Here we have the fantasy baby of our own FBDC’s Eddie Scarry and Mark Levine, a determined radio correspondent we affectionately refer to as “Queen Levine” for his dramatic email exchanges with Eddie. We must say, they’d produce adorable offspring. We’ll call her “Levina Scarry.”

Valentine’s Day Success Stories

“The Obamas went to Minibar tonight. That is a serious I-never-have-to-face-the-voters dining option. Also delicious. …How did he get a reservation?” — The New Yorker‘s Ryan Lizza.

“My parents spent Valentine’s Day at Disney World. Their 1st time w/o kids! How romantic. And cute! I’m super jealous.” — WJLA’s Mike Conneen.

“We were so stuffed from our Valentine’s Day lunch that we had a quiet dinner at home.” — Chairman of Accuracy in Media Don Irvine.

Stupid Question never to Ponder: “Is there a special app that will protect my tweets so morons can’t read them?” — Commentary‘s John Podhoretz. Note to Podhoretz: If you don’t want morons reading you then you shouldn’t be on Twitter.

Uh Oh.

Conservative radio host Dana Loesch: “Pick battles wisely folks so that they move our agenda forward, not back, or cause needless division. We’re all on the same side. Smiles!”

Conservative blogger and author Michelle Malkin: “I don’t get people who lecture me not to engage liberals on Twitter. This is a social ENGAGEMENT tool. For, you know, ENGAGING.”

Bureau Chief: Outraged by Poopy Cruise

“CNN has a ‘sweet home Alabama’ cryon for the poop cruise. I want those responsible put in a sack and thrown off a bridge.” — BuzzFeed D.C. Bureau Chief John Stanton.

Washington sex terms

“Lots of Washington terms are appropriate for Valentine’s Day: Holds, Mark up, Pocket veto, Rider, Score, Whip, Yield.” — Paul Brandus of WestWingReports.

Valentine’s Day Downers

“Totally having a 2 star meal at Brasserie Monte Carlo tonight. I’ve been bumped by the waitstaff at least a dozen times.” — Ben Harris, Rockville-based communications professional.

“When your boyfriend does last minute Valentine’s Day shopping you get a card in Spanish.” — National Journal‘s Ben Fishel. (Actual card at left.)

“Oh angry, loud single ladies getting drunk and wearing fake mustaches at this bar, Happy Valentine’s Day.” — Roll Call‘s Meredith Shiner.

“So much sappy music on the cab radio tonight. Can’t imagine why.” — Greenwire‘s Jessica Estepa.

“What a nightmare. Not one not two but three separate accidents and TWO lanes closed for roadwork on 395.” — Fox News Producer Kara Rowland.

The Media Critics

“CNN led am show with cruise nightmare OVER Russian meteorite!” — NJ‘s Josh Kraushaar.

“If a Free Beacon reporter asks your group for tax forms you don’t want to provide, tell Politico you’ve been assaulted by racists #protip.” — Newsweek-The Daily Beast‘s Eli Lake.

See the current names on our FishbowlDC Fan Club Board. continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

We asked Washington journalists to tell us something they want or something they want to happen in 2013. There’s a few New York-based political scribes sprinkled in here. Here’s what they told us.

CBS Chief White House Correspondent Major Garrett: “I want political courage and skill commensurate with that demonstrated by our armed forces and diplomats in Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya and other places of peril since 9/11.”

The Daily Caller‘s Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson: “I’d like to catch more trout. And I plan to.”

The Weekly Standard‘ Matt Labash: “I’m hoping this is the year in which  the internet finally craters. It’s had a good run, but nobody ever shuts it off.  So after all this relentless exposure – after everyone having their say, then saying a lot  more – we now get sick of people in minutes that used to take us years to get sick of otherwise. Which is why I’m pulling for less connectedness, and more solitude. Less digital. More analog. More wondering what people think, instead of knowing, then being disappointed. Less concern about trending topics. More concern with staying unconcerned about what everybody else is concerned about. Also, I think 2013 is going to be the Year of Joey Lawrence. He’s due. And with the internet disappearing, we’re going to need something/someone to fill the void. To teach us how to live again. To show us the old ways.”

WJLA’s Rebecca Cooper: “My wish list for 2013: 1) Jayne Sandman’s body WITHOUT Jayne Sandman’s workout schedule; 2) Pamela Sorensen’s social schedule WITHOUT Pamela Sorensen’s late night hours; 3) Dana Bash and Susanna Quinn’s Super Mom abilities WITHOUT Dana Bash and Susanna Quinn’s early morning wakeup calls; And – the thing I would most like in 2013: 4) to see my friends who cover politics without having to go to New Hampshire or Iowa in winter or Tampa or Charlotte in August to see them.”

Raptor Strategies’ David Bass:  “Shock and awe.”

