‘The Office’ Actor takes imaginary trip to the Oval Office — In her weekly feature for The Hill, “My 5 Minutes With The President,” Creative Coalition CEO Robin Bronk asked actor Leslie David Baker of “The Office” (or Stanley Hudson, as he’s known in the show) what he would ask the President, to which Baker said he would ask how the media can “help reshape how the U.S. presents itself globally.” That sounds more like a job for White House PR staff, not the independent and free (maybe?) press. The actor also said the President should keep trusting his gut and recommended some “1963 vintage Nancy Wilson and Cannonball Adderly… and a hot bath.”

All About Jay — White House Press Secretary Jay Carney has been the subject of criticism by much of the media lately in his relationship with the press during briefings on the White House scandals that broke last week. He’s also the subject of Glenn Thrush and Reid Epstein’s story in Politico, which is an analysis of Carney and his embattled relationship with the press and White House staff. The story has a lot of words, but doesn’t say much. There is little new information in the story, and most of the focus is on Jay Carney’s role in the Obama Administration and how much information is actually shared with him. Skimming this one may be a good idea.

Bernie Sanders is Pure Sex — Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) was debating the farm bill Tuesday, but one thing that wasn’t up for debate for The Daily Caller’s Taylor Bigler was the fact that the senator is “Pure. Sex.” A slideshow by Bigler shows some of Sander’s “hottest, sexiest moments” and features photos of the longtime senator speaking and pointing, and even includes one photo of Sanders wearing a sarong, which is captioned “Sen. Sanders in a sarong? Yes please.”

(A Sprinkling of Things we Think you Ought to Know…)

Weingarten Defends D.C. – WaPo “humorist” Gene Weingarten uses his weekend column to defend the honor of Washington, D.C. from NYP’s Cindy Adams. Adams famously bashed Washington a few weeks ago, calling it “a sewer.” While Adams doesn’t return Weingarten’s requests for an interview, Gene tries interviewing her anyway. He writes, “Cindy, I make fun of Washington all the time, but I do it because it is the opposite of dirty. It’s as though we took a city and surgically removed all the grit. Washington is spit-shined. People are annoyingly polite and genteel. Nobody jaywalks. The homeless wear spats. You can eat off the sidewalk; indeed, many fine restaurants encourage it. Whereas — and I mean no disrespect to your city — New York smells of stale pee, with a fresh pee chaser.” Is Gene trying to start ANOTHER DC-NYC turf war? Good for Gene for taking on a tired, hack writer for a major market newspaper. Where on EARTH could he have come up with such an idea?

Ashley Judd bares it all and Diplomat Dennis Rodman… Read more

Quotes of the Day — the Oscar edition

Oscar coverage, attendance

“I just used a port-a-potty while wearing a tux. #glamour#oscars” — WaPo‘s Dan Zak.

“I love that my ticket for the Oscars tonight specifies ‘formal’ attire.” — Garance Franke-Ruta, senior editor, The Atlantic, whose work in ACT UP, the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power, was made into an Oscar-nominated documentary, “How to Survive a Plague.”

Editor dreads need for reading glasses

“Getting gray hair didn’t bother me. Hitting 40 was no big deal. But new realization that reading glasses are necessary isn’t sitting well.” — The Hill‘s Managing Editor Bob Cusack.

Sighting: rapper at DCA

“SPOTTED – @2chainz at DCA Washington Reagan National Airport this morning #DMV” — Marky Mark, a.k.a. Mark Wilkins, DC Celebrity. 2 Chainz’ real name is Tauheed Epps. His previous nickname was Tity Boi.

Dana Perino: a slave to travel size products

“Very glad to have found @3floz - products to save a woman traveler’s life. Take THAT airport security lines!” — FNC’s Dana Perino.

“On our way to the Oscars.” – Former Rep. Dennis Kucinich, with wife, Elizabeth.

D.C. Oscar Observers

• “Reese Witherspoon says she let her 13-year-old pick out her dress. It shows.” — Roll Call’s Meredith Shiner.

• “Seacrest, you really don’t need to stoop down to talk to Little Q.” — Conservative freelancer Lisa De Pasquale.

