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Topic: I Just Got Hit On. Advice please?
| Author | Message |
| Janetblueyes | Posted – 5/15/2008 1:01:17 PM | show profile | email poster At the risk of sounding yet again like a high school girl, I am turning to my beloved OT friends for advice. I am very new to the dating game and don't trust my judgement sometimes. I was just asked out by a total stranger while filling up at the gas station. He was at the next pump and started small talk. He said he liked my shoes ($7 plastic clogs bought at K-Mart), and said I had the bluest eyes he had ever seen. (Kind of cheesy). He noticed my two dogs in the car, which gave him the opportunity to come over and talk. At the site of a friendly face, one of the dogs pops a huge boner and is sitting there with his junk hanging out while we pretend not to notice. We chatted for a minute and he said, "I never do this, but would you like to join me later for a drink," and handed me his business card. I said sure, made some awkward small talk and got ready to leave. He followed me out of the gas station and caught up with me at the stop light. He rolled down his window and shouted over, "I really mean it. Please give me a call later. I'd love to meet for a drink." JBE is in a quandry. I'm so out of the dating loop. Do people really meet others in this fashion? Think he drove up the road and hit on the next girl at 7-Eleven? He seemed like a nice man, is attractive, has a viable business, (I Googled it), and I didn't get a creepy vibe from him. I'm on ambulance duty so I can't meet tonight, but I think I owe him the courtesy of calling and telling him that. Apologies in advance for sounding like a babe in the woods, but I kind of am at this point. Any and all words of advice appreciated. |
| wineaux | Posted – 5/15/2008 1:17:04 PM | show profile Ah, JBE...I think you are an intuitive sort. Getting no bad vibe from him is a good sign, and I think you were smart to check up on his business. The big question is, are you attracted to him? Was there some sort of connection in the short time you spoke? Did you find him hot? If you did have an attraction, you might regret not at least trying to get to know more about him. There's no reason for you to just jump right into meeting a stranger out for a drink. I think you have the right to be honest with him and say that you aren't accustomed to dating people you met while being robbed at the pump, so why not chat on the phone for a little while? Or, perhaps instead of meeting up at a bar, meet up at a coffee shop or a cafe...somewhere neutral, where you feel comfortable with lots of people around. If things go the wrong way, it won't be quite so uncomfortable for you to make an exit. Maybe have a friend give your cellphone a ring-a-ling about 45 mins. into the conversation w/ him, and if things are going badly, you can say you have some sort of emergency, or your dog puked, etc.... |
| seeattleme | Posted – 5/15/2008 1:27:13 PM | show profile I don't see the harm in a drink, in a public place. |
| observer | Posted – 5/15/2008 2:13:40 PM | show profile call him. if you don't, you'll always wonder what it could have been. but, be careful and meet him in a public place and have an exit strategy if you need it. good luck and have fun! |
| df | Posted – 5/15/2008 2:56:31 PM | show profile just go for it, have fun and don't give him your phone # if you don't like him after the drink. the worst thing that could happen? you got a free drink and had to listen to some idiot. |
| cori | Posted – 5/15/2008 3:15:18 PM | show profile My take Ah, Janet. I don't even have time to answer the Random Questions, but had to make time for this one post. You should trust your gut, but just be sure of things and meet him for lunch one day instead of for a drink. I think you sound vulnerable after the divorce and I always think lunch is a great first date because you can always get out of it quickly, if you like, by having other things to tend to. If he works, he must take lunch, right? Just the fact that you are asking us makes me say, go for lunch, not drinks. See how that goes. I do like the suggestion to not give your phone number, too. Glad you googled the biz, btw. It's good to know it is viable. I'm from the school of thought that says be careful. I also think some guys have good enough radar to pick up when a woman is feeling lonely, so just be careful. And, of course, fill us in. Good luck. |
