Ouch!

HBO comedian Bill Maher performing last night at Rockville, Md.’s Strathmore auditorium: “To me, John Boehner feels female. He wears a lot of bronzer and cries a lot. I need to see his d!@k. The short form.” (Maher in a riff on Republicans saying President Obama feels foreign.) More on the show later…

George preps for Katie

“Hey @katiecouric, George is getting ready for you! He’s doing push-ups, wearing an algae face mask and getting a pedicure! #GMA” — Ali Wentworth, author of the new memoir Ali in Wonderland, comedian and wife of ABC “This Week” and GMA host George Stephanopoulos.

WTF: Reporter did what?

“Fed a dachshund some bear meat. Enjoy little dog. That would never happen in the wild.” — Politico White House reporter Byron Tau. In June of 2011, Tau’s affinity for dogs was questioned when he cracked on Washingtonian for their “hard hitting” story on Beagles. But Tau’s innocence was proven. See here.

Procession of TV losers

“Current TV replaces Keith Olbermann with Eliot Spitzer. Who’s next, John Edwards?” — TWT Senior Opinion Writer Emily Miller.

The Media Observer

“Between Grassley vs. History Channel and Chambliss vs. C-SPAN, Republicans have chosen some odd parts of the media to be mad at.” — The Atlantic‘s Molly Ball.

April Fools’ Tentativeness

“When deciding to go with the fake news story for April Fool’s Day, never forget the audience’s capacity not to grasp comedy.” — Mark Joyella, Digital Producer for CNN’s Erin Burnett‘s Out Front.

“Always trying to remember: completely ridiculous things I hear on 4/1 prolly aren’t true #winning.” – TPM founder and Editor Josh Marshall, who prolly should use the word “probably” if he doesn’t want to sound like he’s from Hee Haw.

“The funniest part about April Fools’ Day to me every year? The constant misspelling of the actual title.” — WaPo Express‘ Clinton Yates.

Sightings: On Friday night, Townhall.com’s Kevin Glass was spotted enjoying a beer with a  friend at Millie & Al’s bar on 18th Street. On Saturday night Politico‘s Jedd Rosche was spotted at a college-themed party near U Street.

WaPo Gene Weingarten’s ingenious idea

“Twitter should offer a 20-second ‘undo’ option. A cooling-off period for drunks and hotheads.” — WaPo humor columnist Gene Weingarten, who can be quite the bitch on Twitter and over email.

Is bacon really good with everything?

“I was kinda expecting the @FreeBeacon to change its name to the Free Bacon and write stories about bacon and how CAP uses ‘Bacon-first’” — Matt DeLuca, Communications Strategist for New Media Strategies.

Journo consumes heart attack-worthy cuisine

“Just perpetrated a High-larious April Fools on my heart: wolfed down a bubbling crock of jalapeno-laced cheeseburger dip #coronaryhereIcome” — Roll Call HOH’s Warren Rojas.

Journo Love

“Jake Tapper with striped suit, haircut and oh, yeah, real talent does a great job anchoring the ABC World News” — Politico‘s Roger Simon.

Peter Ogburn and Eddie Scarry contributed to this report.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

Journo’s cat sets her alarm clock

“The cat stepped on my iPhone dock alarm clock last night and set it to go off at 7 a.m. Which it did. Which was wonderful. #gah” — WaPo Express‘s Sara Schwartz in a tweet that Politico‘s resident cat lover Patrick Gavin might appreciate. We’re sure Gavin’s cats don’t have tricks like that.

White House scribe details Michelle O’s attire down to thighs

“The top of the first lady’s dress was a bright orange racerback; from mid-torso to mid-thigh it has a green and white jungle-like print; the final piece that fell to the knee was a grayish pattern.” — Politico‘s Jennifer Epstein in a Sunday Pool Report from Hawaii.

Corn on Bachmann on God

“Short version of Bachmann campaign event: God, God, God, God, God, God.” — Mother Jones‘ Washington Bureau Chief David Corn.

Necessary Tweet of the Day

“Here’s to a new year in which cell phone and Twitter users learn the value of an unexpressed thought.” — AP Radio News’ Jon Belmont.

Reporter does what it takes

“This crazy Iowa wind blew the address I need out of hand & across the parking lot. I literally parkoured [sic] over a fence to get it. #nprlife” — NPR White House Correspondent Ari Shapiro.

Journo loses cologne to TSA

“Leaving my new Christmas gift (cologne) in SC because it was .2oz too much. Thanks TSA.” — FBDC’s and The Blaze‘s Eddie Scarry, who explained that the cologne, Cool Water by Davidoff, was a sentimental re-gift from his father.