• “I know everyone loves her… but every time Kerry Washington opens her mouth and I’m watching, I swear I lose brain cells.” — D.C. socialite Katherine Kennedy.

• “It is now time for me to turn off and stow electronic devices. BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SEE WHAT ANNE HATHAWAY IS WEARING? Ugh.” — The Daily Caller‘s Taylor Bigler.

• “Somebody get a box for Ryan Seacrest to stand on.” — Paul Brandus, of West Wing Reports and a columnist for The Week.

• “Whoever is pregnant lady in the black lace cap sleeve dress, it suits you vvery nicely. you are w/channiing tatum who suits well too. #Oscar.” — NPR’s Kitty Eisele.

• “OMG, Beasts of the Southern Wild won’t win because it’s too good to win, too good for this world!” — NYT‘s Jonathan Weisman.

• “John Travolta introducing the muscials tribute is pretty gay.” — BuzzFeed‘s Chris Geidner.

Splish Splash…“Just gave the one-week-old a bath. To thank me, she drenched me with urine.” — BuzzFeed Political Editor McKay Coppins.

Um, use the rear entrance

“TONIGHT: Fashion Industry Sunday Party in DC at Huxley w/sexy deep house and live sax. Open bar 8-9pm! Use rear entrance, knock twice!” — Real Housewives of D.C.’s favorite stylist Paul Wharton.

D.C. journo finds a new pet peeve and more D.C. scribes offer Oscar observations, some are even worth reading… Read more

Quotes of the Day

“It’s all about willpower. … I became a vegetarian. I started working out.” — MSNBC’s Al Sharpton last night on how he shed pounds to Ed Schultz. Schultz began the segment on New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie‘s weight issue by telling Sharpton, “You used to be one big dude.”

Writer has “terrifying flashbacks”

“Watching the Buick commercial where the dance instructor pairs the tallest girl with the shortest boy is giving me terrifying flashbacks.” — Megan McArdle, special correspondent for Newsweek/The Daily Beast.

Scarred for life?

“No breast slips…no nipples, no thongs. They’re keeping it clean.”– NYT Communications Asst. Jordan Cohen‘s mom to Jordan regarding the Grammys.

The self-aware blogger 

“I have been venting in about 6 people’s text messages today. I need to sit down and woosah.” — Javonni Brustow, blogger.

TV reporter finds his inner Britney Spears

“Close call at gym. Britney’s ‘Gimme More’ came on. Started shimmying my shoulders. Caught myself before anyone noticed, I, I think.” — ABC7 reporter Stephen Tschida.

Politico reporter gets in Jose Canseco’s virtual grill

Jose Canseco: “Your value is not how good you are it is how you make others better.”

Jake Sherman, Politico: “Is this why you deceived mlb by doing steroids?”

Shhh cabbie!

“I am not in the mood, talkative cab driver.” — The Daily Caller Taylor Bigler.

The Piers & Dana Show and meet the new members of the FishbowlDC Fan Club Board. Read more

By Betsy Rothstein and Eddie Scarry

We asked Washington journalists to tell us something they want or something they want to happen in 2013. There’s a few New York-based political scribes sprinkled in here. Here’s what they told us.

CBS Chief White House Correspondent Major Garrett: “I want political courage and skill commensurate with that demonstrated by our armed forces and diplomats in Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya and other places of peril since 9/11.”

The Daily Caller‘s Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson: “I’d like to catch more trout. And I plan to.”

The Weekly Standard‘ Matt Labash: “I’m hoping this is the year in which  the internet finally craters. It’s had a good run, but nobody ever shuts it off.  So after all this relentless exposure – after everyone having their say, then saying a lot  more – we now get sick of people in minutes that used to take us years to get sick of otherwise. Which is why I’m pulling for less connectedness, and more solitude. Less digital. More analog. More wondering what people think, instead of knowing, then being disappointed. Less concern about trending topics. More concern with staying unconcerned about what everybody else is concerned about. Also, I think 2013 is going to be the Year of Joey Lawrence. He’s due. And with the internet disappearing, we’re going to need something/someone to fill the void. To teach us how to live again. To show us the old ways.”

