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Topic: Pissiness
| Author | Message |
| WinonaWriter | Posted – 7/25/2007 1:36:53 AM | show profile Is it just my perception, or a lot of people on the boards really pissy lately? Lots of flaming, blaming, etc. Frustrating. |
| JCB | Posted – 7/25/2007 2:05:59 AM | show profile Yeah, let's all group-hug. |
| WinonaWriter | Posted – 7/25/2007 3:02:28 AM | show profile are you mocking me? |
| seeattleme | Posted – 7/25/2007 3:24:10 AM | show profile these boards will drive you nuts if you take anything or anyone on them seriously. which even I admit to doing (the things, not the people). For a refreshing change of aura, hit the gawker media boards and let these go for awhile. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 7/25/2007 4:23:29 AM | show profile So why do people bother getting all pissy in their posts? Sometimes, some posters sounds like they're about to cry or slap a fellow poster or burst their blood pressure cuff. Give the slightest, politest resistence to their cherished idea, and they go on the attack in the most vitriolic way. Really getting a bit ugly. Why?? Explain me this! |
| Righter | Posted – 7/25/2007 9:18:14 AM | show profile Well...it's also hard to get a person's tone over these boards...they could just be trying to sound assertive but a person reads it as "flaming," etc....especially since most are written in a hurry, I don't think everyone takes the time to wonder how they'll be interpreted mood-wise. |
| Nikongirl | Posted – 7/25/2007 9:37:42 AM | show profile The full moon is Sunday. I notice on the three boards I visit that people tend to get pissy more often around full moons...its effects are felt three to five days before and after. It is also because people often feel they can do or say things on a message board that is really out of character for them in real life, their alter ego comes out of the closet and they sling words and attitudes that are sometimes for their own amusement and sometimes they are just being mean because they can. |
| UGoGirl | Posted – 7/25/2007 9:47:37 AM | show profile I think in many cases, there may be a fellow poster who you "know" or think you know at any rate who you expect to trash whatever you have to say. So in those cases, you (or I) might be "pissy" towards that person, kind of preemptively. That's my story, anyway. I do think that if we all demonstrated our actual identities it would be entirely different. On the other hand, it's fun to be able to play with ideas, thoughts, without worrying that you'll forever be haunted by the crazy notions you had that week. |
| mailbag | Posted – 7/25/2007 9:52:10 AM | show profile | email poster wave of the future - get used to it What an appropriate topic as I just answered a pissy post on another thread. This is not scientific at all... but I did notice a shift in e-mail etiquette and IM etiquette after Bush little's mantra gained steam "you are either with us or against us" many years ago. This attitude quickly spread across IBM in a way I had not seen in the seven years prior. (I confirmed this with my Euro colleagues at the time about their USA counterparts. They noticed this too.) This has evolved to where we are today. It has become cool to be a Bush bitch online. It is MY way, fuckyou and your idea, because I'm right and you are wrong and there is no debate. (What it says in my opinion is that 'I don't really care what you think, because I'm right, and I'm not here to learn -- only here to make sure you see it my way' pre-emptive strike.) It makes it difficult to communicate under these circumstances and easy to fall into their trap. How can you combat other than ignore? |
| caitlinkelly | Posted – 7/25/2007 10:05:07 AM | show profile Vacations help a lot. So does having an off-line life you enjoy. The amount of animus is mostly amusing as how much energy do you really have available to waste attacking total strangers? |
| WinonaWriter | Posted – 7/25/2007 10:18:42 AM | show profile Thanks I feel much better this morning knowing it's not just me being overly sensitive! ; ) But still disheartened by the line-in-the-sand, my-way-or-the-highway, I'm-right-and-you're-wrong, black-and-white-and-no-shades-of-gray attitudes...but holding out hope that it WON'T be the wave of the future. Ready to move on to the next moon phase... |
| JCB | Posted – 7/25/2007 3:14:54 PM | show profile You're being overly sensitive. It's just a bulletin board. No one's TP'ing your house. If someone has strong opinions, more power to them! If that hurts your feelings, well, maybe you should think about sacking up a little. It's just a damned board. Lively debate always involves strong argumentation and thorough analysis--this may come across to the unitinitiated or overly sensistive as "meanness" but it's not. It's just a bunch of folks tackling (sometimes) complex issues, many times in a hurried, half-assed kinda way (this isn't "Hardball"). And remember, a person's "tone" is muchly in the eyes of the beholder. Unless someone says something truly offensive such as "Listen bitch..." or somesuch, there's no need to necessarily read hostility into their post, or take it PERSONALLY. Allow for individual differences of EXPRESSION. No one here knows each other (presumably). None of this is PERSONAL. Some people are just far more accustomed to active debate, and dissecting other people's arguments. They shouldn't be derided for that. The full moon has nothing to do with it. Jeez. |
