“I’m glad my four-star general got a four-star penis. That’s what I like. … I LOVE a good scandal. Ooooooh!!” – Comedian Loni Love on E!’s “Chelsea Lately” show last night.

Uh oh. Howard Kurtz: Shirtless?

“Feeling out of the loop for not having any shirtless photos of myself. Maybe that’s the new business card.” — CNN and Newsweek/The Daily Beast‘s Sexy Beast Howard Kurtz.

Gay activist hopes for dirty pics

“You know that in all those tens of thousands of emails that there have to be some pictures….there has to be.” — GOProud Co-founder Jimmy LaSalvia.

Actress weighs in on Petraeus scandal

“Petraeus thing getting weirder. How about the unstable sister and the judge? Still, it’s a crying shame. Many lives in ruins. — Bette Midler.

Meghan reinvents herself and the GOP

“I decided I will now refer to myself and others like me as ‘modern republicans’ not ‘moderate’. I think it’s a better description. #evolve” — MSNBC and The Daily Beast‘s Meghan McCain.

Important Question to Ponder: “WTF is your job as a flak if you literally refuse to talk to reporters? What an embarrassment.” — Mother Jones‘ Nick Baumann.

Sighting: Jada Pinkett Smith

“Spotted in Senate subways: Jada Pinkett Smith.” — Bloomberg Senate Leadership reporter Kate Hunter.

WaPo‘s Chris Cillizza becomes the Scolder-in-Chief

“Rove twitpic with Paul Broadwell is from JUNE. Come on people.” — WaPo‘s Chris Cillizza.

Sen. Kerry breaks promise to press

“Sen. John Kerry promised reporters he’d come out to the mics to talk after closed Benghazi briefing, then gives us the slip. Sneaky.” — Fox News’ Kara Rowland.

A journo has something good to say about Amtrak for a change, a GOP operative is going to flip out during his commute any day now and NBC MTP’s Betsy Fischer Martin has an observation about military marriages …

continued…

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“Nations Triathlon done in 3:08 (Olympic). Now, about that milkshake…” — Politico‘s Patrick Gavin, who completed Sunday’s triathlon. Our own Peter Ogburn also finished the race. His time was six minutes ahead of Gavin’s.

Journo declares she’s not pregnant!

“Tornado has passed. Thank the Lord. I am headed to grocery store. I am nesting (did I just say that). I’ll explain later. NO not Preggers!” — Essence and theGrio columnist Sophia Nelson.

Editor gets socked in face by dog

“Playing with Fergus just now, he punched me in the face. Lesson: Great Danes have a hell of a right cross. Also, #shiner.” — New York magazine’s National Affairs Editor John Heilemann.

Reading between the lines

“Whenever a newspaper announces a major redesign sell its stock short. Redesign is the last refuge of a desperate management.” — Barron‘s Washington Editor James McTague.

The “optics” of Mitt and Ann on MTP

“I am sorry, but this thing about Ann Romney joining Mitt on MTP is just plain weird.” — The optics are horrible- makes him look weak.” — Quinn & Gillespie’s Jim Manley, a former longtime Democratic Senate aide. “Wasn’t it just ystd that Ann Romney was refusing to answer tough political questions? I hope to god mtp won’t let her get away with that.” A follower agreed, asking,”Why can’t the chickenshit go on MTP by himself to actually answer some substantive policy questions? Uses Ann for protection.” MTP Executive Producer Betsy Fischer Martin tried to make it sound all nicey nice, and replied directly to Manley: “We had a long sitdown with Mitt solo this morning. Mrs. Romney joined for a short convo Friday on the Bus! Glad they did it.”

Pundit faces disappointing donut issue at airport

“Seriously, who eats cold donuts? It’s 5:21 am! I can’t stand cold donuts. Don’t know why donut joints at airports don’t have microwaves.” — CNN Contributor Roland Martin over the weekend.

And other traveling journos see glass half empty

“They forced me to check my bag. I assume they’ll lose it. I don’t really need those clothes anyway.” — The Washington Examiner‘s David Freddoso.

“That brief moment of disappointment when you step off the moving walkway and you’re slow again.” – The Takeaway‘s Washington radio correspondent Todd Zwillich.

Homeward Bound

“I miss my kids so much that I can’t wait till I hear them whine.#thatwontlast” — The Hill‘s Managing Editor Bob Cusack after two weeks of convention coverage.

