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Press Orgy at the White House!

The Onion on Wednesday featured an orgy scene of President Obama and White House press corps. Honestly, we had no idea NBC Political Director Chuck Todd had so much chest hair, that Fox News Chief White House Correspondent Ed Henry was so scorching or that White House Press Secretary Jay Carney liked to dress up in nothing but a bongo drum.

See the full story here. Maybe the best fake quotes come from NPR’s Ari Shapiro after the jump, but you’ve gotta read the whole sick, entertaining thing. And for any dumbasses who don’t know what The Onion is, yes, it’s the publication that writes phony stories. Please note: We’ve blotched out one of the reporter’s faces due to a dramatically naked section of the faux orgy. An excerpt:

“When it began, I was admittedly apprehensive, but by the end I had become fully one with the ravenous sexual mammal that lives deep within my soul,” said NPR’s Ari Shapiro, who claimed to have had intercourse with somewhere between six and 32 different reporters throughout the event. “Honestly, I only remember flashes: a Newsweek reporter sitting on my face, me fisting Fox News’ Ed Henry, and lastly, me gaining consciousness again on top of a pile of CNN reporters.”

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