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Topic: Merry Christmas thread was et by Dilbert
| Author | Message |
| Nikongirl | Posted – 12/22/2007 10:04:20 AM | show profile So I'm back wishing you ALL a VERY Merry, Happy, HO HO HO Holiday... |
| foto | Posted – 12/22/2007 11:14:34 AM | show profile Thank you for reposting Nikongirl. Merry Christmas to you too!!! And thank you for your weekly wit and wisdom. I can't remember entirely what I wrote on the first Merry Christmas thread but Merry Christmas to Janet and thank you for your wonderful and insightful questions which have given us so much pleasure and sense of community. I hope 2008 is your year. Oh and Janet, keep your top on this New Years Eve, ok. Remember, you're famous now. (however if you lose it, wineaux carries a full line of red monkey jeans, kathy ireland t shirts and hoodies on her spam website.) And Merry Christmas to all MBers. Lets hope 2008 is a great year! And wishing a crappy christmas to dilbert. May you find opposum excrement and used kleenexes in your stocking. |
| UGoGirl | Posted – 12/22/2007 8:18:14 PM | show profile I agree, Dilbert's getting out of control and I hope he gets a lump of coal for Christmas. Merry Christmas! |
| pamelabeth | Posted – 12/23/2007 12:11:40 PM | show profile | email poster best of the season... ...and a very happy and fulfilling 2008. i love what this community has become and really appreciate it; and i wish the best for all of you. when my father's wife (i don't call her my stepmother because "mother" is no part of what she is for me) gave me nothing this holiday (i'd asked her for just a nice card)--and gave my boyfriend a gift right in front of me--i felt angry and lousy. but then i remembered that under "worst gift you've ever received," some "random thursday" posters had said "nothing"--and i knew i wasn't alone in dealing with such thoughtless behavior. knowing that helped. i think it always helps to share life's frustrations, confusions, etc. as well as its joys. so thank you guys for your candor and warmth--and again, all the best to you. |
| Janetblueyes | Posted – 12/23/2007 12:41:54 PM | show profile Bundles of love and happy holidays to each and every MB poster. This site is filled with caring, funny, intelligent and thoughtful folks. How lucky we are to have gotten to know one another. You all have made one lonely girl feel a little less lonely and for that I am forever grateful. I love you all and hope that your every wish and desire comes true in 2008. |
| voracious reader | Posted – 12/23/2007 12:45:46 PM | show profile pamelabeth... So you didn't even get a "lousy" "nice" card that you wanted? Stepping into your dad's wife's shoes for a moment, maybe she felt damned if she did or damned if she didn't. Sounds to me like both of you are very conflicted because of past issues. I can definitely relate! But here's the deal, I was watching Suze Orman last night and the topic of the show was about gift giving for the holidays. Talk about "issues!" Anyway, what she said, and I think you have to step back for a moment and remove the emotions for awhile, is that sometimes the best gifts don't involve money. Suze said she has all the money in the world to buy gifts for all the people she cherishes, but she said, sometimes the best gifts are gifts of time. She said she had a friend who needs their garage cleaned. Rather than hire someone, Suze said she was going to physicially help her. She said, this friend was so good to her that by physicially helping her would bring both of them happiness. I'd say, in the New Year, clean the slate. Don't want to do lunch with her on her birthday, then get a gift certificate for a restaurant for her and your dad to enjoy. She's leaving town? Great! If you drive, offer to pick her up or drop her off at the airport. And if your dad's accompanying her, even better! You have to bonus of spending time with him. Hopefully it isn't a schlep, but at least you'll know in that short amount of time that you have to be with her, you'll see him as well. You have to move away from the material gifts. It's just not worth it. Enjoy giving and receiving material gifts from the people whom you truly love. I think you will feel better about yourself when you let go of the material nonsense. And taking a cue from Suze, if your dad needs help around his home, offer your help and, if Madame Lucifer is not there, then imagine how happy you will be spending the time with just him!!! :) Let go of the nonsense and think of the possibilities..... |
