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Topic: Discrimination
| Author | Message |
| HisGirlFriday | Posted – 1/4/2008 12:50:53 AM | show profile I know this is far afield of what you began, Hyancinth ... but I can't seem to let this go: dewdoxx: Let me get this straight - your husband has never told you he thinks you're beautiful and you think this is a good thing? Anyone else think that is insane? |
| granitegirl | Posted – 1/4/2008 1:08:33 AM | show profile katestarr makes a good point. The great loooking CAN become ugly if it's such a problem (Charlize Theron in "Monster", Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones, etc.). But it's much harder for a person who is unattractive to "become" attractive. Especially someone with a birthmark, cerebral palsy, missing limbs, alopecia, psoriasis, or just plain bad DNA... My husband better tell me I'm beautiful especially while I'm pushing his ten pound son out of my hoo-hoo. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 1/4/2008 2:03:40 AM | show profile Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and love is a great beautifier ... a "beautiful" person can be made hideous by personality, and a "homely" person can be radiant and appealing because of inner beauty. The other thing to consider is that outer beauty fades. It just does. By the time we're in our 70s, should we be so lucky to live so long, we're almost all of us mere husks of our former glory. So I say cultivate that inner magnetism, sooner the better, regardless of our skin deep qualities. That said, my husband doesn't go on and on about my looks (he'd never dare to dream of being critical, though) but one of the sweetest things he ever told me was that he likes to watch my pretty face while I work. Like I said, the eye of the beholder ... |
| katestarrr | Posted – 1/4/2008 10:51:31 AM | show profile Guiseppina S. postal...so thats what you call it when someone disagrees with you. i actually wasn't bragging about my qualifications, but more my networking skills and using what you got. if the thread weren't malfunctioning you could look at how i suggested to minorities that they use that attribute, even though i'm not one myself. i agree with your perception, but not with the hint you're giving that its harder being attractive than unattractive. |
| neekah18 | Posted – 1/4/2008 11:31:56 AM | show profile katestarr I was with you to a point but then you had to bring up the minority thing. I am a minority and I am wondering how is that an attribute. Being the only black person in an office of about 25 people is not an attribute. In fact this is what I have experienced since I graduated college last year. And I haven't been at just one job either this past year but yet I am either the only one or one of two minorities in the department. Add that with the other 12 of us I see strolling through a company that employs 200+ people forgive me if I am confused about how that is an attribute. It's quite possibly the loneliest thing you can possibly imagine and I experience it everyday. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 1/4/2008 11:39:13 AM | show profile Neekah, I hear you. Do the people in your office treat you differently/poorly? If so, I am VERY sorry to hear that. I think being the only ANYTHING in a crowd is lonely. IN elementary school, my kids experienced being the only Anglos at an all-Hispanic school and they really felt the difference, which was compounded by language barriers. When how you feel apart is combined with other people treating you like you're different, it's not a good feeling. |
| katestarrr | Posted – 1/4/2008 11:39:59 AM | show profile i'm trying not to veer insanely off topic here and ruin the thread... i think it is interesting how everyone views their situation so negatively. whether you're male, female, attractive, unattractive, old, young, minority or not...everyone just seems to be looking for compensation for being born the way they were instead of ways to use these things to their advantage. and there are ways. its too bad that everyone sees their glass as half empty around here. too bad. |
| neekah18 | Posted – 1/4/2008 11:48:52 AM | show profile It's not about trying to be compensated based on something you can't control, it's about people being so judgemental that they treat others poorly or differently. Writesonwater if you count being ignored when you walk into a small room with 3 of your coworkers even when you say "hello" then yes I am treated differently. I still have people that refuse to smile at me or say good morning when I walk in. The sad part is these are young people. I think people in general have just become so rude and vicious verbally and non verbally. When you stare at someone like they have two heads, speaks volumes for your character. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 1/4/2008 12:20:12 PM | show profile I do think general courtesy has gone downhill. It's not the same thing, but when I watched The Devil Wears Prada and how the main character's boss and co-workers treated her initially, I was dismayed to realize even though this was fiction, in real life people get away with such discourteous treatment. Also interesting to see once she starts donning fine feathers, how much better people around her treated her. It just seems to me there are basic rules of decency that shouldn't be bent depending on looks, color, age -- whatever. I interviewed the author of Mean Girls for an article, and also the author of Please Stop Laughing at Me as well, and I will say socially isolating behavior is horrible when used in schools, and just as bad when employed in the workplace. |
