From the Dept. of Bragiculture…

“WE BEAT GAWKER BY 25 MIN ON BANGS STORY!” — WaPo‘s Reliable Source on finally getting a story within spitting distance of another gossip outlet. The item concerned first lady Michelle Obama’s new hairstyle, which involves bangs.

The Media Observer

“Favorite line from inaug committee warning abt Metro: ‘You will have to stand in close proximity to several thousand people’” — NYT‘s Washington Deputy Bureau Chief Carl Hulse.

Editor wants Christian Mingle to leave him alone

“Dear Christian Mingle, stop sending me emails.” — Eboné Bell, Managing Editor of Tagg magazine, Hip Hop Cardio Instructor, & Founder of Capital Queer Prom.

Oprah’s masterful interview skills

“Oprah rules. She is REALLY good at this. Just a master interviewer.” — WaPo‘s Chris Cillizza. Also: “Lance is the least sympathetic apologizer possible. I feel ZERO empathy with him.”

“Oprah is a hell of a good interviewer.”– CNN’s Jeffrey Toobin.

“This is as much am exercise in journalism as confession. The packages Oprahs guys are dropping in help people who are new to the story.” — NYT‘s David Carr.

“I’m not feeling Lance but I’m loving Oprah. She is a first class interviewer.” — Washingtonian Publisher Cathy Merrill Williams.

“I love Oprahshe just goes straight in! #BOOM” — Essence and theGrio columnist Sophia Nelson.

The Best of… on Oprah & Lance

“Oprah tells crowd to look under their chairs where they discover rotten vegetables to throw at Lance. That interview I would watch.” — Reuters‘ Sam Youngman.

“Every asshole should get to do an interview with Oprah.” — New York Daily News‘ Josh Greenman.

“Mike Wallace would have filleted Lance Armstrong like a fish.” — Politico‘s Roger Simon.

(Fake Oprah Question): “Did you ever have sex with a dead wizard’s body for magical powers?” “Yes” — The Guardian and Salon freelancer Jim Newell during the “yes or no” only portion of the interview.

“For the judging media, remember the ‘culture’ that allows for enhancements that help your job (whisky, Adderoll, whisky).” — FNC’s Greg Gutfeld.

“I read his book, I supported LiveStrong- so awful to watch him tonight – he seems mostly sorry he got caught!” — NBC4′s  Doreen Gentzler.

“So Lance’s drug use was real and Manti’s gf was fake. Got it.” — USA Today’s Jackie Kucinich.

“I feel like this is a public therapy session.” — CNN AC360′s Devna Shuka.

“If I’ve learned anything from this Lance Armstrong interview, it’s he’s a high school girl. Stab you in the back without breaking a sweat.” — Social Media Editor for NBC Washington Cheryl Thompson.

“If Lance Armstrong cared about ratings, he would have done interview on 60 Min. Not a cable network nobody watches.” — Alex Conant, U.S. GOP Sen. Marco Rubio‘s press secretary.

“You did not just make a fat joke to Oprah.” — Lizzie O’Leary, whose Twitter bio says simply, “apsiring Hildy Johnson.”

“When does Oprah roll out the wagon of fat?” — ClearChannel‘s Colby Hall. Also: “First clue that I am not on one of my regular viewing channels: seeing ads referencing transvaginal mesh.”

“Fun continuity game: watch water levels in Lance & Oprah water glasses for edit jumping. Straws are an odd touch, too.” — Politico‘s Steve Friess.

Daily Caller reporter takes nasty swipe at CNN’s Piers Morgan...

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New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

“I’m glad my four-star general got a four-star penis. That’s what I like. … I LOVE a good scandal. Ooooooh!!” – Comedian Loni Love on E!’s “Chelsea Lately” show last night.

Uh oh. Howard Kurtz: Shirtless?

“Feeling out of the loop for not having any shirtless photos of myself. Maybe that’s the new business card.” — CNN and Newsweek/The Daily Beast‘s Sexy Beast Howard Kurtz.

