In a funny and sometimes scathing blog rant, a freelance movie reviewer for E! Online went off on the bane of press-screening reviewers everywhere: Theater Security. For all the swank junkets and lavish swag they give to reporters, studios still haven't figured out that they shouldn't hire goons to annoy the hell out of journalists right before herding them, cattle style, into the theaters to see their pics.

This particular scribe, who goes by the name Absinthe, said he was nearly denied entry to Turistas because his Sidekick sports a poor-quality camera phone. When he tried to solicit a Fox PR person for help, she could only offer: "Dude, you're supposed to lie. That's what I do. I just hide it in my bra, they never take it."

Absinthe tells FBLA this isn't the first time a theater goon suggested he planned to commit movie piracy with his shitty phone, but it is, hands down, the most inane. And to commemorate it, he took that yonder photo of the goon before returning his Sidekick to his car like a good boy.