FishbowlDC and Current TV’s Full Court Press Co-host Peter Ogburn:  ”Peace, love and harmony finally coming to the nation’s capital. Also, I’d like to see a fistfight between Tim Grieve and David Martosko.”

FishbowlDC and The Blaze‘ Eddie Scarry: “I’d like Politico to be the first news organization to genetically engineer a reporter with a Blackberry for genitals. Makes anonymous sourcing of political operatives that much easier.”

Queen Levine (a.k.a. radio correspondent Mark Levine): “In 2013, I’d like to see mediabistro get just a few basic facts right. Jon Stewart has proven you can be snarky and a journalist. (If you want to just make shit up, that’s fine too, but then you gotta know you’re doing it and be funny. Like the Onion. Good luck in 2013! And let me know if you need help understanding any of the hard words above. Like ‘journalist.’” (We suspect Levine’s snappy answer is in response to the drama queen’s appearance on our year-end list. He never misses a chance to brag about himself. Long live the queen!)

Current TV’s David Shuster: “In 2013, I want the baby Kera and I are having to come out healthy and happy and to possess a little more tact and patience than me — In other words, be like his/her mother.”

The Hill’s Managing Editor Bob Cusack: After about a year in the works, I finished a new screenplay this month (It’s not about politics). I hope to sell it in 2013. I also want to see Barney Frank get on Twitter in the new year.

Tommy Christopher, Mediaite White House Correspondent: “Besides fetch? In 2013 I really want a federal assault weapons ban (including semiautomatic handguns) with Sen. Dianne Feinstein’s NFA grandfather clause, and a federal firearms registry with a psychological fitness test, to happen.”

The Daily Caller‘s Jeff Poor: “Just off the top of my head, I’d like to see…1) Mediaite’s Tommy Christopher go away — go back to selling men’s suits or something 2) Political journalists to stop acting enamored with Robert Griffin, III and Bryce Harper as if they’re life-long Washington, DC sports fans 3) Media Matters’ Eric Boehlert to find Jesus or some other form of organized religion of his choosing and have a little love in his heart 4) Someone to remind me why BuzzFeed Politics exists.”

SiriusXM’s Julie Mason: “In 2013, Gov. Rick Perry needs his own talk show, a la Huckaboom (but sassier). There must be world recognition of the massive journalistic skills of Josh Rogin, Josh Lederman, Andrew Harnik and Meredith Shiner. We should also pause, as a nation, to admire Suzanne Malveaux‘s new, longer hairstyle. Because that shit is awesome. Also, my favorite shows need to quit the nine-month hiatus between seasons. That is really annoying.”

WaPo‘s Jennifer Rubin: “Real entitlement reform. Gumming up the Obamacare works. Republicans champion immigration reform.”

WJLA’s Steve Chenevey: “Can we extend the telecommuting concept to journalism? I’m all for home studios in 2013. Would love to get PR pitches more than a day in advance. And the freedom to critique viewers on their choice of outfit for the day. Not that I would ever do that, but overly opinionated viewers never seem to surprise me.”

See more wishes… continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

We know you have one more year-end list in you. Or maybe you don’t. But wake up anyhow because here’s ours — the 12 things that never, ever make us want to take an afternoon snooze.

12. NBC Luke Russert‘s loud and fratboyish ways. Even House Speaker John Boehner has noted his decibel level and called him “loudmouth.” Though he’ll never get White House Soup of the Day quite right when he subs for Chuck Todd on “The Daily Rundown,” among our favorite moments with Luke this year was when he had a stop and smell the roses moment at a Nats game and took a picture of a spellbinding dragonfly, which he later posted on Twitter. Perhaps more poignantly though was when he covered a Capitol Hill presser and asked House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi if she was too old to remain in the Democratic leadership. The crowd of female lawmakers openly booed him. Pelosi told him he was offensive, even if he didn’t quite get it. Among the most entertaining comments sprang from CNN’s Hilary Rosen, who wrote on Twitter, “Note to Luke Russert: Mitch McConnell is 70, Harry Reid is 73. Oh and Bob Schieffer is 75. Think they should step aside? #NewGuysRule?” The question wasn’t an inappropriate one to raise, as lawmakers themselves had been discussing it out of earshot of Pelosi. Perhaps, as some noted, the time and setting and brash way in which Russert executed his questions were troublesome. Still, we especially enjoyed the commenters on Politico. There was the irate Wendy: “Luke Russert got his ass handed back to him. Any more questions, punk?” And the more sensible Chance: “Reporters should be asking tough, offensive and even stupid questions.”

