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Topic: muņoz, our cat
| Author | Message |
| pamelabeth | Posted – 1/3/2008 9:34:23 PM | show profile well, my boyfriend's cat really. but i have loved him for a long time and have lived with him for several years. he was 17 and frail and ill, and i knew it would happen sometime, but i wanted sometime to be far from now. he was not eating yesterday or this morning. bf took him to the vet this evening. i just called to see how that went, and i found out muņoz is gone. the vet said there was really no way for him to recover, this time, from all his ills put together. they gave him a shot. my boyfriend was there. i missed the whole thing. thank god i pet him before i left the house. i asked him to rally again, as he has many times before. but i guess he couldn't. i am so very sad. don't know what else to say. but i know you guys love your pets too. please send comfort. thanks. |
| HisGirlFriday | Posted – 1/3/2008 9:50:34 PM | show profile Oh I'm so sorry! Poor little kitty! I think the one comfort I've found when I've lost pets is that most of the time we can let them go in a humane way - we can end their suffering. But still, it sucks so freakin' much. I lost my cat this year too - he was hit by a car. I sobbed my eyes out - my husband didn't want me to see him but I had to. I also felt awful because I didn't get to hug and kiss him goodbye. Hang in there - it helped for me just to be sad about it - not let anyone tell me he was "just a cat," (HA! They didn't know him! He was more pirate than cat! :) |
| BurbGrrl | Posted – 1/3/2008 9:53:01 PM | show profile Pamelabeth, I feel for you. It sounds like Munoz was a real fighter (forgive my inability with tildas). If he wasn't eating, I'd imagine he was probably pretty far gone, and starting to let go himself. In that case a peaceful, painless, and dignified death was a true and courageous final gift to him. I'm so sorry for your loss, and also sorry that you weren't able to be with him in his last moments. We lost our cat a little over a year ago, and it was rather sudden too. I remember being really torn up and was grateful that everyone around me was very supportive. (My boss had no quarrel with my taking a day for grieving) If you have people around you who are animal lovers, or knew and loved this cat just as you and your boyfriend did, turn to them. Ask them to let you talk, cry, question, rage, and anything you need to do. Take all the time you need to work through your feelings . . . don't feel rushed to "get over it," or move on to a new pet. It hurts so bad right now, I know. And it should, when someone you love so much leaves. Take comfort in the fact that you loved Munoz deeply, and that you let him know that; even though he was seriously ill, I'm sure that your petting him before you left the house made him feel that much better. With the passing of time you'll still have days where you feel very sad about losing him, but you'll also have a treasure trove of memories that will make you smile. And if you're like me, eventually he'll make cameo appearances in your dreams as if he'd never gone away at all, and that'll be something to smile about too. Okay, I'm signing off before I start tearing up too! Here's a big hug for you. |
| mad fingers | Posted – 1/4/2008 10:15:33 AM | show profile pamelabeth, so sorry. our "bug" was run over two years ago. I was at work. My partner didn't want me to have to deal with seeing him dead, so he buried bug in the back garden. I planted a rose bush for him as a memorial a few days later. 17 is a pretty good run. You and your bf loved muņoz, and that is a blessed life for any pet. Mourn him, miss him and when you are up to it, give another cat (so many strays) the same chance if you can. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 1/4/2008 1:31:16 PM | show profile Sorry for your loss, Pam. I can't imagine losing my beloved dog, who is more human than many humans I know. The idea of planting a rose bush or something like that is a good one. Or you may want to devote a pillow or lap robe some comfort object to his memory. It sounds like the right thing was done for him, and also that you have good memories to remember him by. Those ideas can be a comfort to you. |
| Janetblueyes | Posted – 1/4/2008 2:35:40 PM | show profile Hi Pamelabeth- So sorry about your beloved Munoz. How lucky he was to have had the two of you loving him all these years. The pain of losing a pet is searingly fierce. I still mourn the pets I have lost. It's a grief that is raw and lacks words to describe. Sending you healing light and please know that you are in my prayers. ~JBE~ |
