How do conservatives survive a stint on HBO’s “Real Time” with Bill Maher? First, they spell his name right.

An email circulating the story today reads, “How conservatives survive a stint on Bill Mahrer [sic].” No offense, TWT — spelling gaffes happen to the best and worst of us.

The meat of the story by Patrick Hruby is insightful. They provide a “Real Time” Survival Guide for conservatives who choose to go on the show. The gist of it: Prepare your ass off or be prepared to be embarrassed. Those quoted in the story include Reason‘s Nick Gillespie, former Rep. Rick Lazio (R-N.Y.), GBTV’s Amy Holmes, and Americans for Tax Reform President Grover Norquist.

TWT goes relatively easy Maher. They essentially write that he’s a polite potty mouth with a large staff who knows the issues.

A quote from Lazio points to a sentimental side of Maher not usually displayed on TV:

“I wouldn’t keep doing the show if people were talking over me and not letting me express my point of view,” Mr. Lazio said. “Bill doesn’t do that. The last time I was on, he came up to me afterward and said, ‘I know it’s very difficult for you and people who are more conservative to come on the show, and I just want you to know I do appreciate and respect the fact that you were willing to do this.’ Now, I don’t need to hear that. But it’s nice.”

This week we once again assess the number of ding-a-lings scheduled to appear on the Sunday morning talk show roundtables. This feature appears to be catching on. At a Cartoons & Cocktails event at the Newseum last night, a FishbowlDC reader asked about the frame for our beautiful artistic penis picture. It was a proud moment. More importantly, let’s hope the powers that be remember to put more women on their panels in the weeks to come. The numbers this week are pretty dismal. But as usual, NBC’s Chris Matthews has his usual 50 percent female panel.

CBS’s “Face the Nation”: 0

Kevin Madden, GOP Consultant
John Dickerson, Slate, CBS News Political Analyst

(Noteworthy: Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) is one of the guests)

NBC’s “Meet the Press”: 1

David Brooks, Columnist, NYT
Harold Ford, Jr., Former Congressman (D-TN)
Jack Welch, Former Chairman and CEO, General Electric
Andrea Mitchell, Chief Foreign Affairs Correspondent, NBC News

(Noteworthy: Sec. of State Hillary Clinton is one of the guests.)

ABC’s “This Week”: 2

Martha Raddatz; ABC News; Rick Stengel, TIME Managing Editor; Donna Brazile, Democratic Strategist; Matt Dowd, ABC News; Frank Luntz, Republican Pollster; Jake Tapper, ABC News; George Will, ABC News.

FNC’s “Fox News Sunday”: 1 (Proudly blacklisted by Fox News PR since June 2010. We’ll get you the names as soon as we can hunt them down.We may have to rely on our Cabbage Patch friend Matt Mackowiak when he reveals the FNC guests in Politico Mike Allen’s Saturday Playbook.)

UPDATE: The panel: Brit Hume, David Drucker, Kimberley Strassel and Juan Williams

(Sec. of State Hillary Clinton and GOP Presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann appeared on the program.)

NBC’s “The Chris Matthews Show”: 2

TIME‘s Michael Duffy and Kelly O’Donnell, NBC News
David Ignatius, WaPo
Gloria Borger, CNN

CNN’s “Reliable Sources”: 1

Jim Lehrer, PBS

(Amy Holmes appeared on the program.)

WETA’s “Washington Week with Gwen Ifill”: 2

ABC News’ Martha Raddatz, Doyle McManus, LAT, Dan Balz, WaPo, and Gloria Borger, CNN. (Airs on Friday and repeats on Saturday.)

We’ll update as we receive the info.

Apparently Ann Coulter isn’t the only one who sends her book covers to Matt Drudge for approval.

Last night, at a party for Andrew Breitbart‘s new book “Righteous Indignation” hosted by The Daily Caller and Americans for Tax Reform, Breitbart admitted to doing the same.

Drudge told Breitbart he looked “like [he] went 10 rounds and won.” He also sought the advice of former Daily Caller columnist S.E. Cupp of GlennBeck.com, who said, “You look like Rip Torn when he got caught with his D.U.I.”

In brief speeches at the soiree, ATR’s Chris Butler said the book was “wonderful” and that he’d “devoured it,” while Daily Caller Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson called the night an “opportunity to bask in the glory of Andrew Breitbart.”

