| Back to Home > Bulletin Board > O/T Off Topic > Topic: What's wrong with me? |
Topic: What's wrong with me?
| Author | Message |
| Canadiana | Posted – 5/25/2008 9:28:09 AM | show profile I don't know y'all very well and that's the point of me posting here: I'm too embarrassed/confused to ask my IRL friends or my husband about this. I'll get to the point: I feel so unhappy about my life. I've got a successful writing career and I feel happy about that but I don't seem to ever feel like I can really relax and appreciate it. I'm in my mid-thirties, have two cheery (sometimes), healthy children, a helpful (if distant) husband, living parents, friends, etc. The problem is: I feel utterly useless and sad every night before I go to sleep. I'm starting to feel like my friends are turning against me, and things just aren't working out the way I had hoped they would. Am I depressed? Spoiled? Confused? Help! |
| voracious reader | Posted – 5/25/2008 9:47:53 AM | show profile Make an appointment with your internist or GP and discuss it with him or her. First off, when was your last physical? Hormone imbalances and thyroid conditions can contribute to anxiety symptoms, which is what I think you are describing. Don't feel embarrassed about discussing your symptoms with whomever you have the confidence to do so. You'd be surprised how many people have anxiety. Don't delay in getting proper counsel. The longer it goes undiagnosed, the longer it's going to take to make you feel better. Night after night, no one has to go to sleep feeling utterly useless and sad. One more thing...I'm sure many people might say, try this or that (exercise, diet, suppliments such as SAMe, etc, etc, etc), that's all well and good, but please make an appointment with your physican as soon as possible. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 5/25/2008 11:25:52 AM | show profile Agree with Voracious. A little discontentment is what makes the world go round, but for bigger, ongoing issues a good medical lookover is needed. Sometimes people take the motivational blame for things that are strictly medical in nature. |
| pamelabeth | Posted – 5/25/2008 12:07:08 PM | show profile | email poster absolutely right we all need help sometimes. first rule out a medical condition; if your hormones, etc. check out ok, then consider talk therapy to help you figure out what's up. whatever it is, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. when you get the assistance you need, you'll see things falling back into place. all best, pam |
| Canadiana | Posted – 5/25/2008 1:54:02 PM | show profile Thank you. I will speak with my doctor. I've had these issues in the past but I *do* often blame myself: why can't I appreciate the good things in my life instead of focusing on the negative?! I get so self-involved and pissed off with myself and the world. Argh! On a similar note: do you feel like being moody, anxious, depressed, deep, etc. makes you more creative and/or a better writer? |
| creatrix | Posted – 5/25/2008 2:29:53 PM | show profile Two-cents from personal experience I am an artist/designer. 20 years ago I got fed up being inexplicably depressed. I sought the counsel of a psychologist. She urged me to see a psychiatrist to be evaluated for medication. I resisted for weeks, as I felt it was my fault and was afraid of losing my creativity to pharmaceuticals. She insisted, so I gave in to reading everything I could about the condition she suspected I had and the drugs used to treat it. Eventually I visited the MD, and it was the best thing I ever decided to do. The treatment has been a life-saver, and did not affect my artistic abilities. I urge you to explore possible treatments with a medical doctor. |
| caitlinkelly | Posted – 5/25/2008 4:06:02 PM | show profile Even if medication helps, and it might, you may find therapy helpful...if you can never feel satisfied with your accomplishments, it may also be the family you grew up in and the messages you got (and even subconsciously) still get from them. I come from a family that sets the bar extremely high and had one relative who found almost anything you can think of to humiliate me and make me feel like a loser, no matter how fine my life actually was. It always felt like pushing a very large boulder uphill. A distant husband might be more of an issue than you want to face, but it might be worth exploring on your own as well with a therapist. "Helpful" is not necessarily emotionally intimate, no matter how much you appreciate it. |
| observer | Posted – 5/25/2008 9:33:43 PM | show profile medical condition or not, i will say that in my mid-thirties i hit a bit of a depression as i revisited friendships, priorities and the time i was spending with things that were really important to me. so besides anything which may be happening chemically, it could just be a time of reflection and re-evaluation. do follow-up with your MD. best of luck to you |