| GrOoVaL!c!OuS | Posted – 5/15/2008 3:25:44 PM | show profile JBE, the question isn't whether or not you should call him. It's when? I say wait two days. Then call to say you've been a little busy with work but that you'd love to have coffee or lunch. Do something during the daytime. You should definitely go for this. BTW, whatever happened to the Irish dude? |
| Louisewasnothalfbad | Posted – 5/15/2008 3:43:13 PM | show profile What if he did drive up the road and met a woman at the 7-11? So what? What do you have to lose, other than a 1/2 hour of your day? Meet for coffee--it's harder to slip a roofie into a Starbucks cup. |
| Mag Girl | Posted – 5/15/2008 3:45:37 PM | show profile I agree- wait a few days, and then call and say you can meet for lunch the next week. If you find him attractive- why not? There is no "right" way to meet a person - go for it! Just go with no expectations, and I am sure you will have a lovely time. At worst, you might make a friend or have a really good story to tell. |
| hawkmail | Posted – 5/15/2008 5:14:33 PM | show profile JBE has been around here for a long time and is just getting out of a marriage, so her question is legitimate. It's natural to have dating anxiety and sometimes easier to ask for an unbiased opinion from the friendly strangers here. NP, why don't you just STFU once and for all? Seriously. People who are not working or aspiring to work in media have no reason to be here in the first place. |
| voracious reader | Posted – 5/15/2008 5:35:07 PM | show profile JBE -- Don't be gun shy! More than 25 years ago, my friend and her friend, who was doing the driving, were stopped at a traffic light when her friend started talking to the guy in the car stopped next to them. As he tipped his head, my friend caught sight of his friend and the next thing you know the four of them met up at a diner, right down the road. My friend is happily married to the guy now. I guess, you're a little like my friend who's presently going through a divorce and isn't quite sure of how to go about meeting suitable companions. She would be so happy if someone introduced her to someone really nice. I really wish that was possible, but I think, like others have said, you have to trust your gut and decide for yourself if it's worth an hour of your time to meet someone who seems geniune. Good luck! |
| robbo | Posted – 5/15/2008 6:05:36 PM | show profile What an unnecessary and rude reply, notprivileged. On the plus side, it set to rest any doubts I had about your motives for posting here and your (online, at least) personality. As for Janet, I'd say if you found him nice and attractive, give it a shot. And points for playing it cool with the dog's junk hanging out. |
| Katie | Posted – 5/15/2008 6:32:21 PM | show profile | email poster Janet, Go for it, you may just end up with a great new friend. Meet in public and...don't leave your drink on the bar or table when going to the ladies room! (the mom in me) |
| Righter | Posted – 5/15/2008 6:53:05 PM | show profile I think the easiest way to get everyone on your bad side in the OT section is to go and be mean to Janet of all people...but I digress... I agree with what some of the posters said about making it a lunch date and seeing how it goes. I don't think there's any rule as to where to meet a person. You can be at a super fancy gala and the guy can still be a jerk, or you can just be getting gas like two normal people. What matters most is how the person approaches you and what your gut instinct is about them. Have fun, go with few expectations and enjoy the excitement and freedom of meeting new people! |
| Janetblueyes | Posted – 5/15/2008 7:07:46 PM | show profile Thank you all for your kind replies. I did not make this scenario up, as one poster implied. I'm new to this whole dating thing and honestly do not know if this is how people meet these days. I'm cautious because I have a man who has been stalking me for about a month, and don't want to get involved with another stalker. Yes I am vulnerable right now. I will wait a few days to call, meet for lunch and if all goes well, perhaps give him my number. Thank you for the sage advice. And, I've really wanted to say this for a long time, but Not Priveledged, you really are a nasty little wanker. |
| Homer | Posted – 5/15/2008 7:34:04 PM | show profile What about the Irish guy??!! Are you going to leave everyone hanging about the outcome of this sitch like you did that one? FWIW, I agree with the others who said coffee or lunch; easier to get away from if necessary. Better yet, though, have a fairly lengthy chat on the phone first to get a better feel of his personality. Proceed with caution... |