Breitbart then took the mic. Some of the best quotes:

• After cursing a few times: “My enemies are those who wouldn’t allow these expletives at a conservative party.” Carlson shouted “Fuck yeah!”
• “I know you’re supposed to be polite in this town.”
• MSNBC’s Martin Bashir “planted the seed of suicide in Michael Jackson‘s head.”

The party, at ATR’s downtown office, featured an open bar and free copies of Breitbart’s book, which he signed: “Fight the man!”

Among the hundreds of guests: Politico‘s Mike Allen, HuffPost‘s Jon Ward, Weekly Standard‘s Stephen F. Hayes, Republican pollster and CNN contributor Kellyanne Conway, NMS’ and formerly Washington Examiner‘s J.P. Freire, Cullen Murphy of the Atlantic, Human Events‘ Jason Mattera, Tony Blankley, CNN contributor Amy Holmes, recent Daily Caller hires Ginny Thomas and Publicist Kurt Bardella, ATR’s Grover Norquist, and Washington Examiner‘s Byron York, Tim Carney, and “Yeas & Nays” columnist Nikki Schwab. Also in attendance were TWT’s Liz Glover and Wonkette‘s Riley Waggaman, who were hoping to speak with Breitbart about the recent Wonkette controversy over a story the site published mocking Trig Palin.

We hope they made it home safely.

UPDATE: Waggaman emailed to clarify that Glover was there representing TWT, not Wonkette, and that her editors had other questions for her to ask Breitbart. He also said he had no plan to ask Breitbart about the Wonkette story. “When I am at an event with Breitbart, my primary objective is to get a silly photo with him, or maybe even let him squeeze my ass,” he wrote.

QUOTES of the DAY

C-SPAN as a sleep aid

“No offense to C-SPAN, but if you have trouble falling asleep, it’s awesome.” — Ed Rendell, NBC News Political Analyst on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” this morning.

Politico allows ‘fart’ into feature

“All calls for bipartisanship should be responded to with a fart in Joe Lieberman’s general direction.” GQ‘s Ana Marie Cox in a quote in a Politico feature on SOTU drinking game. (Farting? Wow. Pretty edgy prose for Politico editors…)

CNN’s Henry distances himself from Kardashian

“haha to be clear i was RT’ing Piers NOT Kim” — CNN Senior White House Correspondent Ed Henry explained in a Monday tweet that he was RT new colleague Piers Morgan, not Kim Kardashian, a recent guest on Morgan’s show. (Morgan had writtten, “Come on, let’s help a damsel in distress RT @KimKardashian I’m soooo close to 6 Million followers! OMG Please RT and push me to 6 Milli.”)

Katie Couric does D.C.

“In D.C. for state of the union…watching Conan…Larry King, Sean White band called Iron and Wine. Nice show Conan!” — CBS News’s Katie Couric in a Monday night tweet.

Scribe on pins and needles waiting for Olbermann’s first words

“THE ANTICIPATION!! So this must be what it felt just before the first telegraph was sent #waitingforolbermann.” — Politico‘s Patrick Gavin in a Monday night tweet after fallen MSNBC host Keith Olbermann wrote, “At exactly 8 Eastern tonight I will issue my first tweet. Well, other than THIS.” Then later, “My humble thanks to all Friends of Keith for the many kind words. The reports of the death of my career are greatly exaggerated #FOK.”

Gossip writer has a request

“Can we please, please, please retire the word “nom”? It is meaningless and overused.” — Roll Call HOH writer Ali McSherry in a Monday tweet.

Is Politico paying him to write this?

“One of my favorite lines: ‘News…was first reported by Politico.’” — Politico reporter Jake Sherman in a Monday tweet.

FNC anchor boasts of ‘fair and balanced’ day ahead

“Having breakfast with Speaker Boehner and lunch at the White House. Nothing like a fair and balanced meal plan – SOTU comes once a year.” — FNC anchor Bret Baier in a Tuesday morning tweet.

Anticipating what POTUS won’t say

“Words no President has ever spoken in a State of the Union Address: ‘Please hold your applause till I finish speaking.’” — CBS White House Radio Correspondent Mark Knoller in a Tuesday morning tweet.

