Love is in the air.

And in honor of Valentine’s Day, we have something special in store. All day long, we will be mixing and matching members of the Washington D.C. media (with a sprinkling of political and national media elsewhere) to discover what their offspring might look like if such a spontaneous combustion of events were to happen.

So Happy Valentine’s Day Fishbowlers. Enjoy!

We begin with Lauren Ashburn, founder of Daily Download, and CNN and Newsweek-The Daily Beast‘s Howie Kurtz, who sits on the Daily Download‘s board. Ashburn and Kurtz co-host a video show on media topics of the day. We wondered what their offspring might look like and here’s what happened. We’ve named him “HowieBurn” but he can change his name later if he wants.

Quotes of the Day

Are cabbies devils in disguise?

“Cab drivers in DC may be some of the most soulless human beings on the planet.” — The Hill‘s Alexandra Jaffe at 2:39 a.m.

A BuzzFeed reporter’s bout with insomnia

“BREAKING: There is no ice cream in my house, yet I am still up and stuff. THIS IS A NATIONAL TRAGEDY.” — BuzzFeed‘s Chris Geidner at 3:43 a.m. Minutes later at 3:51 a.m. he added, “ALSO: @dcbigjohn is like, the best, EVAR. He’s the boss of being a boss. And making my life awesome (minus ice cream).” He was referring to BuzzFeed D.C. Bureau Chief John Stanton.

Colby Hall notices Lindsay Lohan’s boobs

“A bra-less @lindsaylohan is rapt with attention as she casts her gaze on @TheWANTED playing live at #z100jingleball.” — ClearChannel‘s Colby Hall. He links to this picture.

From the Dept. of Bragiculture…

National Journal Editor-in-Chief turned National Reporter Ron Fournier (or should we blame CNN’s Howie Kurtz for this?) got us all choked up this weekend (or rather, choked us) with Fournier’s vanity piece on his son’s Asperger’s syndrome and the access Fournier got to two ex-U.S. Presidents. On CNN’s “Reliable Sources,” Fournier explained that his editor, who sometimes plays psychiatrist, urged him to write the piece. Good news: Fournier paves the way for journalists to use their personal experiences and guilt to ramp up their careers. And isn’t this cathartic for all of us? Noted a Washington editor to FBDC, “Fournier’s behavior would qualify as just the usual vanity of journalists if this weren’t about his son. But it is. Which makes it unseemly bordering on obscene.” Bad news: We have to keep hearing about it. “Watching more CNN than I ever have waiting for @ron_fournier#lovethatboy” — wrote a fan named Abby4nier (i.e. his daughter). To which Fournier replied, “Making good choice.”

From Ron and Sara Bonjean’s Xmas party… “Dom DeLuise does not know Ron Bonjean raided his closet.” — Public Relations Consultant and ex-TWT Editor Sam Dealey. More on the party and Bonjean’s flower bombed purple blazer later and we’re talking about Ron, not Sara…

Unnecessary Tweet of the Day

“Video storytelling, when executed well, can be very emotionally compelling.” — NBC Washington cameraman Jim Long. Indeed, such sage advice.

Peter Ogburn and Eddie Scarry contributed to this report.

See the humblebrag… Read more

Today we have another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com. This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.

1. Which journo would you most want to spend the holidays with?

Dear God, do I have to? I’m fairly certain Hell would be filled with more cheer. But since I’m obligated to answer, I’ll put it to you this way – depends on the holiday.

Hanukkah – Chris Hayes, Ezra Klein, Dave Weigel and the rest of the Boy Banders. Some are Jewish, some aren’t, but that doesn’t matter because I’d imagine it would be an 8-day bender. Come to think of it, any 8-day stretch with them is probably a bender, and it would be a lot like hanging out at a hipster bar after all the hipsters moved on because the wannabes started outnumbering them. And I value my IQ points too much to emerge myself in that much MSNBC so I’ll just limit it to one MSNBCer and revise my remarks to Al Sharpton. This may seem like an odd choice but I think picking up all the remarks he mutters under his breath each of the 8-days would be amusing.

