“What is this about?” Kenan Thompson, who played Sharpton, asked Jason Sudeikis, who played Milbank. “I mean, you’re a man, but your name is Dana.”

Sudeikis replied, “Well, Al, there’s lots of men named Dana.

“Well I don’t trust it,” said Thompson. “You know what– I’m going to call you Dan A.”

Pictured above is a screengrab of SNL’s “Milbank.”

Watch the skit here.

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Act I Scene I

This is what happens when you have multiple blogs and hot heads at a newspaper. They get catty. They fight, scratch, kick. Whatever it takes to make a coworker look like a dumbass. Nothing a few trust exercises in the woods couldn’t resolve, but we think WaPo‘s Erik Wemple might not catch Dana Milbank, no matter how petite Milbank is, or how much bicycling Wemple does to keep himself fit and capable of catching his colleague.

This morning at 9:09 a.m. Wemple ran a post about a recent Hartford meeting on gun violence, after which Milbank “ruled” against the audience as to whether a father of a Sandy Hook victim was heckled. Ruled? Is Milbank a judge?

Wemple cracked, “Milbank and others on ‘Reliable Sources’ appeared to conclude that the whole heckling thing was a ‘judgment call.’ Right, an easy judgment call. (And Milbank takes issue with the judgment of this post).”

Act I Scene II. Milbank responds! continued…

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The event will be held on Feb. 6 at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel. Last year’s event was emceed by WaPo‘s Dana Milbank (a contrast to Garrett, who is taller).

As the release states, Garrett comes well-credentialed to head up the dinner. See his career path in Washington… continued…

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LOCKED OUT: WaPo’s Dana Milbank: Mayhem at #dnc2012. Hundreds of delegates, journalists locked out of arena.

Penis sighting

“So yeah. Definitely just walked in on some dude in the bathroom with his pants around his ankles staring in the mirror #dnc2012” — BuzzFeed Washington Bureau Chief John Stanton.

WTF Mars Mention of the Evening: “I always figured if Bill Clinton landed on Mars, he would know how to do it. He would know how to reproduce. He would know everything. He’d just instinctively know how to talk to people…the martians.” — MSNBC’s Chris Matthews at 12:53 a.m. opining on Clinton’s vast reproduction knowledge that extends beyond our solar system. Please, someone put Matthews to bed (no pun intended).

Bill Clinton Speech Fallout

“A significant part of this is off prompter. He is using it as notes.” — TIME‘s Michael Scherer.

“The prompter has stopped rolling as Clinton goes off book.” — BuzzFeed‘s Zeke Miller.

“Take away the TelePrompTer, bite his ankle, throw a rat down his trousers, it only raises his game.” — Editor of The New Republic Franklin Foer.

“Bill Clinton is totally ghost ridin’ the script right now.” — Jamelle Bouie, writer for The American Prospect and fellow at the Nation Institute.

“The constant camera flashes in here are going to send Bubba into a seizure #dnc2012″ — Stanton.

“Bubba’s hands are shaking.” — HuffPost‘s Jen Bendery.

“I think Bill Clinton is the gun you bring to a knife fight.” — Metro Weekly Co-publisher Sean Bugg.

“Bill Clinton looks great. @peta may be right about the benefits of a vegan diet.” — HuffPost Deputy Editor Erin Ruberry.

“Man, Clinton is happier than a pig in Arkansas you know what.” — James Oliphant, Deputy Editor, National Journal magazine.

“Clinton is the master. He makes a speech to an enormous crowd feel like a personal talk.” — LAT‘s David Horsey.

“I really don’t understand reporters who think this is too long for a politician to be trying to talk to voters about policy.” — WaPo‘s Ezra Klein.

“This speech was killing it at 15 mins. Now, it’s bordering on a hostage situation.” — Co-host of MSNBC’s The Cycle S.E. Cupp.

“This is moving from ‘greatest speech ever’ to gong territory pretty fast.” — BuzzFeed Political Editor Ben Smith.

“They’re going to need a crowbar to pry Bill away from that podium.” — NYT Op-ed Columnist Charles Blow.

“There’s no way Rahm Emanuel actually thought ‘a broken clock is right twice a day’ was that funny.” — National Review‘s Jonah Goldberg.

“This is like watching a good lawyer defending a guilty man.” — Former Clinton pollster Dick Morris.

“Poor fact checkers, now they gotta spend the night studying 52 years of employment data” — Craig Crawford.

“Same R bloggers who were touting Clinton as the ‘good’ Dem for weeks suddenly talking about sex scandal and perjury again.” — WaPo‘s Greg Sargent.

