We know they say not to look a gift horse in the mouth. But we’re going to today as we sift through the heaviest TIME-People gift bag to date. And actually, we’re going to also highly praise the picking powers that be as we name the 5 best, 5 weirdest and 5 most useful items in the bag. Let’s get the weirdest over with shall we?

THE WEIRDEST

1. Heavy-ass granola. Seriously, this is what’s weighing down the bag and is going to slip the disc in my back? This stuff is called “Purely Elizabeth” and it’s made with organic quinoa, amaranth + chia (yum). It’s gluten-free, vegan and free of refined sugar. We can hardly wait.

2. GoGo Sequeez apple-grape applesauce on the go. It looks like two very strange, wide, tubes of toothpaste in a burlap bag, only it’s applesauce. Why do I want applesauce on the go? Or the go-go, I should say. Of course it’s gluten, nut and dairy free.

3. NeuroBLISS lightly carbonated drink, astonishingly heavier than the granola. It’s meant to de-stress. They write, “Deadlines have you stressed? On the campaign trail. Covering the economic crisis. It’s not always easy to follow your bliss. But with NeuroBLISS, it’s as simple as taking a sip.” Ingredients: L-theanine, chamomile. They say it “enhances mood and promotes a positive outlook — no matter what’s happening on the Hill.”

4. Happy Socks — maybe some of the ugliest socks you’ve ever seen that you should only wear in the confines of your home. Made in Sweden, they’re apparently popular and sold in “close to 50 countries.” Above all, they’re meant to spread happiness.

5. Jelly Mousse, a natural hair gel that’s supposed to help the “overtired and cranky.” Hey, we’re noticing a theme here. (Says, “takes you from cranky to sweet.”) Ingredients: Alcohol free, Roman Chamomile (I’d try this for this ingredient alone.) In a weird twist, they add a “mommy-tip” which is that this goop can also be used to add volume. Just add a dollop and blow dry.

MOST USEFUL

1. Schick Hydro 5 disposable razors. They look like they’re for men, but a woman could probable get away with using them. We’ll assume the Edge gel shaving cream is a companion item.

2. It’s a tie. USB to mini USB cable and Supersmile whitening toothpaste. We really couldn’t pick on this one, but if there was a gun to my head I’d take the whitening toothpaste.

3. Jason Vitamin E moisturizing cream. The smell is thankfully neutral; the texture, rich and substantial.

4. Sleek, simple metallic slider case for the iPhone5. Durable hardshell construction, complete edge and corner protection. What’s not to like?

5. Hawaiian sunscreen spf 45 by Alba. Smells beachy and wonderful.

And now, the best… continued…

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From the release: “All guests will be encouraged to grab their white handkerchiefs, beads, masks and parasols that will be on every table and join in as they swing through the crowd.” They are expecting some 1500 guests — journalists, newsmakers and lawmakers.

Traditional New Orlean’s jazz pianist, Washington DC native and  longtime New Orleans resident John Royen will entertain. They’ll also crown a King or Queen of the Dinner. They’ll be presented with a cape, crown and Jester Staff and asked to lead the crowd to the after-party at the conclusion of the night. We have no idea what this could mean, but they’ll have two Jesters on hand creating mischief throughout the dinner.

The theme will be “Laissez les bons temps rouler ” – Let the Good Times Roll – New Orleans style.” It will feature dancing, masks, beads, although hopefully, no one will have to take their top off to obtain them.

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Party sources tell us the fallen food was a display of various Asian cuisine — dumplings, etc, that crashed to the floor. “Nobody laughed, it was more like a collective gasp because it was so loud and shattery-sounding in such genteel surroundings,” a party witness told us.

After the display fell, a small phalanx of capable young women with earpieces swarmed and had it taken care of immediately.

Brunch was saved!

Speaking of which, the food is always a highlight: sliders, different kinds of eggs benedict made to order, cones of tuna tartare, an assortment dumplings, lobster tails, crab legs — all kinds of seafood, and an open bar.

Guests spilled out onto the lawn.

According to our party sources, brunch at the Allbrittons was definitely more crowded this year.

All the big Politicos were there… continued…

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“The convenience of the location played a big part,” Chief Operating Officer Sloan Eddleston told FishbowlDC. The office, which sits over the International Spy Museum, features a newsroom with some 30 computers, a library for reporters seeking a quiet respite and a spacious roof deck with a view of the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery (another selling point).

