LOCKED OUT: WaPo’s Dana Milbank: Mayhem at #dnc2012. Hundreds of delegates, journalists locked out of arena.

Penis sighting

“So yeah. Definitely just walked in on some dude in the bathroom with his pants around his ankles staring in the mirror #dnc2012” — BuzzFeed Washington Bureau Chief John Stanton.

WTF Mars Mention of the Evening: “I always figured if Bill Clinton landed on Mars, he would know how to do it. He would know how to reproduce. He would know everything. He’d just instinctively know how to talk to people…the martians.” — MSNBC’s Chris Matthews at 12:53 a.m. opining on Clinton’s vast reproduction knowledge that extends beyond our solar system. Please, someone put Matthews to bed (no pun intended).

Bill Clinton Speech Fallout

“A significant part of this is off prompter. He is using it as notes.” — TIME‘s Michael Scherer.

“The prompter has stopped rolling as Clinton goes off book.” — BuzzFeed‘s Zeke Miller.

“Take away the TelePrompTer, bite his ankle, throw a rat down his trousers, it only raises his game.” — Editor of The New Republic Franklin Foer.

“Bill Clinton is totally ghost ridin’ the script right now.” — Jamelle Bouie, writer for The American Prospect and fellow at the Nation Institute.

“The constant camera flashes in here are going to send Bubba into a seizure #dnc2012″ — Stanton.

“Bubba’s hands are shaking.” — HuffPost‘s Jen Bendery.

“I think Bill Clinton is the gun you bring to a knife fight.” — Metro Weekly Co-publisher Sean Bugg.

“Bill Clinton looks great. @peta may be right about the benefits of a vegan diet.” — HuffPost Deputy Editor Erin Ruberry.

“Man, Clinton is happier than a pig in Arkansas you know what.” — James Oliphant, Deputy Editor, National Journal magazine.

“Clinton is the master. He makes a speech to an enormous crowd feel like a personal talk.” — LAT‘s David Horsey.

“I really don’t understand reporters who think this is too long for a politician to be trying to talk to voters about policy.” — WaPo‘s Ezra Klein.

“This speech was killing it at 15 mins. Now, it’s bordering on a hostage situation.” — Co-host of MSNBC’s The Cycle S.E. Cupp.

“This is moving from ‘greatest speech ever’ to gong territory pretty fast.” — BuzzFeed Political Editor Ben Smith.

“They’re going to need a crowbar to pry Bill away from that podium.” — NYT Op-ed Columnist Charles Blow.

“There’s no way Rahm Emanuel actually thought ‘a broken clock is right twice a day’ was that funny.” — National Review‘s Jonah Goldberg.

“This is like watching a good lawyer defending a guilty man.” — Former Clinton pollster Dick Morris.

“Poor fact checkers, now they gotta spend the night studying 52 years of employment data” — Craig Crawford.

“Same R bloggers who were touting Clinton as the ‘good’ Dem for weeks suddenly talking about sex scandal and perjury again.” — WaPo‘s Greg Sargent.

The Name Dropper

“Caroline Kennedy just walked into our booth. Interview w @DavidMuir #abcworldnews” — ABC News’ Rick Klein.

Dirty jokester

“PLEASE tell me that Sandra Fluke isn’t wearing a blue Gap dress tonight.” — NRA News’ Cameron Gray in a tweet on the night former Prez Bill Clinton is to speak.

INTO THE POOL: “Oops! A wet former treasury secretary Bob Rubin after falling into a pool at a fancy cocktail party in Charlotte.” — Politico‘s Lois Romano with accompanying photograph.

Peter Ogburn contributed to this report. Above black and white photograph by Roll Call’s Meredith Shiner.

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“The AIR CONDITIONED porta-potty at the CNN Grill #rnc2012” -- BuzzFeed‘s John Stanton. Really, double sinks?

If fat jokes offend you, don’t read this.

“Oh my god you guys, the FATTEST PERSON WE HAVE EVER SEEN just walked onto the stage. Ha ha ha! 10:36 — Did you see him walk on stage? Waddle waddle waddle, whee! 10:38 — Chris Christie’s parents were the poorest people who have ever lived. Mom took 64 buses to work, and made no money, ever… 10:40 — When is he going to smash an ice cream cone in some joe’s face on the boardwalk? 10:41 — Liquified ham sandwiches are being sent up his butt via a reverse-enema, every three seconds. This could backfire quite literally!” — Jim Newell for Wonkette. See the full live blog for evening.

Other Christie commentary…

“People are talking about Christie not mentioning Romney like it was an oversight. Pretty sure these speeches are written in advance.” — The Atlantic‘s Molly Ball.