Incoherent quote (but we get the gist)

“Ms Holmes pls try to be truth [sic] on the tv when you are asked [sic] we are suprise [sic] when you are making your points.” – An Anonymous Tipster to FBDC tries to tell us (we think) that he or she doesn’t care for the words of conservative commentator Amy Holmes, who appeared on MSNBC’s “The Ed Show” Monday night.

Reporter amused by Coburn’s fresh shave

“Tom Coburn shaved for his date tonight with Chuck Schumer! #cute #SOTU” — Politico‘s Meredith Shiner in a Tuesday morning tweet.

Dal LaMagna having a swinging good time at Comet Ping Pong.

Last night’s book party for Dal LaMagna (a.k.a. Tweezerman) was something to see. As shown above, there’s Dal swinging from a light fixture at Comet Ping Pong. The book is Raising Eyebrows, A Failed Entrepreneur Finally Gets it Right. “I can’t believe what a cross section of friends I have,” Dal told the crowd while standing atop a chair. “It’s quite remarkable.”

Remarkable indeed. Take a lesson Michaele and Tareq. No fete is complete without party crashers. And this one had crashers of the leopard and zebra variety. It wasn’t even pre-Halloween weirdness. They work at National Geographic (he works in editorial as a coordinator; she’s an intern. They say it’s consensual.)

The animal couple, Willie Schubert and Laura Newcomer, are partaking in a social experiment that will debut Monday on a blog detailing their travails. The point is simple (well, sort of). They don skin tight animal onesies and go out amidst the rest of the human population and see what happens. They go to museums, liquor stores, on the Metro – and apparently to book parties to which they haven’t been invited. “You wear a suit like this and you make your way into the party,” Schubert says, explaining that reaction to them has been largely positive. “People hand me their children.” (Security guards, however, bristle. One in the Metro ordered them to remove their hoods.) Coincidentally, Newcomer admitted to owning LaMagna’s famous tweezers.

Spotted in the crowd imbibing and eating delectable pizza: NJ‘s Matt Cooper, FishbowlDC and QGA’s Matt Dornic (among the hosts), Juleanna Glover (lobbyist and fellow host), Daily Caller Spokeswoman Becca Glover, FD’s Mary Kathryn Covert, Media Consultant Anne Schroeder Mullins, Wahington Life’s Kevin Chaffee and John Arundel, CNN’s Edie Emery, TIME‘s Jay Newton-Small, Politico‘s Patrick Gavin, Michael Steel, press sec to House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio), Host Committee member Glenn Ballard, Washington Life photog Kyle Samperton, American Morning News radio host Amy Holmes, CBS’s Christine Delargy, Tim Burger (former Time scribe), Heather Podesta, a lobbyist, and Code Pink Founder Medea Benjamin.

Glenn Ballard gets kissed by the Social Experiment

The owners of Half Yard Productions with the Real Housewives of DC cast.

Extra, CNN, WaPo, the Examiner, Politics Daily, Politico, The Hill, CBS and NBC are just a few of the media outlets that showed up to cover last night’s premiere and screening party for Bravo’s “Real Housewives of DC,” held at the Madison Hotel in downtown Washington.

The invite-only fete featured all of the “housewives” and their families except for White House crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi who hosted their own pay-for party down the street at Josephine — a good move considering the crowd at the Madison booed the notorious couple each time they appeared on screen.

Even without the Salahis, the event offered its fair share of drama and whispers when Lynda Erkiletian arrived with a Secret Service-looking security detail of four in tow. More catty comments were made about Catherine Ommanney who showcased her sickly physique by wearing a tacky, slinky, backless dress.

But it wasn’t all would-be reality stars….Washington media was out in full force. FishbowlDC caught up with Politico‘s Kiki Ryan, the Yeas and Nays ladies – Nikki Schwab and Katy Adams, Liz Glover, WaPo’s Amy Argetsinger, Amy Holmes, The Hill‘s Emily Goodin, Omarosa, The Hill‘s Christina Wilkie, Washington Life‘s Michael Clements, Politics Daily’s Annie Groer, NBC’s Janet Donovan, Mix 107.3′s Tommy McFly, WUSA’s Angie Goff, CBS News’ Christine Delargy and even Washingtonian‘s Garret Graff whose knowledge and love for reality television baffled and amazed us.

L: Lynda Erkiletian R: Stacie Scott Turner

The media frenzy at the Madison.

A few more pics after the jump.

