On Friday evening, New York’s finest comedians (or those that were free) offered Washingtonians a break from the WHCD hoopla at the Writers Guild East’s “Writers Speak!”

Emceed by Colbert Report’s Opus Moreschi, the event packed the Newseum with journos and DC notables seeking refuge from the Hollywood onslaught. Spotted were Politico’s Roger Simon, columnist Mark Shields and Taxpayer’s Union’s Grover Norquist.

Here are some of the best (by best we mean, suitable for publish) quips from each of the performers:

Matt Goldich (Best Week Ever):
On President Obama: “I really feel like I have a personal connection with him. The other day I was on my roof and the president flew by on Air Force One and waved.”

Bill Scheft (Late Show with David Letterman):
“Nobody in New York has any money. Eliott Spitzer had to put three whores on layaway.”

J.R. Havlan (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart):
“If you are wearing a Bluetooth 24 hours a day you better be a cab driver or trying to kill Jack Bauer.”

Anthony Jeselnick (Late Night with Jimmy Fallon):
“The first thing I look for in a girl is intelligence, that way if she doesn’t have it – she’s mine.”

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Reception on the Terrace at the Newseum (foreground left: Tom Fontana; center: WGAE President Michael Winship)

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Panel discussion (from left to right): WGAE President Michael Winship; Opus Moreschi (The Colbert Report); Tim Carvell (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart), J.R. Havlan (The Late Show with Jon Stewart)