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Topic: First name vs. Mr. or Ms.
| Author | Message |
| fashionfwd | Posted – 8/1/2007 8:02:27 PM | show profile I?m a recent grad applying for jobs and I?m still confused/torn about whether to address editors by their first name or Ms. or Mr. I?m writing my thank you note follow up for an interview, and trying to figure out what to use. Ms./Ms. seems too formal and awkward, but just a first name doesn?t feel right either. I was introduced to the interviewer by another editor who said, this is First Name Last name, so technically he didn?t introduce himself setting a preference for the future. What?s the norm on this? |
| choc_ap | Posted – 8/1/2007 10:36:42 PM | show profile Better overdressed than under... I always address my thank yous to Mr. or Ms. Editor. Until you have the job or are told you're on a first name basis, always err on the side of caution. |
| Brena | Posted – 8/2/2007 7:14:07 AM | show profile As a "Mrs.," I hate being called, "Ms." It's a turn off for me. I'd rather my first and last name was used only. |
| GrOoVaL!c!OuS | Posted – 8/2/2007 7:26:41 AM | show profile Use first and last name. Some names are unisex and you don't want to mistake someone's gender. Once you've met the person, I think you can address future correspondence to whatever name you called them in person. |
| WordyBird | Posted – 8/2/2007 12:05:17 PM | show profile I'm with Choc. Err on the side of formality. It gives the less formal the opportunity to be all magnanimous and say, "Oh, please call me John/Jane." But if you call Mr. Smith "John" when he prefers "Mr. Smith," you'll seem presumptuous to him, and that's not a good thing. |
| Mirage | Posted – 8/2/2007 1:18:25 PM | show profile First name I'd go with the first name (since you've already met in person) for two reasons: * Women can be sensitive to the whole Mrs./Ms./Miss thing, so why introduce it? * Anyone who insists on being known as Mr./Mrs./Ms. Lastname is going to be a pain in the ass to work with anyway. |
| Village Gal | Posted – 8/2/2007 1:38:48 PM | show profile I would err on the side off formality and use Mr. or Ms. or to avoid any controversy, you could use Dear Jane Smith. Truthfully, I don't know anyone who uses Mrs. in the workplace. To me, It seems sexist that women should be differentiated because of their marital status. |
| webtastic | Posted – 8/2/2007 6:37:43 PM | show profile In my experience, the days of Mr. and Mrs. being the default mode are long gone. My perception is that managers think you a bumpkin (at best) or a bit of a kiss-ass (at worst) if you use the formal title. I suppose if I met a media mogul type, I would consider using a formal title out of fear... Any people here who are the bossman/bosslady particularly offended if someone uses their first name right off the bat? |
| laureneditor | Posted – 8/2/2007 8:02:29 PM | show profile I get weirded out when writers I work with call me Ms/Mrs - it seems overly formal to me. Of course, I get even more weirded out (actually, make that annoyed) when they call me 'Sir'. With the exception of job application cover letters, I'd always go with the first name. Unless the Ms you're talking to is Ms Wintour, of course. |
| Little Fingers | Posted – 8/15/2007 3:08:52 PM | show profile This is all so interesting. When I worked in book publishing, it was generally accepted as common practice to address people by their first names. Agents sent me submissions and wrote "Dear so and so" and I responded "Dear so and so" when rejecting. Maybe because agents and editors have more of a peer relationship? |
| ManhattanMatt | Posted – 8/15/2007 8:32:14 PM | show profile Women need to get over the Ms./Miss/Mrs. thing ... Call me Miss. I'm married! Call me MRS. How DARE you make assumptions about my husband's identity! I'm married, but I'm a MS. Ugh. I'm married! How DARE you belittle my marriage by calling me Ms.! It's MRS.! Excuse me. I'm divorced. Duh. Didn't you see that on the masthead? Don't you look at the masthead every single month and compare names? Don't you do your homework?? If you did you'd realize my name isn't Jones anymore, it's Hayes. So it's NOT Mrs., it's MISS. DUH. Of course I'm divorced! But that doesn't mean I'm not still MRS. How dare you! Blah blah blah phuckety-blah blah blah. Just call everyone MS. and be done with it. And women get a grip. |