WJLA’s Rebecca Cooper: “My wish list for 2013: 1) Jayne Sandman’s body WITHOUT Jayne Sandman’s workout schedule; 2) Pamela Sorensen’s social schedule WITHOUT Pamela Sorensen’s late night hours; 3) Dana Bash and Susanna Quinn’s Super Mom abilities WITHOUT Dana Bash and Susanna Quinn’s early morning wakeup calls; And – the thing I would most like in 2013: 4) to see my friends who cover politics without having to go to New Hampshire or Iowa in winter or Tampa or Charlotte in August to see them.”

Raptor Strategies’ David Bass:  “Shock and awe.”

FishbowlDC and Current TV’s Full Court Press Co-host Peter Ogburn:  ”Peace, love and harmony finally coming to the nation’s capital. Also, I’d like to see a fistfight between Tim Grieve and David Martosko.”

FishbowlDC and The Blaze‘ Eddie Scarry: “I’d like Politico to be the first news organization to genetically engineer a reporter with a Blackberry for genitals. Makes anonymous sourcing of political operatives that much easier.”

Queen Levine (a.k.a. radio correspondent Mark Levine): “In 2013, I’d like to see mediabistro get just a few basic facts right. Jon Stewart has proven you can be snarky and a journalist. (If you want to just make shit up, that’s fine too, but then you gotta know you’re doing it and be funny. Like the Onion. Good luck in 2013! And let me know if you need help understanding any of the hard words above. Like ‘journalist.’” (We suspect Levine’s snappy answer is in response to the drama queen’s appearance on our year-end list. He never misses a chance to brag about himself. Long live the queen!)

Current TV’s David Shuster: “In 2013, I want the baby Kera and I are having to come out healthy and happy and to possess a little more tact and patience than me — In other words, be like his/her mother.”

The Hill’s Managing Editor Bob Cusack: After about a year in the works, I finished a new screenplay this month (It’s not about politics). I hope to sell it in 2013. I also want to see Barney Frank get on Twitter in the new year.

Tommy Christopher, Mediaite White House Correspondent: “Besides fetch? In 2013 I really want a federal assault weapons ban (including semiautomatic handguns) with Sen. Dianne Feinstein’s NFA grandfather clause, and a federal firearms registry with a psychological fitness test, to happen.”

The Daily Caller‘s Jeff Poor: “Just off the top of my head, I’d like to see…1) Mediaite’s Tommy Christopher go away — go back to selling men’s suits or something 2) Political journalists to stop acting enamored with Robert Griffin, III and Bryce Harper as if they’re life-long Washington, DC sports fans 3) Media Matters’ Eric Boehlert to find Jesus or some other form of organized religion of his choosing and have a little love in his heart 4) Someone to remind me why BuzzFeed Politics exists.”

SiriusXM’s Julie Mason: “In 2013, Gov. Rick Perry needs his own talk show, a la Huckaboom (but sassier). There must be world recognition of the massive journalistic skills of Josh Rogin, Josh Lederman, Andrew Harnik and Meredith Shiner. We should also pause, as a nation, to admire Suzanne Malveaux‘s new, longer hairstyle. Because that shit is awesome. Also, my favorite shows need to quit the nine-month hiatus between seasons. That is really annoying.”

WaPo‘s Jennifer Rubin: “Real entitlement reform. Gumming up the Obamacare works. Republicans champion immigration reform.”

WJLA’s Steve Chenevey: “Can we extend the telecommuting concept to journalism? I’m all for home studios in 2013. Would love to get PR pitches more than a day in advance. And the freedom to critique viewers on their choice of outfit for the day. Not that I would ever do that, but overly opinionated viewers never seem to surprise me.”

See more wishes… Read more

The Daily Caller has been running some interesting slideshows as of late. On Sunday night, they prepared everyone for the looming work week by showing sexy women and Donald Trump licking ice cream cones. We don’t know how Trump got lumped in with sexy women, but so be it. The slideshow bore the byline Scoops Delacroix, which has belonged to a variety of reporters at the publication.