Christmas – Bill O’Reilly. Aside from the embarrassing gang on Fox & Friends, no one has done more to defend Christmas from idiots who seem only to engage in their “War on Christmas” to get publicity for their fringe group no one has ever heard of before or will hear from again than Bill. And I imagine the whole day will be spent tackling anyone who tries to TP a pine tree since he never stops.

Kwanza – Lawrence O’Donnell and Ed Schultz. Why would I pick the two whitest men on the planet next to Sean Hannity to spend a little-known, radical separatist black holiday with?  Because I think they’d try to celebrate it to prove they’re multi-cultural and would have no idea how to do it. Can you imagine anything more amusing than watching them trying on Dashikis and trying to mean it? I can’t.

Boxing Day – Howie Kurtz: For no particular reason.

Or course this is all moot, or at least most of it, since the world is ending on Dec. 21^st. So I’d just like to say thank you to the Mayans for saving me from this Hell.

2. Do you have high hopes that Jeff Zucker will really shake things up at CNN? 

Am I supposed to? I don’t have high hopes that the guy who sucked up NBC and re-unleashed Katie Couric on the world will be able to patch the hole in that Titanic. He’d have a better shot, and I’d probably actually care, if he were one of the Zuckers who brought us the movie “Airplane!” But he’s not, so I don’t.

Read about reporters sleeping with their sources… Read more

Today we have another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com. This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.

1. What did you think about the president going on The View? Are the ladies smart enough to interview Obama and what show should he do next?

What do I think of it? I’m not surprised. The President has spent most of his campaign wrapped in Nerf, talking mainly to friendly media fielding softball questions. Why not do The View? Especially when the alternative is to, you know, do his job. I’d rather a president meet with allies who are interested in stopping Iran from developing a nuclear bomb, but I’m old fashioned like that. Why bother with Bibi Netanyahu when Whoopi Goldberg is available? They’re both Jews after all, right?

2. Should a State Dept. spox be able to tell a reporter to “fuck off” and get away with it or not?

I don’t want to live in a country where anyone can’t tell anyone else to “Fuck off!” and get away with it. That said, “fuck off” is much worse than telling reporters to “Kiss my ass!” yet that was a story reported endlessly when a Romney spokesman did it. And I’d really hate to have a country where a shitty video is blamed for riots and murders it had nothing to with and the man who made it ends up in prison on bullshit charges of probation violation because President Obama needs a scapegoat to distract from his national security failures. Wait, I guess we have a country like that right now. Oh well, fuck off!

3. Who’s the best interviewer among these three and why: The Daily Beast and CNN’s Howie Kurtz, CNN’s Piers Morgan or Comedy Central’s Jon Stewart?

Dear lord, that’s like picking the guy you want to rape you in the prison shower – it’s going to be a horrible experience any way you look at it. I guess I’d pick Jon Stewart, but only because it would remind me of the old SNL skit “The Chris Farley Show” where he knowingly asks uninformed questions and just rambles. Howie and Piers ask uninformed/stupid questions but think they’re smart, at least Stewart admits he’s a joke.

Say what you will about Mother Jones Washington Bureau Chief David Corn, but over the weekend he got the nod from journalism’s Big Daddy. That would be WaPo Associate Editor Bob Woodward, on CNN’s “Reliable Sources” with Howie Kurtz.

Kurtz in typical nerdy Howiesque fashion, tried to open the door for Woodward to say something unseemly about Corn, suggesting, at least by his question and intonation, that there was possibly something wrong with the way Corn obtained and released the video of GOP hopeful Mitt Romney spouting off at a private fundraiser.

“Quite the opposite,” Woodward declared. …”It’s a big scoop and one of the important campaign stories of the year.”

The Daily Beast‘s Howie Kurtz may have convinced longtime WaPo reporter Lois Romano to join him at The Beast in April 2011. But now, not even a year later, she has left him for Politico. In a notice today that appeared on the site’s On Media blog, brass announced that Romano has been hired as a senior political reporter. They call her one of “Washington’s most accomplished” journos.

“Lois’s presence in our newsroom will allow us to do types of stories that in the past might have been out of our reach,” writes Editor-in-Chief John Harris.

