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Topic: Passing on the alcohol in professional situations
| Author | Message |
| Jerose | Posted – 1/21/2008 11:23:54 PM | show profile I'm a non-drinker. Been that way for most of my life. It's no one's business, but I don't have an alcoholic parent or a religious custom, among other excuses people have tried to pin on me. I'll sip white wine in some cases, but have a club soda backup (which is usually followed by a snarky comment like "Woooah, jerose is going with the heavy white wine tonight...look out!"). It's no big deal. I have fun and don't shun drinkers. It's a choice. I just say, "No thanks" and offer no other explanation. I laugh off the taunting. I always respond with the smile. The pressure usually comes from my co-workers, who range in age from 20s to 60s. All drinkers. Some raging alcoholics. I can't seem to come up with a good enough response to not drinking. I've lied (medication, it makes me sick, etc.) to the simple "I don't like the taste." Nothing works. I've thought about turning it around and making them feel really bad by saying that I'm in AA, which I'm not. But it would blow my credibility. Any snappy response suggestions? It comes up a lot in my professional situations. |
| Rulebook2 | Posted – 1/21/2008 11:58:01 PM | show profile I'd say "no thanks, I don't really drink", and then leave it at that? If someone can't deal with that, then that's their problem, and the best thing to do is just laugh it off, as you say. There seems to be an underling bitterness, though- you've considered lying about something as serious as AA, but haven't because you're afraid of damaging your credibility? Shouldn't it be because the punishment doesn't fit the crime? Drinking is a prevalent social custom. You run counter to that. People should not give you a hard time for it, but some people are immature. You don't need a snappy comeback, you just need to be comfortable with your choice and let any overly-idiotic chatter roll off your back. |
| jkdscribe | Posted – 1/22/2008 1:41:54 AM | show profile Their problem, not yours I happen to be a drinker, but I don't knock those who choose not to. Keep in mind that if they're the type of people who are going to poke fun they are much more uncomfortable with themselves than they are with your not drinking. Tell the truth, whatever it is, and tell it confidently and succinctly. Leave it at that. Who cares? You certainly shouldn't |
| dribbledrive1 | Posted – 1/22/2008 2:48:52 AM | show profile The issue isn't really that you need a snappy response, but that you need to care less what the heavy drinkers about your disinclination to imbibe. Are you going out to a bar with them after work a lot? Really, that's the only time in my professional life when I ever drank with people. |
| Lula | Posted – 1/22/2008 3:08:29 AM | show profile Former bartender here, and current booze writer. Drinkers who pressure others to drink deserve no mind, in my opinion?there's no excuse for passing judgment on someone for choosing to abstain. I'd agree with previous responses that it sounds like you're too concerned with what others think. Although, I'd also say that in all my years of alcohol (and alcoholic) exposure, the times I come across people who actually pressure others into drinking were in high school. As an adult, I've rarely come across folks who do anything other than raise an eyebrow or even say "good for you." Without knowing a thing about you, is there any chance you're coming off as judgmental when offered? That is, is it possible that folks are sensing a disdain from you, and so getting "in your face" or defensive about it? Either way, I'd recommend a simple "no, thanks." And if they persist or badger, just respond with "yeah, I'm just not a drinker." The more nonchalant you are about out, I suspect, the less pushy they'll be. And if they don't stop, you need to find new people to hang out with. |
| Village Gal | Posted – 1/22/2008 9:17:07 AM | show profile Okay, I abstained from drinking for over 20 years and I never encountered anything like this from friends or colleagues. So I have to wonder why this keeps occurring. Either the people you work with are immature and insensitive, and if so, why hang out with them? Or perhaps you are doing something that makes them tease you? I don't think you should lie. what specific industry is this? just wondering? |
| chucho | Posted – 1/22/2008 10:06:54 AM | show profile "No Thanks, I don't drink, but I don't mind if you do as long as you don't puke on my shoes." (I find humor diffuses things.) What's your problem anyway? That you're surrounded by snarky people who bust your balls all the time? If thats such a bother, find new people to hang with. |
| ConfidentDesigner | Posted – 1/22/2008 11:02:51 AM | show profile chucho hit the nail directly on the head! I loved the "snappy" comeback and suggestion to find others to hang out with. |