The Name Dropper

“Caroline Kennedy just walked into our booth. Interview w @DavidMuir #abcworldnews” — ABC News’ Rick Klein.

Dirty jokester

“PLEASE tell me that Sandra Fluke isn’t wearing a blue Gap dress tonight.” — NRA News’ Cameron Gray in a tweet on the night former Prez Bill Clinton is to speak.

INTO THE POOL: “Oops! A wet former treasury secretary Bob Rubin after falling into a pool at a fancy cocktail party in Charlotte.” — Politico‘s Lois Romano with accompanying photograph.

Peter Ogburn contributed to this report. Above black and white photograph by Roll Call’s Meredith Shiner.

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Only D.C. would attract an event where journalists and other guests get to take a whiff of the scent worn by Napoleon.

Come the fall, the International Fragrance Association North America and Christophe Laudamiel of the Academy of Perfumery and Osmothèque Conservatory will host an “interactive scent experience” presented only for the second time in the United States. The event, exclusive and limited to handpicked guests, is at a particularly fancy garden setting  near Capitol Hill.

Just who is Laudamiel?

This past April, the world renown perfumer presented a collection of legendary scents in New York of famous and centuries-old scents archived by the  Osmothèque  in Versailles. We’re told Osmothèque is the “perfume museum and conservatory of perfumes and scents.”  Several perfumers founded it in 1988 to preserve the formulas of influential perfumes that shaped trends and reconstruct the formula for perfumes that have been lost.

The joint includes the perfumes and colognes worn by Marie-Antoinette, Napoleon and other legendary perfumes such as a famous Chypre by Francois Coty.

Lucky attendees will receive perfume samples. (Shhh…I’m signing Eddie up for Napoleon’s scent.)

Note to FishbowlDC Readers: If we’ve left out any of Washington’s Napoleon complected male midgets who may be curious about his cologne, let us know at FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com or Betsy@mediabistro.com.)

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WaPo Dana Milbank‘s “selective outrage”? Over the weekend Carl Wicklander, a registered Republican and regularly contributor to Humblelibertarian.com, published a piece on the Independent Voter Network website after reading a recent Milbank column in his paper, the St. Louis Dispatch, in which Milbank compares The Daily Caller‘s Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson to a Montana outhouse. Some things we like about the site: Each article gives you an estimated minute count of how long it should take you to reach the story. For example, this story should take you 3-5 minutes to read.

Key graph:

“Disagreeable attitudes directed at an incumbent from the opposition party is nothing new and Milbank is either naive or disingenuous to insinuate that it is an innovation derived from today’s political culture. Perhaps he has never heard of Thomas Jefferson, whose scribe James Callender likened the sitting president John Adams to a hermaphrodite. It’s no outhouse in Montana, but negative politics is slightly older than the Internet Age.”

Conclusion:

“For a man like Milbank he may want to strip a little of the veneer from the presidency and consider whether the people in his place, the media, have substituted the dignity of the office for responsible journalism.”

Newspaper commenters form lonely hearts club –  The Akron Beacon Journal published a lengthy story over the weekend on a yearlong project regarding civility called the Ohio Civility Project. In it, they examine public comment sections and interviewed some of the anonymous commenters to question them on what they write or rant as the case may be. One commenter speaks to loneliness as a reason for the abundance of online nastiness. “There are a lot of wounded souls that like to post because they are really lonely,” he said. “They like to lash out and know that somebody really cares about them.” Funniest line: When the paper first published a curtain raiser about the civility project, a reader wrote, “Civility? Great idea. Butt crack. Poo. Flatulate.” Read the full story here.

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Dana Milbank is a Yale graduate and member of Skull and Bones. Neil Munro is an Irish immigrant trying to earn a living at the Daily Caller. The smug rich need to stop using their public platforms to interfere with the livelihoods of immigrants they’ve never met.

The WaPo newsroom is chock-full of “Big Chill” Baby Boomers and their smarmy little offspring. These pampered WaPo heirs and debutantes seem to relish in trying to get people fired, which is arguably the most evil thing I’ve ever seen. Stand up for the working man! It is patently clear who is right in this important conflict, and it has nothing to do with politics.

Neil! Neil! Neil! Neil!

– Patrick Howley

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WaPo

Moving at a swift clip, Milbank takes his outhouse analogy, which semi-works but feels like a giant, awkward stretch of sticky pink taffy, and winds around to: Neil Munro should be fired, a point made repeatedly since Friday’s incident. He describes what Munro did as “outrageous” and “unprecedented.” Along the way, he blames conservatives for marring the way a large percentage of Americans now view the presidency. He cites a few polls revealing the low percentage of Americans who hold the office in high regard.

