See the full story here. Maybe the best fake quotes come from NPR’s Ari Shapiro after the jump, but you’ve gotta read the whole sick, entertaining thing. And for any dumbasses who don’t know what The Onion is, yes, it’s the publication that writes phony stories. Please note: We’ve blotched out one of the reporter’s faces due to a dramatically naked section of the faux orgy. continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

Party sources tell us the fallen food was a display of various Asian cuisine — dumplings, etc, that crashed to the floor. “Nobody laughed, it was more like a collective gasp because it was so loud and shattery-sounding in such genteel surroundings,” a party witness told us.

After the display fell, a small phalanx of capable young women with earpieces swarmed and had it taken care of immediately.

Brunch was saved!

Speaking of which, the food is always a highlight: sliders, different kinds of eggs benedict made to order, cones of tuna tartare, an assortment dumplings, lobster tails, crab legs — all kinds of seafood, and an open bar.

Guests spilled out onto the lawn.

According to our party sources, brunch at the Allbrittons was definitely more crowded this year.

All the big Politicos were there… continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

A SWAK for FNC’s Ed Henry: In this morning’s Politico Playbook, Mike Allen slathers movie popcorn style butter onto White House Correspondents’ Association Prez Henry by calling him the “assertive guardian of the organization’s brand” for threatening legal action against GBK, a marketing firm that wanted to open a “gifting suite” for celebs attending the White House Correspondents’ Dinner this weekend. Come on, Mike Allen, this wasn’t necessary. Yes, yes, we all adore Henry for the de-celebrification of this year’s WHCD and for acting like he doesn’t know what BuzzFeed is. But stop the madness. For one thing, it’s too late to widen the hallways of the Washington Hilton so Ed’s head can fit through. For another, the news spoke for itself — the organization apologized. See the item in today’s edition.

FBDC Fever: Just to show we’re not immune, FBDC’s own Eddie Scarry tweeted out “Morning Chatter” last night, writing the following. By the way, hugs for Eddie. I appreciate the compliment and we factor stuff like this into raises, so don’t stop on my account.

Every single one of today’s Morning Chatter entries is good. ow.ly/kmg8o via @fishbowldc

— Eddie Scarry (@eScarry) April 24, 2013

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

Is that good or bad?

Politico, The Hill and Yahoo! News are all opting not to bring high-wattage Hollywood celebs to this year’s dinner, as had become the norm in recent years. FNC’s Greta Van Susteren, who in the past brought actress Lindsay Lohan and reality TV star Kim Kardashian as guests, is sitting the event out this time. As usual, The Daily Caller‘s Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson won’t attend and will head out of town.

Politico Playbook reported Tuesday morning that an attorney for the WHCA is threatening legal action against a Los Angeles-based marketing firm for using the dinner as a promotional tie for one of its “gift” products. Then there’s Ed Henry, FNC’s Chief White House Correspondent and President of the WHCA, who said last week that he was reworking the event to be less celebrity-centric and more about the scholarships it offers to aspiring journalists.

So what are the expectations for this year’s dinner which takes place Saturday? With a renewed focus on the scholarships and a distinctive step away from the glitz, are people more or less excited? Answer our Fish Poll. We’ll post the results soon.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

Where we check in with Oprah Van Susteren and her rambunctious fans.

There’s never a dull moment at Gretawire, the blog of FNC anchor Greta Van Susteren where her wily and dedicated fans let loose on whatever is on their minds. The last time we checked in on the bunch, they were acting strange, sweetly musing about FNC White House Correspondent Ed Henry‘s trip to Israel in March. On Monday they were back to their old shenanigans in an open-ended post by Van Susteren, which, as of this writing, has 1,500 comments.

Liberals Make Them Throw Up At Dinner.

“I just had dinner with several liberals (not by choice, but by obligation), who were talking about how we need to learn to ‘forgive murderers’ and also attempting to raise toasts to ‘understanding Sunni Muslims.’ Later in the evening they were slamming “rednecks” and gun owners. So much for understanding. Needless to say, I WON’T be invited back. I threw up a little on the entree’ after that bit of info. And what made it even worse, the food wasn’t even good. So much for obligations.”– 2soon2bforgot10

They Have Predictions About Vice President Joe Biden’s Political Aspirations.

“He’ll be running for POTUS in a few years. Unreal.”– 3ButterflyKisses

“He’ll never get the nomination.”– SydneyJane2 continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

CQ Roll Call White House Correspondent Steven Dennis let his White House Correspondents’ Association membership lapse. He renewed it, but decisions had been made. The publication isn’t getting all the seats it wants this year. It’s a better deal than some pubs, which got shut out entirely. Still, this year there will be one table for CQ Roll Call. No extra tickets possible. Pretty strange considering CQ Roll Call has purchased tables at the WHCD for the past 20 years. A recent exchange between the publication and Henry, this year’s president of the WHCA and once the HOH writer for Roll Call, made it clear that the answer was no and that the seats had sold out.

We asked CQ Roll Call to comment on the matter.  continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

Prior to the screening, actor Robert Redford, documentary producers Andrew Lack and Laura Michalchyshyn and famed Watergate journalists Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein walked a red carpet.