| mailbag | Posted – 7/25/2007 5:33:01 PM | show profile | email poster JCB JCB - I challenge you to a debate in person. Have already done this from another board with the 'opposition' so to speak. We became instant friends in person even though our POVs were quite different. :-) Nothing beats face2face comms. |
| seeattleme | Posted – 7/25/2007 5:57:24 PM | show profile Part of the problem is that people don't read the posts they respond to--or very carefully. Another is that posters stalk other posters on the board--mailbag is right. Another is that some posters actually remember who other posters are, and it becomes a weird relationship. I personally can never recall which poster says what, except that BJ guy- who insists on ridiculing anyone who posts anything about their idea/pitches getting scooched by editors and reassigned to other writers. But some people seem to follow me, know me, and hate me, based on things I've posted. Usually I respond to a post, I don't respnd to a peron. But people on this board do quite the opposite. And of xourse, epople take this board too seriously. It's supposed to be a recreational online activity, not kindergarten or a support group. We're supposed to be able to bounce ideas and opinions off on each other. But people get insulting and petty: I've been corrected on grammar and spelling and told to take a management course or read a management book by people I've never met. "Based on your posts," one poster said. When, based on her posts, I have a resume and a clip list and portfolio that kicks hers to the ground. These people don't even know me, but presume to, based on stupid posts I tap out in my rare spare time. It's kind of creepy. I feel sorry for these people. People also dismiss opinions and advice from posters who obviously know what they are talking about, because it's not "p.c." (Professionally Correct). When anyone who's been in this business long enough--on different mastheads and different big cities, will tell you point blank there is nothing nada zero professional about this industry. Grace Mirabella hearing she got fired on the evening news while on vacation??? Hellooooo? If someone feels strongly about something--my way or the highway--and it's based on experience, I don't take it personally. There are some things I'm that way about, too. That doesn't mean I hate everyone who disagrees, we just disagree. But when someone who disagrees with you can't accept that disagreement and gets insulting and petty--well, that's just a mean daddy, a distant mommy, breastfeeding and therapy gone bad. Get back on that stronger anti-depressant, why don't you, and stay off the recreational boards. Go to the pron websites instead. Finally it' s summer. Gas prices are insane. The housing market sucks--people have been using their homes as ATM machines are in trouble, the mortgage is going up for the fourth time on that Park Slope brownstone--people are pissy. |
| JCB | Posted – 7/25/2007 8:03:46 PM | show profile mailbag: I had no idea you and I were "opposed." Really? Just like granitegirl, I'm not paying attention to who says what--I'm really only looking at what is being said and how to evaluate the merits of the statements. That's it. I realize people tend to get emotional, but I think that's a more general problem with the web itself. So much of communication's nonverbal cues (my anthropologist sister told me the technical term for this once, but of course I forget) are lost in this form, and in e-mail as well. I've heard stories of huge mix-ups because e-mails were interpreted incorrectly and bad feelings were created (e.g. hard to convery sarcasm in this form, especially when hurried). Maybe age is a factor. When I was younger, I took things more personally (I was on these boards in the mid-90s) and got more emotional about this stuff. Now, in my 30s, I'm just like, A+B=C, so what's the problem? Also, I'm just a New York tough chick, and we tend to be pretty abrasive in general, especially in this biz, at least in my experience. None of it's personal. No interest in personal debate at this point--I've got my hands full w/my BF and friends and colleagues as it is! As you can imagine, there's lots of gab among us... |
| mailbag | Posted – 7/25/2007 8:21:13 PM | show profile | email poster lol JCB - yanking you. ;-) That face2face issue came up once on board I belonged to -- one guy spent the summer visiting people across Europe from the board - he eventually made it here to visit me. That was cool. I met another guy in Germany. The "opposing" guy though met me here in NY. And I should say we were cordial opposing POVs. He wasn't a goof just very clearly in Bush's camp as military guy. He'd served in Afghanistan and I wanted to know what made him tick. I think the face2face can open ears (that boards won't allow) and having a living/breathing human to discuss a topic - no matter how hot the topic - just becomes more civil in person. Did he change my mind about Bush and war? 'Course not. Did I see where he was coming from on the war? Yes. Enlightening. |
