The next time FNC’s Chris Wallace and MSNBC’s Chris Matthews are contestants on Power Player “Jeopardy,” hopefully producers will pit them against each other. Then we might be able to determine just which Chris is more appealing. In the meantime, we’ll improvise.

In the game show that aired Monday, Matthews played against CNN’s Lizzie O’Leary and former Obama White House press secretary Robert Gibbs. Wallace’s round was broadcast Wednesday. He faced “Dr. Oz” host Mehmet Oz and “BBC World News America” host Katty Kay.

Based on coverage of both nights, Matthews bombed and Wallace crushed the competition. Following Matthews’ poor showing, NewsBusters recalled Matthews hypothesizing in 2008 how well former V.P. hopeful Sarah Palin would perform in the game (in short, he was calling her dumb). The NewsBusters story went viral. Flash to Wallace coverage: almost every story highlighted how well he did.

Jezebel Editor-in-Chief Jessica Coen called Matthews “entirely too slow” for the game show. His MSNBC colleague Willie Geist relentlessly mocked him for not seeming to grasp the answer-in-the-form-of-a-question rule of the game. “Did you see his face?!” Geist said the next morning.

For Wallace, the comments were nicer. “Congratulations to my friend Chris Wallace … for winning DC Jeopardy! tonight,” his colleague Juan Williams tweeted. “Go get ‘em, Chris!” FNC reporter Shannon Bream tweeted in support.

But Jeopardy is just a game, after all. We still need to settle the score between the two men: Who really is the better man?

Here we have Chris Matthews

Age: 66

Hair: Blonde. Gets unruly on long election nights. The mane looks crazier as the night wears on.

Education: College of the Holy Cross

Spouse: Kathleen Matthews, chief communications and public affairs officer for Marriott International

TV behavior: He’s the interrupter. He does it to the point where even his guests roll their eyes and look annoyed as they wait for him to finish diatribes. That said, reporters who go on his program also say they like him and insist that  he’s quite amiable off air.

Best on-air moment: An incredibly awkward interview during the 2004 Republican National Convention in which former Democratic Sen. Zell Miller (who was being questioned via satellite) told Matthews to “get out of my face” and said he wished he could “challenge” him to a “duel.”

Controversy: Matthews has been accused several times of being openly sexist, particularly in regards to Hillary Clinton, who he said didn’t become a U.S. Senator on merit, but because her husband “messed around.” And then there’s the time he “forgot” President Barack Obama “was black for an hour” during the 2010 State of the Union address.

Famous relative: His son Michael‘s father-in-law James Ormonde Staveley-O’Carroll was implicated in a $8.1 million international drug bust. Over 4,000 pounds of pot were found in transit on a boat from Jamaica to the U.S in early 2011. The boat belonged to Staveley-O’Carroll. Also, Matthews’ son Thomas has been cast to play in Aaron Sorkin‘s upcoming HBO drama “The Newsroom.”

Workload: Hour-long nightly news talk show “Hardball,” half-hour Sunday morning news panel show “The Chris Matthews Show”

Accomplishments: Failed run for the House of Representatives in Pennsylvania as a Democrat; he received 25 percent of the primary vote.

And here is Chris Wallace

Age: 64

Hair: Dark and kempt and rarely moves. Fox News must have better hairspray.

Education: Harvard College

Spouse: Lorraine Wallace, author of the cookbook Mr. Sunday’s Saturday Night Chicken and Mr. Sunday’s Soups.

TV Behavior: Folksy. Wallace, unlike Matthews, is annoying in an entirely different way. He’s the school marm, the enforcer of the rules and making sure guests don’t interrupt one another. They might as well hand him a ruler for the show. At least then all his enforcing might be entertaining.

Best on-air moment: A contentious 2006 interview with Bill Clinton in which the former president accused Wallace of asking questions that he wouldn’t “ask the other side [Republicans].”

Controversy: Wallace faced some sexist claims of his own. Last year he asked then presidential candidate Michele Bachmann if she was “a flake” (which he later apologized for). His colleague Greta Van Susteren asked if he would “ask the same question of a man.” And Wallace faced intense criticism for a lack of objectivity when he said if presidential candidate Ron Paul were to win the Iowa Caucuses in January, it would discredit them.

Famous relative: Son of the late CBS reporter Mike Wallace.

