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CPAC Day 2 Awards

I returned for Day 2 of CPAC on Friday because – A) I hate myself, B) I was paid to, C) I had nothing better to do, or D) all of the above. There is no wrong answer.

It wasn’t all that bad, to be honest. Here’s the best (it’s all relative) of what I saw.

Coolest Celebrity – Allen Covert. Who is Allen Covert, you ask? If you’ve ever seen an Adam Sandler movie, you’ve seen Allen. He’s also the star of “Grandma’s Boy,” the video game and weed loving comedy from a few years ago. (It’s very funny, check it out on DVD.) Very unassuming, very nice, very funny and very short.

Uncoolest Celebrity – Callista Gingrich’s hair. OK, that’s mean, and unfortunately, true. But there really weren’t many celebs running around today, and Callista’s hair IS something to behold. Victoria Jackson was spotted, but this category has the word “celebrity” in the title, and she doesn’t qualify.

The “Everywhere” Guy – Dave Weigel. Slate’s blogger was everywhere today. Every time I turned around he was in my face. So much so that I checked behind the toilet when I closed the door in the stall. For the record, he wasn’t there. At one point I saw him wandering around with an open laptop, as if he was trying to type and walk simultaneously. He even found time to attend the reception for Fred Karger, fringe presidential hopeful. That he even knows who Karger is shows that he was absolutely everywhere today. Now that I think of it, I probably should’ve looked closer behind that stall.

The “I’m Here, Please Notice Me” Guy. The winner of this category wasn’t there today (I could tell by the lack of cheap cigar stench and frightened looks on the faces of women), but he took to Facebook to defend his winning this yesterday. Former TWT Editorial Page Editor Richard Miniter, last spotted looking desperate to be recognized in the lobby bar, wrote of his award, “…one has to pass through the bar to get to the hotel restaurant. And I was stopped by several people…” That’s simply not true, there are several ways around the bar, and none require pirouetting in the middle of it. I await his acceptance speech for this award as soon as this pops up in the Google alert he clearly has on his name. Editor’s note: As we’ve previously noted on this site, all domestic violence claims made by former political aide Italia Federici against Minister were dismissed in a court of law. Federici pleaded guilty in June 2007 to tax evasion and obstructing the United States Senate investigation into the Jack Abramoff Indian lobbying scandal. She got four years probation.

Biggest Entourage – Author and Conservative Commentator Ann Coulter. The tall, slender bomb-thrower marched through the blogger’s lounge, radio row and the book signing area with quite an entourage. But, unlike many of the self-important crowd around town, Ann’s gaggle wasn’t Turtle, Johnny Drama and “E,” it was security. And she needed it. Believe it or not, Ann has a lot of people who don’t like her much. Not many of them attend CPAC, but it only takes one.

Smallest Entourage – Grover Norquist. The bearded brain of the anti-tax crowd would have won the “Everywhere” Guy award, but he didn’t show up to Fred Karger’s party. Short of that, he was everywhere else, and usually by himself or with just one staffer. I’m not sure anyone talked to more reporters, bloggers, podcasters and random dudes who just wanted to say “hi” than Grover.

Most Rousing Speech – BigGov’s Andrew Breitbart. Anyone who says “bullshit” from the podium at CPAC and gets a standing ovation for it is a personal hero. But simply dropping a “bovine turd” wasn’t the only time he brought the crowd to their feet, it was just the last of many standing ovations Breitbart got for a speech that took shots at the media, the President, Democrats in general and the “Occupy” crowd. Even admitting he had been so distracted that he hadn’t showered, while gross, got the amped-up crowd going.

Least Rousing Speech – Radio personality Laura Ingraham. Some people in the crowd liked it, but they probably also believe she’s a nice, friendly person. Canned speech, “meh” delivery and you have a big whiff.

Don’t stop reading now. More awards after the jump…

Least Impressive Protest – The Occupy CPACers. They where there, but very few people knew it. They were far away and small in numbers. They had their stupid chants and drums, but they were really only noticed by attendees going out for lunch. I would tell you what their message was, but it seems to simply be they don’t like CPAC or the people who attend it. Beyond that, it was difficult to get a coherent answer from anyone in their crowd. Seemed a little early to be drinking to me, but live and let live.

Least Impressive Overall – CPAC Organizers. The Internet barely and rarely worked, registration was a nightmare and the whole thing seemed about as organized as a birthday party put together at noon the day of by bad parents who forgot they had kids.

The Presidential candidates were all there (minus Ron Paul), but they stuck mostly to stump speeches. Given the protests, and the hype leading up to the protests, you’d think this would be the most eventful day of the conference. But it wasn’t.

The protesters returned  Saturday, but who cares about the last day of a conference? Especially when it’s a Saturday!

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