| Janetblueyes | Posted – 5/15/2008 7:45:04 PM | show profile I still work for Irish dude and still have a raging thing for him, but despite my best efforts he seems only interested in playing games. I invited to make him dinner one evening; his schedule was packed so he wasn't able to come over and I didn't pursue it further. I called him one Saturday and asked him to go to a movie Sunday evening, but he had clients out on Sunday and couldn't make it. He said how about some other time, but again, I have dropped it. I've made two overtures with little results. He knows I'm interested but apparently isn't interested back. Oh well. |
| Bleak Spouse | Posted – 5/15/2008 8:37:35 PM | show profile I'm prolly in the minority in saying it's kinda creepy to approach a stranger at a gas station. |
| northcoastlife | Posted – 5/15/2008 8:56:02 PM | show profile JBE, glad to see you're noticing that it's worth doing the things you feel like doing;) Your instincts and common sense seem to be guiding you with enough accuracy about people;) |
| pamelabeth | Posted – 5/15/2008 9:00:12 PM | show profile i'm with groove call him. yes to the ideas given--public place, during the day, best not to be drinking, etc.; but i say call. i met my bf on the subway platform. that was years ago, and here we still are...! |
| foto | Posted – 5/15/2008 9:29:33 PM | show profile Oh, go for it Janet. But please be careful. |
| HisGirlFriday | Posted – 5/15/2008 9:35:47 PM | show profile Why not find love/lust at the pump? I would call him in a day or so and suggest coffee as well. Lunch could get tricky if he's a jerk and you're roped into a long meal. If you're really feeling skittish, arrange for a girlfriend to call your cell about a half hour into it - if he's a creep you can fake an emergency and bail. Sorry to hear about the Irishman - though it sounds like he enjoyed flirting that's all. And NP - that was totally uncalled for. |
| wineaux | Posted – 5/15/2008 9:37:30 PM | show profile Janet...please let us know what you decide. There are those of us on here (many, I am sure) who know you are genuine and care about you. NP...what the hell? You have truly gone to a dark place. I think you need to move on. You aren't enjoying your time here anymore, and it's really embarrasing how mean spirited you hav gotten. I know the news troll suck, but why be so nasty to people you don't even know? You say you have this great, happy, positive life, why waste your energy around people you don't like? It's just strange, really. |
| caitlinkelly | Posted – 5/16/2008 1:11:01 AM | show profile I'm with Bleak Spouse on this one, even if in the minority. Having had a few very bad experiences, I would now err on the side of caution. People meet one another in all sorts of ways but I am leery of people with whom you have no common acquaintances to fact-check him and his character. Go out in daylight but be really careful how much personal detail you share-- it's precisely when people *are* vulnerable and new to the dating scene (i.e. not sure how much info is TMI) they can make a poor choice from good motives. Not to cast aspersions on you, but a protective POV from someone who used to be a lot more trusting in these situations. |
| voracious reader | Posted – 5/16/2008 10:00:19 AM | show profile JBE - Okay, so caitlinkelly and bleak think otherwise... Maybe you ought to get the book, "How to Meet a Man as Smart as You" written by a dear friend of mine, Sandee Brawarsky. I always thought it was funny that she wrote the book, while she was still single! She appeared on Oprah, years ago, when a person chose to read her book and followed up with Oprah a month later with the results. Sandee's premise is that you do activites that you enjoy and will meet other people who share common interests. During the last five years, four of my nieces and nephews married. Three met their spouses on the internet, and the last met his wife on a plane. While none followed Sandy's rules, I will have to say, that my nephew, who met his wife on the plane had noticed that his future wife was carrying a backpack that was almost exclusively used by hikers, which my nephew is. When he saw her, and then the backpack, he knew this was the woman of his dreams! Suffice to say, they left the plane together and have been inseparable since. In a perfect world it would be so nice if we could introduce people to one another. But I guess, if we interviewed 100 couples on how they met, I'm sure plenty would say it was simply "fate" that brought them together. JBE, do the gut test. |
