Members of Washington’s media were invited to a screening of The Paperboy ahead of its Friday release last night. FishbowlDC went but we think we’re now permanently scarred.
As we previewed last week, Paperboy is a modern film noir starring Zac Efron, Nicole Kidman and Matthew McConaughey. The story, if you could call it that, centers on two journalists and a prison groupie who attempt to clear the name of a death-row inmate played by John Cusack.
Sounds like a fun time, right?
Paperboy is the nastiest, crudest, most disturbing movie we’ve seen this year. In the event that you accidentally stumble into the wrong theater this weekend– the one showing Paperboy rather than, say, Frankenweenie — we’ve put together a comprehensive list of things you should know before seeing it.
1. Despite IMDb’s description of Paperboy as a film about “a reporter [who] returns to his Florida hometown to investigate a case involving a death row inmate,” that’s not what this movie is about. McConaughey plays a reporter, yes, but his character is more accurately described the same way you’d describe his role in every other movie he’s in: A sweaty, greasy-haired slob with a thick southern accent who, you gather, is intended to be viewed as a sex symbol.
2. Paperboy contains possibly the most uncomfortable, disgusting sex scene ever filmed; and it doesn’t involve actual sex. In the scene, Kidman’s character sits across from Cusack, the prison inmate. Kidman, wearing a dress, spreads her legs, rips open the crotch of her pantyhose and touches herself while simulating oral sex. Meanwhile, Cusack, an ugly hillbilly mess, masturbates through his clothes, shouting “you bitch.” This happens in front of a trio of men, including McConaughey and Efron, who look on in horror.
3. In one scene, McConaghey is found lying on a plastic tarp in a hotel room, inexplicably chained, gagged and mutilated by two men. Later on, viewers learn that McConaghey is a self-loathing gay man and that turns him on.
Yes, we have four more points…