Ugly. That’s the word that came mind when FishbowlLA stumbled over paragraph two of Matt Smith‘s Fox Sports West column celebrating LA Laker Lamar Odom, ahead of the power forward’s expected anointment this afternoon as the NBA’s sixth man. Check it out for yourself:

Odom is like caulk or grout–admittedly not the most flattering of analogies–without either your house falls apart. Odom fills in the cracks… all of them.

Oh, where to begin. Never mind that a house will not fall apart without caulk or grout. Beyond the obvious locker room jokes that may be had at Odom’s expense, these two sentences beg the question: If number 7 is like caulk-grout, what Home Depot sections do his teammates belong in? Are we talking glue (Kobe Bryant), heavy lumber (Andrew Bynum), a staple gun (Ron Artest)…?

Oops, wait a minute. In paragraph three, Smith suggests that even though Derek Fisher is usually inventoried as the Lakers’ “glue,” that distinction should also go to Odom. Then, just for good measure, Smith shifts comparative gears once more, suggesting that LO is at once like Kramer (Seinfeld), Bunk (The Wire), Eric (True Blood), and Johnny Drama (Entourage).