| UGoGirl | Posted – 5/26/2008 2:49:24 AM | show profile Just another perspective... I think all the advice given above is good, but just another thing to think about. I know this may come across as terribly new agey, and if it doesn't resonate with you then please feel free to ignore it (I mean well but it may not be for you.) I think a lot of us get into this trap where we expect that we should be more happy than we are, our lives should be more exciting or we should be more successful, etc. Or the "is this all there is" feeling in life that is easy to feel at some point, perhaps especially if you have achieved some of your goals and find that it hasn't actually made you entirely happy. I believe that there are definitely people out there who have some rather serious medical imbalances and medication can be a godsend for these people. But I believe that the majority of people don't need medication to (eventually) feel better, and I worry about the overuse of these chemicals and the impact they can have on our bodies if used long-term. Of course if you are deeply depressed, suicidal, etc. by all means take medication if it helps you get over that hump and longer if it's medically best for you. But I think in this day and age, anti-depressants are prescribed a little too quickly. It is so easy for us to get trapped in our thoughts and the neverending stream of (often) garbage. I'm really not working for this guy, but would like to put a plug in for Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now and A New Earth (Oprah just finished a 10 part web-class on this book that I think can still be viewed). The whole idea he offers in his books is incredibly simple (and others offer similar lessons), but if it doesn't resonate or ring true to you then it will be no help to you at this point in your life. The basic concept is that you are not your thoughts. The craziness that goes on in our heads is our ego (although ego isn't a good word for this since ego has so many connotations these days, as in big ego, big head, and this isn't that). We tell ourselves stories...obsess about the past and the future... drive ourselves crazy, going around and around, over and up and down, often around the same issues. If you can try, every once in a while, to be the noticer of your thoughts, the observer of your thoughts, it will be helpful as a means of distancing yourself and perhaps not always becoming despondent about your thoughts. And it's about being present in the moment. Which I believe helps a lot with the gratitude thing. Somehow it makes just day to day living more exciting. And reminding yourself that "this too shall pass.....". I haven't done a very good job of explaining what I'm trying to convey here from Tolle's books, and this is just some food for thought, another perspective. I hope you find your way through this in whatever way will be most helpful to you. |
| Canadiana | Posted – 5/26/2008 9:18:22 AM | show profile Thank you all so much! I was thinking the same thing about meds: they can be a godsend but at the same time, do so many of us really need to be on medication? That said, I'm still going to speak with my dr. as I'm about 1.8 years post-partum and "trying to do it all" as per every modern woman. I do have that Eckhart Tolle book (New Earth) and started reading it a few months back. I've definitely got to pick it up and keep on reading. Again, thank you all for your replies and concern. |
| writesonwater | Posted – 5/26/2008 3:34:54 PM | show profile | email poster Canadiana, be sure you know that many of us here, myself included, have spent time in the dumps. Deciding when it's a temporary thing or somethng that can be managed with some heart-to-hears and when it needs medical assistance is the trick! Either way, you're not alone (by a long ways). Good for you for assessing your situation and deciding you deserve better. |
| dribbledrive1 | Posted – 5/26/2008 4:19:02 PM | show profile I don't find it does. I find I am more creative when I feel better. But I do think that: (1) People who gravitate to creative fields tend to have brain chemistries that are more likely to bring depression, etc. (2) It is almost a cliche that writers are moody, depressed alcoholics, so writers are more likely to accept that it's ok for them to be moody and depressed. --On a similar note: do you feel like being moody, anxious, depressed, deep, etc. makes you more creative and/or a better writer?-- |
| rhino writer | Posted – 5/26/2008 6:20:56 PM | show profile There are a lot of people who are moody and depressed addicts who aren't especially creative. I think it's like having a temper if you're a redhead -- people say, "What do you expect, firery redhead!" while the brunette next to you is cursing out her mother. Depression and addiction are hindrances to creative effort because they get in the way. We can all name depressed drunken geniuses, but how much better might their work have been if they had stable lives? Some circles emphasize the idea of a creative person being destructive as in some way "proving" or validating his or her creativity, which I think is really damaging. |
