Archives: June 2006

… goes to The Jewish Journal, for a line in an interview with Superman Returns director Bryan Singer:
“As a gay, adopted, agnostic Jew…”

They left out dyslexic. And had he been a been a bed-wetter, the Journal might have had a shot at Best Dependent Clause of All Time.

United States of Directors: Dawn Chmielewski has what might emerge to be the only think-piece about direct-to-B-status Snakes on a Plane. Scenes were reshot and dialogue was added during post-production to match Internet fans’ rabid demands for more f-bombs, blood and boobies. Chmielewski posits, “The Internet’s reach is gradually turning the already collaborative process of moviemaking into a global endeavor.”

Can’t wait to see what Internet scribes like Balllzsac add to the next Coppola film.

From the Dept. of You Wish: A Jordanian salesmen stood trail in Emirates this week for using a fake ID card with Brad Pitt’s mug on it. The salesman said he didn’t know who Pitt was but downloaded his photo for an ID that he’d hoped to use to steal more than $22,000 at an exchange house.

The Times didn’t run a photo of the man, but if he really does look like Brad Pitt, we guess he’ll have no trouble securing conjugal visits.

Pot, Meet Kettle: Arianna Huffington rips into Hillary Clinton in an op-ed piece for not knowing “what she stands for any longer.” Wasn’t Huffington a former conservative?

Such pundits as EA, Helmetz and No Underwear helped supply enough Internet gossip for Tom O’Neil to compile his best-guess list of Emmy finalists this morning.

O’Neil breathlessly declares that, “assuming all of it is accurate,” the list proves the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences’ new voting system gives lower-rated networks a fair shot at the gold. “Grouchy TV critics might even jump for joy” to see some of the finalists, such as Jason Lee’s lead-acting nomination.

Honey, we’ve seen TV critics. They don’t jump. Not for joy. Not for anything.

Josh Duhamel and Tommy Lee apparently had it out at at Hollywood hotspot Bella last night.

According to a Bella publicist: Diners were treated to a special serving of celebrity blood lust when Josh Duhamel showed up and saw Tommy Lee. The two “got into a pushing match in the middle of the restaurant. Fergie’s name WAS mentioned in the beginning, but they don’t know what the fight was all about. Josh was escorted outside, Tommy stayed inside and finished his meal.”

Wait… you guys let Tommy stay and kicked out Josh? Have you seen Josh? We’re sure there’s a county health code violation in this somewhere.

Since you’ve been nice enough to read my posts, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mayrav Saar, and I’ve been guest-blogging this week.

I’m a humor columnist with a piss-poor blog, a yippy dog and a cute kid. I like dark chocolate, giant underpants and juicy news tips. So if you have any of those things, stick them in that little Tips Box in the corner there, and send them my way!

The L.A. Times is moving one of its Los Angeles County and City government reporters to Washington to cover Congress, according to an internal memo at the Times. Noam Levey covered the city until he hooked up with Leslie Pollner, the deputy chief of staff for Los Angeles Councilwoman Wendy Greuel. The two got married this month.

To get off this new beat, we’re guessing Levey’s going to sire a lobbyist.

Radiohead’s Thom Yorke is going solo. Because singing lugubriously about despair and loss is more fun to do alone.

Keystone Cops: Seems the FBI messed up its investigation into Hollywood private dick Anthony Pellicano’s peccadilloes, failing to examine Pellicano’s audio lab when it first had the chance way back in 2002.

FBI agents first raided Pellicano’s offices in November 2002, but waited months before seizing computers and other items from the lab. Which is weird, considering we hear they had an internal memo titled, “Anthony Pellicano Determined to Wiretap Sly Stallone.”

City Cleaves from Cleavage: The Los Angeles Animal Services Department was forced to abandon its participation in a Hooter’s bikini contest fundraiser when it started getting (um, duh?) angry calls. The contest, which was meant to raise money for the department’s spaying and neutering program, was advertised with flyers showcasing a giant photo of a buxom woman.

Our dog, Sketch, saw the ads and was unimpressed: “I have six boobies,” she sniffed.

Michael Jackson finally has something in common with other humans: A hatred for the United States. To celebrate, he’s apparently going on a residential tour of every country that wants to snub, sneer at or bomb us.

In this latest episode, Jackson is heading from Bahrain to Europe, where the coffee is strong and the anti-American sentiment is stronger.

He still hasn’t sold Neverland Ranch (We’re so going to that auction when he does), but it looks like he’s officially dumping the U.S.

Wonder what flag he’s going to sew to his backpack?

It looked like an ice-cream truck for methadone addicts, but it was just the latest attempt at viral marketing. To promote its film, The Devil Wears Prada, Twentieth Century Fox dispatched a bevy of Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf wagons to give out free coffee and Ice Blendeds all over L.A. on Tuesday.

Thanks for the java, but the film isn’t called The Devil Drinks Mochas. Give us a handbag or pair of shoes, and we’d definitely see your film.

The $13.7 billion bid to buy out Univision, has pretty much shut out rival Grupo Televisa from the auction, spelling trouble for Mexico’s largest broadcaster.

It’s probably too expensive an option for Televisa to launch its own rival network, but it may have two other cards to play against a Saban-group controlled Univision: 1. Televisa could sue to get paid more for its shows. Or, 2. it could start hawking iPods: According to the Hollywood Reporter, Univision currently has no rights to air Televisa-produced novellas on iPods, cell phones or the Internet. A good lawyer and better leadership could help the company save face – and maybe even see a windfall.