Romano spent 28 years at WaPo.

See the internal memo…

Read more

Quotes of the Day: The Moon Edition

To the Moon, Newt

“THEY ARE STILL DEBATING GOING TO THE MOON.” — The New Yorker‘s Washington writer Ryan Lizza.

“This portion of the debate is about colonizing the Moon. Just wanted to point that out.” — Reuters‘ Sam Youngman. He added, “I’ve been saying for years that the way POTUS is neglecting the Moon is shameful.”

“Shocking amount of #mooncolony talk tonight.” — NBC TODAY Show’s Savannah Guthrie.

Praise for Wolf Blitzer

“That’s right Wolf, get in Newt’s ass. I love this. Wolf is soooooo much better than Jon King.” — NYT‘s Charles Blow. He added, “I knew that I shouldn’t have had that 3rd drink before watching these debates.”

And a critic…“This wife stuff is embarrassing. #cnndebate” — Actress Mia Farrow.

A breath of fresh air: Ron Paul

“Ron Paul is like a palet-clearing sorbet between six courses of mud.” — The Daily Beast‘s Lloyd Grove.

Meanwhile…WaPo Express Editor discusses sex act

While most Washington reporters were fixated on last night’s debate, WaPo Express’s Clinton Yates was out on the town talking dirty. “At dinner with the gf, her friend and other friends of friends. One is certifiable. What a nightmare,” he wrote. “We’re at a Mexican restaurant btw. Arriba! This woman is trying to impress us with her knowledge. Next term: fisting! She’s so hip.”

Hair and Makeup

“I think each candidate should be given an electric razor and be allowed to cut one opponent’s hair anyway he wants.” — National Review Online’s Jonah Goldberg.

“Does Callista’s hair ever move?” — WaPo‘s Right Turn blogger Jennifer Rubin. Chicago Book Editor Beth Renaldi remarked, “Callista Gingrich’s hair never moves. #cnndebate.”

“Callista’s makeup is looking a little more natural tonight. #CNNdebate Kurtz” — The Hill‘s Howeesha Kurtz (a.k.a. Judy Kurtz).

Really Howie?

“Wolf: Why would your wife make the best first lady? All eyes will be on Newt for his Callista answer.” — The Daily Beast/Newsweek‘s Howie Kurtz in the most painfully obvious observation of the night.

Birthweek: Maureen Orth

“Missing the #FLDebate for @LukeRsmom birthday dinner. The only disagreement here is what flavor ice cream to get.” — NBC Congressional Correspondent Luke Russert referring to his mom, VF’s Maureen Orth. (h/t Luke Russert, h/t Mike Allen for h/t)

A special Happy Birthday to C-SPAN’s Communications Director Howard Mortman. From his colleague Steve Scully: “Howard is an incredibly hard worker…in the league of Chuck Todd and Mike Allen. As he gets another year older…he also looks much older than Todd or Allen. But we still love him. In fact I remember him when he was ‘Extreme’ Mortman. Those were the days. ”

Jennifer Aniston, above, on the technically blue carpet.

The Hill‘s gossip columnist Judy Kurtz is following in her father’s foosteps this week, as in getting her facts wrong. Her mistake comes on the heels of The Daily Beast‘s Howie Kurtz admitting his blunder involving a quote from House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) that he later admitted never came from Pelosi.

On Monday Judy Kurtz announced on Twitter that she was going to be on “ring watch” for actress Jennifer Aniston, who appeared at the Ronald Reagan Building last night for a Lifetime movie screening of FIVE. Kurtz wrote, “Press eyes ‘heart-shaped ring’ on Jennifer Aniston’s left hand during DC visit. ITK to be on ‘ring watch’ at star’s movie premiere tonight!”

But that watch must have been short-lived. Sometime after 8:30 p.m., Kurtz reported on Twitter, “Jennifer Aniston apparently skips red carpet at Five premiere, leaving celeb-hungry DC journos asking 4 more on their A-list deprived plates.”

Aniston walked the red (this one was blue) carpet at the Ronald Reagan Building just after 8 p.m. and was swarmed with flashbulbs. She didn’t skip the red carpet. We watched her walk down and back again, stopping, posing and taking instructions from photographers such as “turn left” and “over here.”