VandeHei on Maher

“Politico’s VandeHei claims Dems just as big liars as Repubs–classic Politico–and Maher and Katrina call bullshit.” — The Nation‘s Greg Mitchell in reference to Politico Exec. Editor Jim VandeHei’s Friday evening appearance on HBO’s “Real Time With Bill Maher.”

The Birthday Boy

“Yeah, so I’m 25 years old today. Weird. I feel old.” — The Daily Caller‘s Matthew Boyle on Sunday. Happy Birthday Boyle!

Boybander refers to self as “libtard”

“Typical of libtard MSM to expect Team Romney to be able to explain their guy’s pre-existing conditions plan before bragging about it on TV.” — Slate‘s economics writer Matt Yglesias in a moment of liberal irony.

A new ridiculous Twitter vocabulary word from JMART

“So how many more sports bars will chicago send obama to tween now and elex day? Thinking 1x per wk.” — Politico‘s Senior Political Reporter Jonathan Martin whose apparently tween a rock and hard place when it comes to writing on Twitter.

A long and stormy night complete with sewage

• “On Adams Mill Road during storm, water, presumably sewage, was shooting into the air from under a displaced manhole cover labeled ‘sewer.’” — National Journal Senate reporter Dan Friedman. A storm blew through D.C. Saturday afternoon, leaving many without electricity.
• “Effing bloody hell. I’ve been through earthquakes forest fires urban riots. #Enough w these#incompetence-driven disasters #OrganizingNow” — Chronicle of Higher Education and author Amy Alexander.
• “CRAZY WEATHER:Traffic signs, cones blown across Rt. 110. HEAVY downpours. STRONG winds.” — TV reporter Mike Conneen.

 Peter Ogburn contributed to this report.

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Politico

This cud put both prez candidates and a lotta members up for election in a tight spot > politi.co/M6ynSr

— jmartpolitico (@jmartpolitico) July 24, 2012

Translation: “This could put both Presidential candidates and a lot of members up for election in a tight spot.” You see how I did that? In less than 140 characters, I managed to compose a thought that didn’t read like a preschooler wrote it. Even the most astute political analysis could be lost if it’s presented that way.

Martin is one of the big guns at Politico. He’s their SENIOR political reporter. He has appeared on NBC’s “MTP” (his wife is Betsy Fischer Martin but that’s a whole other can of worms.) Our advice is to take some time to read the tweet back. If it looks like hieroglyphics, it probably doesn’t make sense.

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Incest Desk: On Sunday Politico‘s Senior Political Reporter Jonathan Martin appeared on NBC’s “Meet the Press” as part of the roundtable. The uncomfortably cozy part is that the executive producer is his wife, Betsy Fischer Martin. On a scale of 1 to 10 we give it a 8. The rap on Martin from bookers is he has shown up late to TV interviews and sometimes misses them entirely, so in some cases has fallen out of favor. But not with MTP.

Press Sec. makes plea for patience

“I have almost 5,000 unopened emails. Please bear with me.” — Becca Glover, Press Secretary for Chairman Darrell Issa‘s House Oversight Committee.

Sports bra/spandex spotted in Capitol basement

“Overseen in Capitol basement: Woman wearing a sports bra and spandex shorts. Really? During votes w/ senators coming and going, no less.” — NJ‘s Amy Harder.

Journo employs devious tactic

“I’m too bored to disagree with you, so I’m going to let you win the argument so easily it will be totally unsatisfying.” — The Atlantic‘s Molly Ball.

Reporter feels left out in the cold

“Am I the only journalist who did not watch #TheNewsroom last night?” — HuffPost‘s Sabrina Siddiqui.

Scribes cope with D.C. traffic

“On Sherman Ave, that scene out off Planes, Trains &Autos – ‘YOU’RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!’” — The Washington Examiner‘s David Freddoso.

“Note to self: it’s impossible to overestimate traffic in DC or to underestimate how drivers handle it. #WhyDidITake9thStreetTunnel??” — CNN radio reporter Lisa Desjardins.

Spotted: FNC’s Bret Baier Either slowly jogging or quickly walking with a stroller on Foxhall Road. He was wearing an Under Armour type shirt, pushing a stroller and looking chunkier than he does on TV. — Peter Ogburn

Consultant sees positives in travel snafu

“My LAX Virgin flight is an hour delayed. But LSG SkyChef guy just loaded the galley with the speed of a NASCAR pit crew. Impressive.” — GOP Consultant Mike Murphy.

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