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Topic: Is this fishy to you?
| Author | Message |
| worldofnatasha | Posted – 6/9/2008 7:44:40 PM | show profile well, I'm hardly a doormat. but since in the OP, she said "I've been a supportive friend AND SHE TO ME", and since she clearly didn't initially feel so used or angry that she automatically dropped the friend (but was uncertain enough about it to ask advice), I don't know if she should drop the friend unilaterally -- (I did, in my post, say "if the friend's still being a jerk after things calm down, then go ahead and end things then...") but, maybe I'm not cynical enough. probably better to say, based on the 5 paragraphs of info we know about this five year long relationship: yeah, to hell with the friend -- cut that bitch out of your life like a tumor. |
| joyeuxnoelle | Posted – 6/9/2008 8:08:49 PM | show profile | email poster Yes, it does sound a little fishy. I'd hold off on buying the book. But I would send her a short, non-confrontational note expressing how disappointed you've been with the way she's behaved. I have a friend who disappointed me that way once - on a slightly smaller scale. It turned out that there was actually a lot of turmoil in her life that explained why she was ignoring me when I needed her - illness, job trouble. Of course that might not be the case with your friend. But I think her response will help you decide if keeping the friendship is worth it. Of course I realize its not about getting a free book, it's about having your generosity acknowledged. Good Luck with everything. Keep us posted. |
| dribbledrive1 | Posted – 6/9/2008 9:04:24 PM | show profile I can understand why someone on a book tour wouldn't have time to have coffee with a friend. This trip is work, after all, not play, and I can see why she would want to focus all her time and energy on activities that will help sell her book. If she has really been a supportive friend over the years, I wouldn't get ticked off over this. |
| Canadiana | Posted – 6/9/2008 9:47:42 PM | show profile I saw her book in the bookstore today. So tempted to buy it! I am still very excited for her but suspicious due to past behaviour. And, just to elaborate: she'll be in this town for 5 days for both work and to visit family so I'd imagine she'd have time for a 20 minute cuppa coffee but, hey, I could be wrong! Finally, well, I'm a freelance writer. So, she could stand to gain something by inviting me as a professional to her signings and/or events. In fact, I just attended a different book launch tonight! |
| joyeuxnoelle | Posted – 6/9/2008 10:19:47 PM | show profile heh heh. yeah it definitely sounds like she has time. ... unless she's planning to surprise you. I'm getting very curious now. Please write to her and post here regarding what she says. |
| seeattleme2 | Posted – 6/10/2008 12:32:14 PM | show profile Book tours are hectic but there is downtoime for this very purpose. A cup of coffee isn't asking much, neither is a copy of the book if you helped with it. But I kinda think you're getting way too wrapped up in this. I think you should let it go. It's a bad situation, but not worth all this angst. |
| newbie | Posted – 6/11/2008 7:26:11 PM | show profile When I first read the post I thought you were going to say she stole your novel idea or something. But the fact that she (possibly, hopefully, inadvertently) slighted you on one of the most important stages of her life (a book tour!) shouldn't be read into this much. Unless you had been planning to toss this friendship aside before this, I wouldn't jump the gun. She's probably incredibly excited, and scattered. Again, if you have other reason to toss the friendship then do it. But if this is basically it, cool down, suck it up, buy the book and reach out to your friend to celebrate once the festivities die down a little. I say all of this because I had what I equate to be a somewhat similar instance this past weekend--my sister got married and forgot to include me in the photos--and while it stung and I felt slighted, I also had to shake it off because, knowing her as a person, that one act was not in line with anything else in her character or our relationship. Your friend probably has no idea you feel this way, possibly didn't even realize you were in the same town as her. She surely would have been delighted if you showed up to the reading. Again, as Natasha said, there's no way to dissect a friendship in a few paragraphs, so if I'm off base I apologize. But anyone you've been friends with that long must have a number of redeeming qualities that are currently being blotted out by emotion. |
| Canadiana | Posted – 6/24/2008 9:33:25 AM | show profile An update: she came, she went; no phone call or email to meet for coffee or whatever. I believe the tour was successful and it just hasn't been the right time to say anything. However, if I do get to say, "WTF? How come you never delivered on your promises?" I'll let you know. I have a feeling she's probably wondering why I've not been more of a cheerleader during this last round as per the last five years of...well...cheering. |
| WordyBird | Posted – 6/24/2008 11:32:50 AM | show profile "An update: she came, she went; no phone call or email to meet for coffee or whatever. I believe the tour was successful and it just hasn't been the right time to say anything. However, if I do get to say, "WTF? How come you never delivered on your promises?" I'll let you know. I have a feeling she's probably wondering why I've not been more of a cheerleader during this last round as per the last five years of...well...cheering." Heh, if she asks, you can always say, "Well, it didn't seem like you needed any more cheering." Such subtlety may be lost on her, but Miss Manners would be proud. |