“SPOTTED: @DanaBashCNN on the massive screen onstage beside Chris Christie.” — ABC’s Jonathan Karl. We’re pretty sure this isn’t a fat joke.

“Hoping that by speech’s end, Christie will have taken off his suit coat, dress shirt and tie, revealing only a sauced stained wife beater.” — Clear Channel’s Colby Hall, who can’t resist.

“I would say I love this speech, but I guess I just respect it.” — Reasons‘ Peter Suderman mocking Christie for saying he prefers respect to love.

The Complainers: “Whatever is being projected on the screen behind Gov. Chris Christie is vertigo-inducing.” — Marketplace’s David Gura. And Ezzy on acid: “Feel like the blue mist swirling behind Chris Christie is about to coalesce into a Genie.” — WaPo‘s Ezra Klein.

Reporters drool over N.C. Gov. Nikki Haley

“Ooo. I like Nikki Haley’s necklace a lot.” — HuffPost‘s Amanda Terkel. Terkel also gushes, “Nikki Haley’s suit is fantastic too.” And our own Eddie Scarry has an unusual “How Can I Make This About Me” moment last night, writing, “I remember seeing Gov. Nikki Haley come speak to auditorium at my school when she was a candidate. Maybe 15 people showed up.”

As compassionate as it gets.

“Reasons NOT to stay at the office during evening newscasts. The cleaning crew vacuums without any clue that they’re disrupting work.” — the ever compassionate conservative Tim Graham of Media Research Center last night at 7:19 p.m. Graham occasionally tweets (or toots) about passing gas.

Meanwhile, journos, others melt for Ann Romney.

“Only flaw of this speech: We may have nominated the wrong Romney.” — National Review‘s Jim Geraghty.

“Wow, Ann is looking gorgeous.” — Heritage Foundry writer Lachlan Markay.

“Honestly, Ann Romney looks stunning.” — Eddie Scarry. (Eddie, are you okay?)

“Now some ground rules ya’ll this is a nice lady, and she has MS. No mean jokes or Ima have to wreck you on Twitter.” — Sophia Nelson, a columnist who writes for USA Today, Essence and theGrio.com.

“There’s something sort of Hollywood about Ann Romney.” — LAT‘s David Horsey.

“Democrats are watching Ann Romney and slowly dying inside. Heh heh heh.” — Breitbart.com editor John Nolte.

“I find it very refreshing to hear from a prez candidate’s wife who isn’t badmouthing her hubby publicly all the time.” — Conservative author Michelle Malkin.

“Ann Romney tonight: gracious, intelligent, kind, firm, truthful, incisive. A home run. Juan Williams — what an embarrassment for FOX.” — Americans for Prosperity Prez Tim Phillips.

“Ann Romney will play huge. Ameica [sic] loves her.” — Conservative radio host Laura Ingraham, who meant to write “America.”

“Ann Romney delivers the best speech of the night so far.” — WaPo‘s Jonathan Capehart.

The Anti-Ann Dissenters

“Am I the only one who thinks Ann Romney is a little too cheerful talking about all these sad people?” — HuffPost‘s Christina Wilkie.

“Dude this speech by Ann Romney is kinda creepy…” — InTheseTimes.com Labor journo Mike Elk.

“Ann Romney is so polished that I am actually afraid of her.” — Colby Hall.

“Nancy Reagan red. What a fashion shocker.” — Baron‘s James McTague.

“I believe Ann Romney’s outfit is Sudafed red.” — HuffPost‘s Elise Foley.

And another thing, boogers?

“This host is arguably the least funny human I’ve met. He’s telling booger jokes. BOOGER JOKES.” — BuzzFeed Washington Bureau Chief John Stanton on a comedy show at the GOP National Convention. Stanton also observed National Journal‘s funnyman Matt Cooper doing standup: “Matt Cooper now telling Chris Christie jokes. Cause they’re both fat. And no I’m not joking.”

Journo endures snoring neighbor

“Dispatch from Clearwater: I am awake at this hour because I can actually hear the snoring from the room next door to me. #paperthinwalls” — TPM‘s Erin McPike at 3:16 a.m.

Meanwhile, another scribe is knee deep in chicken fingers

“Admire reporters who are on trail full-time & don’t keel over. 2 days in, I’m a pile of chicken finger baskets & Coke cans.” — HotAir’s Mary Katharine Ham.

File this under life’s little F.U.’s

“I should have more followers than Luke Russert.” — Comedian Joe Mande. The tally: Mande has 43, 489; Russert clobbers him at 105,988.

Peter Ogburn and Eddie Scarry Contributed to this report.

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