| cori | Posted – 1/4/2008 5:23:40 PM | show profile Pamelabeth, I'm so sorry How sad to lose such a dear and loved pet. I'm sorry, Pamelabeth and send you healing thoughts and prayers. I have a 17 year-old blind cat that is the love of my life, so I get what you are saying completely. Yes, munoz was deeply fortunate to have had your love. But, it's just so hard to accept such a loss -- esp. when it was not expected. Years ago, when another of my wonderful pets passed over, I found myself deeply entrenched in sadness I just could not shake. I called the Bide-a-Wee organization and they had a grief counselor call me. It was an incredibly helpful experience and was free. To have a complete kind and loving stranger acknowledge my loss and pain in such an understanding and heartfelt way helped me to move forward. Take care of yourself and know that the MB community is sending good thoughts to you. |
| pamelabeth | Posted – 1/4/2008 6:30:22 PM | show profile the bink thank you very much, guys. i am sitting now in an overly quiet apartment (working from home today). no muņoz snoring. no sound of floorboards creaking as he walks (cats are supposed to be silent and graceful when they move, yes? muņoz never got that memo and was neither). sucks. sucks. a while back, someone else lost their pet and posted about the sadness; and i tried to express sympathy and support, but my post kept not going through. i don't think it ever did. so, to that person, i was and am so sorry. and i will try again now to say what i wanted to say then. i had my cat binky for 20 years (!). i got him as a child. he was a stray my family took in, but he and i had a special thing going, so he quickly became "mine." he went to college with me. he and i lived alone in a small apartment post-college for a bunch of years. physically and emotionally, our lives were really intertwined. a sweeter and gentler animal than he was will never walk the planet. he died in my arms one morning on our bed, while i was waiting for the vet's office to open so i could take him in. i cried rivers. sometimes, nine years later, i still cry over him. two things helped me. 1) i had a memorial and wrote a eulogy, basically the story of binky's life--the places he lived, his friends (animal and human), his qualities. my friends, bless them, gave the event a good turnout. and 2) i had a dream. binky came to me and "said" (sort of telepathically said): that he missed me but had been told we will be reunited later; that when we die, we're restored to young and healthy bodies, so that's good; and no one is neutered in heaven, so that's good too. really, that's what he conveyed. i woke up almost laughing. who knew that my sweet cat would be so psyched to have his sex life restored?! and i, truly, had not given thought to his sex life--so the dream did really feel like a message from him, not from me. i hope all who are mourning or have mourned pets take some comfort from that dream. who's to say it isn't true? maybe when we die, we get all our pets back; and our healthy bodies and healthy sex lives back, too! my bf had the kind of relationship with muņoz that i did with binky. soul mates! i knew i was not muņoz' main person, but i loved him, and eventually he loved me even though he was daddy's boy. and now, damn this quiet apartment. damn, damn. rest in peace to the extremely sweet-natured and funny muņoz, who remained toddler-like all his life, who deeply loved a good meal (or any meal, any time), who insisted on being in the center of everything always (i riffed on the credit card ad: "muņoz: he's everywhere you want to be"), and whose desire to live (he pulled through serious illnesses quite a few times) was an inspiration. gonna cry again now. thanks for reading. |
| Nikongirl | Posted – 1/4/2008 8:06:22 PM | show profile PB, I share your sadness as so many of us do. Pets are such an important part of life and are as grieved when they pass as family members should be. My last two cats Kitty and Thom passed away at the age of 20 just three months apart even though they were never close, they both died at home in our arms and they are still missed and in my kitchen cupboard along with my beloved dog Happy...I joke with my son that when my husband I pass he can inherit al of us and do what he will with our ashes as long as we are all together. And I am only half joking. It took 22 years for us to be the proud parents of two of the cutest, sweetest litlle Yokie/Bichon/Maltese sister and brother puppies that you have ever seen. I don't know how long it wil take before I get another cat but I love them all. Why I am writing is that what you said about your dream is simply amazing. I live in Toronto, 90 minutes from Buffalo, NY and there is a spiritual community there caled Lily Dale. I am reading a ok about a reporters in-depth, off-season stay in this community and she was told EXACTLY the same thing your cat told you in your dream. I could hardly believe my eyes when I read your post. The spiritualists say that when we pass we revert to aprox. 35 years old andthat our pets will be there etc.... It's an old book I found cheap and wil come back and give you the author later. In the meantime, know that your Binky and munoz know they are loved and missed and are there with you. NG |