| Astera | Posted – 5/26/2008 7:12:09 PM | show profile I've dealt with chronic depression since I was 17, and I, too, sometimes feel like my life is meaningless and miserable, even though I know that rationally, that's not true. I have a great family, a great husband and wonderful friends. I did have a terrible job, but I just quit that, and I feel much better! Of course, you should talk to your doctor about the way you are feeling. He or she can best assess whether you are a candidate for medication. But do think long and hard about taking an antidepressant. I have been on an old-school antidepressant since my senior year of high school, but finding the right medication was nightmarish. None of the SSRIs, like Elavil or Prozac, worked for me, and Prozac actually caused "auditory hallucinations" (better known as "hearing voices") that required a hospital stay while my meds were sorted out. Also, there are a number of antidepressants which can cause withdrawal symptoms that can be worse than the initial depression itself. If you are thinking of harming yourself or others, or if you cannot function in daily life, or if you just cry all the time, you most likely will need medication. In some cases, though, a lot of self-care can get rid of mild depression. It's not just "think happy thoughts," but it is about trying to recognize the positive in your life, taking time to spend with just yourself, exercising, socializing, getting a massage, practicing yoga or meditation or Pilates or whatever. I took a meditation class a while back, because I, too, have problems relaxing, and although I don't practice meditation every day, it was a valuable experience. I recommend the book Full Catastrophe Living, by Jon Kabat-Zinn,which is what we used in class. Best of luck, and I hope you are able to get through this difficult time in a way that is right for you. ------ www.adventuresofastera.blogspot.com |
| writesonwater | Posted – 5/26/2008 9:07:40 PM | show profile | email poster What a good bunch of advice here. Dribble, Astera, others. And Rhino, agree that a lot of addicts aren't creative. In fact, I know one who thinks his addiction MAKES him some kind of creative genius, which is bunk. It makes him unpredictable and sometimes the life of the party, but having a lampshade on your head before sinking to the depths of despair's not the same thing as thinking outside the box. The film Pollock explored one example of someone who was considered by many to be a genius and who was also obviously bipolar or something (I don't remember his diagnosis.) If there had been good meds back then and he had been able to kick addiction, his ouevre would probably been much greater still. |
| Bleak Spouse | Posted – 5/26/2008 11:10:18 PM | show profile writersonwater: I'm not sure about that, that Pollock's art would have been as good if he was on medication. Or someone like Van Gogh. There's a lot of emotion in their paintings, and if they weren't feeling those emotions full-on I doubt they would have even been inspired to paint. |
| foto | Posted – 5/26/2008 11:41:02 PM | show profile Its possible that a person can find new creative directions or insights from short periods of despair or depression, but as a permanent condition, I think it can only be destructive and counterproductive to ones creativity. Yeah, Van Gogh might have been Van Gogh only because of his mental illnesses, but I don't think most people can be their most creative while living with depression. Get whatever help you need. |
| TGAN | Posted – 5/27/2008 12:04:57 AM | show profile The original question was, "What's wrong with me?" The answer to that probably lies in the screen name. If you live in Canada, you need exposure to sunlight at a lower latitude. You need Vitamin D. Go to Florida, or New Orleans, and spend some time in the sun. Or take some Vitamin D - take a lot of it - but that's not as good as real sunlight closer to the Equator. For those of you who were talking about creativity and various mental-health issues, please see: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/08/health/08brai.html?incamp=article_popular_3 Frontotemporal dementia has specific attributes. Sometimes it comes along with Alzheimer's, but it isn't Alzheimer's. The memory can be quite well maintained. It sometimes is accompanied by increasing creativity, as in the New York Times article. But not always. What Canadiana was describing is depression. Not apathy, which is a feature of FTD. One of the frequent, but less-mentioned features of FTD is extreme and instantaneous anger. At anything. If you are interested in this less-well-known dementia, please indicate your interest. I'm thinking of writing a three- or four-part article (to appear, uh, somewhere) about this, and would like to know what questions people may have. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/08/health/08brai.html?incamp=article_popular_3 |
| writesonwater | Posted – 5/27/2008 1:52:18 AM | show profile I googled that frontotemporal thing. Fascinating -- make me wonder about an Alzheimers diagnosis I am familiar with and wonder if it was misdiagnosed. I think your article's a great idea. Unfortunate acronym -- FTD, same as the florist ... |
