hyphen) I actually went through total hell getting everything changed. The concept of putting the maiden name as the middle name seemed incredibly foreign to every person I dealt with. So going through it again isn't appealing. But I do wonder if it is smart to make sure my maiden name is somehow part of my last name. |
| candylilacs | Posted – 7/20/2007 12:09:10 PM | show profile Both granite girl and HGF were flaming, so I would hope we would be offended by both or neither. I admit I'm always curious as to why some women are in such a hurry to immediately change their names to their husband's. I'm thinking part of it is they were living with the guy and they want to make marriage/new life at least seem and look different than how they were prevously together?Or that they worked very hard to be married and want everyone to know? Either way, I should mention I do occasionally write under a pen name. I explained my circumstances to the editor, and she sends my checks to my real name every time. No mistakes ever. I don't know if that's a good long-term stategy. I'm agreeing with whomever said XXX Writing Services. That should make the transition a lot cleaner. ------ http://www.mswritesguide.blogspot.com |
| candylilacs | Posted – 7/20/2007 12:13:33 PM | show profile I say get it changed if you feel it would work better for you. My mom did the same thing (her maiden is her middle.) Use your legal name on applications. Use Susie (Jones) Smith on your resume if you have to. And if they only know you as Smith, then it doesn't really matter. Anyone looking at your clips might say something, but you can easily tell them why the name change. Good luck! ------ http://www.mswritesguide.blogspot.com |
| nycwriter1 | Posted – 7/20/2007 1:12:16 PM | show profile | email poster it's not that bad of a hassle Like I said, the paperwork in the very beginning--as in the first two or three days--can be a hassle, but only until you say my married/legal name is X, but I go by Y for work. I was listed in my corporate directory by my married name and I called and got it changed the third day. That was the end of it. So many people do it that most companies are used to it and just deal with it in stride. I applied to editors in my maiden name. My resume has my maiden name, etc. On admin. paperwork for HR, I put my married name and then my maiden name in parentheses. I remember the official application even asked my preferred name. I put my maiden name there. If you've established yourself as X and your byline is X and you want to use X... go ahead. It makes sense. The hassles are few and short-lived. I've done this for four years and never spent more than an hour or so dealing with whatever hassles I've had. |
| WordyBird | Posted – 7/20/2007 1:53:07 PM | show profile "I wonder how hard it would be to get 2 last names on my bank account/SS card? (no hyphen) I actually went through total hell getting everything changed. " Very difficult. When I wanted to go back to my maiden name officially, I had to get a court order for the SSA because there was nothing in my divorce decree saying I was "allowed" to go back to my maiden name. (Yes, that's the word the person behind the desk used.) That's the Patriot Act for you. |
| Mag Girl | Posted – 7/20/2007 2:12:39 PM | show profile WordyBird, it's possible you were being give incorrect information: http://family.findlaw.com/divorce/divorce-more/resume-maiden-name.html When my husband changed his last name to find after the wedding, he was told by all sorts of people at the SS office and the DMV that he could not change his name to mine without going to court. ANd that, in our state, is incorrect. He had to go through several layers of supervisors and insist on it before he was able to change his name on his SS card and driver's license. |
| ny or bust | Posted – 7/20/2007 2:27:30 PM | show profile harlemwriter, I agree that you should use your legal name for applications, or whatever name's on your bank account, otherwise I envision problem's when the company runs a background check on you, or when you try to deposit your check with a different name on it. I think it's smart that you chose to use your maiden name for bylines, both professionally and personally. I kept my maiden name when I married (no judgment on those who didn't) and thank g-d I did, b/c when my husband ran off on me with some, um, rhymes with bunt, the hell of changing my name back was one less thing I had to deal with. Plus, I probably would've wanted to destroy any and all clips that were polluted with his name had I used it. Just my 2 cents. |
