Freedom Rocks
In the whirlwind that was Christmas, you may have missed a special holiday ode, performed by Washington Post music critic J. Freedom du Lac (taking the cake for coolest name for a reporter–sorry runners-up: Fox Butterfield, Jenny 8. Lee and R.W. Apple).
Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the heezy/
Not a creature was stirring, not even Young Jeezy
It gets even better…the rest of this priceless gem after the jump…
The iPods were hung by the chimney with care/
In hopes that Saint Etienne soon would be there
The bearded elite were nestled all snug in their beds/
While visions of Pitchfork danced in their heads
And mamma in her ‘do rag, and I in my cap/
Had just settled down for a freestyle rap
When over the speakers there arose such a clatter/
I sprang from the bed to the sound of Skynyrd’s “Mad Hatter”
Away to the window I flew like Grandmaster Flash/
Tore open the shutters and put on some Johnny Cash
The “Pink Moon” on the breast of the new-fallen Phoebe Snow/
Gave the Gus Gus track, “Anthem,” to the Freedom Rockers below
When, what to my wondering ears should appear/
But a miniature Viva K, and eight tiny Bob Weirs
With a little old drummer, so lively and quick/
I knew in a moment it must be Lars Ulrich
More rapid than eagles his kick drums they came/
And he whistled, and shouted, and pounded insane
“Now, Hetfield! Now, Burton! Now, Hammett and Mustaine!/
On, Newsted! On Trujillo! (But off with the manes)!”
“To the top of the riser! To the top of Paul Wall!/
Now mosh away! Mosh away! Mosh to ‘Kill ‘Em All!’”
As dry heaves that before Three 6 Mafia’s “Stay Fly”/
When they meet with Interpol’s “Obstacle 1″ or Kanye’s “Touch the Sky”
So up to the house party the Corrs they flew/
With the sleigh full of “In America” soundtracks, and St. Bono too
And then, in a twinkling, I started to raise the roof/
Upon hearing “This Magnificent Bird Will Rise” by San Francisco’s Deerhoof.
As I drew in my hand to crank up the sound/
Down the chimney Cam’ron came with a bound
He was dressed all in purple fur, from his head to his foot/
And the keys to his pink Range Rover were all tarnished with ashes and soot
A bundle of bling he had flung on his back/
And he looked like his boy Juelz, or maybe Craig Mack
His eyes – how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!/
His cheeks were like Stone Roses (and isn’t this ripe for some 50 Cent commentary?)
Somehow, Cam turned into Bob Marley, wouldn’t you know/
And the tips of his dreads were as white as the snow
The stump of a spliff he held tight in his teeth/
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath
He had an angelic face and not much of a belly/
No Elvis-like tendencies to eat peanut butter-and-banana sandwiches (hold the jelly)
He was iconic and inspiring, a revolutionary old elf/
And I felt irie when I saw him, in spite of Ronnie Self
A wink of his eye and a twist of his natty dreads/
Soon gave me to know I had nothing on my head
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work/
And sang “Redemption Song,” then a duet with Solomon Burke
And laying his finger aside Weezer’s “Dope Nose”/
And giving a nod, up the chimney with Loretta’s “Van Lear Rose”
He sprang to his sleigh, to the I-Three gave a whistle/
And away they all flew, out of Jamrock like a missile
But I heard him exclaim, as he made an exodus out of sight/
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Jack White.
Freedom Rock, 2005
Create a social media strategy, launch your campaign, and track the results in our 
Nadine Cheung
Editor, The Job Post
FishbowlDC Twitter feed loading...