| wineaux | Posted – 12/23/2007 4:18:50 PM | show profile I haven't opened a single gift, but the best present I got was spending today with my six year old while everyone else in the family shopped. We strolled around and window shopped, went to gaze at a cherry red fender Straticaster (sp) that he loves at a local music shop, then shared lunch at his favorite deli. He was quite perplexed by the "Thank You" stamped into the wood of the garbage can opening flap. "Why would anybody thank garbage?" he asked me. I got a Christmas card yesterday from the widow of my husband's best friend, who died last month at a very young age after a battle with cancer. I opened the card, and there was a picture of he, his wife and child, from last year. I was completely blown away. It just knocked my emotions out of the park. I have my whole family, happy and healthy here with me, while he spent the last year of his life in horrific pain. He probably would have given anything for another year with his child. Life can be such a luxury. I hope this year I can try and remember every day that I am very fortunate, and can put the pettiness and silliness I sometimes harbor aside and embrace life. OH, and Janet, do visit my Spam site, should you feel the need to flash anyone. Not only do I have a plethora of Red Monkey Jean styles, but I have tops that can detect above a .08 blood alcohol level, and then will lock to the skin until you are sober. Only 19.99. Plus 45.00 shopping and handling. Everyone have a fabulous holiday!!!! |
| foto | Posted – 12/23/2007 8:28:05 PM | show profile Yes, that spam website is www.wineauXXX.com I'm continually impressed at what you can buy online. |
| Bleak Spouse | Posted – 12/25/2007 4:29:51 PM | show profile I need to celebrate Christmas like I need a shotgun blast to the face. |
| crimedog | Posted – 12/25/2007 5:16:43 PM | show profile Ah yes, this is such a lovely day. |
| keltoi2 | Posted – 12/27/2007 12:53:25 PM | show profile Don't let Dick Cheney hear you say that, Bleak. |
| caitlinkelly | Posted – 12/27/2007 2:35:28 PM | show profile What pamelabeth is dealing with here is now new or unique to her, no matter how horrible. The real power play she's continually describing here is that any woman who marries a guy with kids -- of whatever age -- needs to make ROOM gladly and gracefully for those kids to have a decent relationship with their Dad and to try, if she can't "mother" to be a friend. Women who behave this way to their stepkids are a real PITA while Dad often (true here?) has no clue how unhappy his daughter is because she's sucking it up to retain access to her father. It's ugly and passive aggressive not so uncommon. While it's a nice idea to give of yourself and not just "stuff", some of these stepmothers make clear they won't let you buy them a cup of coffee and don't want to spend any time with you. If you can stomach it, I'd suggest you take her aside one day, quietly and just the two of you, to talk out some of the issues, if you can. If she refuses, you tried to be an adult. Happy Holidays -- and 2008 -- to all of us. May Bleak become a little less...bleak. Even if he thinks I'm horrible. :-) May JBE find a fab new guy to keep her...occupied. |
| pamelabeth | Posted – 1/1/2008 1:36:13 PM | show profile a revelation in santa monica hi! so i was away this week and had limited computer time. but on a computer at the santa monica library, i did glance at this thread. and what i thought made me sad, but it was also an interesting revelation. this is the full story of what happened with the gift thing at chanukah; i'll try to be brief. my dad's wife asked me via phone message what i wanted. i responded via email (apologize for that, explaining that i was on tight deadline and couldn't really talk at that moment) that what i wanted the most from her was for her to look for a photo album, commemorating an event from my childhood, that has gone missing in her/my dad's home. i noticed several years ago that it was not on display with the other albums, so asked my dad if i could have it since he was not displaying it; he said yes, but when i looked for it in the house, it was nowhere to be found. maybe it's in storage in the basement; maybe it was permanently lost. no one knows. anyway, i told her that what i really wanted was for that album to be looked for and, i hope, found; and that if she could not find time to look, simply a card would be great. and what she did was, nothing. no attempt to find the album, no card, and no comment at all on what i had asked for. this was hurtful. most of the time, her actions of this kind do not hurt me; but once in a while they still can. my dad asked me, later, if i'd had a good time at the family gathering. i said in general i had, but that this gift thing had gotten to me a little... well. he got very upset and said that his wife is unfairly blamed at every turn, no one understands her, the real issue is simply everyone's lack of acceptance of her, etc....--it was not pretty. i said, quietly, "i'm sorry but there is an issue here that you are not dealing with. i know it's very hard. for all of us. i don't know what else to say." upshot: he alone has been looking for this album, in his basement. she says she is "too busy" to help. but my father has been digging for the album, so far without success. i can't remember him taking such an action before, ever! he has never been the digging in the basement type. i will go to look with him over the weekend. and: sitting in santa monica, i thought, pamelabeth, it's true, you have mentioned this woman rather a lot in the random thursday questions! why is that, since you see her little and don't often speak of her? and i realized: the people who know and love me need me to be ok with all this. they know what's happened--the loss of my mom, my dad's subsequent hasty and destructive choice of new partner--is very sad and painful, but they love me and it hurts them to see that i am hurt. so i laugh about it and make light, in my "real" life. (sometimes this woman is, unintentionally, comical, so i/we can laugh...). but in a situation where no one "needs" me to feel a certain way, i can say, yes, this really does hurt sometimes. sitting in santa monica, i thought, pamelabeth, it's ok that this can hurt, and you don't always have to laugh it off. people will understand. so! wishing you all not only a great year but one of allowing yourselves to express what you actually feel. |
