That’s a headline I never thought I’d write. After spending weeks watching D.C. stylist Paul Wharton on TV as host of “Paul Wharton Style,” I would’ve thought that the only way he could fight crime would be sassing an evil-doer into submission.

But, I was wrong.

Wharton is helping to promote CrimePush Security, a new app for iPhone and Android that describes itself as “a revolutionary crime reporting and public safety application unveiled a number of new features designed to keep citizens and students safe.” With a name like “CrimePush”, it sounds like the least fun sexual position ever created.

How does it work? The app allows the smartphone user to report crimes directly to law enforcement officials with the touch of a button. If you see someone trying to break into a car, just use CrimePush. If you see someone holding up a gas station, just use CrimePush. If you see someone wearing suspenders AND a belt, don’t use CrimePush. They don’t handle crimes of fashion. You’ll need Wharton for that.

You can learn about the many new features and where to find the app at www.crimepush.com. In the meantime, Wharton, without even being asked, assures us, “Yes, I am getting a skintight Superman costume and a fresh blow out.”

We would expect nothing less.