11. Video journalist Michelle Fields flashing her breasts on national TV to get a job for Fox News. Her large male online contingency didn’t mind it much, either. In the meantime The Daily Caller gave her the axe for being lazy. Somehow Executive Editor David Martosko‘s lectures didn’t work? Favorite 2012 memory: There was the January manifesto from a convicted rapist that Michelle showed off on Facebook. But we’re torn between that and the more recent BuzzFeed party, where she unashamedly performed dramatic hair flips as our own Eddie Scarry snapped pictures.

10. Most things Matthew Boyle. The 20-something dogged journo never ceases to amaze. There was the time he insisted that the President of the Free World should allow him over for an interview. The more recent jaw-dropping moment from Boyle came when he fled The Daily Caller for Breitbart.com because he wants to be the next Andrew Breitbart. He started this adventure by taking his own photograph for the site, giving himself the unfortunate look of a triple-chinned Michelin Man. In his opening story out of the gate, he wrote an atrociously unedited right-wing rant about “magic vaginas.” We’re still not sure what those our, except we think they don’t involve Sandra Fluke. It was perfect. And terrible. And because we love Boyle in our own special way, we’d like to kidnap and deprogram him before it’s too late and the goose is boiled. Stick to breaking news Boyle and it’ll be just fine. And whatever you do, don’t stay there long.

9. Inside stories from The Washington Times. Always weird, unexpected, mind-boggling happenings at the ominous building off New York Avenue. Who can forget when former writer Julia Duin publicly accused then-editor Sam Dealey of verbally abusing her by canning her on the very day she decided to bring her daughter to work? She was also reportedly on crutches that day. And then there’s the more recent spate of stories concerning the impending layoffs coming in early 2013. The newsroom has dubbed their CEO Larry Beasley “Evil Santa” for a number of reasons, including recently moving a new sofa into his office while deciding whom to lay off. He also recently displayed a Santa doll holding a Christmas tree with the word “joy” on it. As the journalists await possible pink slips, they’re anything but joyful.

See the remaining eight entries of things that never bore us… continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

Levine — or, as we’ve come to know and love him, her majesty Queen Levine for his demanding demeanor — was on the show last night with former RNC Chairman Michael Steele talking about conservative author Ann Coulter‘s recent “retard” tweet.

Queen Levine dismissed the tweet… continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

The story: our round-up of the media scene in front of the Supreme Court the day the Affordable Care Act was ruled constitutional. The mistake: Levine, who was seen staring distractedly into his phone while on-camera with Current TV’s David Shuster, was identified as “an inattentive guest.” It turns out Levine was not a guest, he was co-anchoring a show with Shuster (who, Levine says, would surely tell us that he “couldn’t have done it without” him). But, as Levine filled us in, there is a myriad of other ways we could have described him:

“I am a Constitutional attorney, a former Congressional attorney, a frequent TV pundit and the host of the Inside Scoop radio show since 2003 and television show since 2005. I co-host the Raucous Caucus on Pacifica Radio, as well as the Inside Scoop on We Act Radio.  I also host the nationally syndicated Leslie Marshall Show on 80 stations.  I am a graduate of Yale Law School, I am well-versed in Supreme Court opinions, and I served as Legislative Counsel to Congressman Barney Frank for Judiciary Committee matters. I also drafted the Congressional Challenge to the Florida Electors in 2000.”

Got it?!

Furthermore, Levine wasn’t “inattentive” as we stupidly thought. On Planet Levine it was more like this: “The reason I was looking at my cell phone,” he said, “was that I had a trained runner enter the Supreme Court building and she quickly texted me and sent me the six-page syllabus before running to hand me the entire 193-page decision so that I could correctly report the decision early, which I did at 10:08 am.”

Her majesty Levine is apparently sensitive about being called “inattentive.” Mr. Drama Queen said we “libeled” him by using that word and that he “reserve[s] all legal rights” to sue us for completely defaming him the way we did.

FBDC recognizes the incredible blow we dealt Levine’s national reputation and for that we are truly not sorry. We can only pray this matter is squared away by this “prominent correction,” per his request, and that Queen Levine can return to his high-profile career in media without a hitch.

Still friends?

UPDATE: Queen Levine wrote in to ask if we’re trying to censor him. Apparently he is having a technological glitch that is preventing him from commenting on the post. As we told His Majesty, we wouldn’t dream of stifling him in any way whatsoever. Take back the night Levine! And see his full email response after his initial email to FBDC after the jump…Best line ever: “David Shuster will tell you he could not have done it without me.”

UPDATE #2: Queen Levine writes in again after saying he can’t comment on the site which he has already commented on. A note to readers: We have deleted nothing from the Queen, though she he continues to accuse of “censoring” him. She He may write whatever he wishes in as many comments she he so desires. Queen, write to your hearts content! And for next time, mediabistro is written like this in one word, not “Media Bistro” as His Majesty has it. See his second letter after the jump…

continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.