“Conservative leaders may believe it benefits them that one in six voters still thinks Obama is Muslim. But when conservatives sanction the debasement of Obama, they are debasing the presidency itself.”

But Milbank doesn’t complete his scolding by comparing Carlson to a public toilet scrawled with phony numbers to call first lady Michelle Obama, former Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Sec. of State Hillary Clinton “for a good time.” He takes his tough love to another level by telling Carlson that he has disappointed him, let him down. Who does Milbank think he is, Carlson’s MOTHER? Or worse, his life coach?

“That’s why my confidence in Tucker Carlson has dropped. I’ve liked him for years, even forgiving him his brief moment on ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ I have been impressed by his launch of the Daily Caller, a Web site with first-rate talent such as Matt Lewis. But now Carlson is turning the Daily Caller into the Daily Heckler.”

And finally the outhouse analogy comes full circle as Milbank writes about the stench inside an outhouse, which is really where all this was going. You can’t have an outhouse analogy and not discuss the smell. The only thing we might have added was flies.

“Heckling the president in the middle of a Rose Garden speech isn’t holding the president to account. It is belittling the presidency, and it smells just as bad as an outhouse in the Missoula summer.”

So let’s get this straight: Milbank writes an entire column blaming conservatives and pointedly Carlson for the debasing the office of the presidency and in the process debases Carlson by equating him to a crapper?

At this point what may be in the crapper is the relationship between the two newsmen. Despite the fact that Milbank spoke to Carlson for the column, Carlson says he hasn’t read it and won’t. “Like most people, I quit reading the Post a while ago,” he told FBDC. “So I haven’t seen it.”

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In any event, reaction started pouring in over Twitter as Brokaw’s comments went viral. WSJ’s Neil King welcomed Brokaw’s comments by saying, “Here’s seconding Brokaw’s takedown of the WH Correspondents Dinner. And here’s predicting the day when POTUS says thanks but no thanks.” Longtime Washington political journo and columnist for the Dallas Morning News Carl Leubsdorf told FBDC, “I think he spoke for many of us.” He went on to say, “Tom is spot on. And as the dinner has become glitzier, fewer seats have gone to actual correspondents and more to corporate executives, advertisers and celebrities. The upcoming 100th WHCA anniversary in 2014 might be a perfect time to consider this, though I’m not too hopeful that will happen.” Something that got the attention of HuffPost’s Michael Calderone was Brokaw’s mention of “taking over the Italian embassy.” It just so happens that was the location of the blowout MSNBC after-party. National Correspondent for The Atlantic, James Fallows also agreed with Brokaw, saying, “Good for Tom B!”

Brokaw is one in a procession of Washington journalists who are trashing what the dinner has become. Late last week we reported on U.S. News & World Report’s Susan Milligan,
who also believes celebs ruin the image of the event. Some may also recall WaPo Dana Milbank‘s take on Nerd Prom last April, in which he says journalists have turned themselves into pimps for the politicians and the stars. He intimated that he grew sickened as he started to RSVP for parties and “made other plans for the weekend.” But Brokaw’s blast is a little bit different. First, he has the highest profile of anyone who has criticized the dinner. Second, he doesn’t seem to differentiate between George Clooney and Lindsay Lohan. He wants Hollywood out of the dinner.

It’s interesting to note that while Twitter was having a field day with Brokaw’s comments, neither Betsy Fischer, Exec. Producer for “Meet the Press”, nor host David Gregory made any comments. Watch Brokaw’s comments in the video below.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

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(A Sprinkling of Things We Think You Ought to Know…)

WaPo writer not happy with Romney – I know, right? Who saw that coming? Dana Milbank is not happy that he can’t get up-close and personal with the Republican front-runner and who can blame him? Romney, I mean, not Milbank. Who would want to give access to someone who writes, “And if the campaign is about personality? To paraphrase Yogi Berra, Romney will be an overwhelming underdog.” The “I’m trying to get access, so I’m going to insult you till I do” approach only works when trying to get a kiss on the playground in first grade, not politics.

Careful what you wish for – Larry King, the suspenders-clap curmudgeon himself, took to Twitter to lament the fact that he doesn’t have a brain. Well, not exactly. But sort of. The 348-year-old former CNN host tweeted, “Sometimes I wish I could have brain surgery just so @sanjayguptaCNN could be my doctor.” Aside from the creepiness of an elderly man flipping fate the bird by wishing he had a serious medical issue, who thinks like that? And, of those who do think like that, who decides to tell the world they think like that? After getting less that positive feedback, he soon followed up with “Didn’t mean to offend, I just really like and admire @sanjayguptaCNN he’s the best!” That was something he could have easily said in the first place, rather than ‘Gee, I wish I had a brain tumor so this one particular guy could cut my head open cuz he’s nice.’ Larry, it’s highly unlikely you’re going to need a brain surgeon – ever. To paraphrase Dizzy Dean, they could x-ray your head and not find nuthin’.

