In an open letter to Sam Zell, Portfolio writer Jeff Bercovici implores Zell to hire a speech writer to punch up the “zany” press releases he puts out on the wires.

“Take this latest release, announcing the hiring of Tim Dukes as vice president of promotions for broadcast and interactive:

“Sean Compton, the SVP/programming for our broadcasting division, and I wanted one special person to lead our national promotional efforts online and on-air and to complement the existing product pros at Tribune,” said Marc Chase, Tribune Interactive president. “When that person wasn’t available, we went to Tim instead.”

Really, Sam? A giant conglomerate full of professional writers and producers, and the best you can come up with is material Henny Youngman cut from his bar mitzvah speech?

Jeff goes on…

Sam, if you’re going to keep inflicting these “zany” announcements on us, the least you could do is hire someone with a functioning sense of humor to punch them up before you push them out on the wires. I know Tribune is doing more firing than hiring these days, but clearly being seen as a funny guy is important to you. And right now, we’re laughing at you, not with you.

You’ve been a great audience. Good night, everyone!

– Via FBNY