| Back to Home > Bulletin Board > Media Issues > Topic: serial harassment |
Topic: serial harassment
| Author | Message |
| popa_licious | Posted – 4/17/2008 5:38:03 PM | show profile | email poster One of our higher-ups is a serial harasser. And by that I mean, this person finds your distinguishing characteristic and makes jokes about it. Whether it's your age, your sex, your religion, your class, marital status, etc. - this person finds a way to make crummy jokes about it that belittle you and constantly remind you who's in charge. In a ways I think it's worse than someone who is just a sexist or a racial bigot or something - because this person doesn't treat all of sex A poorly, or all of race B. ... Does anyone know what we can do about this? It has been directed to me but less so than other people. But then I care about my cow-orkers. |
| scribechick | Posted – 4/18/2008 11:08:36 AM | show profile | email poster Sounds like a spin-off of being harrassed via emails...Big bully who is prob insecure, jealous, wants attention, not happy, unbalanced. If you can't get The Dog Whisperer to pay you guys a visit... You can ignore or confront. Both strategies can work. Or not. If not is there someone even higher up? If so, this tactic can work or backfire. Nobody likes a snitch. Sort of like being in prison. Personally, I feel confrontation if fair and just is the way to go. But sometimes it only makes matters worse. See advice for harrassed via emails. |
| WordyBird | Posted – 4/18/2008 2:00:57 PM | show profile It doesn't matter if it's a different issue depending on the person. All of the things you've mentioned are inappropriate to discuss at the workplace and are subject to the laws that govern workplace harassment--which is illegal. Your higher-up is creating a hostile work environment, and I would document every instance of it from this point forward and take it to your human resources department. It's up to your co-workers to speak for themselves, but if you hear this person ragging on them about a characteristic that also includes you (gender, race, etc.), you have grounds to report it--not for offending the other person, but for the hostile work environment it creates for you. Harassment is harassment. |
| WordyBird | Posted – 4/18/2008 2:05:38 PM | show profile Oh, yes. You can say, bluntly, to the person that you do not appreciate having your gender or race disparaged. In fact, you should, and document it so that the jerk can't say, "Well, I didn't know it offended you. If I had known I would not have said it." Also, to heck with anyone who considers you a "snitch." Grab a copy of your company handbook and be prepared. Any company worth its salt has policies governing this--specifically to handle jerks like that one so they can discipline accordingly and try to avoid a lawsuit. Honestly, it's pretty revolting that this still goes on in this day and age. Not surprising, but definitely revolting. |
| scribechick | Posted – 4/18/2008 2:47:10 PM | show profile | email poster Also, to heck with anyone who considers you a "snitch." You're right but that doesn't mean by going to a higher up and creating more waves that it will stop a tsunami of more problems. It could have a boomerang effect. Again, look what happens to kids at school when they "tattle." In a perfect world, yeah, that's the way to go. But there may be uncomfortable consequences just like when I did the confront thing. |
| scribechick | Posted – 4/18/2008 2:49:07 PM | show profile The individual may win the war but will have to go through some battles. Remember the film North Country when the heroine went to a higher up whom she thought she could trust? And, I believe, this film is based on a true story. And Silkwood... |
| WordyBird | Posted – 4/18/2008 7:02:27 PM | show profile So your suggestion is...to let it continue? Sorry, but that is doing everyone a disservice. |
| scribechick | Posted – 4/19/2008 3:24:05 PM | show profile WordyBird, No, I am not saying let it continue. Look at what I did regarding harrassed via emails/websites. Folks on this board told me to ignore/delet and I ended up in a big catfight online. I do feel it cleared the air -- but that's not to say my foes won't resurrect - again. I'm just noting that when you go to a higher up to be ready for a battle (or more) before you win your cause. I am one of the first to fight back if something irks me --and often my efforts work in my favor (i.e., pit bull/owner bullying me...we won the fight but it took 3 months of stress to the max before the kid and his dog were evicted). The bottom line: Yes, this behavior should not be ignored but popa_licious should be ready for consequences before the war is won. |
| frankhotdogs | Posted – 4/20/2008 10:30:49 AM | show profile | email poster I had the same thing happen and said something about it. I wonder if my getting laid (layed?) off soon after that was coincidental. The guy moved on to another publishe. I would like to think that he got some counseling and learned not to do that to people... or that if he did, enough people would have the courage to say something about it. It kinda sucks for all involved. There's no joy in being harrassed, but then you've got to be pretty unhappy to belittle people based on whatever you can think of (height? age? how much money you have? etc.) either. Control freaks are bad enough to work for but you don't have to make people miserable just to assure your place in the "pecking order". |
