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Journos Who Could be Porn Stars

Which Washington journalists have names that could easily be those of porn stars? As it turns out, quite a few. Now before everyone flips out (not that Washington journalists would ever do that), we’re talking about their actual names and not insinuating that these esteemed members of the media either look like porn stars or would ever partake in the profession.

10. Jason Dick, CQ Roll Call. — We start with the painfully obvious. Anyone with “dick” in his or her surname name deserves an automatic slot on this list. Growing up in a small town in Arizona wasn’t easy with a name like his, especially because his mom taught at his junior high. “From about 4th grade on, ‘Izza’ became my middle name,” he told FishbowlDC. “By the time I got to high school, I took a kind of Cyrano-like pride in the nicknames. My favorite one is derived from my grandfather, who was a professional boxer in Arizona in the 1920s. His nickname (and now mine to several close friends): Cactus Dick. His mom might have had it worse…“Although at least her students were creative about it,” Dick said. “She was an English teacher who marked her paperback books in the classroom with the name ‘Dick’ on masking tape. Her students one day peeled them off and placed them accordingly with the titles of young adult fiction that she stocked. The results were pretty hilarious. A sampling: ‘The Chocolate Dick’ (The Chocolate War), ‘A Separate Dick’ (A Separate Peace).”

9. Eddie Scarry, The Blaze. — Anyone with such a fake, racy name like this has to make the list. Early on when we first met Eddie, we asked, “Is your name for real?” He assured us it was. In fact, it’s a region or city in Ireland. He’s not quite sure which. “Fuck if I know,” he replied when we inquired about the history of his porno-sounding name. “I’m part Irish and there’s a place in Ireland called Scarry.”

8. Dave Weigel, Slate. — We know what you’re thinking. You guys in the Fishbowl ALWAYS pick on him. You just don’t like him. Well, the former might be true, and so may the latter for that matter, but the fact is, “Teri Weigel” (pictured at right) is an actual adult film star, so there’s semi-solid reasoning here. She’s also a nude model and Playboy Playmate. Do not Google Teri Weigel — NSFW.

7. Ginger Gibson, Politico. — Ginger is a very adult filmesque name. It reeks redness and hotness. No offense, Ginger. We know you’re a serious-minded political reporter. We’re the ones with the dirty minds, although we’re kind of surprised that Taylor Bigler, Daily Caller‘s resident horny-minded slideshow artist, didn’t come up with this first.

6. Taylor Bigler, Daily Caller. — I was on the fence on Bigler, honestly, but colleague Peter Ogburn was adamant that BIGler was suitable for this list. Not that he watches porn (constantly) but he might be a better judge.

See the remaining 5 journo-porn names...Above graphic by Austin Price

5. Dick Morris, columnist, The Hill. Not to be outdone by the aforementioned Jason Dick, we continue with our “dick” in your name theory and Morris easily makes the list. His presence here is many fold, as he was once known for his toe-sucking escapades at the Jefferson Hotel with a prostitute. He resigned from Bill Clinton’s presidential campaign as an advisor and has obviously since fallen out of favor with him and the rest of the family. The rest of his scuzzy behavior aside, who wouldn’t succumb to seeing the searing images of Morris in an adult film? Please tell me who among us, even if we had to wake up at 3 a.m. and don noise-cancelling earphones, wouldn’t have to take a gander?

4. Rosie Gray, BuzzFeed. What more could you want in a porn star’s name? “Her name is both feminine and mysterious,” noted a close consultant to FBDC.

3. Gabe Finger, summer intern, The Daily Caller. Much like Jason Dick, this one is painfully obvious. Come on, Finger? And then he makes a spectacularly ballsy spectacle of himself last week by daring to ask White House Press Secretary Jay Carney–gasp!–a question. We imagine a film starring Finger might be called “The Summer Intern’s X-Rated Field Trip to the White House.” Oh, has that one already been done?

2. Jake Tapper, CNN. We could have a field day with this one. Tapper? I barely even know her! It could even lead to the ultimate DC sex move: “Tappering.” We can’t imagine what tricky moves would be involved, but we imagine it involves a hairbrush and a picture of Wolf Blitzer. (Who also has kind of a porny name, now that we think about it.)

1. Jonathan Strong, National Review. This name SCREAMS porn star. It’s big and strong and smells of brawn and well, you get the idea before we go any further with that. Strong was formerly called “J-Strong” around the Daily Caller newsroom and he took the nickname in stride. No, there’s no “dick” in his name like some of the others mentioned here, but it’s just subtle enough to make his name the biggest, brightest potential porn star name here.

Peter Ogburn contributed to this report.

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