Ian Parker succeedes where Joel Stein failed. In the New Yorker's 10 page celebrity profile, we learn that George Clooney sprays his salad with Balsamic Breeze:

a wonderfully balanced blend of bold balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil-all in an innovative spray bottle. Plus, there's just 1 calorie per spray!

And Clooney's got the hardware: electronic pepper grinder which doubles "as a marital aid."

And he's hot for fruit:

His refrigerator contained many individual servings of watermelon, in plastic tubs.

Stein had the guy over for dinner, and yet didn't enlighten us, the readers, with any of this vitally important information. Where are his editors? Where are the standards? Henry Luce is twirling in his grave.