Gay activist hopes for dirty pics

“You know that in all those tens of thousands of emails that there have to be some pictures….there has to be.” — GOProud Co-founder Jimmy LaSalvia.

Actress weighs in on Petraeus scandal

“Petraeus thing getting weirder. How about the unstable sister and the judge? Still, it’s a crying shame. Many lives in ruins. — Bette Midler.

Meghan reinvents herself and the GOP

“I decided I will now refer to myself and others like me as ‘modern republicans’ not ‘moderate’. I think it’s a better description. #evolve” — MSNBC and The Daily Beast‘s Meghan McCain.

Important Question to Ponder: “WTF is your job as a flak if you literally refuse to talk to reporters? What an embarrassment.” — Mother Jones‘ Nick Baumann.

Sighting: Jada Pinkett Smith

“Spotted in Senate subways: Jada Pinkett Smith.” — Bloomberg Senate Leadership reporter Kate Hunter.

WaPo‘s Chris Cillizza becomes the Scolder-in-Chief

“Rove twitpic with Paul Broadwell is from JUNE. Come on people.” — WaPo‘s Chris Cillizza.

Sen. Kerry breaks promise to press

“Sen. John Kerry promised reporters he’d come out to the mics to talk after closed Benghazi briefing, then gives us the slip. Sneaky.” — Fox News’ Kara Rowland.

A journo has something good to say about Amtrak for a change, a GOP operative is going to flip out during his commute any day now and NBC MTP’s Betsy Fischer Martin has an observation about military marriages …

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New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

CONTEMPLATIVE: “Getting ready for Meet the Press this morning from Richmond” — House Maj. Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) in a moment of deep, meditative, almost wax figure silence before going on the program.

“Okay, buddy. Great night. Get some sleep. In about 72 hours, Axelrod’s gonna be looking for us.” — Joe’s Mustache (@AMJoesMoustache) to MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough, who made a campaign bet last week that will either have him growing a stache or Obama Campaign Advisor David Axelrod shaving his off.

Sunday morning at 4:38 a.m.: “I would like about 3 more hours of sleep. Instead: DCA.” — Yahoo! News’ Olivier Knox.

Journo hears anti-gay sentiment on trail

“An irate attendee at this Boehner event in OH told me she opposes Obama because ‘he’s forcing through this gay shit.’ Alrighty then!” — HuffPost‘s Jennifer Bendery.

Editor invents new Twitter terminology

“Defining new term: Twitter War Hostage| when yr handle gets dragged along in twitter fight btw 2 others long after u have anything 2do w/it.” — TPM Editor Josh Marshall.

Journo nightmare

“I had a terrible dream that I set my clock back and it was Nov. 4, 2011.” — Politico‘s Maggie Haberman.

On Saturday night NBC “MTP’s” David Gregory encouraged everyone to have fun with daylight savings: “My feeling is don”t wait until 2am to turn your clocks back. Have some fun with it. Do it now.”

Editor wrestles with cat’s underarm hair

“Spent half an hour untangling my cat’s underarm hair – finally had to give up and cut out a matted hunk #MaineCoonproblems.” — Washington Gardener Editor Kathy Jentz, who clearly made the most of her daylight savings time this weekend.

Anticipation: “Moving to my third coffee shop of the day. … But, I’m thinking y’all will think this story is worth it.” — BuzzFeed‘s Chris Geidner. Anticipation II: “Hour 19 of today: waiting. waiting. and more waiting. We cannot wait to actually have control of our own lives.” — LAT‘s Maeve Reston.

Captain Obvious: “In three days, we’ll know who the president will be for the next four years! Barack Obama or Mitt Romney?” — The Daily Caller‘s Matthew Boyle. What?!?! Is there an election??? We’re thinking he should stick with stories on senators and Dominican prostitutes.

Irony is…

“Starbucks Dupont believes in overheating its coffee to mouth-scalding temperatures but they’re too cheap to turn on the friggin’ heat.” — MetroWeekly‘s Randy Shulman.

FNC’s ‘Fair and Balanced’ reaches preposterous proportions

“Fox News anchor: If viewers want ‘far-left’ news, they go to MSNBC. If they want ‘fair and balanced,’ they come here.” — HuffPost‘s Amanda Terkel.