Eddleston said the space was renovated before the TNR crew could move in and that changes to the office were paid for by the owners of the building. He said TNR has signed a multi-year lease, but declined to say how many years.

Notably, most of the computers in the office are desktop PCs with only two or three Macs. Asked if any of the staffers gripe over who uses which computer, TNR Editor-in-Chief Franklin Foer said no. Actually, most of the computers go unused. “I think you find that most people have laptops,” Foer said, “and they’re working off Macs.”

Foer said it’s “very sweet to be in a place that is our home and will be our home for a long time.” Previously, TNR was taking up shelter in an office sublet by the American Grain Council.

The party featured two fully-stocked open bars and another bar where attendees could sample different liquors. WaPo‘s media reporter Erik Wemple was spotted taking a shot of something dark before heading out onto the deck. Catering included copious amounts of humus and cheese, veggie spreads and an assortment of chips.

Throughout the early evening, Chris Hughes, publisher of TNR, was seen… continued…

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“I’ve been to every one of her parties and I’ve written a check for every one of her fucking charities,” groused one ignored journalist who wasn’t invited this year after being a steadfast guest at the annual party for many years. No explanation offered.

The party, like many in Washington, is a cozy mix of politicians, aides, operatives socialites and journalists. Speaking of charity, last year President Obama‘s then-aide David Axelrod, now an MSNBC Contributor, and his wife, Susan, came to the party. (The Axelrod’s have a daughter who has epilepsy.) Actress Lindsay Lohan, who gets arrested every once in awhile, was there, as was supermodel Elle Macpherson.

“I dropped out of the whole thing when Obama got elected and I began to despise the whole Politico-MSNBC nexus,” said a guest who has attended Tammy’s soirée over the years. “Too ass kissy for me. And the sucking up to Axelrod’s wife? Made me want to puke. I honestly can’t even stand being around it, especially when I think of all the people I genuinely like who I never get to see because I have no time. And I’m hanging out with tools instead? No way.” continued…

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He writes,

Friends,

With the White House Correspondent’s Weekend upon us, Peter Cherukuri would like to invite you to a gathering of smart, interesting people who are the next generation of their industry. Whether you have a startup or dreaming up one, please join for a fun brunch event on Saturday. Invitation attached.

WHAT: Startup Brunch

WHERE: 5101 38th Street, NW

WHEN: This Saturday. April 27. 12pm-3pm.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

(Not their motto, but the one we’re giving it.)

Stay tuned for more on this infamous brunch in the next few days.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

On April 30, guests are being invited to the India Embassy for the DC Jazz Fishman Young Artist Series, featuring artists such as vocalist Marianne Solivan, pianist Bruce Barth, bassist Matthew Parrish, and percussionist Gregory Hutchinson. Also in attendance will be the B.O.D. of the DC Jazz Festival and Ambassador of India to the U.S. H.E. Nirupama Rao.

Unfortunately, the most famous name on the Board of Directors, Roberta Flack, will not be attending.

If you’re a man, see your clothing options after the jump… continued…

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CQ Roll Call White House Correspondent Steven Dennis let his White House Correspondents’ Association membership lapse. He renewed it, but decisions had been made. The publication isn’t getting all the seats it wants this year. It’s a better deal than some pubs, which got shut out entirely. Still, this year there will be one table for CQ Roll Call. No extra tickets possible. Pretty strange considering CQ Roll Call has purchased tables at the WHCD for the past 20 years. A recent exchange between the publication and Henry, this year’s president of the WHCA and once the HOH writer for Roll Call, made it clear that the answer was no and that the seats had sold out.

We asked CQ Roll Call to comment on the matter.  continued…

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Rare‘s Publisher Leon Levitt was in full mingle mode. “We think there’s an opportunity for a strong conservative voice that’s not mean spirited,” said Levitt, senior veep at Cox. Really, never mean? “I think you can have an edge without being mean,” he replied.

Though Levitt’s clearly on the business side of the operation, he studied journalism at the University of Las Vegas in 1979. Asked what he learned there, he said, “The most important thing is honesty and integrity.” Then he leaped into the state of journalism today. “We have made journalism much more time-starved,” he remarked. “If you can find the 25th hour in someone’s day, you win.”