Woodward was at the center of a minor media scandal earlier this year when he suggested that he had been threatened by a White House official. Once a thorn in the side of Republicans, Woodward’s claim won him fans on the right and several appearances on FNC’s “Hannity.”

Asked what he makes of Woodward’s tendency to stir trouble on both the left and the right, Redford told FBDC, “it means he’s doing a good job.”

“We don’t live in a world where everybody’s one way or the other,” he added. “There’s a lot of gray there. I think if somebody’s doing their job, they’re going to provoke people who don’t want to see the job well done.”

In remarks before the film, WHCA President and FNC Chief White House Correspondent Ed Henry said this year’s WHCA dinner is trying to focus on the scholarship that WHCA offers aspiring journalists rather than the celebrities who will be attending. He said Redford agreed to attend the screening in that same spirit.

Fun fact: The documentary contains a scene wherein TV commentator Ben Stein starts crying at the memory of President Richard Nixon‘s final speech as president.

Following the film was a panel discussion with Redford, Bernstein, Woodward, Henry and Newsweek‘s Eleanor Clift.

When asked about the state of journalism today Redford said… continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

“I haven’t heard anything about it to be honest with you,” the WHCA president and Fox News Chief White House correspondent told FishbowlDC. “We’ve got 2,700 people, I think, already confirmed for our dinner and we have people beating down our door still trying to get in. So good luck to anybody else who wants to do another event. But people are dying to get into our event and we’re thrilled because it’s going to raise a lot of money for scholarships.”

BuzzFeed applied for a table at the event but was denied.

Henry’s comment came Thursday at the Newseum where the WHCA and Discovery were hosting a screening of “All the Presidents Men: Revisited,” a documentary about the Watergate affair and the movie it inspired.

A BuzzFeed spokesperson did not have anything to add on the matter.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

Weiner Wisdom

“To reduce what Weiner did to ‘He tweeted his junk’ is to miss the point and plays into his narrative.” — Larry O’Connor of Breitbart.com on ex-Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY).

J-School: “Dear media: “When you rely on named sources, you don’t have to worry if their information proves to be wrong. #Boston Marathon.” — Dan Kennedy, journalism instructor at Northeastern University and a blogger for The Nation.

Major Garrett on playing soccer in Politico-U.S. Soccer charity event

“I played soccer in high school. I was a middling quality defender then. I am a full-time offender to the beauty of the game now, though typically away from public view. For a great cause, I will try to minimize the damage my game does to soccer now.” — CBS Chief White House Correspondent Major Garrett.

Regular Wisdom

“Dear Media: Tomorrow, try decaf.” — WaPo‘s Karen Tumulty.

Funny Reporter

“Obama’s remarks are on the podium. Two minutes. Cc @peterogburn” — TIME‘s Zeke Miller cheeky response to this item published Tuesday by Ogburn.

Politico Playbook Publish Time: 6:34 a.m.

In case you missed the news… last night about BuzzFeed getting screwed out of a table at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner see what their Plan B is here. And let’s just go ahead and say, no, Fox News’s Ed Henry. You’re not invited.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

Despite the snub, Buzzfeed is turning WHCD lemons into lemonade. They are throwing their own “BBQ with Buzzfeed” DURING the Correspondents Dinner. It’s a ballsy move that will allow folks without tickets to the actual dinner to party with Buzzfeed. We hear the entire NY based Politics team, including founder Jonah Peretti, is making the trek.

More details. continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

“The reality is none of us is perfect.” — Congressional GOP Primary winner Mark Sanford on CNN’s “The Lead” Wednesday. As we all well know by now, Sanford lied to voters, cheated on his wife and misused taxpayer’s money. On a side note…This is becoming a thing: Jake Tapper keeps referring to Wolf Blitzer as “Mr. Roper” when he shows up on the set of his show.

Ted Turner’s provocative question for TWT‘s Emily Miller

“In CNN green room. Ted Turner asked T. Boone Pickens if I was his girlfriend.” — TWT‘s Emily Miller.

Breitbart editor asks for Fox News reporter’s hand in marriage

“Now that the marriage laws are changing I am thinking of asking for your hand @edhenry” — Breitbart News‘ John Nolte in reference to Fox News Chief White House Correspondent Ed Henry. Both men are already married, but why not? They’d make a, if not cute, interesting couple.

Something to ask ourselves: “I can’t remember, is Wednesday the day for false equivalencies, not reading the article or something else?” — CBS Political Director and Slate‘s John Dickerson.

Beauty journo raves about large-barrel curling wand

“Tell me what your favorite curling iron is, specifically for beachy waves.” — Beauty blogger Kara Manos. Fellow beauty writer, Living Social Editor Liz McAvoy, replied saying, “I recently got the Remington large-barrel curling wand and reallyy like it — good price & good results!”

Speaking of beachy waves…

“For maximum convenience there are three people working at the Senate ID office and zero working ID printers. #senatequester. It’ll go well with my hippie hair whenever they deign to begin printing IDs again.” — Politico‘s Burgess Everett.