| seeattleme | Posted – 7/25/2007 8:39:08 PM | show profile I'm glad these aren't face to face. There's a time and a plce for that. But like you said, a lot doesn't get said. Sure, it may be mroe civil, but it doesn't get said. I find its better to have things sadi than not said. If i choose to ignore it at that point, that's my perogative. I don't have much taste for "civility". I mean, sure, when you're at another person's nice dinner party or birthday celebration, you don't want and shouldn't ruin it with debate. But when it comes to issues surrounding my livelihood--ie the issues discussed on this board, give it to me, give it to me hard and give it to me straight. But keep it on the issue. Not what you think of me as a poster, or my screenname, or where I live, etc. Or you know what? Go ahead, say it. I just ignore it. I don't care. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 7/25/2007 8:48:24 PM | show profile The interesting thing to me is that this is a community. You don't know my real name, or Ugo's, or Granitegirls or Doglady's or Mailbags -- okay. But you remember who tends to post what, based on their screen name. There's no point in trying to figure out who's who. We've asked for anonymity, or we would have used our real names. So trying to piece that together would be kinda like stalking. It's one thing to complain about people being pissy -- but for some people, that's kindof their identity. They're consistently firecrackers, or whiners, or glib trolls, or piss-and-vinegar-and-proud-of-it. I don't know why people would consistently be on the defense or on the attack -- just nature I guess. I get that way once in a while, on this board, but I try not to make it often, because I think who wants to listen to that?? But we listen to them rant. If we don't like it, we say something, or just ignore what they say. Free country -- like tuning out Don Imus and his ilk. and if you search your own posts and see this emerging as a personality trait, think it over -- do you want even perfect anonymous strangers to see you like that and respond to you that way? Your call. |
| seeattleme | Posted – 7/25/2007 9:31:15 PM | show profile People can respond anyway they want. I'm not on here to convince anyone of anything,really. when people ask for advice or an opinion, based on my experience, I give it. SOmeone else may have a different opinion or silution based on his/her experience. They give it. Others can decide which sounds like it makes more sense, what works, what doesn't and go from there. I don't know what a troll is and I don't care. If I see something that's obnoxious (a statement or opinion or insult) I say so and I say why. This is a media BOARD. POst away. Please don't censor or kid glove anything on MY account. It can mean nothing or everything to me, depending on how I CHOOSE to see it. I don't know who you are or what your "online" personality reveals about you, or how you may or may not be at work, at the movies, as a parent, in bed. (Unless you tell me in a post). Moreover, I don't really care. I'm interested to hear about it, but i don't really care. |
| seeattleme | Posted – 7/25/2007 9:36:12 PM | show profile And , for the record. I LIKE rants. I LIKE rants because they are freeform, no holds bard expression. Everything else is prepackaged carefully worded crap. Gimme a good rant--from Chris Rock, Roseanne Barr, Michael Moore, Anderson Cooper, John Edwards (or his wife), a Stephen Colbert guest, a RealTime guest (those are great!) a mediabistro poster or hell, even an Oprah guest, and I'll listen. (Ann Coulter starts ranting and I can turn the channel, which I do.) And you know what? watch the way people respond to these rants. Cause they usually do--with applause and rapt attention. |
| WinonaWriter | Posted – 7/26/2007 12:03:11 PM | show profile It's good to read through all these replies. I don't think I'm overly sensitive. I just have a different way of debating. I don't think that "civility" and "debate" are mutually exclusive. It's possible to disagree without stereotyping, judging and insulting the other party. I also think it's perfectly fine to rant about something if you need to, but it's frustrating to me when a post that is meant to address a logistical problem and get advice on that topic turns into a political/sociological rant (i.e., the whole maiden name thing on the other board). It effectively undermines the point of that thread, which is to share practical, how-to information. Humor me by thinking of this in terms of analogy: Think of the original posted topic as an article assignment. The "maiden name" thread began as an assignment for a how-to or "service" piece, but it turned into a highly charged op-ed. Now, I'm all for highly charged op-eds -- really, I am! But when the topic is supposed to be how-to, it frustrates me when the original topic is lost along the way. I see these boards as not just "recreational" and a place where you can rant, but as a way for professionals to discuss professional