| voracious reader | Posted – 1/1/2008 8:58:44 PM | show profile Pamelabeth...loneliness is a very powerful emotion... Happy New Year! So you must have connected with your father on some level since he's recognized how meaningful and important the album is to you. And, if he doesn't find it before the weekend, you can spend additional time with him. While I'm sure it's not the quality of time you're looking for, at least it's a step. My dad died more than 25 years ago at a fairly young age. Mom dated a guy for more than a decade that was awful towards her and our family. To put it mildly, he was a racist A-hole. It was sad seeing this 53 year old independent, intelligent woman succumb to this miserable man. What made it even harder for me and my sibs is that she chose to spend more time with him and his extended family. His daughter was brilliant! She knew our mom was a nurse and was a great catch for her dad! Mom finally called it quits after he had cheated on her one too many times. Afterwards, she met a lovely man with whom she's enjoyed a stable and warm relationship. My only regret is that they didn't meet while they were younger because he is now 92 and feeble. Family dynamics can be very emotionally charged. But again, you have to let go of the nonsense. My mom missed out on my kids' childhoods and we can't go back. I have found serenity in my life that allows me to forgive my mom for her chosen absense during a time in my life when I needed and wanted her the most. My oldest child required numerous surgeries when he was a child and I gave up begging for her support. That experience has served me well in life and made me extremely independent while extraordinarily helpful to others during their times of need. Like I always say, dealt lemons, make lemonade! Like I said above, Madame Lucifer probably PERCEIVES herself to be damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. Whether it's true or not, that is how she feels and she makes those feelings known to your dad. So there you have it with your dad, he's feeling caught in the "middle." Clearly what it comes down to is that loneliness is a very powerful emotion. Being with her at the end of the day matters most to him. Sadly, you and I cannot begin to appreciate how our parents PERCEIVE what loneliness could be like for themselves. Clearly, they both thought about it and they, as my mom always says, "made their bed and then have to lie in it." In life we all have to make choices. Rather than waste time on feeling hurt, work on finding things that are meaningful to you and then do them. While my mother was absent from my life for a long time, sure it hurt, but I found out things about myself that I probably wouldn't have learned until later in my lifetime. I consider myself richer from having that experience. No one or thing can fill the void of losing a parent. Likewise, we cannot expect the remaining parent to remain the same after they lose their spouse. They have to adapt and so do we. I wish you well Pamelabeth and hope this year brings you good health and much happiness. |
| pamelabeth | Posted – 1/2/2008 2:42:05 AM | show profile yes "While my mother was absent from my life for a long time, sure it hurt, but I found out things about myself that I probably wouldn't have learned until later in my lifetime. I consider myself richer from having that experience." I understand and agree. I feel I am somewhat more perceptive, more resilient, and more independent for my family troubles (and, for that matter, whatever other troubles in life) than I would have been without them. There's truth to that saying, "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." So, this weekend my dad and I will be digging through boxes in his basement, trying to find and salvage something precious and irreplacable from my childhood that he delegated to his wife's care and that she subsequently lost. Talk about symbolism. She has indicated she is far too busy (not clear with what) to help in the search. I hope beyond words that we do find this thing, and soon. But however it goes, his getting into that basement to dig is pretty huge. He is a delegator, not a digger. So, yes, from a painful discussion, he actually "got" something that he generally avoids hearing/seeing/processing. Who knew. Hafta say, it's shaping up to be an interesting year already. : ) |