Read more

L: Glenn Ballard, Christine Delargy, Christina Sevilla and Jay Newton-Small R: Valerie Jarrett.

Hoards of journalists came out to the Washington Hilton last night to celebrate DC with Conde Nast Traveler magazine. The fete was inspired by the May issue featuring First Lady Michelle Obama on the cover.

Editor in Chief Klara Glowczewska and Vice President and Publisher Chris Mitchell hosted notable media types such as Chris Lehmann, GQ’s Ana Marie Cox, ABC’s Rick Klein, “America’s Morning News” host Amy Holmes, Politico’s Amie Parnes, Patrick Gavin, James Hohmann and Jonathan Martin, CBS’ Christine Delargy, TIME’s Jay Newton-Small, NBC’s Betsy Fischer, Tammy Haddad, Bloomberg’s Sarah Feinberg, Laura Ingraham, NPR’s Michele Norris and Lauren Vicary.

And though Valerie Jarrett was the guest of honor, she wasn’t the only White House rep on hand. Also in attendance were the First Lady’s Chief of Staff Sharon Sher, Communications Director Camille Johnston, Press Secretary Katie McCormick Lelyveld and Ebs Burnough from the White House Social Office.

Christina Sevilla, Lauren Vicary, Tammy Haddad.

L: Amy Holmes with Anne Schroeder Mullins R: Jay Newton-Small with Rick Klein.

This just in (when it rains it pours, I know…).
NBC Washington posted this photograph of former CNN contributor Amy Holmes on its website from an Oliver Stone event at Teatro Goldoni Wednesday night.

Since Holmes is so concerned about making sure everyone knows the latest on her career, I wonder if she’ll call NBC Washington before the crack of dawn to let them know that she’s no longer a CNN contributor, unlike the above photo tag that reads: CNN political contributor Amy Holmes and CBS News White House correspondent Bill Plante.

It’s 5:43 a.m. And Amy Holmes, host of Talk Radio Network’s “America’s Morning News,” is calling. About her resume. About her ever-changing career. Because she thinks its important that she clarify…something.

I, of course, don’t answer the phone at this hour because I’m, well, sleeping.

Holmes, it appears by the sound of her caffeinated voice, is wide
awake and agitated over an item I wrote Tuesday. The item highlighted a survey that ran in Politico on CNN’s Reliable Sources Host Howard Kurtz‘s Top 20 guest list since January of 2000. The story questioned Kurtz’s choice of guests, and suggested some other journos might be as worthy as those in his Top 20. Holmes, I wrote, has appeared on his show 18 times, making her number 13 out of 20.

I reported that after the 2008 election cycle, CNN choose not to keep
her on as a CNN contributor (although CNN still lists
her as such on its website. Might want to fix that).

Holmes in her frantic crack-of-dawn phone message claimed I made
factual errors, but has yet to back that assertion up with evidence.

But that was just the beginning.

11am: Another angry email tirade arrives from Holmes, but this time
she’s bringing more people into the fold with various CC’s, hoping
that they might have her back.

“The piece was in error regarding my tenure as a CNN contributor.” At
the end she remarked, “I’ve called and left a message with her, but
have gotten no response. Should I be surprised?”

But she wasn’t done there. Then she started looping in her old pals in
CNN’s PR department.

To this day,she has yet to explain how our item was in error, but
perhaps we’ll grant her this: At 5 in the morning, does anybody really
know what they’re talking about?

L: Winston Lord and Amy Holmes R: Philippe Cousteau and Kiki Ryan

Political analyst Amy Holmes, Examiner’s Tara Palmeri, Brightest Young Things founder Svetlana Legetic, Politico’s Kiki Ryan, bloggers Kate Michael and Pamela Sorensen, ABC 7′s Pamela Brown and VanityFair.com’s Erica Flint were just a few of the folks to help editor Jeff Dufour and UrbanDaddy celebrate Patron tequila with a private dinner at the Embassy of Finland on Friday.

To sign up for Dufour’s daily emails or to get in the know, check out UrbanDaddy DC here.

Ambassador Pekka Lintu, Laurel Colless and Jeff Dufour

L: Svetlana Legetic and Jeff Dufour R: Pamela Brown and Kate Michael enter the Embassy of Finland

*Photo credit Kaveh Sardari courtesy of UrbanDaddy