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A Story With Fat Metaphors in Every Fold

This story is nothing short of spectacular in that it contains the greatest number of overweight metaphors per square inch that we’ve seen since New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie began his quest to not be president.

You’ll notice that the woman who wrote this, a CNN national news correspondent known for cracking jokes, has a name often associated with cows. We don’t usually print full stories, but we hope you’ll give us a wide girth to showcase her creativity.

By Jeanne Moos

New York (CNN) – As people ask New Jersey Governor Chris Christie to run for president, the debate over his weight is heating up again.

As his profile gets bigger, so does the issue of his size.

Now that he’s a national figure, comedians are starting to make his waistline a punch line.

“Take a look, does he show up? Go to Google Earth,” joked David Letterman.

From late night to daytime talk, Chris Christie’s weight is being tossed around.

“Can you see him as president?” asked Whoopi Goldberg.

“You say no? No. Why not,” said Barbara Walters. “What you said is because he’s hefty.”

For awhile they danced around the f-word.

“I don’t think this country is ready for a fat President again,” said Joy Behar.

“I think that’s ridiculous,” said Walters.

“Imagine this conversation about an overweight female candidate,” said Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

Governor Christie is a bonanza for cartoonists like Jeff Danziger, who drew republicans in a life raft seeking rescue while Christie is belly up on the beach.

“I saw him the other day. I was amazed by him. He must be 300 plus, and that’s something he’s just gotta deal with cause you’re not gonna say ‘I’m gonna cut the budget.’ Well, how about starting with supper,” said Chris Matthews.

But Chris Matthews would go to bed without his supper for that remark if Mike Huckabee had his way.

“To criticize Chris Christie cause of the amount of his skin is absurd,” said Huckabee.

The amount of Huckabee’s skin used to be excessive. He lost 110 pounds.

His weight may be the elephant in the room, but Christie talks about it comfortably.

“Well listen, I’ll let all of your audience in on secret, Wolf, I’m overweight,” Christie said on a talk show.

When it comes to portly presidents, William Howard Taft was America’s biggest, at over 300 pounds.

Taft was famous for getting stuck in the White House bathtub. Aides had to come get him out.

He then had a new tub made, big enough for four men. [As shown above.]

At a Christie town hall, one voter saw beyond size.

“And I think having a governor who’s smart and that has perseverance to do what’s right is hot and sexy,” she said.

CNN

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