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Topic: The bearer of bad news....What to do?
| Author | Message |
| mad fingers | Posted – 7/2/2008 1:11:46 PM | show profile One of my good friends is out of town for a family emergency. She has several go-to people, myself included, who look after her house and pets while she's away. This morning, "Friend B" found one of her cats run over in the road (at least it wasn't a human head). We buried him in the back yard. B says we ought not tell our friend until she gets home, but I'm sure she's going to call me to ask how everyone is doing. I'm a sucky liar. Should I just call her and get it over with? |
| catlondon | Posted – 7/2/2008 1:18:25 PM | show profile Yes, you should tell her. If only because she may have wanted her pet cremated rather than buried in the backyard. Yucky I know, but it should have been her choice. |
| mad fingers | Posted – 7/2/2008 1:22:27 PM | show profile The last one got buried in the back yard. (Unfortunately, she lives on a busy street.) |
| sue ellen mischke | Posted – 7/2/2008 2:24:27 PM | show profile i wouldn't tell her...why ruin her vacation? there is nothing she can do about it if she knows now. |
| KC4 | Posted – 7/2/2008 2:49:27 PM | show profile I think you should still tell her. If she's out of town for a family emergency, she's probably not lying on a beach with a pina colada. Sounds like she's going through some stressful stuff, but she ought to know the truth. |
| caitlinkelly | Posted – 7/2/2008 2:50:38 PM | show profile I'd wait til she returns, although you know her well. When I was far away from home dealing with mom's brain tumor and major surgery (she's fine), my car was stolen. My poor fiance didn't know whether to tell me then and two friends advised against it -- I was already extremely stressed and I couldn't have done anything about it anyway. That was the right choice for me. The larger question will be what happens to these friendships when she determines (if she can) whose fault it was the cat got out and got killed. |
| rochelle, rochelle | Posted – 7/2/2008 4:52:44 PM | show profile That's a tough call, but as a pet owner, I think I'd want to know sooner than later. The bigger question is, why does your friend let her cats go outside if she lives on a busy street that had already claimed one of them? (I know that has nothing to do with your question, but for the sake of her future cats and her friends who take care of them, you might want to broach the subject after she gets over her loss.) |
| HisGirlFriday | Posted – 7/2/2008 5:37:29 PM | show profile Tell her now. I'd be really upset if my cat was killed while I was gone and everyone pretended like everything was ok. |
| mad fingers | Posted – 7/2/2008 5:40:22 PM | show profile This woman is stellar about her pets. They are all loved and cared for, no vet bill is too much. Some people believe cats are better off out doors. That is her call. I keep mine inside, except for the two that will not give me peace unless I let them out. Thankfully, the street I live on isn't that busy. And at the end of the day, she is not going to blame anyone but herself and the idiot who ran over the cat and just left him there (although judging by the extent of the injuries, I think?and hope?that he died instantly). Friend B made me promise to wait, so that's what I'm going to do unless questioned directly. |
| Lula | Posted – 7/2/2008 9:30:17 PM | show profile Wow, if I found out my catsitter had waited to tell me my cat had died I'd be pretty angry. Then again, everyone's different. But I'd want to know immediately. |
| rhino writer | Posted – 7/3/2008 1:01:38 PM | show profile When will she be back? If in a few days, just wait till then. But if she's going to be away for a month or something, I think you have to tell her before she comes home. |
| Louisewasnothalfbad | Posted – 7/3/2008 1:41:43 PM | show profile I think it depends on the length of the trip. If she's back soon, tell her now. But if she's gone for a while, and is likely to cut her trip short to have a memorial service for Blinky, then keep the sad news until right before she comes home. If you chose to tell her later--don't ever tell her when the cat actually died. Act like it just happened. And stick to that story forever. |
| mad fingers | Posted – 7/3/2008 3:48:12 PM | show profile She will be back in a few days. B, is sort of her ex (or X). X had a relationship with the cat and wants to be the one to tell her. I am going to honor his wishes, although I'm eating my liver. If it were me, I'd want to know. |
| seeattleme2 | Posted – 7/3/2008 5:32:47 PM | show profile What's done is done. I would wait. |
