Today we have another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com. This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.

1. What’s your reaction to Current TV shuttering? What will you do without your nightly Joy Behar fix?

It will be devastating for those who want to feel like they’ve taken acid without having to make the time commitment to a real trip. As for the other 319,958,000 Americans (based on a population of 320 million), well, they’ll just have to make do with their anti-American tirades coming with an accent.

2. Who should be CNN’s next conquest after former ABC White House Correspondent Jake Tapper?

I would be nice if they replaced Soledad O’Brien. “Fox & Friends” is as stupid as “Morning Joe” is sanctimonious, making both unwatchable. If CNN could get rid of their left-wing hactivist host and replace her with a serious, unbiased person, or even balance her with a real conservative (not what passes for one on most of CNN), I think they could really make some headway in the ratings. But Soledad is worse than the two unwatchable options available in cable news now, which is saying something. A Tucker Carlson or Eric Erickson, calm conservatives without the bombast, would add some watchable balance. Either that or just put Jake Tapper on 24/7.

What should become of the idea to deport Piers Morgan? Read more

Today the 113th Congress gets sworn in, and there’s nothing those people love more than celebrating themselves.

Since lawmakers (allegedly) work for us and we’re paying, I thought it only appropriate that you be abreast of their parties in case you wanted to stop by and say hello and eat and drink the food and beverages you are paying for every time they vote on an issue that matters to you. After all, it shouldn’t just be lobbyists seeking more of our money, so here’s the list…

Note to Readers: An AnonymASS source wrote in to complain about our headline, saying that lawmakers can’t use taxpayer money for any of the food or drink at today’s parties. “Maybe check with ethics before writing a headline like this,” ASS suggests. Good advice. So we checked. Our Hill sources say the parties can be paid for from campaign coffers. So whoever donates to the lawmaker pays for the party.

Read more

The fiscal cliff brings out different things in different people. For MSNBC and The Daily Beast‘s Meghan McCain, that meant her bright light went dim as she engaged in a tense exchange with a BuzzFeed reporter.

Last night on Twitter, McCain tweeted, “Um, John Boehner told Harry Reid to go fuck himself outside the Oval Office. Yeah, it’s totally my generation that’s screwing everything up.”  OK, fine. That’s her opinion and, no matter how foul-mouthed she is, she’s entitled to it.

But she wasn’t quite done.

Later she tweeted, “And yes, I hold a different standard for how people behave holding office, in the White House and in congress [sic] than I do myself on the road.”

What caused this second tweet? It might have been Buzzfeed’s Andrew Kaczynski who pointed out to her that, “You wrote a book for mass production with the title ‘America You Sexy Bitch’ and you’re hitting Boehner for saying ‘fuck.’”

Meghan, always unwilling to back up her stupidity, responded with… Read more

When Betsy sent me the link to listen to this week’s episode of “Sadly Lacking Radio” featuring DCRTV’s Dave Hughes as a guest I thought, “This will be fun.” But it’s not fun. And there’s a reason they’re sadly lacking a radio gig and it’s not a lack of options.

The SLR host was excited to have Hughes on because the last interview with him was “big in Australia.” But this show sounds so horrible even a dingo would refuse to eat it.

Nothing makes for a less compelling radio interview topic than a wannabe radio host talking about real radio hosts with someone who makes their living bitching about radio hosts. It’s so meta it’s meta. The worst part: Hughes goes on about his own site being such a high trafficked mecca that it crashed several times this week (that’s right, in the confines of his brain, it crashed).

So if you have an hour to kill, and sticking bamboo slivers under your toenails isn’t an option, but only because you don’t have enough bamboo slivers, give it a listen. But listen at your own risk. After I listened I began to resent the Mayans for being wrong.

Here is this week’s installment of “Ask Piranhamous Anything.”  If you have a question you’d like “snarked to death,” send it to FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com. This isn’t an advice column. Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple, funny and insightful.

1. So, CNN has made its first bold move, luring Jake Tapper away from ABC. What’s your reaction? 

My reaction is “WOW!” I did not see that coming, but now that it’s happened it makes perfect sense. ABC could (and should) have done anything to keep Jake, he’s just about the only journalist universally praised and the only one I don’t put “journalist” in quotation marks when writing about. ABC could have kept him if they’d just done the smart thing in the first place and made him host of “This Week.” Considering how often George Stephanopoulos takes Sunday off, and the fact that he’s on the network five days per week already (how much Stephanopoulos could any network need?), not giving that gig to Tapper set in motion his exodus to CNN. Major pull for them.

2. Breitbart.com appears to have taking a major disliking to John Boehner as of late. What’s happening here? Translation? 

