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Blitzer Facts


After reading this

    “Gov. Blanco of Louisiana chokes while being interviewed by Wolf Blitzer on Late Edition. Wolf keeps his cool. Of course he does. He’s Wolf Blitzer.”

…we thought of one thing and one thing only: Chuck Norris Facts.

And if you substitute Wolf Blitzer’s name for Norris’ in some of the Chuck Norris Facts, they actually seem fitting because, after all: Both Chuck Norris and Wolf Blitzer are total bad asses.

  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Wolf Blitzer allows to live.

  • Wolf Blitzer does not sleep. He waits.

  • The chief export of Wolf Blitzer is Pain.

  • There is no chin under Wolf Blitzer’ Beard. There is only another fist.

  • Wolf Blitzer has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

  • Wolf Blitzer drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

  • Wolf Blitzer is my Homeboy.

    But, does Wolf Blitzer pinch?

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