D.C. publicist would rather do anything than watch Sen. Rob Portman. And which Politico reporter basically tells complaining NY marathoners to STFU? Also: journo witness to giant car wreck caused by a bear.

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New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

DISTURBING: “Holloween 2012 — I’m a tiger in bed,” — HBO’s Bill Maher. We have to say, former Rep. David Wu (D-OutofHisMind) plays a better tiger.

NOT TOO FAR OFF: “I went as Carmen Miranda for night three of Halloween” — InTheseTimes.com labor journo Mike Elk. Miranda was a Portuguese Samba singer and Broadway actress who was popular in the 40s and 50s.

Comedian Lizz Winstead: “I was gonna shove my head up my own ass and go as an undecided voter but I couldn’t find the right shirt.”

Lady goes bananas for Halloween

“Lady just handed out bananas to trick or treaters – wrong on so many many levels.” — Politico‘s Glenn Thrush.

Editor finds wife’s anger at Gov. Christie sexy

“Wife’s so mad at Christie it’s coming out in Spanish. Which I must say is kinda sexy.” — Breitbart.com‘s John Nolte.

Speaking of sexy…

“A lot of hot dads in the neighborhood. #justsaying” — Conservative writer Lisa De Pasquale.

Bret Baier gets compliment on weight

Hollifina writes, “You look like a different person. How did you lose weight? Does Ur family live in Manhattan?” Baier replied, “Wash dc.” What, no thank you to Hollifina?

Journo blasé about TV hit

“On MSNBC 10ish, going blah blah blah.” — The Atlantic‘s Molly Ball.

Journo shaken by neighborhood crime

“So there was a shooting a block from my apartment…circling helicopter, searchlight ablaze, means they haven’t caught the guy, yes?” — The Hill‘s Alexandra Jaffe.

Irritated blogger

“As a new insomniac, I love breaking glasses in the middle of the dark night. On my foot. Curse you, sloppy boys.” — Lisa Rowan, a vintage blogger who writes quarterlife202.com.

Meghan McCain reveals what she was going to be for Halloween and more questions about that Daily Caller hooker video…

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New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

A RELAXED ROLAND: “Somebody’s tuckered out.” — Video journo Liz Glover with accompanying photograph of CNN Contributor and TV ONE’s Roland Martin.

“I’m already all shook up. In anticipation. Brand new tissue box: check.” — author Terry McMillan during the speeches last night.

A little too gushing?

“Biden is one of the best liked people in politics — on both sides. And he has earned that affection. #CNN” — CNN’s David Gergen. At a time when CNN is trying to paint MSNBC as too in love with Democrats, this was a peculiar thing to say.

Humblebrag: Rosario grabbed my Snickers!

“Hey! @rosariodawson just grabbed my last Snickers. What a great way to end the great @ABC/ @YahooNews convention coverage.” — ABC News Producer and Digital Journalist David Meyers.

The Team Player

“Partisan people on both sides seem to not like when their side gets fact-checked, but love when the other side does. CNN fact-checks both.” — CNN Piers Morgan Tonight staffer Steve Krakauer.

Do they think he stinks?

“Street vendors selling Obama air fresheners. I kid you not.” — WaPo‘s Chris Cillizza.

The Speeches. Kerry. Biden. Obama.

Sen. John Kerry

“Punditry correction: predicted that Senator Kerry would flop. Was wrong.” — BuzzFeed‘s Michael Hastings.

“ROCKY IV DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE A PARTISAN PUNCH LINE. SHAME ON YOU” — a uncharacteristically dramatic HuffPost‘s Sam Stein.

“John Kerry’s speech was so good, this entire arena is fired up, ready to go avenge Apollo Creed’s death.” — NJ “The Hotline” Polling Editor Steve Shepard.

Veep Joe Biden

“There is literally no heaven.” — NY Daily News’ Josh Greenman.

“It’s about healing. And putting a bullet between the bastard’s eyes.” — David Frum.