Joe Biden would not approve – Slate writer Matthew Yglesias isn’t known for being nice (or particularly liked, really. But that’s a different matter). So when he tweeted, “The enormous Japanese tour group taking up a full car on this train is about to be very disappointed by US passenger rail,” the attitude was unsurprising. While it’s true that Amtrak sucks, you’d think a fan of subsidies wouldn’t point it out.

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Female journo wanders into wrong restroom

“So, I am now one of those jackasses that walks into a men’s room b/c her nose is buried in the bberry.” — ABC News’ Amy Walter.

A Washington journalist hard at work…

“[Dana Milbank] enjoying the atmosphere at the [Dylan Ratigan] fete at Sidecar.” — WaPo and MSNBC’s Jonathan Capehart. Ratigan was in town to promote his new book, Greedy Bastards: How We Can Stop Corporate Communists, Banksters, and Other Vampires from Sucking America Dry.

Radio personality recalls motherly advice

“Remember how your mom told you cleaning is easier if you just pick up after yourself a little every day? She was right.” — WMAL and The Daily Caller‘s Mary Katharine Ham.

A writer admits his troubles

“Writer complaint. Don’t you hate it when after three hours a paragraph still isn’t right?” — The Atlantic‘s Conor Friedersdorf.

Good News, Bad News and Peach Yogurt

First the bad news. U.S. News & World Report was seriously asleep at the wheel Thursday as a Washington Whispers writer fell for a ludicrous, obviously fake Twitter account in writing a story on the Susan G. Komen/Planned Parenthood ordeal. Tierney Sneed wrote the story. The journo wrote, “Jill Biden tweeted Thursday afternoon, ‘When Joe heard about Susan G. Komen not funding Planned Parenthood anymore, Joe threw away his pink-ribbon Harvest Peach yogurt.’” (SERIOUSLY no editor caught this.) And the good news. Washington Whispers staff humbly issued the following correction and didn’t try to sugarcoat any notion that a terrible mistake was made. That deserves at least an emoticon (as MSNBC’s Meghan McCain might say) of respect.

“Washington Whispers published in error a story stating that Vice President Joe Biden’s wife, Dr. Jill Biden, had sent a message through Twitter saying that the vice president no longer supported the work of the organization Susan G. Komen for the Cure. The story was based on a fake Twitter account.”

Find a sampling of recent tweets from @drjillbiden after the jump…

Fish Poll: Yesterday we polled readers on the hypothetical of ABC making Senior White House Correspondent Jake Tapper permanent host of “This Week.” The results were clear: 42.3 percent of you agreed, “Yes, he’s the quintessential Washington insider who knows politics inside and out.” Second highest score comprised 33.33 percent respondents: “Yes, I’m over George Stephanopoulos already.”

continued…

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Journo love

“Alex Burns. Maggie Haberman. We love you both.” — MSNBC’s Alex Witt on Sunday afternoon to guests of the program Politico‘s Burns and Haberman.

Is Jason Linkins a 13-year-old with a drinking problem?

“Damn it! I promised myself that my ‘work bourbon’ would last until the New Hampshire primary was over.” — HuffPost‘s left-wing media reporter Jason Linkins spent the weekend trying to be Hunter S. Thompson and failing miserably. On Sunday morning he adds, “The winner of this debate is vodka.” Still later he says simply, “Drink” and links to a music video. 

Huntman’s Mandarin falls flat

“I was in the press room, actually, last night during that debate and the press kind of erupted into laughter at that so I’m not sure that moment went over very well.” — RealClearPolitics‘ Erin McPike on MSNBC Sunday afternoon in response to a question on Jon Huntsman‘s use of Mandarin in Saturday night’s debate.

Melinda tires of the ass kissing

“Is Chris Matthews thinking David Gregory will be his boss someday? Enough, already…” — WaPo‘s Melinda Henneberger.

HuffPost reporter gets shout-out from Eva Longoria

“Eva Longoria just retweeted me. I mean, that’s cool.” — HuffPost‘s Jennifer Bendery.

Bad form: Reporter RT’s himself

“RT @MikViq: Basically, Romney is saying that IF he could correct the SuperPAC ads he would, but since he hardly knows these people, he can’t.” — NBC’s Michael Viqueira. To be fair, Viqueira is not a serial self RTer. This is the first act of this nature that we’ve seen from him. But why do this ever?