Workload: Hour-long Sunday news talk show “Fox News Sunday”

Accomplishments: A Peabody and three Emmy awards

Today is The Daily Caller Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson‘s birthday. So we figured we’d take this opportunity to get others around town and beyond to help us wish him a happy birthday. At left is a photograph of what is apparently a red Daily Caller thong on the door to Carlson’s former office. We have no idea what it is doing there or why Carlson would leave it hanging on the doorknob. Photo credit: Anonymous.

Daily Caller Publisher Neil Patel: “Tucker, in honor of your birthday I have decided to refrain from telling Betsy Rothstein about the time in college that you wore a euro style banana hammock speedo on the beach in Nicaragua. Your secret is safe with me.  Happy birthday, Neil”

Raptor Strategies’ David Bass offers a poem:

From motorcycle to moped
From bow-tie to lengthy Foulard
As Tucker slouches toward middle age
His latest change is not hard

Mediaite White House Correspondent Tommy Christopher: “I was going to get him a black velvet painting of Barack Obama Greco-Roman wrestling with The New Black Panthers, but I thought, ‘Does he really need another one?’”

Former Daily Caller online editor and writer Jeff Winkler, a D.C. refugee who is living and writing in Arkansas: “Since my former boss looks to be between the ages of 14 and 40, I don’t know whether to offer him a gentlemenly handshake or a ribbon-adorned pony. But considering that he once slashed me across the face with his fly rod, my B-day gift — sent courteous of the USPS — is a collection of photos from my recent nude escapade involving archery, yoga and bobbing for apples. And I’d like to promise him that we’ll meet up again in the near future, but that always seems to be taken as a threat. Regardless, I wish Tucker the best in the coming years. If Washington D.C. had any sense, it would follow North Korea’s example and build ‘towers to his immortality.’”

MSNBC “Morning Joe” Co-host Willie Geist: “Happy Birthday to my all-time favorite ‘bow-tyin’ white boy’!”

FBDC’s Peter Ogburn: “My wish is that he gets ANYTHING but a gun.” (Peter was once mildly threatened by Carlson. He’s slowly getting over the PTSD from that experience.)

Politico‘s Patrick Gavin: “Tucker, my wish for you on your birthday is that, if you ever turn me into a puppet, just make it a skinny, buff puppet.” (See relevant link here in which The Daily Caller turns a Capitol Hill press secretary into a puppet.)

The Weekly Standard‘s Matt Labash: “Back in the early 90s, when all things were possible and there was still dew on the world, I remember a young, reckless Tucker peering out of his cloud of smoke (he used to rip through two packs a day on the principle that ‘clear lungs are for pussies’)  while pronouncing, ‘I hope I die before I get old.’  He often spoke in song lyrics back then. It was part of his whole rock’n'roll lifestyle.  Now that he is old, however, I trust he’ll choose life, as his Wham! sweatshirt implored  (again with the rock’n'roll – but Andrew Ridgely was his hero).  If not, and he follows through on his original threat, I’ll be here for his family, his dogs,  and his bamboo fly rod, the last of which he should really think about willing me.  Now that you’re a senior citizen, Tucker, time to get serious about estate planning. Remember that in our increasingly accelerated world, 43 is the new 80. Happy birthday, old friend.”

MSNBC “Morning Joe” Host Willie Geist and HuffPost/AOL Editor-in-Chief Arianna Huffington conversing by the bar at the TIME/People party at the St. Regis tonight. Arianna finally tore herself away from her BlackBerry to have a talk with Geist. What could they possibly be discussing so intently?

Send us or tweet your best captions…FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com, @FishbowlDC.

In an unusually candid interview for a TV personality, MSNBC “Morning Joe” host Willie Geist told GQ that a drinking game for the show includes drinking up “every time Politico Playbook writer Mike Allen has an awkward moment.”

Geist is an equal opportunity shit giver. He also gives GQ the underbelly of Mika Brzezinski‘s famous eye roll and completely ignoring any sports talk, Donny Deutsch wearing Baby Gap T-shirts and Joe Scarborough reminding viewers that he ran for Congress in 1994.

Good thing Geist is on vacation this week?

See the interview here.

Five years isn’t really that long, but Politico has seen rapid growth and a lot of success since it first began in 2007. So on a highly self-congratulatory note on Monday, Politico released a video with clips of several high-profile political players roasting the publication on its half-decade mark.

“Five years, it’s a long time. You’re doing generally a great job,” says Donald Trump.