“I think Joe Biden looks FAB in his infomercial. I also like his voice. See, I said something nice!” — Conservative radio host Laura Ingraham.

“My Dad is live-blogging Biden’s speech to me via text… Never should’ve gotten him that iPhone.” — Yahoo! News‘s Chris Moody.

“Joe Biden loves him some ‘literally’. Literally. #dnc2012″ — WaPo‘s Chris Cillizza.

“Joe Biden is off to a really personable start with all the kiddos. snff snff” — HuffPost‘s Christina Wilkie.

President Obama

“Obama not just criticizing GOP. He is mocking them, again and again.” — The Hill‘s Managing Editor Bob Cusack.

“I’m not only the Hair Club president, I’m also a client.” — WaPo‘s Felicia Sonmez.

“Time for Biden to rush out shirtless in pirate garb swallowing a torch of fire.” –  TV pundit, blogger, author Craig Crawford.

“I am bored to death. #figuratively” — Reason magazine’s Nick Gillespie.

“Crowd definitely not as jazzed either. Better than in Tampa, though, where the noise died within about 30 seconds of Romney’s speech ending.” — Times of London‘s Matt Spence.

“Is it just me, or are the applause lines falling much flatter than I presume he intended?” — Townhall‘s Kate Hicks.

“If This doesn’t pick up soon, the obituaries are going to start flowing. I give it 10 more mins before the impression is locked.” — Mediaite‘s Noah Rothman.

“Four more beers.” Slate‘s Dave Weigel.

“Obama says he’s mindful of his own failings. I wish we could hear his honest discussion of what he could have done better.” — NYT‘s Jodi Kantor.

On another note…“Joe Biden’s daughter’s dress is AWESOME. #notapoliticalstatement” — Politico producer Leigh Munsil.

And what’s a night without a little media bashing? “Even MSNBC is looking disappointed tonight. Though they are trying to cover it up. But you can see the heartache in their eyes.” — Breitbart.com editor Jon Nolte.

The Sea Has Finally Parted

“Psst, journos: conventions are OVER. Sleep cometh soon! #DNC2012 #GOP2012 — WaPo manager of social media & engagement Natalie Jennings.

 Journo gets emotional about FLOTUS’s seating

“Not sure if I find it heartening or depressing that Michelle Obama appears to be sitting on the same hard plastic chairs the press is.” – LAT political writer Matea Gold.

A shout-out for the FGOTUS

“I love the first grandma, Mrs. Robinson seems so dope.” — Myles Miller, a political reporter.

Reporters get props from questionable character

“Wow. There is a legit meth head wandering around the press filing room thanking reporters for their work. #dnc2012″ — Business Insider political reporter Grace Wyler.

Unnecessary Tweet of the Day

“I am on Twitter silence until POTUS speaks at 10ish. I gotta get some stuff done so I can watch and hear his every word.” — Essence and theGrio‘s Sophia Nelson.

Eddie Scarry contributed to this report.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

“Just got to the green room @LiveKelly! Hanging with Buck & Rory, everyone’s so nice! #cohostsearch” — Markette Smith to appear on ABC’s “LIVE! With Kelly Ripa” this morning at 9 a.m. Smith is a top 10 finalist in the contest to be Ripa’s co-host. She reports on the radio for the NPR affiliate WAMU 88.5FM and on-camera as an entertainment correspondent and red carpet host for AMC Theatres.

Journo catches man choking chicken in public

“Yo, guy on P st., masturbating in your Lexus near a park with kids and joggers, I took your plate # and called the cops.” — CNN’s Lizzie O’Leary.

Jason Mattera: classy as ever

“The dude who got head in the Oval Office now doesn’t seem like such a bad president after all #WhatObamaTaughtMe.” — Author and conservative spouter Jason Mattera.

Russert V. Hamby: Ratings competition?

“@PeterHambyCNN I’m in for @WillieGeist1 on Way Too Early. I challenge u to a ratings dual good sir.” — NBC’s Luke Russert, who is also scheduled to be in for MSNBC’s “The Daily Rundown’s” Chuck Todd on Monday. (Psst Chuck, Luke is making White House Soup of the Day bland. We need you back and soon!)