| Nikongirl | Posted – 6/24/2008 12:21:38 PM | show profile Canadiana, Although I am not an author on a book signing tour, I do take press trips on a regular basis and have to say that there is not even one short cup of coffee time open even if I was in the city of my dearest friend. Our schedules are booked from seven or 8 a.m. until after midnight with no time whatsoever in between to grab anything except a change of clothes for evening activities. Her agent may have booked her schedule to include not only book signings at a variety of stores but also business lunches, dinners or meetings with potential sellers/buyers. Try to take the high ground, if her book is something you have an interest in reading then go ahead and buy a copy and let her know that you understand her schedule was hectic, your are sorry she didn't have time to get together and that you bought her book and enjoyed it etc.... I agree with Seattleme, it is not worth all this angst. Let it go and move on. I would like to commend one of our MB members ? Cal Orey who sent me a copy of her wonderful book on The Healing Powers of Vinegar. We do not know each other than she put out a call on the board in Sources for Stories section and I responded. Even though my contribution was very small, she sent me a copy. That was the act of a very classy author, not everyone is the same though. AND?Cal?s book is very useful; I keep it handy and have recommended it many times. |
| Canadiana | Posted – 6/24/2008 1:38:57 PM | show profile I know it's crazy busy, Nikongirl but she was in our town for 5 days. Anyway, I will read the book at some point and I am happy for her. What kind of press trips do you go on? Just interested. |
| elephantshoes | Posted – 6/24/2008 2:24:11 PM | show profile i've also been in similar or worse friendship situations. i think your feelings are valid in how you feel slighted by someone you regard as a close friend. i understand about busy schedules, press tours, etc., however as someone earlier posted, who was not a friend, just a worker on the tour, the author took the time to thank people despite her hectic schedule. unfortunately, this does come down to seeing someone's true colors, and realizing their personality. if she really regards you as a friend, and is of a caliber to value frienships, then she had the time to at least email saying she'd be in town, BUT wasn't sure if she'd be able to meet. OR take 5 minutes to call and say 'hi'. sorry, but that is really a true friendship. while it could be true that she doesn't realize her selfishness or is so caught-up, then step back for a while and see what happens. if she contacts you, you can express your feelings on the matter in a 'nice' way. if you both really are friends, then she'd be open to hearing your feelings. all frienships have their ups and downs, and unfortunately, sometimes even years of deep friendship ends. people change, go in different directions. you see behaviors in a new way that is not healthy. just because you've know someone for years and/or had a supporting relationship, doesn't mean that the friendship will or should last forever. i speak from experience. this sounds like a valuble learning experience for you. try to embrace the situation as such. think about what you need to learn from it and grow. perhaps you need space and you two will reconnect, or perhaps not - and maybe that's a good thing. i think your response to her behavior shows that you are not a doormat. and again, i think your feelings are valid. |
| Mirage | Posted – 6/24/2008 2:41:47 PM | show profile "I have a feeling she's probably wondering why I've not been more of a cheerleader during this last round as per the last five years of...well...cheering." Just a thought -- and I am not blaming you in any way, shape, or form here -- but maybe since you haven't been "cheering" so much lately, she thought you were jealous and/or would bring her down, so she decided to avoid you during the trip. It's also possible, of course, that she's just a selfish bitch. I'd be interested to know how this turns out...make sure you update us! |
| Nikongirl | Posted – 6/24/2008 3:15:47 PM | show profile >>>I know it's crazy busy, Nikongirl but she was in our town for 5 days. Anyway, I will read the book at some point and I am happy for her. What kind of press trips do you go on? Just interested.<<< I just got back from a 7 day press trip, can you believe that the ONLY time I had to even call my husband was after midnight when I finally got back to my hotel room, flopped into bed exhausted and at that late hour talking to my honey was all I could muster. I had to get back up and do it all over again at either 6:45 a.m. or 7 a.m. latest.... Again, it has to be your call to make. You have to do what feels right for you. You know the old cliché; people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I am a music and travel writer, I cover jazz festivals and their destinations as well as write normal travel related articles and music profiles. My recent press trip was travel only (Quebec City for their 400th anniversary) then I am off to cover the Montreal Jazz Festival on Saturday for a week. Right now, I am in the thick of the Toronto Jazz Festival every night as an official photographer for many years. |