Politico is “truly a news organization that acts its age: a petulant five-year-old concerned with only trivial matters,” host of “MTP” David Gregory says with a smile.

With a few repeats and some intensive listening, Arianna Huffington can be understood as saying, “Just as I was sitting down to write this, I saw that Mike Allen had already broken what I was going to say.”

MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” host Willie Geist remarks, “I’ve gotta recuse myself because I don’t care for Politico, inside the Beltway gossipy garbage. And CBS “Face the Nation” host Bob Schieffer cracks, “The next thing you know, you’ll be getting your driver’s license.”

Politico‘s Mike Allen‘s note to Politico readers as well as Politico staff is so sweet we think we’ve already contracted Diabetes… “THANK YOU to all of you who believed in us from Day 0. And we’re so grateful to our gifted, inspiring colleagues who make POLITICO so essential, enjoyable and illuminating.”

Other notables in the video include former CBS news anchor Katie Couric, “Morning Joe’s” Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough, FNC’s Greta Van Susteren and host of “Hardball” Chris Matthews, who says he enjoys reading the print version because it’s printed on such “thick stock.”

Watch the full video here.

Ann Coulter is making the media rounds to explain her endorsement of Mitt Romney in the GOP Primary. Yesterday, she joined the “Morning Joe” team in studio. She was dressed in black and her long blond hair was looking fab. When Joe Scarborough pressed Coulter on the “flip-flop” issues that some of the conservative candidates seem to have, she tried to say being politically consistent isn’t as important as the media makes it seem. From there? Things get a little blurry. Coulter starts talking about Sen. John McCain’s (R-Ariz.) lack of consistency and calls him….something.

MSNBC censors silenced Coulter’s microphone. Here’s the awkward exchange.

When Team Joe freaks out, Coulter seems genuinely stunned, as if she doesn’t even realize what she said. She managed to sneak out half of the word “douchebag” before the censors struck again. What exactly did Coulter say? Did MSNBC fail to bleep out the douche bag comment? Coulter went on Joy Behar’s HLN show last night to explain WITHOUT getting bleeped. The word was “dickweed.”

For those of you keeping score at home:

Dickweed = Not OK
Douchebag = Totally OK

Unless of course you’re TIME‘s Mark Halperin, who famously said President Obama was being “kind of a dick” earlier this year without getting bleeped. However, he was suspended for over a month for his comments.

We reached out to “Morning Joe’s” Willie Geist who “doesn’t have anything to add to the story”.

In an unusual twist this morning, a Washington conservative reporter’s insults to MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” have landed him an invitation on the show this week. So far, it’s not formal — the bookers haven’t called and scheduled the Town Car. But Willie Geist said pointedly on air that he wanted Lewis on this week. He also called him “our friend from The Daily Caller,” so feelings aren’t hostile.

The discussion on “Morning Joe” this morning has centered on GOP Presidential hopefuls. Guests have included Newsweek/The Daily Beast‘s Editor-in-Chief Tina Brown amidst other liberal leaning journalists, including “Hardball” Host Chris Matthews, host Mika Brzezinksi and branding specialist Donny Deutsch, who made a valid point about the weirdness of Herman Cain‘s hat and got unfairly ragged on by the Peanut Gallery.

Speaking of valid points, Lewis’s tweets peaked the curiosity of Geist, who praised the reporter for his criticisms and read two in full: 1. “Great diversity on MoJoe right now: The left and the FAR left — all diagnosing the GOP’s problems.” 2. “MoJoe cast discussing GOP candidates the way anthropologists might discuss a remote tribe just discovered deep in a rain forest somewhere.”

As Geist read the tweets, Mika initially remarked,  “Uh oh.” Willie said, “Not an unfair critique.” And Mike Barnicle: “That’s true actually.” After he read the second tweet, Willie added, “One hundred percent true.” And Mika: “It’s a nicer look at things than the ones I am getting.” Barnicle scolded Mika for reading hateful tweets: “Why are you reading those?”

The conclusion, however, came from Willie: “Let’s get Matt Lewis on this week.”

Quotes of the Day

Coincidence? We think not. Last night FishbowlMatt and I were texting about a variety of hot topics when he entered the Chipotle and saw this.

Deep Thoughts…

“Sun. Grass. Newspapers. People. A family of teeny mice tiptoe through the shrubs in their own private world. #sittingstill #whatching” — National Geographic Contributing Editor Carl Hoffman.

