Valentine’s Day isn’t complete without a seriously unrealistic pairing. So we have “Washington Chronicle’s” sexy Llewellyn King and Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Kate Upton. It could happen in a parallel universe, right?

By the way, her name is “Llewellynita.”

Here in the fishbowl, we like to see what happens when the left and right come together for a little hanky panky. So here we have WaPo‘s nerd extraordinaire Ezra Klein and conservative commentator Ann Coulter. Think about it. It could happen. We’ve named their daughter “EzraAnn“and their son “Colt.”

This is a more regal, dignified entry for Valentine’s Day. Here we have Atlantic and National Journal Publisher David Bradley and Kate Middleton. Sure, she might be pregnant with another man’s child. But that didn’t stop her from first secretly popping out a red-headed son with Bradley (and yes, we’re joking).

Valentine’s Day would be nothing without Slate‘s luscious, weigelicious, bubblicious Dave Weigel. Here, we match him with one of Washington’s great institutions: Helen Thomas. Meet their love child. We’ll call her “Heigel.”

In the heart of Valentine’s Day we have the unusual pairing of CNBC and NYT‘s John Harwood and Sen. Maria Cantwell (D-Wash.).

Moving on, we have CNN’s Piers Morgan and E!’s Chelsea Handler, who has been known to turn up at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. The pair argues about anything under the sun. Their thought process seems to be the dirtier the better. So here’s what their daughter might look should they fall into an unexpectedly romantic situation. We’ll call her “Mean Mary.”

It’s well known that Politico obsesses over having its stories linked by the traffic-driving Drudge Report. Reporters at Politico churn out items, often tiny and of the most inane content, all for the bit of prestige and tons of clicks that come with a Drudge hit.

For that, we match up Matt Drudge himself with Politico Executive Editor Jim VandeHei on this Valentine’s Day. A fitting name for their beautiful bundle of joy virtual little girl: Traffica.

Our Valentine’s Day series continues with the union of NBC’s Luke Russert and ABC “The View” host Sherri Shepherd. No, they’re not together. But one day, they could come together and have this.

In the latest installment of our special Valentine’s Day “Love Child” series, we pair up Gene Weingarten, humor columnist for WaPo, and Dana Perino of FNC’s “The Five.”

Weingarten has been an official member of the FishbowlDC Fan Club Board for a while now. But Perino is a new member. Turns out she has blocked two out of three of us on Twitter, which makes her an honorary member in her own right.

Happy V-Day to the both and congrats on their fantasy baby boy Fanny!

D.C. pap Mark Wilkins (a.k.a Marky Mark) and Washington Examiner gossip columnist Nikki Schwab have had their differences in the past. He calls her out on the occasional factual errors in her reporting. She calls him “rotund.” And so it goes.

But Valentine’s Day is about letting out the love. It’s never too late to mend old wounds. Today, FishbowlDC proposes that Schwab and Wilkins bury the hatchet. At least for the next 24 hours. To mark this special time in their lives, we’ve mixed their virtual DNA to create a love child, who we’ve named Mary. We even did her hair.