Kiss Kiss

“Gotta admire @chrislhayes‘ Javert-esque dedication to nerdfighting. 20 min with the Bain guy, and still no @MittRomney questions. #uppers” — Mediaite White House Correspondent and Chairman of the I love Chris Hayes Fan Club Tommy Christopher.

Something else we couldn’t care less about…

“Email from Mrs. Oster my kindergarten teacher! ‘Saw u on TV. U have the same name & smile as a girl I taught Kindergarten to. Are u her?’” — The Daily Caller‘s Michelle Fields.

And now for something genuinely cute…

“My 5-y/o watching McLaughlin Group: ‘how do you know when it’s your turn to talk?’” — Washington Examiner Senior Political Columnist Timothy Carney.

Roland’s mom gets down with Beyonce

“Why is my mom in the middle of my young nieces on Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’? She’s been married 45 years! Crazy sightings at #familyreunion” — CNN Commentator and Washington Watch’s Roland Martin.

Journo weighs growing beard

“In my time off, I flirted with growing a beard. Now it’s time to shave these three whiskers and head to the studio for @washingtonweek” — Reuters‘ Sam Youngman.

Weiner fever ignites

“The Weiner-for-mayor rumors are now swirling. I say, why not run? He made a personal error and lied. That’s not disqualifying for all time.” — New York Daily News Opinion Editor Josh Greenman.

Crumpling Howiella? Oh no!

“Friend told me he crumpled my face as he used copies of The Hill to pack up his moving boxes. Sweeter words have never been spoken.” — Howiella Kurtz (a.k.a The Hill‘s Judy Kurtz.)

Peter Ogburn and Eddie Scarry contributed to this report.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

MSNBC’s Schultz goes fishing

FOn Thursday night’s program, host Ed Schultz discussed jobs, tax breaks, and Rosengate and then concluded his interview with V.P. Biden by asking him a question everyone was waiting for — what does the Veep think of his show? What was Biden going to say, it’s awful?  Schultz had a hint of what the answer might be. Biden began the interview with a chummy compliment. “It’s great to be here,” Biden said. “Yes, I’m a fan.”

SCHULTZ: You like “The Ed Show?”
BIDEN: I like “The Ed Show” a lot. Man, I watch you and I tell you what, we come from, figuratively speaking, the same neighborhood, man.
SCHULTZ: Yes, we do.

Reader calls Llewellyn a ‘white knight’

“Much gratitude to Llewellyn King for taking up our cause. He is the white knight in the black forest of neglect and ignorance.” — A FBDC commenter on “White House Chronicle” host Llewellyn King taking on the cause of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

FNC’s Ed Henry to miss Cartagena

When asked by CNN Special Events’ Jeff Kepne if he’d be going on the President’s trip to Cartagena this weekend, FNC Chief White House Correspondent Ed Henry replied, “No, son has a big birthday that weekend. Will miss ya.”

What not to say in the newsroom if you want friends…

“Dreaded segue: ‘I couldn’t help but overhear…’” — NYT‘s Mark Leibovich.

Meghan McCain’s ‘grueling’ travel schedule

“Walla Walla to Seattle, 2 hour layover Seattle to Phoenix, 2 hour layover, redeye to JFK – I fear to think what I will look like when I land. This is officially one of the more grueling travel schedules I’ve had in a longgg time! I’m gonna need some Bloody Mary’s… #nomoreairports.” — MSNBC Contributor and The Daily Beast‘s Meghan McCain.

Journo’s plane struck by lightening

“Flight canceled. Plane was struck by lightning. I still think we coulda made it.” — Reuters‘ Sam Youngman.

ABC’s ‘Scandal’ touches chords

“Watching #ScandalABC brings back memories of the life I used to lead in my 20s and 30s here in DC. Young, lawyer, Capitol Hill, Politics!” — Sophia Nelson, author of Black Woman Redefined and an Opinion Columnist for GRIO, Essence and others, on the new ABC Washington-centric drama, ‘Scandal,’ starring Kerry Washington.