Two days earlier, Features Editor Taylor Bigler ran pictures of “The Most Punchable Faces in Media.” And on Saturday they ran “The Most Punchable Faces in Media Part II.” Some journos who made the hit lists: WaPo‘s Ezra Klein, Politico‘s Dylan Byers, Keith Olbermann, BuzzFeed‘s Ben Smith and their own Tucker Carlson and more…

See the shows here and here and here.

What was initially thought to be a special appearance by David Martosko‘s personal secretary at last night’s Daily Caller book launch party ended up being nothing of the sort.

To the left is a photo of Nandi, who works with Emperor Vodka, which sponsored the soiree. “I’m just here for pictures,” she said, graciously posing for cameras. Nandi, whose arms are reminiscent of Angela Bassett‘s What’s Love Got to Do with It, said this was her first time working with Emperor. Fun first day on the job!

The Daily Caller hosted the party in its Farragut Square newsroom celebrating The Lizard King, an ebook written by their own Jamie Weinstein and Will Rahn.

“I have no good answer,” said Rahn when asked who should read his book. “It’s a transformative book,” he said (“transformational” also works). He compared it to reading the Bible. “Is this off the record?” Rahn asked at the conclusion of our interview.

Weinstein was a little more willing to talk about the book, though we get the impression he thought he was on TV. “Truth-seekers will like it,” Weinstein said. He emphasized that the book is actually a manuscript provided by a White House insider and that he and Rahn are simply the vessels through which the book is being delivered. “Once in a while, history falls upon you and I think it happened to us,” he said, adding that it “may be one of the most important books since [Fox News host] Sean Hannity’s book.”

The Daily Caller‘s bar was stocked with wine, soda, alcohol and a beer tap that poured Pabst Blue Ribbon. Edibles (vegetables and a few hors d’oeurves) were a little on the slim side.

As guests trickled in, a couple faces stood out in the crowd: Politico‘s Byron Tau and Tim Mak. The DC and Politico have been known to publicly quibble in the past. One Daily Caller staffer said the relationship between the two publications “on paper” is often not the case between individual reporters. He said there are several Politico employees he regularly drinks with. Both Tau and Mak chatted with The DC‘s Alex Pappas for a while, as well.

In the crowd we also spotted a distinguished gentleman with a badass eye patch. It turned out to be Will Rahn’s father, ex-husband to WSJ‘s Peggy Noonan.

The DC‘s editor Tucker Carlson was seen talking with RollCall‘s Jonathan Strong, a former Daily Caller reporter. Strong said work for him has been slow and “a little boring,” given he covers Congress, which is currently out of session.

Notables: The Daily Caller‘s Alex Treadway, Sarah Hoffman, Taylor Bigler, Jeff Poor, Caroline May, Brian Danza, Chris Bedford, Neil Munro, Pat McMahon, Nicole Roeberg, and Vince Coglianese; The Free Beacon‘s Adam Kredo and CJ Ciaramella; RollCall HOH‘s Neda Semani and Warren Rojas; Fox News contributor Jim Pinkerton; WaPo‘s Alexandra Petri; U.S. News‘ Steven Nelson; The Daily Beast‘s Eli Lake; and Donald Rumsfeld‘s former chief of staff Keith Urbahn. Conspicuously absent were Matthew Boyle and Martosko, who had kid duty. We rode the elevator with him down to the garage. He puffed away on what may have been an illegal cigar the whole way down and said Rahn and Weinstein would know he was there “in spirit.”

Quotable:

• “He’s a bit of a self promoter.”– Keith Urbahn on his former boss Donald Rumsfeld, who was Defense Secretary under former Prez George W. Bush. Urbahn spilled that Rummy is currently working on a new book. UPDATE: Urbahn writes in to tell us he was talking about his other former boss, The Daily Beast‘s David Frum.

• Asked about former and recently fired Daily Caller reporter Michelle Fields, Daily Caller Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson said, “I haven’t seen her much on TV lately. That ended for some reason.” Fields was not in attendance.

• “I don’t want to be written about.”– Steven Nelson, after FishbowlDC inquired about his job at U.S. News, which he only recently started.

• “I’m holding out for the chance that Matthew Boyle shows up.”– FBDC’s Peter Ogburn.

Quotes of the Day – The Debate Edition

“Is Jim Lehrer sleeping zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?” – GOP Consultant Roger Stone.

