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Topic: Christmas, xBox260 & the hi cost of raising a teen
| Author | Message |
| writesonwater | Posted – 12/8/2007 11:15:18 PM | show profile Gag! My teen child is begging for an xBox360 for Christmas. With all the attendant games this is about the same as buying a laptop computer or a ticket to Europe. It will be out of date and ready for trade-in within the year, I just know it. A grandfather I know is succumbing to pressure from his daughter to buy one of those Shetland Pony-size mechanical horses for several hundred bucks for her toddler. Insult to injury -- the daughter and her 3 kids live with him. Anybody else notice how absurd this is all getting? |
| UGoGirl | Posted – 12/8/2007 11:24:33 PM | show profile My sister has the standard "3 gifts" limitation for her kids, that we're doing as well. Of course, just three gifts could add up quickly if they are ipods, xboxes, etc. I don't know but I also think it is absurd. I'm about to watch an old old Walton's Christmas... (Homecoming...). I think that's where most of us or our grandparents came from and where most of us are going. But for the moment we're struggling to change the tide of unsustainable consumption. I wish there was an easy way to do it (especially with kids). But with things still "relatively" cheap, it's hard to say no. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 12/9/2007 12:30:14 AM | show profile I raised myself to believe the Waltons were the perfect model for living. With my first two kids, I kind of tried the cultural vacuum thing -- where the family takes the approach that hapless materialism isn't where it's at. This coincided with days when we didn't have much money as a family. I can't get away with that any more, I guess! |
| writesonwater | Posted – 12/9/2007 12:31:45 AM | show profile The good news is this is our last one out of the nest. Next will be grandkids -- but we'll try and give them time instead of stuff, and I think we'll be able to do that. For our part, my husband and I have always lived fairly modestly, compared to what we could do for our income. |
| ManhattanMatt | Posted – 12/9/2007 10:06:02 AM | show profile Modern parents ... ... meet the word "no". Word "no", meet modern parents. Now that you've met, USE it. |
| UGoGirl | Posted – 12/9/2007 10:31:01 AM | show profile I just love it when people who don't have kids just love to give advice to parents. I remember how simple it all seemed myself, before I had kids. Too funny. |
| ManhattanMatt | Posted – 12/9/2007 11:13:42 AM | show profile Well then ... ...please enlighten us. WHY is it that today's parents have more difficulty using the word "no" than previous generations? |
| InsomniacNOT | Posted – 12/9/2007 12:29:42 PM | show profile I don't get it either. I'm a parent and I say "no." Or "save your babysitting money." |
| seeattleme | Posted – 12/9/2007 2:48:02 PM | show profile What happened to the days when kids got ONE PRESENT FOR CHRISTMAS? (or Hannakah or Kwanzi, I don't care what holiday we're talking about here). Remember Laura Ingalls Wilder, getting ONE PRESENT? Or the year she actually got a penny, a stick of candy, and a doll? What happened to those days? |
| writesonwater | Posted – 12/9/2007 2:53:04 PM | show profile | email poster I've been pretty good about saying no. And he's been pretty good about meeting and exceeding my expectations. He's not into drugs or alcohol, he spends much of his free time practicing his sport, he's in the top 10 students in a class of 500 and has other academic accomplishments that reflect hard work, including the top PSATs in his class. Technology has made it more expensive to have a teen. THere's the cell phone -- which helps me not worry, so it's a necessary evil. And the iPod, of course. And the computer == he and his dad will inherit my laptop when I get a new one shortly. Everyone in his circle has xBox 360. I guess their parents have succumbed. Here in Texas, the cost of an xBox is half a percent of a new house, so it's a big investment. If I gve in, I will tell him it's the last game system I'll buy him -- he's anxious to get a job after he turns 16, he can buy the next ...sigh. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 12/9/2007 2:57:29 PM | show profile GG, I sure do remember days of much more modest CHristmases. Those were definitely the days. Those simple gifts sometimes still represented sacrifice for the givers. |