Soon enough we got down to the business of asking the members of Rare‘s staff to name the rarest thing about themselves. It’s not an easy question — you don’t want to seem like a pompous prick and yet you’d like to think there’s something worth mentioning. As we reported earlier in the week, American Spectator Editor Bob Tyrrell struggled with the question and finally declared he wasn’t a narcissist like ex-Rep. Anthony Weiner and had no response. He told us to bug his wife, Jean, about it. But she slipped away before we could grill her.

The first person we approached, Rare‘s Managing Editor Tabitha Hale, had an easy time with her answer. “I’m a bit of a hippie,” the long wavy hair blonde in the vintage-style low-cut dress said. “I was raised by Dead Heads.” She spent six years in Nashville working in publishing followed by stints at Freedom works and The Franklin Center. With the tattoo “Love” cascading down her left arm, it was clear she wasn’t a typical political Washington type. She told us she has two other tattoos — one, Ephesians 6, 12 and 13 on the top of her foot; the other she wouldn’t initially discuss (our imaginations went to bad places) but ultimately she said it was something tribal on her back.

Anneke Green, a Rare contributor, also didn’t have to think too hard. “I have a motorcycle, an ’86 Rebel 450,” she said. “They only made them for two years.”

Read about more rarities, see who showed up…

continued…

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Hurry up. It’s from 4p.m. to 6p.m. today.

“Guests will be able to quench their thirst with traditional soda pop favorites and try some new products,” said Chris Gindlesperger, Senior Director of Public Affairs. “We’ll also be serving ice cream floats!”

When pressed on the matter, Gindlesperger elaborated. “As you know, we’re the non-alcoholic beverage industry, so, in terms of drinks, think: Coke, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Snapple, Honest Tea, Gatorade, Powerade, Dasani, Aquafina.”

A good visualization of their member companies brands is here.  All will be offered today along with light fare.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

All eyes are sure to be on Sharon Stone, who will be attending with the Creative Coalition entourage.

The venue is Neyla in Georgetown. The other hosts and Creative Coalition members: Tracy Morgan, Sam Trammell, Kevin McHale, Giancarlo Esposito, Tim Daly, Patricia Arquette, Leslie David Baker, Josh Radnor and Beth Behrs, among others.

See sponsorship details… continued…

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Such was the case last night at the launch of the new conservative media outlet, Rare, at the Newseum where American Spectator founder Editor-in-Chief Bob Tyrrell was mingling and toasting his longtime friend and Editor-in-Chief Brett Decker (both pictured at right). Asked if he was worried about Rare digging in his readership, he remarked, “I’m not nervous about much of anything, especially after a glass of wine.”

The longtime conservative Washington editor reasoned, “Financially we’re a lot stronger than the liberal media. Rare is starting out, I think it looks very promising.” Tyrrell joked about the Washington Post constantly changing it’s bottom line. And what about TWT‘s ongoing financial issues? “They’re still coming out everyday,” he replied.

Turns out Tyrrell is quite the talker after a little vino. We’re not suggesting he was inebriated, just that he was ready to let his hair down a little and dish, especially on the recent NYT Magazine story about Weiner. Asked to name the rarest thing about himself, Tyrrell hemmed and hawed and struggled to come up with an answer. Instead he said, “Answering this question assumes that I’m a narcissist. You want a narcissist? Ask Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer. Weiner? Hell, he’ll even send you a picture!”

Asked if he’d read the lengthy weekend magazine story on Weiner, Tyrrell said that there have been a shocking three NYT stories on Weiner in recent days, including a piece by Frank Bruni. “I found it soporific,” he said of the magazine feature (which means it induced drowsiness, much like a narcotic). “He’s interested in you women, so how you feel about him matters.”

And then, the penis joke. continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

This is too much!

In Wednesday’s Politico Playbook, Mike Allen writes about the MSNBC Joe Scarborough‘s surprise 50th birthday party. Allen, a “Morning Joe” regular, posted a variety of pictures, including one of NBC’s David Gregory in the moonlight, he wrote about “Le Menu” — which included mini burgers and mini pastrami bites — and then he concluded with a big mass of sightings, which included none other than himself.

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CQ Roll Call is hosting its annual cocktail soirée at the Washington Hilton prior to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner on April 27.

Martini glass rating (1-4): 3 Once you’re into the Hilton it’s not that hard to get into all the parties. Getting into this won’t isn’t impossible, but it’s not a sure thing, either. Some pre-parties are strict, with gatekeepers holding fast to their clipboards at the door. Others are more lax. (The rating system: One martini glass is easy, four is impossible)

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.