“Is that Jim Lehrer’s heart rate monitor on the bottom of the CNN screen?” — Comedian Chris Rock parody account. He also commented on the first lady’s attire, saying, “Michelle Obama is wearing sleeves. This is serious.”

Advice for Lehrer: “I think Jim Lehrer just needs to start randomly yelling “get off my lawn” when he wants to move to the next topic.” — CNN Contributor and RedState‘s Erick Erickson.

And another thing…“Jim Lehrer looks confused, almost fearful. And pale. Awfully pale.” — Bloomberglp’s Dir. of Social Media Jared Keller. And another thing…“Q: Did Jim Lehrer ask to be made up to look like Burgess Meredith?” — Author Eric Metaxas. And another thing…“We’re deep enough into this to say that Jim Lehrer is blowing this as a moderator.” — MetroWeekly‘s Co-Publisher Sean Bugg.

The Word Police

“Obama uses the term ‘ironically’ to mean unfortunately. It drives me crazy when people do that.” — TWT Opinion Writer Emily Miller.

The Observer

“Journalists posting screengrabs of their TV hits is this election’s worst development.” – Politico‘s Patrick Gavin.

Ragging on the Prez

• “Not to pile on, but there is no overstating how irritated Obama looks and sounds tonight. Not a good look for him.” — National Journal “The Hotline Senior Editor Tim Alberta.

• “Pres Obama has really a developed a penchant for talking ….. at considerable length.” — NYT Deputy Washington Bureau Chief Carl Hulse.

• “Obama says it is never mind.. Obama is lost, all he can he do is lie.” — WaPo‘s right-wing blogger Jennifer Rubin.

• “Slowly the left is starting to acknowledge that Obama is losing this debate.” — WaPo‘s Aaron Blake.

• “Obama has many talents as a politician, but debating is not one of them.” — The New Yorker staff writer David Grann.

• “Romney more lively, O has case of slowskis – yet much of debate a ref on Mitt’s econ plan.” — Politico‘s Jonathan Martin.

• “Obama needs some of Romney’s 5-Hour Energy.” — National Journal Deputy Editor James Oliphant.

• “Obama’s use of a boring accent is a pander to boring people.” — Slate‘s Dave Weigel.

• “Visuals matter. Mute your TV and what do you see? Smiling Romney and peeved, smirking Obama” — National Journal Editor-in-Chief Ron Fournier.

Question to Ponder: “Why is Obama looking down so much?” — WaPo‘s Chris Cillizza.

Something else to Ponder: “Ok, I promise I’m listening and not just focusing on the flag pins, but what is that mark on Romney’s pin?” — Washingtonian‘s Fashion Editor Kate Bennett.

Journo prefers Honey Boo Boo

“Obama, Romney, for your sakes, I hope Honey Boo Boo isn’t on. Because this is getting pretty wonky.” — National Journal’s Elahe Izadi.

A compliment for Romney from the left: “Romney’s been natural and unusually funny in this debate. It’s a very strong performance.” — WaPo‘s left-wing wonk writer Ezra Klein.

Debate Downers

“I’m not picturing the senior citizens of Boca West understanding this debate so far.” — The Atlantic‘s Jeffrey Goldberg.

“We need to minimize the maximifications of the absolute level of mumbojumbery. Or else, fiscal cliff up the ying yang!” — Reason magazine’s Nick Gillespie.

Ivanka is proud of her dad

“Wow! How many times are the candidates going to mention my father this debate?!? What an honor!” — Ivanka Trump.

What, no bathroom breaks?

“Sometimes I wish I had a catheter.” — Elizabeth Lauten, a.k.a. DCGOPGirl, who reported for CNN during the summer conventions. She added, “Seriously, they ought to have one bathroom break in the middle or something. It’s otherwise inhumane.” (Elizabeth, your catheter for the next debate is in the mail.) 

From the Dept. of Bragiculture 

“Finally hit the big time: Just got an interview request from a Danish high school paper. Some of you will be lucky to say you knew me when.” — The Daily Caller‘s Taylor Bigler.