Fox News Contributor speaks sarcastically of “duck dicks”; Carnival Cruise news worsens; and sometimes journos really do express love. continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

PICTURE FROM PETRA: CBS Chief White House Correspondent Major Garrett, who is traveling with President Obama, snapped this photograph from Petra. He describes it as “6 of 16.” FNC Chief White House Correspondent Ed Henry asks in a tweet, “Is it illegal to take rocks home from ancient city of Petra? Asking for a friend.”

Ouch!

“Wow, @HuffingtonPost, your website blows.” – Roll Call reporter Emily Cahn.

Marty bitch slaps Twitter troll 

“What is your Problem? No, I’m not a Pedo- I’m a Soap Opera Fan, you Idiot!” — Media fan favorite Marty Rudolph to Wayne Bevins, an Ohioan who watches “One Life to Live.”

Washington brunch topic: cucumber farmers, pickles

“Brunch discussion: Do cucumber farmers feel ambivalent about pickles? Good business, but also essentially saying cuke not good enough as is.” — Ry Rivard, technology reporter for Inside Higher Ed.

Politico Playbook Publish Time: 9:03 a.m.

From the Dept. of Bragiculture…

“I frequently end up on the lonely side of news stories; that means the factually correct side. Facts are not always that hip.” — Lee Stranahan.

This little piggy…

“Officially asking my editor on Monday if we can get a newsroom piglet.” — Digital First Media Project Thunderdome and Nieman Lab’s Adrienne LaFrance.  She links to this story by the NYT.

Signs of Spring…pundit and blogger Craig Crawford has a must-see picture of a couple of doves on his windowsill. View here.

Taxicab Confessions

Former The Daily reporter Myles Miller: “Here I Am To Worship by Passion is happening in this cab.” He links to this spiritual music.” To which Digital First Project Thunderdome’s Ryan Teague Beckwith remarked, “I would avoid both worship and passion in a cab.”

Unbelievable! Media Matters takes whack at Fox News…

continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

In which we check in with Gretawire to see what Oprah Van Susteren is chatting about and what her boisterous fan club is saying back

FNC’s Chief White House Correspondent Ed Henry is in the Middle East covering President Obama‘s four-day tour through Israel, the West Bank and Jordan. Back home in Washington, his colleague Greta Van Susteren is helping chronicle his trip by posting photos and details about it on her Gretawire blog, that unpredictable place where Van Susteren’s fans say exactly what they’re thinking in the best grammar possible.

Remarkable among these posts is how at peace the typically wild crowd is and how loving they are about everything and everyone, especially Henry. Maybe it’s the changing seasons. Or they’re channeling good energy for Henry as he visits a tumultuous region. Nonetheless, it’s strikingly different from the normal anti-Democrat, anti-Obama riffs.

It’s Spiritual

“Good Photo Ed…We would love to see more of the Holly Land, please take more pictures and post them on Gretawire. Walk in the steps where Jesus walked, You will never be the same after your experience!”– DebRollin

“Would LOVE to visit Israel…Christian TV channel TBN has a lot of programming re: Israel, the best one I think Is ‘Israel: A Journey Through Time’….very interesting info…DAYSTAR, another Christian TV channel, now has their own station in Israel, also feature good coverage…learn a lot from them. Also have the Bill Gaither Homecoming DVDs ‘Jerusalem’ and another with ‘Israel’ in the title…great DVDs!!! PRAY for the peace of Jerusalem…a familiar Scripture from many Psalms. Blessings & Shalom, Mareman 3/19/13″– Mareman

“Indeed, a very special place… the Bible comes alive …”– Common Sense

Overwhemlingly Positive continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

He averts potential world disasters. “Everyone calm down about reports the tree President Obama planted has been uprooted,” he writes from Israel. “I can report it’s still here.”

But more importantly, today we have Ed’s onions from Jerusalem.

See more spectacular images from Ansel Ed… continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

But you’d be wrong.

This morning, Yahoo News published a first-person account by Rachel Rose Hartman, explaining the difficulties of pumping in the course of her day at the White House. She takes readers on a journey through the ordeal of having to use an unclean, unisex bathroom to pump for breast milk.

She writes about all that, amidst an Obama administration that claims to care about such a thing: “Under President Barack Obama’s new health care law, employers with more than 50 workers are required to provide a private lactation space other than a restroom for nursing mothers up to one year after giving birth,” writes Hartman.

A low but fitting blow: “Perhaps you’ll recall that these restrooms recently shot to fame as the chosen place for Al Roker to dispose of his dirty underwear?” writes Hartman.

Ultimately White House Correspondent Association President Ed Henry, Chief White House Correspondent for Fox News, and WHCA’s Christi Parsons, addressed the matter and in coordination with the White House, came to her rescue. The eventual solution: radio booths provided by — not the White House or any order by President Obama — but the Christian Broadcasting Network and CBC/Radio-Canada. In the interim, American Urban Radio Networks’ April Ryan allowed her to use her booth.

What comes next is pretty shocking: readers unleashed a torrent of insults and complaints about why this was even a story, why she doesn’t just stay home with her kids and more. continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.