Not surprisingly, Walsh criticizes an R

“Leslie Stahl admitted that interview was part of a Cantor push to soften and humanize his richly deserved awful image. Ick.” — Salon Editor-at-Large Joan Walsh of Sunday’s “60 Minutes” interview with House Maj. Leader Eric Cantor.

Ahh…the warmth of the holidays

“Nice to see the TSA in ATL not give a hard time to the 3 yo with the toy gun who refused to let it leave his hand.” — RedState.com Editor-in-Chief and CNN Contributor Erick Erickson.

Um, Happy New Year?

“Ooh. Time for another round of my favorite neighborhood game: Fireworks or Gunshot?” — Reason Magazine Associate Editor Peter Suderman.

Words to live by…“Don’t forget: Resolutions are for quitters.” — Capitol File Editor-in-Chief Kate Bennett.

Birth Week: Nibbles Knox, son of AFP‘s Olivier Knox. A note from Roll Call‘s Meredith Shiner: “Happy birthday to the famous Nibbles Knox! May this year be filled with all the legos your little heart ever could desire @OKnox” — (quote by and h/t to Shiner. h/t to Politico‘s Mike Allen for the phrase h/t.) HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIBBLES!

Things are getting weird in Iowa

“Local reporter, desperate for people to interview, asks Jeff Zeleny if he’s media or voter. #blending” — Slate‘s Dave Weigel on NYT‘s Zeleny.

“Lady sitting next to me at Atlantic, Iowa, diner, on being a campaign reporter: ‘I think that would be a terrible job.’” — Politico‘s Reid Epstein.

“Went to the lobby to get coffee. When the desk clerk saw my bed head I thought he might offer me medical treatment.” — CBS Political Director John Dickerson.

Funky Convo Between Two Journos

TPM‘s Evan McMorris-Santoro: “Happy Des Moines time new year to the crew @TPM, best support staff a road warrior’s ever had.” HuffPost‘s Elise Foley: “#puke.”

Travel writer starts new year on funereal note

“And…my first day of the year starts w a funeral. Sort of nice, though. #perspective.” — National Geographic Traveler Contributing Editor Carl Hoffman.

A given…“Sorry in advance for all the irresponsible things I’m going to do to 2012.” — HuffPost’s left-wing media reporter Jason Linkins.

Editor salutes his Beagle

“Smartest living being in the house today: Fred the Beagle, who laid his head on the remote during the Jets game and changed the channel.” — Digital First Media Editor-in-Chief and former TBD GM Jim Brady.

Just who is Ben Smith?

“@benpolitico Someone from buzzfeed’s at this Santorum event trying 2 explain who u r to Iowan lady of certain age. She seems mystified alas.” — The Hill‘s Niall Stanage.

ME ME ME ME ME

“@danielabrams: dan abrams” — Mediaite founder Dan Abrams. To which Weigel replied simply, “#fail.” (To Abrams we give Tigi’s Bed Head line of conditioner called Self Absorbed for his lux locks.)

Is he SERIOUS?

“Is it New Years Eve 2011 or New Years Eve 2012? I get confused every year.” — Cheoff Geoff Tracy, husband to CBS Chief White House Correspondent Norah O’Donnell.

Unnecessary Tweet of the Day

“If you’re tracking, tonight’s Santorum Sweater Vest Color is navy blue. Or black. On CNN live now.” — Digital Producer for CNN Erin Burnett‘s “Out Front” Mark Joyella.

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Train flashbacks…

“My train delay made me late and uncomfortable. But thankfully it was relatively brief.” — ABC7′s Stephen Tschida, our wild train rider, in a PTSD moment earlier this week. And a Thursday tweet from Stephen we couldn’t resist: “Aghast dry cleaner asked ‘what wrong with your face?’ shivers down my spine till I looked in mirror. Gotta RUB in sunscreen!”

Teaching a dog new tricks

JRC media employee and former TBD Community Engagement Director Steve Buttry: “Actually, he wasn’t too bad on today’s drive.” That, in response to his wife, Mimi, who wrote: “Ladies & gentlemen, Duffy caught in a mischievous act.” Watch here as Duffy tries to juggle balls and then speak (i.e. bark).

News of the Nude

“So it’s National Nude Day. How are you observing this most undressed of all holidays?” — Mediaite TV Editor Mark Joyella in a Thursday tweet.

Journo Love

“Just want to give a quick shout-out to @rollcall’s @melstarkey, who has been invaluable this week w/ late-night & weekend edits.” — Roll Call‘s Meredith Shiner in a Thursday tweet.

Hopefully not a new trend: butt tweeting

“Think I just pocket tweeted ” — NBC Washington’s Jim Long in a recent tweet.

Oh no, could it be?