JMart pricks Newt, Pinocchio and WaPo

“Love that Newt is still turning to washpost Pinnochios [sic] as pushback. Plays well in Laconia.” — Politico‘s Jonathan Martin.

Muffin metaphors

“Ever since Peggy Noonan called Newt Gingrich ‘an angry little attack muffin’ all I see is a screaming blueberry muffin when he talks…” — MSNBC Contributor and Daily Beast Columnist Meghan McCain.

WaPo‘s conservative issues blogger Jennifer Rubin assesses the weekend: “Loser: Diane Sawyer winner: people who can’t stand Huntsman.. he’ll be gone soon.”

Reality Show Confessional

“I miss Herman and Michelle.” — WaPo‘s Dana Milbank.

Ball puts debate moderator’s hair on notice

“John DiStaso wins Best Early-State Mullet category.” — The Atlantic‘s Molly Ball of the Union Leader reporter who helped moderate the NBC debate Sunday morning. And FNC “Redeye” host Greg Gutfeld suggests this: “After debate, David Gregory’s hair is having brunch with John Huntsman’s hair.”

Sick designer on the loose

“Throat hurts + fever + headache + congestion = me today #justshootme.” — Washington Business Journal Designer Timothy Wong. (This was Sunday; hopefully he’s on the mend today.)

Erick Erickson issues “apology” to ABC

“Dear ABC News, I was wrong. You set the bar for stupid so high in last night’s debate even NBC did better than you.” — RedState.com’s Editor-in-Chief and CNN Contributor Erick Erickson.

Headline on a story by CBS Political Director John Dickerson on Slate: My Baloney Has a First Name, It’s M-I-T-T

Weekend drive-thru

“Wendy’s drive-thru in Vienna, VA. Apparently, tonight, this is how I roll. #suburbanadventures #withajrbaconcheeseburger” — Capitol File Editor-in-Chief Kate Bennett.

Rules and more rules

“Just announced in press file ‘we have a little bit of security issue outside.’ Taking folks over to the spin room in groups of 10. Really?” — Reuters‘ Sam Youngman in New Hampshire.

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Guesses included: Janet Donovan (kidding), WaPo‘s Dana Milbank, Khloe Kardashian, Yahoo! News’ David Chalian, Washington D.C.’s professional partygoer and “futurist” Brendan Kownacki, and Fox & Friends Steve Doocy.

The right answer is: NYT‘s Mark Leibovich. The brand is Clarks. He has no idea where he purchased them. Maybe online.

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Photo L to R: Rick Klein, Robin Sproul, Richard Kaplan, Ross Levinsohn, Jonathan Karl, Amy Walter, Joe Ruffolo.

If you didn’t make it up to the rooftop of 101 Constitution Ave for Yahoo! News’ swanky soiree on Wednesday night, here’s a quick recap of what you missed:  Thrown by event extraordinaire Philip Dufour, the party was held in large part to welcome new DC bureau chief David Chalian.  In addition, the newsgroup used the opportunity to kick off their 2012 campaign coverage plans and to raise a glass to their partnership with ABC News.

Ross Levinsohn, Yahoo! EVP of the Americas  (and American University alum),  spoke about Yahoo! News’ expanding editorial coverage and presence in Washington to a crowd that included many familiar faces from ABC’s DC bureau:  Ann Compton, Jonathan Karl, Rick Klein, Polson Kanneth, Richard Kaplan, Amy Walter and Robin Sproul.  Also in attendance were WaPo‘s Dana Milbank, Neil Patel of the Daily Caller, NJ’s Chris Frates, Jane Mayer from the New Yorker, CNN’s Dan Lothian and Alex Mooney, Politico’s Marty Kady and Keach Hagey, Judy Kurtz of The Hill, NBC’s Adam Verdugo, MSNBC’s Karen Finney, CQ Roll Call’s Mark Walters and FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski.

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If you haven’t had your fill of Julie Mason and Sirius XM Radio posts today, you’re in luck.  Because Mason will join an all-star lineup of journo guests on POTUS Channel’s “Politics on the Rocks” tonight at 7 pm.  Kicking off the one-year countdown to the 2012 election, the show returns to the Truman Lounge at the National Press Club to broadcast live on SXM 124.

Hosted by PoliOptics’ Adam Belmar, tonight’s POTR panel includes Tim Farley, WaPo’s Dana Milbank, FNC White House correspondent Ed Henry, Hearst’s Llewellyn King, PBS’s Darren Gersh, AP’s Mark Hamrick…and of course, the lovely and talented Julie Mason.

Shake, mix, stir or sling yourself a cocktail and then tune into POTR tonight.

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