| mentat | Posted – 1/22/2008 6:31:49 PM | show profile What I hate is that in this Oprah/Dr. Phil age people automatically assume you're a recovering alcoholic if you don't drink. (Not that there's anything WRONG with that...) I don't drink for health reasons, pure and simple. It's just bad for you and causes premature aging--no thanks. It also makes me feel sick to my stomach (because my body isn't used to it anymore) and that slight fleeting buzz just isn't worth it to me. But I see it in people's eyes any time I'm at a bar and order a soda or juice: "Oh, I just would never have taken HER for an alcoholic. Jeez, ya never know..." Highly stigmatizing. It's really annoying. |
| mkelly | Posted – 1/22/2008 7:38:43 PM | show profile And you call yourself a reporter? Shame! |
| redheadedone | Posted – 1/22/2008 8:42:58 PM | show profile The few times I've been pressured (not really) about having a drink in a work situation, was when attending a show, and the pr person was doing their thing. In the past, if I didn't want alcohol, I'd ask them to get me a diet coke or juice or what have you. Most people in work situations won't or at least shouldn't pressure you to drink, if they do, just smile, make a joke about. it. Sometimes I've told people that I'm only at the Sweet 16 level of drinking and no one knows how to make a great Shirley Temple. Now, if what you're really describing is an after work get together or just a social thing, just smile and say you're not into it. The key is to (a) smile and/or (b) use humor. You can deliver any thing, even bad news with a smile and it somehow makes it more palatable. If you're not a naturally humorous person, stay away from cracking a joke. Just smile, it works every time |
| Jerose | Posted – 1/22/2008 8:46:00 PM | show profile I love the responses! However, for the record, I'm not socializing with co-workers at bars. We host trade shows and associations meetings were alcohol is often a big part of the function. There is a lot of hedonism and indulgence. Parties last until 4 am. We are encouraged to keep up with the boss who drinks like a fish. Co-workers apply the pressure, although show participants are very cool about it. I think the problem is more a lack of maturity than anything else. Somebody has to get the work done when these clowns can't get out of bed after a night of drinking! |
| seeattleme | Posted – 1/22/2008 11:38:44 PM | show profile I have to agree with above poster, I don't drink and it's not been a probelm. Most don't care. Or most assume I'm drinking vodka. I don't clarify cause it's no one's business. I get my own drinks and if someone asks what I'm drinking I say, "Just a Calistoga, thanks." Those who are asked about it , in my situation, usually make a big deal out of it. They call attention to it. They make others feel like they "should" notice it, they "Should" ask about it. And those who don't drink who call attention to it seem to have a superior attitude about it. I'm not saying that's the case with you, jerose, I'm just saying what I've seen. No one cares if I don't drink--usually it's because training and if I do get asked, I say so ("I have a long run tomorrow, or a 10K, blah blah blah"). My inlaws (parents and sisters and brothers)assume anyone not drinking at a family dinner is pregnant (well, if it's a woman who's not drinking, anyway) but no one actually ASKS about it. Ask some close friends if you seem to subconsciously call attention to your choice not to imbibe. If your workplace is debacherous as you say, your disgust is probably coming across in other ways and you might want to look for a new job in a more professional environment (I have no idea of any workplace that doesn't involve alcohol at one time or another, maybe in Utah). That or just order water in glass with a lime, get your own drinks at the bar, and if anyone asks why you're not drinking, say you've got an early morning, or a long run the next day. |
| df | Posted – 1/23/2008 1:09:28 AM | show profile my mom has an alcohol allergy and is drinking apple juice with soda out of a champagne glass for the last 20 years and besides a few people no one ever realizes she hasn't had a drop of alcohol in over two decades. I am not saying you have to hide, but sometimes just not saying is easier. |
| Lula | Posted – 1/25/2008 4:51:45 AM | show profile Ahhh, boozehounds... Okay, so these are pseudo-social functions where there's weird (and stupid, in my opinion) pressure for you to "keep up." Here's what I used to do when I was behind the bar and customers would INSIST on buying me a drink: 1. I'd have a rocks glass filled with soda water, soda or juice and respond: "Thanks, I'm covered!" (with a wink, and they likely won't follow up). 2. Respond with, "Thanks, but I hit it a little too hard yesterday?I'm still recovering." (Warning on this one?they'll probably respond with "you need a little hair of the dog," to which you respond, "thanks, but I'm still coughing up last night's.") 3. "You know what? I'm good, thanks." (they'll get that you don't want to get into it.) Another one you might try is "I don't handle booze so well, and I'd rather not throw up on you...as much as I'd love to." (This one's just for the drunks who are harassing you and must be said with a grain of salt. I could probably come up with a few more if these won't work for ya! But you really do need a sense of humor with these folks. |