Rob Lowe to D.C.

“Headed to DC to speak at the Horatio Alger Association awards. Scholarships for disadvantaged, best and brightest kids.” — Actor Rob Lowe.

Words of Wisdom?

“If these inane political kerfuffles didn’t exist, the media would have to invent them. Oh wait.” — Reason‘s Peter Suderman.

What I don’t understand: Reporters who think Rosen story is a phony issue, but think Limbaugh’s comments on Fluke were serious & newsworthy.” — The Weekly Standard‘s John McCormack.

Dicking Around…“If we all keep having fake wars about wars that aren’t wars at all and calling them wars we’re going to break this thing.” — CBS Political Director John Dickerson.

“Now if two women were to mud-wrestle to settle a dispute over certain comments, would that be considered work?” — New York Daily News Opinion Editor Josh Greenman. (Lovely, Josh. Mud wrestling analogy – really?)

So touching…“Last month, etch a sketch got really popular Here’s hoping that today everyone thanks a stay at home mom like mine for their sacrifices.” — GOP operative and former flack to House Maj. Leader Erik Cantor Brad Dayspring. And look how well Dayspring turned out!

“Cheer up, Democrats. This looks bad, but I’m sure Bill Maher will discuss Ann Romney, her health etc., with class and grace this Friday.” — National Review Online‘s Jim Geraghty.

Age Watch

In the aftermath of Rosengate, the “war on women” deescalated into nasty superficial insults online. But there were compliments in the mix.  “It’s unreal that Ann Romney is 63-years-old. Wow.” — Breitbart.com‘s Dana Loesch. And in another Loesch special, she points out that Mitt Romney “handles” his wife well….”If Mitt Romney could handle the media as well as his wife, I wouldn’t worry about the general as much. Truthfully, I’m impressed.”

The Self-Appointed Copy Editor

“This might also be a good time to gently remind people that it’s “adviser” not “advisor.” #apstyleismylife” — GOP politico Ellen Carmichael.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

North Korean dictator, the Dear Leader himself, Kim Jong Il died last night and, like most things these days, the news broke on Twitter. Here is a round up of some of the reactions from the Twitterazzi:

Jonah Goldberg, National Review and AEI: “Kind of sucks that the third famous person to die along with Vaclav Havel and Christopher Hitchens is Kim Jong Il. Worse: he went last.”

WaPo‘s Ezra Klein: “It’s a shame Hitchens isn’t around to give Kim Jong Il the send off he deserves.”

AllahPundit, HotAir.com: “What a shame that Hitchens doesn’t get to write this obit #kimjongil.”

Tim Carney, Washington Examiner: “Kim Jong Il said he got 11 holes in one the first time he played golf.”

Erick Erickson, RedState: “They’d turn out the lights in North Korea to mourn, but they’re already out [saying] thanks to that monster and his dad.

Derek Hunter Townhall columnist and WMAL: “Well, now we know what God was busy doing in the 4th quarter of the Broncos/Patriots game. #KimJongIl.”

“Kim Jong Il was a real-life Dr. Evil, intent on being taken seriously and yet almost unfailingly laughed at.” — NJ‘s Michael Hirsch. Read his whole story here.

Caleb Howe, RedState: “The death of Kim Jong Il has left South Park creators Matt Parker and Trey Stone empty inside.”

Tommy Christopher, Mediaite White House Correspondent: “Which GOP candidate will be first to slam President Obama for not killing Kim Jong Il? I vote @newtgingrich.”

Josh Greenman, New York Daily News: “It’s a shame Kim Jong Il just missed being able to see his whole life in Facebook Timeline.”

And in what has become something of a tradition on Twitter of starting accounts for infamous people who die immediately after they kick the bucket, Kim Jong Il himself has weighed in – from Hell. KimJongIlinHell: “The worst part of Hell has to be the strict ban on platform shoes.”

Just for fun, and because it’s probably the last day it’s relevant, don’t forget to check out the blog “Kim Jong Il looking at things.”

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.