1. Not What, But Who Howie Knows… The Daily Beast, CNN and The Daily Download‘s Howard Kurtz can’t resist letting us all in on how many people he knows. The lede on his Daily Download story this morning: “When I bumped into David Axelrod the other day, I couldn’t resist ribbing him about the upcoming campaign faceoff in Denver.” Really Howie, you couldn’t resist? The story goes on to illustrate the “silly ritual” of lowering expectations before a debate by inflating the skills of the opponent.  An unoriginal story with no profound or new insights. Howie says the “media narrative” and the replayed clips will determine how the candidates do Wednesday night.

2. ‘Boob Booze’ — A feature story by Elizabeth Bernstein published just after midnight last night in The Daily Caller might raise a few eyebrows — it highlights a company that dribbles liquor down the breasts of an international Playboy model before selling it. The story contains an amusing note: (Ed. note: This website is probably not suitable for work, unless you happen to be an employee of The Daily Caller). Read the story by Taylor Bigler here, but if you work in most Washington newsrooms might want to be careful if your editor or HR Director is around.

3. Facebook meanies and fatties — Watch out. Spend too much time on Facebook and you could lose your oldest friend. Or worse: Spend too much time on Facebook and you’ll be fat, in debt and dumber than you were previously. Such is the sentiment of a story in the WSJ published last night that depicts why people engage in online battles. The gist: “Browsing Facebook lowers our self-control.” The piece is backed by five studies.

Want to suggest a story for “Morning Reading List?” Write and tell us about it at fishbowldc@mediaistro.com or betsy@mediabistro.com. Self-promoters welcome. We won’t ding you for it in this instance. 

A look at what’s happening in your feature stories…

The irresistible– The Daily Caller‘s imitable Taylor Bigler has a writeup on Italian magazine Chi running topless photos of Kate Middleton after its sister publication was sued for doing the same thing. Accompanying Bigler’s story is the cover of Chi featuring the nude photos, but with a slight adjustment: Covering vital areas of Middleton’s boobs is a superimposed photo of Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson‘s face.

The ironic– Middleton can’t seem to catch a break. She’s in the middle of a lawsuit involving her breasts and when she and Prince William left the Western world for the Solomon Islands yesterday, she’s faced with more boobs. Gordon Rayner for the Telegraph writes, “over the course of the day dozens more topless dancers and welcoming committees were placed in the couple’s path.” Perhaps even worse, the royal couple were briefly confronted by local warriors: “[A]fter landing on a tiny dirt airstrip in Marau on the southern tip of the main island of Guadalcanal, the Duke and Duchess were challenged by fearsome spear-carrying warriors, in white war paint and whooping aggressively,” the story says. It notes, however, that the warriors “laid down their arms” after the tribe’s chief determined the couple to be “friendly.”

The busted– Journalist Soraya Roberts has a column in Slate about her boobs. Roberts suffers from the worst of problems. You see, she’s thin but has big boobs and that means she has trouble finding the right bra size. “In theory, the United States likes large breasts,” she writes. “In practice, the United Stastes likes large breasts as long as they’re on the right body. That means bigger women have bigger chests, smaller women have smaller chests.” Roberts reveals that she’s a size 28G (“full-busted”) and thus needs a smaller strap with larger cups. “[T]here are only two U.S. bras I could conceivably wear in a pinch,” she says. “California brands Parfait by Affinitas, which sells 30-40 D-G sizes in specialty stores and online (I can wear a 30FF if I have to), and Claudette, which also offers 30G bras online and in various boutiques across the country.” Life must be hard (or should we say “firm”?). Fortunately, Roberts doesn’t suffer alone. Her column inspired a full discussion on Reddit. As of now, there are 358 comments.

The titillating– In HuffPost Jill Di Donato gives the people what they want: “The truth about breast orgasms.” Donato writes that while at a cocktail party, a “gorgeous attorney” female friend told her about having an orgasm with only stimulation of her breasts. “I had to confess to her that I wasn’t all that familiar with the breast O,” she writes. “The idea of a woman experiencing an orgasm without any genital stimulation sounded perplexing. But I couldn’t wait to find out more.” Cue porn music. Actually there’s no sex in the column. Just some general advice on how to handle boobs in order to reach orgasm.