| UGoGirl | Posted – 12/9/2007 3:30:22 PM | show profile Matt, I'm not saying we should say no. We should, but it's your all-knowing judgmental attitude (again) that is so obnoxious. We should say no because in saying no we can explain how it takes resources, money, etc. to make this stuff. We can should no because our kids are going to face much harder financial challenges in their lifetimes than we did in ours and all we can do to prepare them now will help. We can say no because they'll get over it. We can say no and should say no, but it's not easy. |
| ManhattanMatt | Posted – 12/9/2007 3:47:35 PM | show profile Whatever happened to saying "no" ... ...and NOT having to "explain" yourself to your kids? Who has the ultimate authority in your home? These days, it certainly doesn't sound like the PARENTS do. |
| nellie bly | Posted – 12/9/2007 4:44:16 PM | show profile no, I don't have kids, so perhaps my opinion will be shot down, too but here goes. Whatever happened to part-time jobs over the summer or after school to save money for expensive toys or clothes? When I was a teen, I worked in my parents business and was paid an hourly wage, which I often spent on ridiculously expensive clothes. Mom was appalled, but hey, it was my money, my luxury. yeah, it's tough if everyone else's kids are getting a (fill in the blank) etc, every other kid feels entitled to having one, too. I know and admire one family who have opted to give very modest gifts to each other, and spend the rest by giving to charities and go out and volunteer. The kids go to a very posh private school btw, where "community service" is part of the program. |
| wineaux | Posted – 12/9/2007 6:10:17 PM | show profile It really can get gross, how much people just hand everything to their kids nowadays. I have to say that in the area where I live, it is really prevailent to give kids whatever they want. My six year old lamented to me last week that he is the "only" kid in his class that doesn't have a cell phone and an Ipod. I laughed at that one, and asked just who he expected to call. He gave me this quizzical, then sheepish look and he said he didn't know. I told him to ask THEM why they have a phone, and who they were calling. Their brokers??? I battle regularly with trying to get my children to understand that they are damn lucky to have what they do and that much of the world lives in poverty, fear and oppresion. They just see what everyone around them has and wonder why they don't have it. It's a struggle, and I often think that an environment like this will do nothing but dull their senses and turn them into the little vapid consumers they spend most of their days with at school. They don't fit in, and I know that stings. In the long run their be better off though, I'm sure. I know why so many parents have trouble saying no. Most families are dual income earners, both working full time stressful jobs, and when they come home, the last thing they want to do is argue with little Jack about cleaning up his room, or whether or not he can get the latest Xbox game. They want to be left alone and have some peace and unwind from their day, so they give in and let the kid have what he wants just to shut him up. On top of that, I notice most of the parents around here shuttle their kids constantly from one activity to another. Very few seem to spend much quality time with their kids. Their weekends are jam-packed w/ sporting activities and such. I just couldn't live that way. I love to take the dog for a hike, head to the city, go skiing, sleep late, have a leisurely breakfast, etc... Call me selfish, but I am not spending my freakin' weekend in a lawnchair on some socker field shouting, "Pick up the pace, junior". Cripes. I go to people's houses around here, and am really stunned by how much stuff they all have. They have so much crap is bulges out of their closets and garages, overflows from laundry baskets and their refridgerators. Thei houses are supersized, their cars are the size of campers and it seems like they can never get enough of anything. It's so weird. It's almost frantic how they live. |
| Nikongirl | Posted – 12/9/2007 6:30:04 PM | show profile It is interesting how consumerism is so heavily promoted that is has become an obsessive addiction, even for young kids. It will be hard not to cave in, especially if your son is such a good kid. I wish you luck with this and the other things you are apt to run into until he is making his own money and buying what he wants for himself. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 12/9/2007 6:46:09 PM | show profile Don't assume I'm an indulgent mother because I'm seriously considering an xBox for my kid. Everyone has their priorities. And almost everyone has their luxuries. Take Jimmy Choo shoes and Coach bags, for example. I love leather -- but the idea of paying $600-$2000 dollars for a single piece of shoe leather repulses me, although that's fine for some. I wouldn't sink $10k-plus a year per kid into private school, although people I know do. My kids have paid for their own college educations -- with very little help from us. Lots of people get their kids a car at 16 or graduation -- we don't do that. I really appreciate the input and I'm looking forward to hearing more people's ideas about materialism and "kids these days." |