“DmzsYodtlyylollzsalzmymz,t” — Mediaite‘s White House Reporter Tommy Christopher in a Thursday tweet, causing one opinionated reader to write, “Most intelligent thing you’ve ever said.” Moments later, Christopher explained, “LOL that was a pocket tweet.”

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

TV reporter frets about his hair

“Finally wake up and don’t look like ‘Greg Brady.’ Now I find out I can catch cancer from the product which has given me straight hair!” — ABC7 Reporter Stephen Tschida in a Monday tweet. Pssst Stephen…try the Keratin treatment, the one without formaldehyde.

King critique

“King even interrupting the 10 second answers.” — National Review Editor Rich Lowry in a Monday night tweet during the CNN televised GOP debate in New Hampshire. CNN’s John King moderated.

“Seriously: How did Gingrich escape any scrutiny of his campaign difficulties? I mean, really??” — The Hill‘s Michael O’Brien in a Monday night tweet about the GOP debate.

If Treach’s son was gay…

“If I found out my son was gay, I’d tell him: 1) I love him no matter what, and 2) I could really use his help picking a living room set.” – The Daily Caller’s Jim Treacher in a Monday tweet.

Weiner Analysis

“Real reason Weiner’s getting shivved: Congress is like prison and he’s a man without a gang.” — Fortune Magazine’s Tory Newmyer in a Monday tweet.

The Pizza Man makes a big choice

“Deep Dish.” — GOP Presidential hopeful Herman Cain in Monday night’s GOP debate when CNN’ s John King asked if he prefers deep dish or thin crust pizza.

Missing Broder

“The first real debate of 2012. It doesn’t seem right without David Broder here. #wapo” — WaPo‘s Karen Tumulty in a Monday tweet.

Deep thoughts on Journalism…

“Journalism isn’t about what you ‘think’ or ‘believe.’ Skepticism and curiosity are hammer and nails. Takes skill to build something.” — Mediaite‘s White House reporter Tommy Christopher in a weekend  tweet.

Everyone’s a fashion critic

“CNN”s Wolf Blitzer and John King are wearing matching purple ties. Purple, insiders note, is made by mixing red & blue. #bipartisanship.” — Vanity Fair in a Monday tweet.

“Um, weird moment just now on CNN: @JohnKingUSA and @WolfBlitzerCNN wearing identical suit/tie combos. Uniforms tonight, perhaps? #cnndebate” — Mediaite TV Editor Mark Joyella in a Monday tweet.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

CNN Senior Photojournalist Mark Walz in a Tuesday tweet writes that he “is sitting in the White House press room thinking about what to do next.” Walz, who works out of the White House, has one of the most beautiful Twitter background’s we’ve seen. His handle is: @MaiTaiMark. Above is a photograph we found that he posted on April 11. A little over a week old — but worth it.

Distracted scribe finds comfort in fudge

“Drowning my writer’s block in fudge. #fat” — The Daily Caller‘s Alexis Levinson in a Tuesday tweet.

A Major conversation with Sheen

“So @charliesheen just asked me to tweet him my full name for tix to 2-nite’s DC show. Duh, Warlock you don’t already have it?” — NJ‘s Major Garrett in a Tuesday tweet.

The Observer

“Jessica Yellin looks tiny on the Sit Room set in wideshots.” — Mediaite TV Editor Mark Joyella in a Tuesday tweet about CNN’s National correspondent Jessica Yellin.

Web producer finds way to improve matzoh

“Found a way to make matzoh good: drown it in chocolate and caramel. L’chaim!” — Politico Pro Web Producer Alex Guillen in a Tuesday tweet. Clarification: Guillen originally wrote that @sarahkliff (a Politico reporter who covers health care policy) actually found the chocolaty matzoh goodness. Good catch Guillen! Phew.

Damn sneaky reporters

“Going thru pen & pad sign in sheets-thanks to joker who signed in as “Brad’s Mom” with the ‘Dayspring Weekly.’” — @CantorPress (official Twitter feed for House Maj. Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) in a Tuesday tweet.

Wisdom…

“Actually not on @TheLastWord tonight, but watch anyway! You’ll learn stuff.” — Slate‘s Dave Weigel in a Tuesday tweet.

Blogger relishes in book’s arrival

“It takes so long to get to this point that it’s tough to feel the way I thought I’d feel  (carthwheels and all that), but I feel something special just the same.” — Blogger and Q & A Cafe Host Carol Joynt in a Tuesday Facebook update and post on her personal website. She received her first copy of her book “Innocent Spouse” today. It’ll be in book stores May 10.

TV friendly journo commits necessary act: a hair cut

“Got my hair did. You know what that means….” — WaPo‘s Jonathan Capehart in a Tuesday Facebook update.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.