Luke and Maureen off to see Bruce

“On my way to see Springsteen with Luke. Wrote Newsweek cover story on Bruce exactly 36 years ago this coming week.” — Vanity Fair Correspondent Maureen Orth. (The late Tim Russert‘s favorite musician was Springsteen. The musician gave a surprise performance at Russert’s memorial service in 2008.)

The Political Consultant

“Sen. @DavidVitter uses Twitter to congratulate individual Republicans for winning in Saturday’s La. Election #notnecessary” — CNN Senior Political Editor Mark Preston.

Flashback

“Mechanic told me today my car failed inspection. He had a look of disappointment as I tried to explain what happened #highschoolflashbacks” — The Hill‘s Managing Editor Bob Cusack.

TWT Senior Op-ed Writer Emily Miller‘s reaction to ex-Gov. Mark Sanford being hired by Fox News: “WTF?”

Really?

“I’m so tempted to ad-lib but I won’t.” — TIME‘s Mark Halperin on this morning’s “Morning Joe.” After calling President Obama “kind of a dick” on national TV we’d think Halperin wouldn’t even think about ad-libbing. This involved a reenactment of Texas Gov. Rick Perry‘s interview to Parade Magazine. Willie Geist played Perry. Halperin played the interviewer.

Happy 24th wedding anniversary to WaPo‘s Karen Tumulty.

ABC’s Klein welcomes baby into world

“A warm welcome to Max Rubin Klein (9lb 8oz!). Future slugger? Congrats to parents Laine and @rickklein and big brother Jack.” — ABC’s Jonathan Karl.

Reminder: TMZ’s Harvey Levin talks to GWU students and then he’s off to the National Press Club for lunch.

If you’re up…

Call Trail Mix blogger Craig Crawford on C-SPAN starting at 7:45 a.m.

Democrats: (202) 737-0001
Republicans: (202) 737-0002
Independents: (202) 628-0205
Outside U.S.: (202) 628-0184

Mark McKinnon, political communications strategist and columnist for The Daily Beast, chatted with Politico‘s Executive Editor Jim VandeHei over the weekend at the Shorenstein Center’s 25th celebration at Harvard Kennedy School. What emerged might surprise you.

Among the topics: Twitter. Watch out Politico scribes. “I don’t like reporters tweeting when they should be reporting,” said VandeHei. “If they are doing it right, they are reporting.”

His own Twitter habits are anorexic. VandeHei has never written a single tweet, but has 716 followers and follows 144. In the mix of those he follows are USA Today‘s Susan Page, HuffPost‘s Michael Calderone, CBS’s Norah O’Donnell, GMA’s George Stephanopoulos, MSNBC “Morning Joe” Hosts Joe Scarborough and Willie Geist, NJ‘s Marc Ambinder and Susan Davis, CNN’s Candy Crowley, Dana Bash and John King, ABC’s Jake Tapper, NYT Jeff Zeleny, Mark Leibovich and Carl Hulse, WaPo‘s Ezra Klein, NBC’s Andrea Mitchell, and WSJ‘s Jonathan Weisman to name a few. He doesn’t follow every Politico reporter, but he follows usual suspects like Mike Allen, Jonathan Martin, Jonathan Allen, James Hohmann, Ben Smith and Jake Sherman. He’s also still following Kendra Marr, who was recently forced to resign for plagiarism.

In the Harvard interview, VandeHei noted that the problem with young recent grads he interviews today is they’re brilliant, but incapable of shifting through large quantities of information. He described many  as very smart but “incapable of coherence.” He went on to talk about the importance of oversight, saying, “editors are essential.” The Politico co-founder also  introduced uncommon journalism lingo into the conversation as he discussed “deeper dive” pieces. He calls them key to the future of journalism. He said Mike Allen has the most “readers” and “feeders.” He showered Allen with praise, saying he has a “special gift of getting people to talk. He’s nice, trusted.”

For those waiting fitfully for the day when VandeHei utters his first tweet he’s at @JimVandeHei. But don’t hold your breath.

Quotes of the Day — GOP Presidential Debate Edition

“How is this c–t on MSNBC saying Obama created jobs!? I’m stunned at this sh-t ass f–k d–k ‘news’ channel.” — Anthony Cumia from the “Opie and Anthony” radio show in a startling tweet last night that contained no dashes. Rachel Maddow was leading the network’s post-debate coverage.