Breitbart seems to be a mess of late. Their rush to hire people who no one else is in a rush to hire is curious. That’s not to say they aren’t fine reporters, but they aren’t top-tier recruits who were much sought after. It would appear that having money dumped into your bank account causes impulse purchases at year’s end. On Boehner, the conservative media loves to be contrarian. They think they’re holding some sort of line but they end up shooting themselves in the foot (am I allowed to still make that analogy?) They’re writing for the choir, so it doesn’t matter very much. But it does matter. OK, it matters if credibility is your goal. If agenda and web traffic are your goals then they’re doing just fine.

3. Hypothetical: You are kidnapped by Syrians and forced into a solitary confinement type of prison cell by your captors. They give you three choices of the only entertainment you can have. 1. Endless DVD’s of Honey Boo-Boo episodes 2. Thousands of print copies of The Washington Post or 3. Never-ending supply of the Kathie Lee & Hoda show. Which do you choose?

I’m fairly certain this question is so torturous that it constitutes torture. The Washington Post is just awful, so that’s out. Kathie Lee & Hoda are one of the few things worse than the Post, so that’s out too. It would be like watching my mom and her best friend get drunk and no one needs that flashback! That leaves Honey Boo-Boo. Choosing Honey Boo-Boo makes the most sense because, as a prisoner, I’d want to keep in as much touch with real life as possible and, given these options, it’s the closest option to reality.

It’s time for the return of the question no one asks – What’s Meghan McCain Tweeting?

The answer, as always, is simply “stupidity.”

Meghan McCain, whose greatest accomplishment include being the child of someone with accomplishments and contributing to MSNBC and The Daily Beast, has been taking it to “haters” again. To save you the time for Googling it, a “hater” is anyone who doesn’t appreciate being preached to about politics by someone who’s never done anything of substance in their life.

Megs took to Twitter to announce, Read more

It’s easy to be generous with other people’s money. But patting yourself on the back as part of the “wonderful, kind, generous people in the world” because you want to spend someone else’s money on the social causes you support is a bit extreme, not to mention pompous?

Such was the theme of a year-end fundraising email from The Agenda Project, the left-wing activist group known for obnoxious web videos and receiving funding from who knows where (their donors are not listed on their website, so much for openness).

The group became known for their web video of a Paul Ryan look-a-like throwing a grandmother off a cliff and assembling “Patriotic Millionaires,” a tiny group of rich people who want higher taxes but refused to lead by example when given the chance.

Now they’ve complied a list of their “accomplishments” for the year in an email seeking, you guessed it, money from people so they can advocate for more of your money to government.

So what did they “accomplish” this year? Read more

The Blaze’s Benny Johnson knows how to stand out in a crowd. Looking downright Hefnerian at the Heritage Foundation’s annual media Christmas party Monday night, Johnson was a pipe and a playmate short of being the spitting image of the Playboy founder.

Johnson will soon be leaving The Blaze for Buzzfeed, where we suspect wearing pajamas on the job is not only accepted, but encouraged.

Last night the new home of Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) held its annual media Christmas party. That organization used to be known as The Heritage Foundation, but now you’d only know it as The DeMint Foundation since the Senator’s announcement.

The party is a must-attend for Washington media types and party crashers alike. Good food, top-shelf booze and big name revelers. The food disappointed this year but the attendees did not.

In addition to DeMint and outgoing foundation president Ed Feulner, other media types in attendance included… Read more

Here is this week’s installment of “Ask Piranhamous Anything.”  If you have a question you’d like “snarked to death,” send it to FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com. This isn’t an advice column. Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple, funny and insightful.

Is there such a thing as too many year-end lists?

Yes, but if they didn’t sell, outlets wouldn’t do them. Time has the “Person of the Year” coupled with a list of other people they think you should give a shit about too, and Newsweek is going digital only. Coincidence? I think not. That’s not to say all these lists aren’t crap, they are. How many of them will Honey Boo-Boo make? These lists are why we know who half the morons on them are in the first place. If they’re not a sign of the apocalypse, they’re definitely the tip of the spear that kills western civilization.

Why won’t Ron Fournier stop trotting his child out to get media hits?

Because it works. It works even better than the ace up his other sleeve – being in the media himself and embracing the natural suck-up/ass-kissing that goes on in that circle. Honestly, is there anything someone in the media loves more than covering someone else in the media’s tale of something they’ve overcome/are overcoming? You’d think he was hero when all he is is doing is his duty as a father. Then again, considering some other people in the media, simply doing his fatherly duty might just make him a hero in relative terms.

Read about the bitchfest between Roll Call and Politico… Read more