| Nikongirl | Posted – 1/4/2008 8:12:14 PM | show profile Please excuse all the errors.... missing letters, spacing issues etc....I am on a laptop and not quite used to it yet. I HATE when that happens. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 1/5/2008 1:27:29 AM | show profile Something that has helped me grieve for humans and animals is to have a mental "happy place" -- a vivid memory of a happy moment with that person. With my grandma, it was the rollaway cot and starchy white sheets and a drink of grape juice from etched glasses, everything clean and cozy, wearing the red wool slippers and flannel pajamas she made me. With my beloved dog from growing up, Bozo, it's me working on my grandpa's boat, Bozo faithfully sitting by me, or running on the beach with him at my side, his long ears flapping in the wind and a daffy grin on his face, as if I made his whole universe by just being me. Those happy-place memories are still vivid and comforting some 35-40 years later. |
| Stanley_Milgram | Posted – 1/5/2008 1:33:05 AM | show profile i would like to alert dilbert that the content of this thread is overly treacly and heartwarming. |
| pamelabeth | Posted – 1/5/2008 1:18:58 PM | show profile hello, stanley and dilbert yeah, i know; but does the fact that my cat told me, in the dream, that he was glad to have his sex life back help at all? nikon, that's fascinating. please do forward info on the book if you find it. i guess i've heard that people who've had near-death experiences have said they saw their pets "on the other side" waiting for them. who knows--but it sure is a comfort to think. even if it's imagination, a hallucination our minds conjure to help us deal with the fear of imminent death, i'll take it. thanks again, guys. writes, bozo is a very cute name for a dog. i will try to keep "happy place" memories in mind. |
| Janetblueyes | Posted – 1/5/2008 2:01:32 PM | show profile Hi PB- How are you doing today? |
| writesonwater | Posted – 1/5/2008 4:20:55 PM | show profile Thanks, PB. Bozo was white with black spots, black ears and a big black patch over one eye. A border collie/cocker mixy mutt, he would pick fights with male dogs 4 times his size. He was quite the dog. |
| Nikongirl | Posted – 1/5/2008 8:03:57 PM | show profile Hi PB, The book is called "Lily Dale" The true story of the town that talks to the dead, by Christine Wicker. Published by Harper San Francisco 2004. ISBN 0 06 008667 X Take good care. Nikongirl |
| pamelabeth | Posted – 1/6/2008 12:26:17 AM | show profile thank you all again and again doing ok i guess. it's easier to be out of the apt. than in it. we just got home, but we were out most of the day. with binky, it was just him and me living together in a small studio apt. for the last 7 or so years of his life; and throughout his life, it was really always him and me: he preferred for me to be within paw's reach if at all possible. so when he died, though my friends certainly understood and were supportive, it was really me going through it mostly alone. this time, it's bf and me mourning, so that's different. in some ways easier. we are laughing together over some memories and crying over others. on the other hand, it's a little hard to have a "supporting character" role when i loved and lived with the cat too. he was my bf's guy mainly, as i've said, and not too many people are asking me how i'm doing. except you guys! our whole home feels different; like there is something horribly wrong; and i don't know when that will change. january is always a rougher month for me anyway. my mom's birthday is monday; the anniversary of her death later in the month; and my own birthday one week after that. so it's a lot. and now this. and the early darkness; and it's sleeting outside...! oy. a lot on my mind. |
| basenji | Posted – 1/7/2008 1:07:20 AM | show profile | email poster Pamelabeth -- I stumbled across this thread tonight (coincidence? I don't believe in them). I am going through the same thing. I had to put my 14-year-old cat to sleep Dec. 29. Like your cat, mine stopped eating (had hyperthyroidism and a couple of other problems), was panting, and had a racing heart the night before I took him in. It was the most difficult decision I ever had to make, but the vet said he was in a lot of pain and was suffering. I've been through a lot of things, but again, I've never agonized over a decision so much or had that set of feelings before. A close friend came to the vet and held my hand as I held my baby for the final minutes of his