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Topic: Should I have Kid #2?
| Author | Message |
| writesonwater | Posted – 5/22/2008 2:56:58 AM | show profile Here's an idea for a gut-check exercise. If you went to your doctor tomorrow and he said "congratulations, you're three months pregnant," what would your reaction be? What goes through your mind? I had a scare when my second son, a preemie was just 3 months old. My doctor told me it looked like I was pregnant. I actually cried, wondering how I would manage and thinkng how unfair that seemed to the other 2 kids, especially the preemie born one. Eight tortured days later, I found out I wasn't pregnant, and I felt relieved beyond words. So if the answer to gut-check question is "Dazed, delighted, excited, ready to shop for "I'm the Big Brother" T-shirts for your oldest, then that says something, doesn't it? |
| HisGirlFriday | Posted – 5/22/2008 10:22:51 AM | show profile thanks again all. wow; that is such a sweet story about your middle son! |
| HisGirlFriday | Posted – 5/22/2008 11:51:58 AM | show profile Wow; Ha! Well, with the last three months being the way they were ... -if I found out I was pregnant I'd think: Immaculate conception!! My husband would think I was boffing the UPS guy. But seriously - that's a really, really good point. I'll have to contemplate that .... I think .... I think I'd be terrified. But excited. Then I'd go throw up. |
| ubitiq | Posted – 6/9/2008 8:06:42 AM | show profile | email poster Why have kids when you can have dogs? Besides, the world is in no more need of humanoids. |
| Canadiana | Posted – 6/9/2008 10:30:15 AM | show profile I have two young children: one is almost five-years-old and the other is almost two-years-old. At first it was TOUGH. The older child is extremely energetic, needs a lot of attention and is fun=loving and adventurous. He was not amused by my pregnancy or the arrival of newbie sister. We had a very hard time for the first year or so making sure Older Brother did not hit or maim Younger Sister and keeping them (and us) sane and happy. It's only now (really in the last couple of months) where the kids get along well and seem to be happy playing together and doing their own thing (with supervision). It's a big journey (as you know) but I would say, in the end, I'm very happy we decided to have a second child. You may be interested in this article about deciding whether to have another entitled The Tipping Point. http://www.parentscanada.com/relating/articles.aspx?listingid=231 |
| Grateful Deadline | Posted – 6/9/2008 12:11:57 PM | show profile My thought is that if you have to ask for advice from complete strangers on a Web BBS, don't do it. |
| WordyBird | Posted – 6/9/2008 6:32:23 PM | show profile Six billion people on the planet is already an unsustainable number. Why not adopt? |
| writesonwater | Posted – 6/9/2008 9:48:30 PM | show profile | email poster I agree that adoption is a great option -- but you can look at it the other way: with so many people vying for a dwindling number of infants, why keep one from someone who can't have one of their own? There are older adoptable children who need homes, but that's not always the best option either. I don't think asking advice on this site means you're not ready to make the leap. I think it means you're genuinely curious about what others would think or do in your shoes. That may just show empathy or broadmindedness -- not such bad characteristics. And terrified, excited and nauseous -- that's the near-universal response to a wanted pregnancy. There's even a word to describe it: exciterrifiseous. I made that up. The most important person to mesh with on this is your husband, but as da mama, you need to be the most comfortable with it, IMO. buone pregnate! ------ http://writingporch.blogspot.com/ http://jlouiselarson.blogspot.com/ http://familyrootsandwings.blogspot.com/ |
| nandy | Posted – 6/12/2008 2:31:57 PM | show profile I was 35 when I had my first and 40-1/2 when I had my second. Most of those pros and cons wouldn't matter to me, but I would be concerned about the shakiness/stability of the marriage. Of course, I'm looking at it from my perspective of being divorced when I was 45. Prepare for the worst, is my motto. Unless you are capable of raising two children both physically and financially on your own, I'd say skip the second child. It will only put more pressure on your marriage. |
| Canadiana | Posted – 6/12/2008 2:41:38 PM | show profile Check out this story in the Star; relevant to the topic at hand. http://www.thestar.com/living/article/441338 |
| HisGirlFriday | Posted – 6/12/2008 4:43:30 PM | show profile Canadiana; What a fascinating book! Thanks for mentioning it. I do like the idea of more people being able to say - yes I love my children but there are times when I don't like my life. I'm back on the "no more kids" side again. I think that my reasons for wanting a child have more to do with selfish things than the actual reality of bringing another human being into the world. wordy: While I would absolutely consider adoption if I was infertile, a big part of my drive to have a kid is the whole genetic/pregnancy thing. I have considered that perhaps, in a few years, exploring having foster kids. wow; you're right the mesh with the husband thing is the key - and on that end I am very lucky. The husband would pretty much support any decision I make, which kind of takes off a level of pressure. nandy; it's funny - no woman says "oh, yeah, I'm probably going to get divorced." I think I worry less about divorce than the slow, quiet death of our marriage through neglect - like we'd still be together, but our relationship would be such a shell of what it once was. I think it might just be ok to say that a small part of me will always mourn not having another, but that in the end its the best decision for everyone. |
| Ronasaurus Rex | Posted – 6/12/2008 11:06:49 PM | show profile Have you ever heard someone use the phrase "only child" in a manner that wasn't an insult or excuse for negative behavior? That said, the simple fact that you're asking probably means you shouldn't. 80% certain, 20% doubtful? That's normal. 50-50 in my book is a red flag. Have you considered adoption? For a fee you can skip the baby stage that you seem to abhor, get the gender you want, and ease some marital tension because there's no genetics to blame when the kid acts a certain way! |