issues and share resources and professional advice. So that's why I get frustrated when the ability to effectively do that gets lost along the way. The other thing is that since this is a board full of MEDIA professionals, theoretically we would all have an understanding of how powerful WORDS can be. And if we already know that tone, etc., gets lost in the written word, then ALL THE MORE REASON to take a second and make sure the written message is not going to come across the wrong way before you hit the "post reply" button. One final point: Profanity -- like JCB's example of "Listen bitch..." -- is not the only form of verbal bullying or browbeating or whatever you want to call it. There are plenty of ways to make snarky and snide comments. Just because something is free of profanity doesn't mean it's an acceptable way to "debate." Whatever...I've put in my two cents...I'm not crying myself to sleep over the pissiness factor...just needed to vent about it. |
| Iron Eagle | Posted – 7/26/2007 12:34:47 PM | show profile Some of is tartar removal trying to pry the wingnuts away from the Olberman hate rants. It's pretty funny. Who in life would spend so many waking hours tracking Keith Olberman. I'm trying to keep up with Lindsay Lohan arrest card. |
| seeattleme | Posted – 7/26/2007 2:16:42 PM | show profile Winona, I for one posted on that maiden name thread. I gave my opinion about it, and then I gave a practical reason supporting my opinion. So ignore the opinion part and consider the practical reason. What is do difficult about that? And the reason that became a rant is because someone responded to MY opinion with an insult --told me to go worry about something more important (I won't mention it here because I don't want to start another digression, but I'm sure you recall what the poster told me to go worry about). Then it just got insulting all around. But when someone asks for my advice and or opinion on something, that's what they're gonna get. It's left to his/her discretion to read, process, consider, evaluate and eventually select any or all information that may be pertinent. And I think the term "civility" means differnt things to different people. Even in debate. So I'm not certain how those or any other terms can be "mutually exclusinve"--except to you, of course, and how YOU define them. But that's your OPINION. It may not be someone--or anyone--else's. There are people in this world who just NEED to be right, NEED to have others agree with them, and there are others still who can't agree with ANYONE, who are contrarian--(MANY on this board; in fact just about every thread comes full circle if you read them all they way through). And there are those who can't stand disagreement at all, who think debate and discord and even expressions of anger are evil bad things. You have to take this into account when processing information from these boards--or from anywhere else, for that matter, and decide what you will with that in mind. But you can't control the way other people think, feel, or behave--you MAY have some influence through your own actions, but never ultimate control. You gotta be able to deal with that. |
| seeattleme | Posted – 7/26/2007 2:23:17 PM | show profile And by thye way, this is a media board, yes, but it's RECREATIONAL. No, I am not going to sit and reread everything I write here, and think about the "power of my owrds". Because I am dealing with people who also make a living through the usage and manipulation of words. It's a fair fight all the way around (and if you can't take the heat...). Yeah, I'd like posters to read things more carefully, and while I'm not above using the F theB the S and the A words I don't CALL anyone these things (although I have intimated that certain behavior is worthy of these descriptions). Just let people do what they want. Worry about your own posts and quit taking this board seriously. It's really not worth it. Take what you want from it and leave the rest behind. Close the topic and pick another forum. Simple as that. |
| keltoi2 | Posted – 7/26/2007 3:19:44 PM | show profile And if you don't want pissiness, definitely stay away from the TV News board. A sorry pissing contest since day one. I think a big part of the diabtribes is not limited to this board, but to the anonymity of chat boards in general, which frees people to say things they sometimes wouldn't dare say in person. I also think it's a national "take no prisoners" mentality which surfaced during the Clinton impeachment days and has been amplified by the Bill O'Reillys and Rush Limbaugh schools of "Whoever Shouts the Loudest Wins" schools of so-called debate. It's only gotten uglier since 9/11 and Bush's "With us or against us" idiocy, echochambered with the right-wing smear campaigns of labeling anyone "traitors" who didn't think Iraq was such a good idea. (Still waiting for the whole sorry lot to admit they were dead, dead, wrong, but that will never happen.) But, back to this board, I watch threads descend into name-calling and profanity faster than you can say "screw common courtesy", and it's a sorry spectacle. But that seems to be a reflection of the sad state of affairs in general today. |