| chucho | Posted – 8/16/2007 5:08:49 AM | show profile >> As a "Mrs.," I hate being called, "Ms." It's a turn off for me. I'd rather my first and last name was used only. << I hate to read stuff like that because it causes people to doubt using courtesy titles at all, which I think are important in "cold calling". Are we supposed to read your mind to find out you're married? Assuming you hire people, would you actually use the fact they used "Ms." against the candidate? If so that would be really unfair. Are you really suggesting a college grad who is submitting a cover letter to an EIC start his letter "Dear Jennifer"? Also, in the attempt at gender neutrality, if there are women out there who would actually be bothered by somebody addressing them as "Ms." then the only solution would be to address letters to women as "Dear Jennifer" and for men "Dear Mr. Smith". Are you actually suggesting we do this? Better yet, get over the fact that people don't know if you're married or not so they defer to "Ms." and don't take it personally. |
| chucho | Posted – 8/16/2007 5:15:04 AM | show profile >> Anyone who insists on being known as Mr./Mrs./Ms. Lastname is going to be a pain in the ass to work with anyway. << That's a very American way of looking at things. It also doesn't address the fact that most of the time people may not mind, but when looking for a job it's better to defer to convention. And convention says use courtesy titles. Put it this way: if you use courtesy titles you never have to mull this question again. I tell you who would be a pain in the ass to work for: the person who get offended by people who use courtesy titles. Definitely they would be far worse. |
| Ahppy1 | Posted – 8/16/2007 10:23:35 AM | show profile When I'm sending out resumes, if I am attn. them to a female I use Ms...I don't know if they are married or not..even when i send out the Thank you's after the interview. But I have always gone the formal route and used Ms./Mrs. & Mr. |
| feMyNysT | Posted – 8/19/2007 11:50:24 PM | show profile Mrs. or Miss or Ms. Re: Mrs....I totally agree with Village Gal and to dewdoxx, Im a "Mrs" to many people and Mrs. is custom only, it's neither legal nor mandatory. I loathe Mrs. and prefer Ms. And...I'm married. "Mrs." is an absolutel turn off to me. To "ManhattanMatt...why?? should women's marital status be something they need to "get over". Mr. whether the man is married or other, doesn't give his! marital status so the same social attitude should apply to women too! I'm married and I'm my own person....not my spouse's person. |
| ManhattanMatt | Posted – 8/20/2007 1:39:11 AM | show profile Femmie ... ...my comments were directed to women as a whole. OK, so you don't like "Mrs." But for everyone of you there are at least ten other women who are insulted my "Ms." WTF??? How are we supposed to know who's married and who prefers which prefix? Women as a whole need to get together and make a uniform decision here. |
| FeaturesGal | Posted – 8/20/2007 9:41:07 AM | show profile Manners are not dead. I always use Mr. or Ms. Never, ever Mrs. As for saying that makes you a "bumpkin," oh please. How dare we even bother to have manners anymore? While you're on that interview, (unless the person is somewhat near my age- which hasn't happened for me) using ma'am and sir are also appropriate. I'd still send the letter as "Mr. Smith," and then, when he responds and signs it "Mike," then I'd say "Dear Mike," is acceptable afterwards. |
| argh | Posted – 8/20/2007 11:51:42 AM | show profile I think it depends a lot on what industry you're talking about. I know in book publishing, it's always first names. I'd send your cover letter and resume to Mr./Ms. but after you've met the person, first names only. And yeah -- agents and editors always do Dear FirstName instead of Dear Mr. LastName in their letters to each other, even when they haven't met. So if that's the convention, you should probably stick to it. Not so sure about magazines/newspapers. I hate Dear Jane Smith. It just looks awkward and if you can't decide whether or not I'm female, you should do more research. (And not just "Is Jane a female name?" but find out more about me in the industry.) |