| Lula | Posted – 1/25/2008 4:53:53 AM | show profile Another trick with drinkers?and I know tis sounds corny?but if you wink when you respond with a witty retort, you diffuse 99.9% of their crap. |
| rulebook | Posted – 1/25/2008 11:05:27 AM | show profile Why lie about it? |
| Jerose | Posted – 1/25/2008 1:43:15 PM | show profile Because my co-workers know about it, they will often begin the torment before we get to the trade show, meeting, etc. I'll get emails for weeks about how they will attempt to "deflower" my alcohol virgin. I tell you honestly that I don't make it a big deal. It's like I am so young social misfit who needs a makeover, and I am their Queer Eye project. I've decided that the problem is theirs, not mine, but still it makes for a most uncomfortable working environment. On the evening of my original post, the president of my company got up at the mic and offered me $500 if I would get drunk. Laughing it off only goes so far. I'm kicking myself for not getting drunk, collecting the money, then quitting on the spot. |
| rulebook | Posted – 1/25/2008 1:57:14 PM | show profile Quit. With or without the spectacle. If this is truly going on as you describe it, then you need to quit. |
| Mag Girl | Posted – 1/25/2008 2:02:09 PM | show profile Wow, this isn't passing on alcohol in a professional setting. It's passing on alcohol in an UNprofessional setting! I would complain to HR. That sounds like a hostile work environment to me. |
| dribbledrive1 | Posted – 1/25/2008 4:34:31 PM | show profile The situation you describe is mind-boggling. Rather than laughing it off or trying to give snappy responses, I'd be straightforward when someone does something like this. To emails I'd respond with something like, "I know you are trying to be funny, and I don't want to come off as a bad sport, but I am really uncomfortable with all these jokes about my drinking and people's attempts to encourage me to drink, even if you're being humorous. In the future, could you please not bring up that I don't want to drink, even if you're being funny. I would really appreciate it if you would do that for me. Thanks." --Because my co-workers know about it, they will often begin the torment before we get to the trade show, meeting, etc. I'll get emails for weeks about how they will attempt to "deflower" my alcohol virgin. I tell you honestly that I don't make it a big deal. It's like I am so young social misfit who needs a makeover, and I am their Queer Eye project. I've decided that the problem is theirs, not mine, but still it makes for a most uncomfortable working environment. On the evening of my original post, the president of my company got up at the mic and offered me $500 if I would get drunk. Laughing it off only goes so far. I'm kicking myself for not getting drunk, collecting the money, then quitting on the spot.-- |
| salsera | Posted – 1/25/2008 5:01:28 PM | show profile Due to a past medical problem, I'm not allowed to drink. Ever. It's amazing how many people are shocked by this and give me a hard time. However, I've managed to find a great group of friends who aren't big drinkers. I was also lucky enough to find a boyfriend who doesn't care if I can't drink. He will have a beer or mixed drink on rare occasions, but alcohol isn't a big part of his life. |
| Lula | Posted – 1/25/2008 9:08:30 PM | show profile Wow. No idea it was that bad! Yeah, at that point it's time to call them out. I think I'd just turn the tables and make THEM do the justifying: - Why, exactly, are you so concerned about what I drink? - Do you realize how unprofessional it is to insist that I get drunk? Sounds like you need to start drawing a line. |
| WritingSoul | Posted – 1/25/2008 11:42:29 PM | show profile I'm surprised. I work in a field where there is lots of social interaction and so a lot of drinking and there are plenty of people who don't drink - at all. It's never a problem and they just have a glass of water in their hands instead of wine. |
| Printingman | Posted – 1/26/2008 8:56:05 AM | show profile | email poster I've been in all kinds of working and social situations over the past 20 years including trade shows as well as a multitude of international situations in Russia and Central Asia where alcohol is infused into the culture and I have never been pressured to drink when I didn't want to. I do drink socially when I want to but even in Russia where there could be a whole evening of vodka and toasts that lasts until 6:00 AM, I have never been pressured to drink when I didn't want to which leads me to believe that all this is some kind of preconceived notion in your mind or you really need to find other people to hand with. Honestly I find your situation very odd. |