life. I did not want to watch, but he had been there for me for almost half my life through everything. So it was the least I could do to be there with him in his final moments. I knew he was declining, so I spent a lot of extra time with him in the past three weeks. The night before I took him in, I sat in front of the couch at eye level with him for an hour with my hands on top of his paws. He and I never looked away from each other. It may sound crazy, but there was a lot of communication going on that I can't explain. I buried my nose in the fur on top of his head, wanting to remember his sweet smell. At the time, I had no idea I was going to have to put him to sleep the next day. I just knew that he wasn't well. I could feel that he had given up. The grief I feel is indescribable. He "put me to bed" every night, woke me up every morning, licked my eyelids, nose, and cheek to wake me up, put his paws underneath my chin, curled up in the crook of my arm every night and slept there. Sat next to me every day while I worked (I'm a full-time freelancer and work at home). He was always there every day for 14 years, unconditionally loving me in a way that people just can't sometimes. My cat never disappointed me. So I have allowed myself to cry whenever I need to. I think the pain will diminish in time, but I miss him so much it's like a physical ache inside. What has helped me is looking at old pictures when he was in better health. And I honestly still do believe he's around in spirit and in my heart. One of his tricks that he used to pull to get my attention was pawing the vertical blinds until he had them moving back and forth, making a bunch of racket. Tonight, the blinds moved on their own -- just like they used to when he was batting them around. Other odd things have happened in recent days too. The sound of dishes clanking (I live alone), for one. So I know how crazy this probably sounds, but he really is still around. He's let me know a few times. I take comfort in that. I just want to hold him again. |
| Astera | Posted – 1/7/2008 2:02:45 AM | show profile I am so sorry to hear about your cat, PamelaBeth, and I'm sorry to hear about others' losses, as well. I just found out that my family's beloved Golden retriever probably has bone cancer and may have to be put to sleep. He was limping for a while and we thought it was just arthritis, but an x-ray showed a growth that is probably a tumor. He was doing all right for awhile, but now he seems to be in a lot of pain, and we don't want him to suffer. He lives with my parents in Napa, but I still think of him as my dog, too. At least I got to see him over the Christmas holiday. He is such a good and happy dog, and I will miss him so much. I'm also worried about my mom. He was her constant companion and followed her from room to room and was always at her feet or by her side in the garden. It's so hard to lose a pet, especially when some people think, "Why is she so sad? It's just a dog (or a cat)." I feel very depressed now, and the rainy weather is not helping. Let's all try to focus on the good times with had with our pets. ------ www.adventuresofastera.blogspot.com |
| seeattleme | Posted – 1/7/2008 12:48:47 PM | show profile It's so hard. I went to work (I had a new job and couldn't call in sick) and started crying at my desk. Everyone was really nice and would say to me, throughout the day, "I'm sorry about your cat." I got home and sobbed for hours, just at the thought that she wasn't there anymore. I have to say, I went to the bike path the next week (where people dump cats they don't want) found one, took her to the vet for a checkup and then took her home. It helped. |
| cori | Posted – 1/7/2008 1:36:50 PM | show profile Hi, Pamelabeth I also hope you are doing better, today. To you and the others who have posted sad news about their loved pets, I will be thinking of you, too. PB, I liked the dream you had about Binky. I seem to have similar dreams concerning pets I lost. I truly beieve we are re-united with those we love in the afterlife. I would have thought this was just wishing and hoping a few years ago, but after losing too many loved ones and receiving way too many comforthing signs from them in dreams and during the waking hours, I know it's true. |
| mad fingers | Posted – 1/7/2008 4:05:30 PM | show profile this reminds me Many years ago, I was ill with a very high fever. I was hallucinating. When I stood up, the floor felt like it was made out of sponges. Then my first cat, a large black Tom that walked into my life one day and never left (until he died), came for a visit. Logically, I knew he wasn't "real," but it didn't matter. He sat with me for awhile and I fell asleep, like old times. When I woke up, I started to feel a lot better. Karma, mitzvah... catsvah? I feel like he's always here. |
