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‘Twas The Night Before Post Critiques…

The Washington Post’s Assistant Editor, The New Service Bob Mitchell took a stab at critiquing his paper today, and opened with a humorous cover of “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.”

    The Night Before the Critique

    (with apologies to W. Clement Moore and Rep. John Dingell)

    Five days before Christmas, the critique writer sighed.
    So much has been written, so many things tried!
    He searched and he pondered and he looked all around
    In hopes of composing a treatise profound.

    As the holiday neared with its calm mellow mood
    And reporters awaited a quiet interlude,
    The critique writer hoped for some interesting matter
    Some issue or scandal about which to chatter.

    But as Akridge migrated to the fourth floor
    The muse was not with him; the prose did not soar.
    The occasional spark of insight was fleeting,
    Gone long before the 7 p.m. meeting.

    He considered the standards of writers of yore
    And wondered if he could contribute much more.
    The critics type madly and are sometimes quite lyrical
    Concerning production of “the daily miracle.”

    The fine daily essays are crafted with care
    Especially now that they’re read everywhere.
    A cartoonist skewers our panda obsession
    And deep thinkers denounce editorial regression.

    On story length, bias, and Charles Darwin too
    Reviewers weigh in with their point of view.
    From Stuever! From Pearlstein! From Kaiser the Yalie!
    From Hoffman! From Boltax! From David Von Drehle!

    So after much meditation and thought
    The critique writer’s essay would come to nought.
    He’d focus instead on the real task at hand
    To see how The Post covered news of the land.

    But he knew he would be most grievously wrong
    If he did not conclude this doggerel too long
    With heartfelt wishes to all in the loop
    For a great holiday and many a scoop.

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