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Topic: bye
| Author | Message |
| sue ellen mischke | Posted – 5/23/2008 4:56:27 PM | show profile how do you say goodbye to someone you don't hate but would rather not talk with anymore? do you just ignore the person? pretend to not have time for them anymore? tell them you don't like them anymore? also...was the blond or brown hair better? |
| caitlinkelly | Posted – 5/23/2008 5:54:39 PM | show profile When you never have time to talk or email and/or you never get around to replying to theirs and if they call you sound SO surprised they're still calling you, most people will feel it and give up. The truth might be a lot better but people never seem to have the guts to do it. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 5/24/2008 3:17:55 AM | show profile blond, IMO. Blond hair and brown eyes is a great combination. Agree with Caitlin on people getting the message. Even though it makes them angry when you drift away, benign neglect doesn't make people nearly as mad as telling them the reason you've chosen to put a distance between you. Even if you say "I just don't want to be friends with you any more," the next question on their part will be "Why the hell not?" At that point, if you're still telling the truth, you'll REALLY piss em off because almost inevitably it's hard to phrase it "You're not the problem -- I just can't blablabla." The real rock-bottom truth is usually they're the problem. "You're too clingy. You're too (fill in the blank)." Taking the prevailing winds and sailing away is best, I think. |
| beenthere | Posted – 5/24/2008 1:44:20 PM | show profile I am having difficulty with this also, and acting completely disinterested is not working. Our friendship ended two years ago--we had a falling out where she was unbelievably rude and disrespectful and I stopped calling her/spending time with her at that point. She understood, at the time, that I was not interested in continuing the friendship. I occasionally see this woman and her husband, as we are in the same gaming league. She ALWAYS acts as if we are great friends (thank god I changed my phone number). I saw her out last night and she actually was about to invite me to do something with her this Sunday. I am never rude, most times I am polite and simply try to limit talking with her, but she does not get the message. If she sees my fiance she'll ask him about me and about mutual friends that she and I had together two years ago (before he and I ever met). She actually told him last week that she wanted to go shopping with me. Hello!?!?! What planet are you on? Some people just do not get it. You'd think after TWO YEARS she'd get over it. |
| WordyBird | Posted – 5/24/2008 4:52:44 PM | show profile BeenThere, is there any chance she might just be acting polite? There are a few folks I've distanced myself from, but if I run into their spouses or mutual friends, I'm careful not to be rude or dismissive. I can see how some folks may give the friendship equivalent of "I'll call you" and overcompensate by gushing or mentioning making specific plans. It's just a face-saving thing. I've done it myself if there's an awkward silence. (Now I just say, "Well, nice running into you. Gotta go. Take care." Getting frosty in my old age...) |
| beenthere | Posted – 5/24/2008 7:48:46 PM | show profile I am not in any way misunderstanding her actions. She just doesn't get it. She told my fiance last week that she can't wait to find out what the sex of my baby is so she can take me shopping. There is no way to misinterpret that. She's delusional. And unfortunately, it has curtailed my involvement in my gaming league because I can't stand being around her. I wish she would just leave me alone. |
| WordyBird | Posted – 5/25/2008 12:16:04 AM | show profile Ugh. Yeah, that is pretty clueless. |
| Nikongirl | Posted – 5/27/2008 10:43:53 AM | show profile Here is a link to an article on this very subject I just read on CNN. http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/05/27/lw.friendship.over/index.html I have ditched a few people over the years...some by quietly disappearing from their lives, some directly, depending on the situation. |
| wineaux | Posted – 5/28/2008 3:03:32 PM | show profile Like Nikon, I quietly ditched a few people over the years. Only once did it culminate into a problem, draggon on far further than I expected. She pretty much stalked me for about a month, and then got the message and got viciously mean and tried to drag my name through the dirt with our mutual friends. I actually lost another friend b/c of this woman's lies. Now, years later, I've been told her life is an absolute wreck and her husband has left her, taking their child along with him. I think I made the right decision ending the friendship, but I would have ended it differently with her than just ignoring her, as I did. Some people have such strong personalities that being frank and totally direct is the only way they may (and I mean may in the most emphatic use of the word) get over it and leave you alone. |
| sue ellen mischke | Posted – 5/28/2008 4:40:57 PM | show profile Thanks, my people. Great advice...but I whimped out and talked to the person...even arranged drinks... I am such a push-over. |
| Nikongirl | Posted – 5/28/2008 5:02:32 PM | show profile I don't think you are a push over. It would be best if you can vent your grievances and maybe she will understand where you are coming from and things will work out for the better for both of you. Good luck. Pollyanna. ;-) |