| writesonwater | Posted – 5/27/2008 1:59:53 AM | show profile | email poster Also, yes the need for more light/vitamin D / seasonal affective disorder is it called? can't be overlooked as a possibility for some people with longer-term blues. The upside of living in many parts of Canada is that cooler weather and lovely environs often make outdoor living more appealing than, say, in TEXAS ;) But that's me -- I was raised in Canada, and boy do I miss the weather. Even the 40 below winters in school in Alberta. You can always put something ON, I say. There again, a medical diagnosis for an emotional issue. On the creative thing, I'm more with Foto than bleak. I give you that had Van Gogh and Pollock been on meds, the leveling of their highs and lows might have had a negative impact on their creativity. This has happened to a dear friend of mine. Once they got her thyroid issues fixed (taking the hormones out of the equation) they determined that lithium was the old-school answer for her as a relatively young woman. But there went the creativity. However, she herself prefers that flattened creative curve to the anxious ups and downs that had her pronouncing herself the devil's spawn. Which kinda freaked me out, I admit. And Van Gogh was never the same without that ear. And Sylvia Plath? Brilliant. But would she rather have stuck around to nurture her kids? I think yes. To choose creativity over mental wellness sounds more like a symptom than anything else, to me. |
| pamelabeth | Posted – 5/27/2008 5:08:09 AM | show profile | email poster i would like to second the posters who say that psych. meds w/out therapy is not the right approach. if you've got, say, a thyroid disorder and medication for it makes you feel well again, then that's all good. but if anyone wants to put you on antidepressants or antianxiety meds, i would absolutely not take them without also being in talk therapy. for one thing, your therapist can help you decide when to eventually get *off* those drugs. i agree that we are overmedicated as a society, and i wouldn't take lightly the decision to be on any medication for the long term. it's defitinely something you'd want a therapist helping you to monitor. re creativity: i haven't been on those meds myself, but people i know who have got more done when they were treating their depression than when they crying for hours a day! all best to you. i am sure you will work this out. |
| caitlinkelly | Posted – 5/27/2008 10:02:28 AM | show profile It's easier to romanticize depression or mania and its possible/arguable effects on creativity if you have not suffered it personally or seen it in a loved one near to you. There is nothing glamorous about any of it. I agree -- although this is off the OP's question -- that weather/light can really affect behavior and mood. Took me a long time to figure out that Toronto's loooooong and very overcast winters were really wringing me out by February (with 2 more months to go.) It's one reason I left. |
| creatrix | Posted – 5/27/2008 10:15:51 AM | show profile Yes, we are overmedicated as a society. Yes, there are alternatives to medication. Do try the alternatives. If all those fail to help, please seek a medical diagnosis. I put in my two cents because I tried all sorts of non-medical therapies and nothing helped. Some conditions do legitimately benefit from modern drug therapies. |
| pholiday | Posted – 5/27/2008 11:22:16 AM | show profile Canadiana, Do you exercise regularly? Also, what kind of food are you putting in your body? Do you drink alcohol? You would be so surprised to feel your body/hormones/emotions/esteem change with a workout program and a healthful diet of whole grains and without excess sugars or chemicals. Seretonin levels spike in a person's brain after working out. All too many American's feel constantly lethargic and anxious. And then they eat another snickers and feel worse. So, my two-cents, (having never been on meds for any mental health reasons--but having felt the blues for months at a time) is to get outside and walk or run or play at the beach. Summer is finally here, so enjoy it. If you are drinking a lot or eating bad things, change it. Another thing that I have found helps when in a rut is to read an inspirational book. One I love that's really short is "Do what you love." It is about getting the most fulfillment from your life, about following your dreams, and about truly doing what makes you happy. I hope you feel better soon. |
| Canadiana | Posted – 5/27/2008 1:00:47 PM | show profile Interesting thread! My two cents: I do think strong emotions = increased creativity. That's not saying that serious depression should linger in order to feed the creative spirit. To answer to last poster: Yes, I am actually quite healthy. I eat a lot of organic and natural foods, drink moderate amounts of alcohol and exercise (often outside) almost every day. Granted, I could eat less sugar, exercise even more, and do yoga and meditate. But, I still think I'm in better shape than the average bear. |
