I knew it was a different kind of party when one of the first guests I ran into was this iguana, named Liz. Liz was awfully subdued, so she was either asleep or high. Guests were allowed to touch her, but not hold her. One party-goer was kindly asked not to touch the claws on her feet because “they are very sharp” and it could end badly. The space featured several interactive science exhibits and tanks of fish, jellyfish and other sea life.

Liz was joined by Herbie, this turtle with a camera strapped to his back. While this might have been an elaborate plan to shoot up the ladies’ skirts, it was too dark in the venue to see much of anything. Milling in the crowd were Politico’s Dylan Byers, Juana Summers and Maggie Haberman; Rebecca Schoenkopf and Jim Newell from Wonkette; CNN’s Erin Burnett; White House Communications Director Dan Pfeiffer, Neera Tanden, President of Center for American Progress; Michael Shure of Current TV; ABC’s Jonathan Karl; among SEVERAL others. BuzzFeed’s own talent was there in full force. Editor-in-chief Ben Smith politely chatted up the army of partygoers while Washington Bureau Chief John Stanton stood next to a stuffed grizzly bear that looked a little too familiar.

The party had several accessible bars and served up a fruit and cheese buffet while servers paraded such goodies as fried mac n cheese and lollipops. For those of you wondering, it’s hard to get a salad in this part of America.

See more pictures…. continued…

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The morning started as I was greeting by this sweaty, shouty member of the God Delegation. He was strolling the streets with a LOUD microphone asking that we repent and ask forgiveness from Jesus Christ. (Full disclosure: I didn’t)

Right behind Jesus Screamer was Herman Cain this Black Cowboy. Everyone seemed to want to take pictures with him. Take a good look at that picture, because it’s the last one I took before rain began to spray over the entire city.

After dodging waterfall all day long, I managed to find myself at the “super secret” Wonkette Party. To call it a party would be generous. It was a gathering of about 10 people in a house where Team Wonkette is staying for the week of the convention. Hostess Rebecca Schoenkopf (a.k.a. Ripped Rebecca) was joined by Jim Newell, Liz Gorman and Liz Glover, for a bounty of fried chicken and keg beer. While convention speeches aired in the background, there was plenty of snark flying around the room. I can confirm that Schoenkopf was NOT ripping drunk when I met her. When word got out that I was a writer for FBDC, I was exposed to a few big boy words. After calling our coverage of her drunken escapade at the Politico party in Tampa “fucked up,” Schoenkopf marveled at her own thin-skinned reaction to our story. I sulked away into the rainy night, hoping against hope that Roaring Rebecca will get ripped at Charlotte’s Politico Hub tonight.

After that, it was Politico Live! time. I moved over to the Politico Hub on Church St. to watch more speeches, drink more free hooch and try to break into shots with the Shermanator (i.e. reporter Jake Sherman). We arrived in time to see Mike Allen ambling through the crowd and getting a soda from the fancy, newfangled soda machines.

Overall, it was a well-stocked, fancy affair, but it was FAR more subdued than I expected from the Behemoth of the Beltway that is Politico. With the exception of this scene, which features a scantily-clad party-goer taking hors d’oeuvres from a server wearing sunglasses. INSIDE. At 10pm.

After that, I stumbled out into the torrential downpour to find more trouble in Fishbowl Charlotte. Stay tuned…

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Ripped Rebecca

Festivities kick off at 6 p.m. Those who want the secret address should email: wonketteparty@gmail.com. Although we know the address, we have agreed not to print it in the spirit of secrecy. The party will be a joint Bikram Yoga Capitol Hill/Glover Group Media/Wonkette party. Some of the partygoers who will be attending: “Elizabeth Glover and her dog, Storm, Wonkette’s Jim Newell, Riley Waggaman, Liz Gorman and Vice‘s Aaron Lake Smith and a bunch of other fun people.”

We wish Rebecca a lovely, safe evening. And please whatever else you do, tweet, write and take as many grainy cell phone pictures as possible.

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Editor and Publisher Rebecca Schoenkopf wrote a post this week that was so strange and incomprehensible that we had to read it several times before we could completely make sense of what Rebecca was slurring trying to say.

Seems Ripped Rebecca attended a Politico party in Tampa and was thrown out for writing obnoxious tweets. An example: “At the Politico party. Right now on camera, four men, zero women. Is ANYBODY looking at the optics of this. VOMIT EMOTICON.#polhub” While she says it was the hashtags, we blame the bourbon.

A few observations: When the head honcho of a media outlet writes like this, you may want to put her in charge of making the office banana muffins and keep her away from writing. And if and when you’re sauced, Rebecca, for the love of journalism, put down the pen, lose your Smartphone and hide all the office keyboards.

She writes, “Apparently, we got kicked out of a Politico party for tweeting mean things? That is weird, right? Is that weird? Like, don’t put a hashtag in front of people and then expect them not to call you barfy? That is just how hashtags work!” Yes, like in a story with, like, the awkward, like, headline, “It Is Not that Hard to Get Thrown Out of a Politico Party Apparently,” Rebecca goes into a drunken Valley Girl party tirade of epic proportions that involves making out with a security guard (or no one, why should facts, details or comprehensible phrases matter?) and confusing Executive Editor Jim VandeHei for God knows who she says approached and made small talk with her because he was worried she was lonely.

Was Rebecca even at the party? Is Rebecca even Rebecca?

For her part, Rebecca says she was only a seven on the 1 to 10 drunken scale (10 being worst). “They were not forceful, I was probably a seven, and I was not drunk but was hungover when I wrote the post, as my new security guard boyfriend and I went on to the BuzzFeed party after that,” she wrote FishbowlDC when we inquired how forceful Politico was in tossing her out and how drunk she thinks she was. “Driving to Atlanta today so will be out of pocket. Yours, Becca.”

A sampling of the weirdness:

“And then Jim Vandehei (he’s the young one, right?) came over and was like YOU ARE FROM WONKET HELLO I AM SAYING HELLO TO YOU BECAUSE OF HOW YOU SAID YOU WERE LONELY BEFORE (oh, because we had tweeted that we were lonely before) and before we could really reply he had turned around and left and gone back to his friends and we had TURDED ALL UP IN THEIR PUNCH BOWL.

Then they had security throw us out, but joke’s on them, because we had already made out with him earlier, and he totally left and came with us, the end.”

Not only do Ripped Rebecca‘s tweets make no sense, but the post includes unfinished, confusing phrases that amount to a whole lot of nothing. The best of the worst: “Well, soon the producer, who was a tall, gorgeous blonde in a bitchen black sheath dress, came out to ask if we had noted that there were many female lady type people reporting from inside the convention center, and had we noted that, huh, huh?” Rebecca asks. “And we were like sure we guess maybe I don’t know, martini?”

Congratulations Wonkette, for putting your top brass out there. You may want to enroll her in a remedial writing course or stuff her into a closet in Charlotte and not let her within a five mile radius of the party scene. Shhh…we won’t tell.

We reached out to Politico for more details.

CLARIFICATION AND MORE DETAILS: FBDC sources have confirmed that Schoenkopf was not kicked out of the party as she claims. Sources on the scene witnessed her intoxication, the hub was closed, she simply had to leave as did anyone else in the permitted area. Further, VandeHei did approach and chat briefly with her about the content of her blogging. To be clear, she alleges making out with a security officer and not anyone at Politico. Whether that actually happened is anyone’s guess. Watch out Charlotte! Ripped Rebecca informs us that she will be on the scene.

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