If you haven’t read the lengthy Washingtonian piece on Redskins tight end, Fred Davis, you’re missing quite the read. Washingtonian’s Luke Mullins walks us through the absurd legal defense of Davis as he represents himself in court against a woman who has filed charges against him after he “allegedly dumped juice on her head and busted her lip at a Washington, DC, nightclub.” The suit has gone on quietly for 18 months and no one in the national sports media noticed this until Mullins’ piece. ESPN picked it up, among other outlets. Now, it could majorly impact sports in the Washington area.

The details of this case are beyond crazy, but, they include pimp cups, pimpettes, and “flagellant accusations.” The accuser, Makini Chaka, a  self-described “celebrity broker”, is being accused by Davis of procuring prostitutes for NFL players and they even had an exchange over whether or not the woman had her hand on a man’s genitals in a photograph. That led to this insane testimony in court.

Davis: “As it shows, you also have your hand on his genitals. I mean why would you take a picture like that?”

Chaka: “I do not. Let’s look closely at the exhibit right here, Judge. Where is my hand placed in this exhibit?”

Judge: “I do not answer questions. . . . The witness does.”

Chaka: “Can you tell me where my hand is actually at in this photo?”

Davis: “It looks like it’s in the genitals to me. I mean your hands are on his genitals. Your hand is on his—”

Chaka: “Objection.”

It’s not entirely clear WHY Davis didn’t hire a lawyer to do this for him, but those of us that live for tacky celebs making public asses of themselves are all better off for it.

Mullins’ piece has set fire to the sports world and could change the face of the Washington Redskins football team. Davis was having a strong 2011 season before he was busted for substance abuse. Hint hint – It wasn’t steroids. He currently has a one year contract with the Skins, with the hope being that he gets a multi-year extension. That all looks to be in jeopardy, as CSN blogger Rich Tanden writes, “It is, however, extremely unlikely that Davis will be getting a new, multi-year contract. He is going to have to demonstrate that he can stay out of trouble before the Redskins are going to write him a big signing bonus check.”

Mullins reports that the trial is set for March of 2013 and we cannot wait.