| WordyBird | Posted – 4/20/2008 6:14:02 PM | show profile Gotcha, ScribeChick. I think the biggest issue in this particular case is that the staff has let it go on for so long. A long time ago, I once overheard a male employee say something out of line to a female employee. She looked him right in the eye and said, "Sorry, I don't go for sexual harassment." Then she turned and walked away. He glared at her back, and then looked at me. I just raised my eyebrow. He never did it again. The catch is that she was a fairly new employee. I think stuff like this should be nipped in the bud as soon as it happens. Once it is allowed to go on, it becomes entrenched behavior and not only harder to fight, but harder to change. Bless Judith Martin (Miss Manners), for there are all kinds of ways to confront that will shame the person without causing too much of an unholy stink. I prefer the tactic of making the person repeat himself enough so that the point gets across and he embarrasses himself in the process. "Excuse me? What was that?" then "I'm not sure I know what you mean. Did you just say '[offensive thing]?'" Finally, "I beg your pardon?" Usually by then the person turns red for knowing that you know that he knows that you know he's out of line. |
| scribechick | Posted – 4/20/2008 7:00:43 PM | show profile I think stuff like this should be nipped in the bud as soon as it happens. -- WordyBird Yes, yes, yes -- if at all possible. I frequent some work-related sites and I have been lucky enough to be able to do this on occasion... One time a scientist tried to belittle me on an interactive work-related website. He tried to tell the world that I can't write. Well, his poorly written message was a perfect target. Rather than take his snipes to heart I tackled his weak intro, lack of transistions, poor grammar, missing punch at the end of his message...Guess what? He was gone--MIA--like the wicked witch in The Wizard of Oz. But every circumstance is different. Sort of like being raped. Some women can fight back quick and it's a done deal. Others must submit to save their lives. Thus, both tactics result in survivors. In other words, it's a cruel world out there. Your Plan A can work. But if it doesn't have Plan B...Again, see North Country...Yes, you can win the war but there is a price to pay. |
| Suet | Posted – 4/22/2008 11:04:38 AM | show profile The only thing I would say about this is that a passive-aggressive response that some have recommended seems like not such a great idea, because often the harassment is couched in that type of terms. That might only encourage the harasser, especially if they are into battles of words, which lots of people in media fields are. Sometimes I just plain ignore what the person is saying, and the very fact that the person is saying something. Hmm but maybe that's passive aggressive too. |
| caitlinkelly | Posted – 4/22/2008 11:17:25 AM | show profile A "hostile work environment" offers employers a fascinating loophole...if it is *only* you being harassed, you've got a case. If the abuse is widespread, it is not actionable -- this, described by the head of of the EEOC a few years ago. Has the law changed? The delicious irony is that as long as the abuse is equally distributed -- as it sound it is -- no one has an individual case. |
| PluckyPane | Posted – 4/22/2008 11:57:30 AM | show profile being a whistelblower can be cathartic but it's not without its caveats. i agree with a lot of what the other posters said. addressing it as it happens is really the best way to handle it. documenting when it happens is imperative too. hr can be effective so get them involved. i recommend keeping it personal and telling hr directly how it makes you feel instead of saying "he does this and that and he's wrong!!" the person may be spoken to, so be prepared for hard feelings and immature behavior from him after the talk. that alone (how he acts afterwards) says a lot about the person. i'm actually in a similar situation right now but i've never been humiliated. my twist is my boss is the president's best friend from like birth and the hr woman is my boss's wife. my boss is uber sensitive and will easily belittle anyone who crosses his path in a meeting or tries to speak up about some bonehead thing he doing. a coworker accidentally caught him in a lie during a meeting and he ripped into her so bad that she packed up her stuff and left after the meeting. |
| popa_licious | Posted – 4/22/2008 12:35:05 PM | show profile Plucky, Paranoia keeps me from saying too much, but - I have the same type of situation, where someone in HR who's in a position to do something about it has a relationship with the harasser that makes me less than confident that this would be treated objectively and that I wouldn't face some kind of vindictive reprisal. Maybe that's why the harasser knows he/she can get away with it. |
| scribechick | Posted – 4/23/2008 5:24:06 PM | show profile | email poster Paranoia keeps me from saying too much, but - Popa No, no, no. You cannot live in fear. Again, I am going to go back to the pit bull/irresponsible owner who harrassed people in my neighborhood.. Nobody would stand up to him -- but me... The bottom line: sometimes you should confront bullies head on, whether it's on the homefront or in the workplace. Ignoring can work sometimes but it often doesn't work if a bully is on a mission. And just putting up with it can wreak havoc on your body and spirit. Now, it takes a lot of hard work, patience and persistence to go to the higher ups and to defend yourself--but yes it is worth it. Of course it was stressful. But somebody has to fight the bullies in the world. Often, they will not go away until you go to the mattresses. Just remembered I had a nasty editor at a national women's mag...(We worked via phone...still it was a weekly column so we were in tough a lot.) She bullied me, demeaned me, and drove me to tears. One day, I had had enough. So, I lashed out big time and expressed my feelings about her too bold behavior and guess what? She backed off from that day on. (It does take a lot of bull---- for me to fight back but I will do it if my gut instinct tells me there is no other option.) Just be ready to deal with some of the potential consequences. Overall, you'll be a stronger person for it. And there is a good chance it will all work out in your favor. If not, it wasn't meant to be. |