| UGoGirl | Posted – 12/9/2007 6:46:46 PM | show profile Before I had kids myself I, too, had all the answers about childrearing. It's hard to say no to your kids for the same reason that it's hard to say no to yourself. I know it's unsustainable to fly across the country every year to see my family, and I know that if the flight cost $1,200 instead of $350 I wouldn't be doing it every year. So I do it, even though I know it's incredibly polluting. So with kids. In our family we don't buy expensive presents and our kids don't watch commercial TV so don't have great wants, but they get incredible joy out of a stuffed animal. True we can get them at a thrift store (which we usually do, primarily to save energy/resources) but at Christmas and Birthdays we get new toys. A few presents at Christmas, usually nothing over $25, but I can see how it would get harder to say no as the kids get older. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 12/9/2007 6:53:23 PM | show profile And by the way, once you have kids you realize that "explaining yourself to your kids" is part of getting away from the old, heavy-handed model of "Children should be seen and not heard" and "because I said so." I reserve the right to have the final word. But I also want my kids to move away from blind and unquestioning obedience to authority -- which, if you ask me, is why a president can tell a country they need to go to war and they all fall over themselves to make it happen, whether it makes sense or not. I think home is a good place to learn respectful debate, persuasion and logic (other than "because all my friends have one" and "because I said so.") |
| writesonwater | Posted – 12/9/2007 6:57:05 PM | show profile Ugo, hang on as long as you can. I remember the days when I could find ost things I needed for my kids and my home at good garage sales. |
| ManhattanMatt | Posted – 12/9/2007 8:12:39 PM | show profile WritesON ... ... one has absolutely NOTHING to do with the other. Bush hoodwinked voting ADULTS, not children. A home is not a democracy, it's a dictatorship. Anything less and you've lost control of your children. |
| ManhattanMatt | Posted – 12/9/2007 8:15:51 PM | show profile And I agree with wineaux ... ... it seems the "stay-at-home" moms have more balls in handling their kids than the so-called "work-outside-the-home" moms ... most likely because they're not carrying around that maternal guilt of dumping little Bobby and Suzie with strangers during the day because she feels she "needs" that second income. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 12/9/2007 8:16:37 PM | show profile Matt -- oddly enough, now you're starting to sound like Dr. James Dobson ... |
| writesonwater | Posted – 12/9/2007 8:23:17 PM | show profile Several patterns emerge the closer your kids get to grownups. They get more expensive. They get more independent. They break away and become autonomous and yes, they start to make their own money. If you think you can parent like a dictator when your kids are 16 and 17, good luck with that. Even if you pull it off, you will be going directly against what you need to do -- which is gradually turning decision making over to them because they need it. |
| wineaux | Posted – 12/9/2007 8:57:15 PM | show profile They get more expensive. They get more independent. They break away and become autonomous and yes, they start to make their own money. If you think you can parent like a dictator when your kids are 16 and 17, good luck with that. Even if you pull it off, you will be going directly against what you need to do -- which is gradually turning decision making over to them because they need it. I often tell my kids that it's not a democracy in our home, but I do try to give them certain decision making powers in their life, and as they grow older, I try to give them more control over their own environment. I know I can be overprotective (I had very non-participatory parents, so that old worry creeps in that I don't want them to ever feel the way I did as a kid) but I can also be flexible and give them choices. I think little indulgences here and there aren't a bad thing with kids, especially when they try hard in school and help around the house. As long as they appreciate it and understand that it is a special priveledge. |