| neekah18 | Posted – 1/4/2008 12:49:10 PM | show profile I worked at a fashion publication and interned at fashion houses and pr firms, trust me when I tell you that the Devil Wears Prada is not far from the truth (the book reveals even more truths). |
| dewdoxx | Posted – 1/5/2008 6:27:55 PM | show profile HisGirlFriday: No. My husband has never told me that I was beautiful. And quite frankly, I've always found men who couldn't get past my looks as shallow and not the man that I would have ever dated. I'm more than that, and my husband saw that in me. In my previous post, I was simply demonstrating that being the complete opposite, beautiful, was not all it was cracked up to be. I can't even go to the grocery store without the manager coming out of his office to make sure that I found everything okay. Right. The way I look is not my fault (thanks mom and dad!). I thought that once I got older, I would be rid of this family curse, nothing so far. I'm looking forward to being 70 years old and wrinkly! |
| dribbledrive1 | Posted – 1/5/2008 9:06:49 PM | show profile True. On the other hand, you can scientifically measure what cultures judge attractive (basically, it all comes down to facial symmetry). Time or Newsweek just had a story about some fascinating studies that linked not only success but intelligence with attractiveness. --Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and love is a great beautifier ... a "beautiful" person can be made hideous by personality, and a "homely" person can be radiant and appealing because of inner beauty.-- |
| mindfloss | Posted – 1/5/2008 9:14:47 PM | show profile | email poster Discrimination Interesting how HyancinthGirl in the initial post cites having all her teeth as the ultimate reassurance of her not being THAT ghastly. Well, I recently had major dental surgery. Front tooth out, gone for good. For some time I was unable to have a temp. And now I do have one, as I wait for the permanent implant, but I can choose to wear it or not. You know what? Sometimes I say, frig it, I'm married and don't cheat, I produce at work, my kid thinks I'm goof but still loves me, and I go around with a huge Holland Tunnel-sized gap in my smile. Toothless in the city with more dentists per capita than beauty obsessed Rio, on some days, I feel sheepish and bad about it. I'll hit the bodega not Starbucks for coffee, tail between my legs. (That's figurative, I have no tail.) Other days, I feel like a combination of Mark Messier and JFK. I can walk into Nobu and smile like a hyena. I can convince myself men see it as "don't fck with him" and women see it as if I stepped off a Harley. Granite Girl does NOT have rocks in her head. She is RIGHT ON in this pearl of wisdon: "quit determining your own worth by the way other people see/treat you." Right on. (Sorry I'm into Hendrix this week and with the vicadim fromm the accident am feeling groovy) Bottom line is: It's all about your own attitude. (Full Disclosure: when I do TV interviews, I do put the dreaded flipper back in.) (Second disclosure: I busted my collar bone skiing over Xmas. Encountering my gappy smile and the sling on my dangling shoulder, my wife said, "Andrew, this is no longer funny." So I'm gonna have to start to put the flipper in more.) |
| writesonwater | Posted – 1/5/2008 10:34:33 PM | show profile I have a friend who was born with an unusual heritage: she naturally looks more like Marilyn Monroe than Marilyn Monroe did. She had the face and the brown eyes -- and she was a natural platinum blonde. She's 50 now, and still beautiful, but when she was in her 20s - 40s, the grocery store phenomenon you speak of was her. I'd go with her to the store and the butcher would be hitting on her. Her husband told me that when he first saw her, it was through a store window, and he knew right then that that was the woman God wanted him to marry. I wanted to chuckle and say that everyone that saw her thought pretty much the same thing. As an intelligent woman with a masters degree, she shrugged off the attention and paid it zero mind. It irritated her at some level, but she kept a modest if somewhat gorgeous head on her shoulders. And now her daughter has the same issues. Overall, these two women have had good or at least no negative outcomes from being in the very top eschelons of American good looks. Sure there are hassles, but you won't catch them trying to look dowdy or to slink into the background. |
| granitegirl | Posted – 1/7/2008 6:18:39 PM | show profile katestarr, everyone, it's not about seeing half full or half empty glasses (like my mother always says, "is the glass half full or half empty? Depends on how thirsty I am and/or what's in the glass")--it's about other people making assumptions about people based on their appearances. That's wrong. Period. The overweight shouldn't lose weight, the borthmarked shouldn't have surgery, the blacks shouldn't be told to "act white" and women shouldn't be told to "act more like men". we should all learn to appreciate and accept people for who they are --and how they look. Not impose standards of appearance or behavior or anything else on others. But for the most part people are too stupid to do that. Period. There are people who don't think/act this way. They're hard to find, and usually not the "coolest" or the most "stable" or "normal". They're often not very social and often keep to themselves. But they are out there. You have to find them--or hang with people who are going to accept or reject you based on superficial standards, outward appearances, social status(however you--or rather "they" --define that) and other cliches. |