Promises, promises

“Hey Patrick Gavin, we’ll get you in on that next debate. Forget Harris.” — MSNBC “Morning Joe” Co-host Willie Geist joking around with Politico‘s Patrick Gavin in this morning’s post debate analysis referring to Editor-in-Chief John Harris, who co-moderated the debate with NBC News anchor Brian Williams.

The media peanut gallery

“What makes this MSNBC operation so much better than its competitors, I am now seeing, is how its panelists amuse & bemuse each other so.” — BigGovernment’s Andrew Breitbart.

“Why not at least have Joe Scarborough, Jonathan Martin, Pat Buchanan, & Luke Russert doing this?” — The Daily Caller‘s media scribe Matt Lewis.

“Changing the channel now. This analysis is disgusting and sick.” — The Daily Caller‘s Matthew Boyle who was presumably watching MSNBC’s post debate analysis.

FNC’s Henry under the influence of MSNBC’s Matthews

“ANYONE SEEN MY ‘A’ SECTION OF NYTIMES?? IT HAS YELLOW HIGHLIGHTER ALL OVER IT #chrismatthewstweets” — FNC’s Ed Henry mimicking what he imagines is MSNBC “Hardball” Host Chris Matthews‘ Twitter personality. Matthews showed up on Twitter last night some months after writing just one tweet on his account.  Henry continued, “GEEZ SANTORUM IS ALMOST AS ORANGE AS BRIAN W! #chrismatthewstweets”

Travel writer gets poetic about the rain

“The rain is amazing. It falls and falls and falls, days now, and it’s warm and people huddle and duck and splash and I like it.” — Carl Hoffman, contributing editor to National Geographic Traveler.

Capehart is all over Calista’s frightening hairdo

“Calista Gingrich’s hair. So blond. So sturdy. Discuss. It’s all about the spray baby!!” — WaPo‘s Jonathan Capehart on Newt Gingrich‘s wife’s blond helmet of hair as reported on Twitter by MSNBC Political Analyst Karen Finney, who added that she “merely pointed out the role of hairpspray.”

Is this a healthy obsession?

“So I’ll give a gift to any friend at NBC News who can get me a cut of your election music. I’m, like, that obsessed with it.” — NJ‘s Marc Ambinder.

Mid-debate weather report

“Meanwhile, the lightning in DC is so intense it’s like flashes of daylight out my window.” – Roll Call‘s Meredith Shiner.

Where was Howie?

“Find it interesting that @HowardKurtz didn’t live Tweet tonight’s #gopdebate. Perhaps, he wants to avoid a Tweet he will later regret?” — Claritza Jimenez, a Washington, D.C. – based program officer at the International Center for Journalists, on  the lack of The Daily Beast‘s Washington Bureau Chief Howard Kurtz in last night’s discussion. Don’t fret Claritza. If his WeingerGate coverage is any indication, he’ll weigh in about five days from now.

TV scribe loses cable post debate

“My cable went out just as the debate ended. Must live without post-game analysis, somehow.” — ABC’s Rick Klein.

We have a comedian in the house…“Overall I think Tim Pawlenty did great tonight.” — The Daily Caller‘s Senior Editor Jamie Weinstein.

A FishbowlDC Twitter follower told us last night..“I get sick to my stomach each time I see Herman Cain. Nothing personal on Cain, but a bad experience at Godfather’s. Original crust w/pepperoni, mushrooms, and green peppers. The mushrooms weren’t quite right.”

Debate letdown

“Well that was….dull.” — The Hill‘s Daniel Strauss.

Male bronzer alert

“Huntsman bathed in Clinique Bronzer for Men.” — GOP Consultant Roger Stone remarking on Gov. John Huntsman‘s appearance in the GOP debate last night.

Now for some important news completely unrelated to the debate: “Got an e-mail asking if a portrait in some gallery titled ‘pretty boy’ is me. hhhhmmmm… don’t know whether to be flattered or concerned?” — ABC7′s Stephen Tschida.

And this…“Press release informs me that someone has launched a line of socks designed especially for greyhounds.” — WCP‘s Managing Editor Mike Madden.

More weather woes…

“Argh. Power lines near my apartment building have survived blizzards, earthquakes and hurricanes, but not today’s thunderstorms.” — AP‘s Julie Pace.