The actress did not speak to reporters as she walked the carpet, which is what Kurtz may have been referring to. We’ve requested comment from The Hill.

3-2-1. “RRING! RRING!”

The predictability in the air was palpable on Wednesday afternoon when we published a story on the abrasive comments Current TV’s David Shuster made about Fox News anchors Bret Baier, Megyn Kelly and Chris Wallace over the weekend.  You may recall how Shuster took his stink with the FNCers to CNN’s airwaves on Sunday, telling Howie Kurtz that the trio had no business moderating a presidential debate due to their lack of campaign trail experience.

Communicating extensively with FBDC, Shuster reaffirmed his remarks and even took things a step further.  He charged that Fox has lost all “credibility/watchability” since Brit Hume‘s semi-retirement. He also explained that conversations with “friends” inside FNC prompted him to criticize the network on CNN.  After finishing with Shuster, FBDC contacted longtime Fox News Communications Director Irena Brigante for a response or comment on the matter. Included in the note was a graph of quotes from our earlier conversation with Shuster.

So we waited. No response. Deafening silence. Still, not surprising.  That is, after all, typical treatment for journalists who’ve been blackballed by Fox News PR.

“That’s how they operate. There’s a black list. So if they’re isolating you it means you pissed them off or were nice to someone at another network.,” said a TV insider who is familiar with Brigante’s operation.

“F–k her,” added another media insider with a key vantage point to know her history. “That’s her stock and trade to alienate people and never talk to certain media outlets. I’ve had this conversation with everyone in the media.”

But wait there’s more to FNC’s blacklist than the silent treatment.  Things generally play out like this: While most of the network’s press shop is busy miming hateful replies to your request, one of the spokeshags hits the phones to sell your scoop or share your inquiry with  one of their pet publications. Which is precisely what happened this week.

Sure enough, just after 2 p.m. on Wednesday the Washington Examiner‘s Nikki Schwab, who has taken the bait before, wrote FBDC explaining that she, too, was working on a Shuster/Fox News piece.  What a coincidence!  In the note, she posed a question about Shuster’s misspelling Baier’s first name. FBDC replied.

Schwab’s story published Wednesday. The piece contained zero new news and cited only Shuster’s comments to FBDC – coincidentally the very same quotes we’d sent to FNC PR when we originally sought comment from them. Schwab advanced the story with nothing more than a remark from an unnamed Fox News spokesperson regarding the quotes we’d emailed Brigante earlier in the day.

Coincidence? Unlikely.

We reached out to both Schwab and Editor Stephen Smith, posing virtually the same question to each of them: Does the Washington Examiner see anything ethically challenging about Fox News using their publication as a mouthpiece? So far, no response.

Typically I wake up to emails such as Politico Mike Allen‘s Playbook, RealClearPolitics‘ Carl Cannon‘s morning history lesson and Roll Call Morning Headlines. But this morning, the first email to jar me awake from dreams of WaPo‘s Ezra Klein was from my cohort, FishbowlDC’s Matt Dornic. It concerned the nickname “Howiella” that I have been using for The Hill‘s new gossip writer Judy Kurtz, daughter of The Daily Beast‘s Washington Bureau Chief Howie Kurtz.

The tone? Pointed. He doesn’t mess around when protesting. Hopefully he won’t resort to drenching himself in oil like these protesters pictured above, but you never know with Dornic.

Subject line: Judy Kurtz

I don’t like Howiella so please accept this message as my formal motion to reconsider her nickname. In its place I recommend one of the following:

Howlette
Howeesha
Howlynn
Howie-May
Howie Lite
Howina
Howgatha
Howlma
Howdie Doody

In a subsequent email, he added, “Howdie Judy.” We both confessed that our favorite new nickname is Howeesha. My second favorite is Howlma.

Dear Readers: We want to know what is your favorite. Most likely you’ll see all of the above sprinkled into our copy. But we want to know where your tastes lie on this front. Write us at FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com or to me directly at FishbowlBetsy@gmail.com.